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Old 09-04-2017, 01:26 PM   #1
delicious_man
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Does anybody use meter in their poetry anymore?

Call me old fashioned but when it comes to poetry I am a big believer in meter. In fact, I would say that rhythm is one of the primary distinctions between poetry and prose. I'm wondering if there is anybody out there in the world of literotica who shares my view and writes within any kind of metric form in their poetry. Please post any examples you have in the thread below.


To kick things off I'd like to share the following example. Since it was only recently composed and most likely needs a few tweaks I have not yet submitted it to the site but plan to do so soon. However, I'm posting it here as an example of meter in erotic poetry. This poem uses (or at least tries to use) dactylic tetrameter (although there are some lines of amphibrachs in the final stanza). Feel free to comment on the poem, especially if you think you might be able to assist with any necessary fine-tuning, as well as post your own examples.

---

first time


lightly his fingers traverse her pale abdomen
trailing a course over skin soft as rose petals
breathlessly tensing with arms and legs writhing she
strives to make sense of conflicting emotions


stark contradiction both wanting and fearing him
wild with desire yet so young and so innocent
how could she let this man threaten her purity
hard to admit but she wants him so terribly


no one has ever before been allowed where heís
threatening to go with his hands slowly wandering
lower and lower and dangerously closer and
nearer the place where she craves him so desperately


lying spread-eagled and trembling beneath him she
nervously thinks to herself that perhaps she should
stop this whole madness before itís too late but she
knows that she canít now heís temptingly close to her


toes curling she clutches the bedsheets and closes
her eyes tightly shut and gives in to the moment
donít leave me hanging she thinks to herself as his
hand lingers teasingly close to her clitoris
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Old 09-05-2017, 09:27 PM   #2
pelegrino
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good effort. Dactyl is hard even in Greek, but work on it, you are getting there, choose more carefully the stresses of the inner feet, though hard to find appropriate words always.
(Homer could not always manage it in his dactylic hexameters, so many verses in the Odyssey end up with a trochee as a 6th foot transforming a naturally short syllable into a long one):

Άνδρα μοι-ένεπε-μούσα πο-λύτροπον-ος μάλα-πόλλα
etc
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Old 09-06-2017, 04:27 PM   #3
delicious_man
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Thanks pelegrino. I'm afraid I have no knowledge of Greek although I have read some translations of the classics.

It felt a bit like cheating but I downloaded a word document that attempted to list all the dactylic words in the English language. This definitely helped.
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Old 09-30-2017, 10:00 PM   #4
cherries_on_snow
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Yes. #*#*#*#*#
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