You know you're sexually frustrated when...
^ You write your grocery list and instead of "Diet Coke" you spell out "Diet Cock---Vanilla".
^ You think peanut butter is part of a good erotic lunchpack---and you're not Peter Pan.
^ You walk into an outhouse and HOPE to find Flukeman, the worm sucking, alien mutant, waiting in the hole to haul your ass down.
^ The highlight of your day is seeing two mutts go at it doggie style in the street---and you can't put the binoculars down.
^ Your intimate friend gives you a wet razz of a goodbye on the phone, and you wish, wish, wish you were the receiver in his palm.
Cum on, folks. I know there's someone who can add to this list...
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You know your sexually frustrated when
...Your dial massage becomes your best friend
...The wind blows and your nipples get hard and the whisper of it reminds you of your lover
...when you sit down to read about Freud and instead of thinking he is just a sexually frustrated womenizer you like the idea of lying on his couch and exploring
...when you hear a really great voice from a telemarketer and you actually listen to the pitch instead of hanging up like you usually do
---
per clsc69vette
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^ You won't quit your lousy-paying job as a table waiter because the swinging kitchen doors that smack your ass when you pass through them are just TOO big a perk.
^ You realize that wind-blown, rusty-hinged, wooden gate (with gothic pickets that still excite you even as they are falling apart) does more noisy swinging than you do.
^ You go to a chili cookoff because the Slap-My-Ass/Atomic Blast hot sauce recipe is the only thing that will keep your ass warm. (Yes, Spank, I read the chili article you submitted... )
---AH
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...your girlfriend 'Palmela' turns you down for a date.
...scrambled porn on the channels you don't get thrill you
...hearing Michelle from 'American Pie' say "This one time at band camp I shoved a flute in my pussy" gives you a wood.
...knowing that someone else read my chilli-cook off thread!
Bump
Bump
Lick
---SpankMyMonkey
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Originally posted by SpankMyMonkey:
"...scrambled porn on the channels you don't get thrills you."
You watch that too, huh?! Do your hear alien sex secrets whispered in the static volume too?
YKYSFW:
^ The men in the white coats excite you with threat of a straight jacket binding---but the men in black grab you away from them before you are bound.
AH
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I can hear them much better using my secret message decoder ring!
YKYSF
...when the women in the JC Penny cataloge, lingere section look seductive!
Spank
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YKYSFW:
^ you receive mysterious, sexy feedback for a poem you've written, and the return path is an Excite.com addy. It's futile to reply with even a soulsword salute to Excite, because *MAILER DAEMON* always lashes back with "failure to deliver" notice. Damned mail demon.
^ you indulge in too many chocolate, syrupy donuts, and find yourself fingerpainting erotic figures in the dark drippings on the plate.
^ Looking at porn makes you more depressed than excited. Even if many of the pics are posed, the people (and/or animals/aliens/demons/bugs) in them are having more action than you are.
^ Sesame Street muppet Oscar the Grouch is becoming a sex symbol to you.
^ Myra Gulch snatches Oscar and his can up on her flaming wiskbroom and out of your reach in a whirlwind romance.
^ You think the trash collector looks more like Hugh Jackman every day.
---AH
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Furriously fuzzstrated
To the point where I could give someone claws for alarm. My buddy just cancelled our meeting for afternoon catnip tea, because he had a *rush job* come up at work. I rent a big hole in my cat suit, angrrruishing over that.
---Ruth Leslie Awnet (pronounced "ruthlessly on it"),
coogrr of AH
<swatting PC mouse hard into the litter box>
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YKYSFW
^ It's near zero degrees and you're sucking on creamsicles and drinking blue slurpees to cool down.
Don't prod me to go take a walk in the park, dear G. I might get an urge to run my tongue along the flagpole there. And with subfreezing temps, you know what can happen then...
^ you know there's more than one good way to mash an ass, but the only way yours is getting mashed is from sitting in a hard computer chair, typing at Literotica boards.
<hufffff> I've taken this GA YKYSFW list to this separate thread now. Maybe someone in Australia will jump out of the roo pocket and add to the list.
AH
my 
I know you were expecting some other kind of coogrr photo. 
