Handling Subdrop

I'm just curious how other girls out there handle subdrop. I have a "pen pal" for whom subdrop lasted days and it's never lasted more than two days without attention for me.

I'm not a girl, nor ever I had to face such things, so take my post as a freeform rambling and nothing more.

To my mind, subdrop is a form of mental exhaustion that is experienced after strong emotions. And as such it needs to be treated the same way.

I know there are people who hate aftercare here, but I believe that if a sub experiences mood swings after the session - it's up to the dominant to remedy this.

The nature of such drops may be different, and the first thing you should do is determine what exactly makes you feel down. Is it just being tired? Or lack of attention from your dominant? Or the feeling that everything you did is kind of pointless? I can imagine many more scenarios, but whatever it is - you start with finding which thoughts trigger your bad mood.

Then when you know what it is, you need to talk to your Dom and find a solution - things that may need to be done to cheer you up. For some, a simple reassurance and cuddling in bed after the session may be enough. Others may need a rest - a good night's sleep and an easy day after that. Others still may find other ways.

That's my two cents.

KarenLoves said:

I'm just curious how other girls out there handle subdrop. I have a "pen pal" for whom subdrop lasted days and it's never lasted more than two days without attention for me.

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yui're just dealing with a jackass. Cut this one loose and find another. Unfortunately there are far more jackasses out there than thoroughbreds!

KarenLoves said:

I'm just curious how other girls out there handle subdrop. I have a "pen pal" for whom subdrop lasted days and it's never lasted more than two days without attention for me.

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ejredlady said:

yui're just dealing with a jackass. Cut this one loose and find another. Unfortunately there are far more jackasses out there than thoroughbreds!

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^I don't know about this reply, or why you think the Dom in question is a jackass.
Or if there is a Dom in question.

How do you handle subdrop, OP?
I mean, if you are even talking about yourself as a sub...

Nezhul said:

I know there are people who hate aftercare here, but I believe that if a sub experiences mood swings after the session - it's up to the dominant to remedy this.

The nature of such drops may be different, and the first thing you should do is determine what exactly makes you feel down. Is it just being tired? Or lack of attention from your dominant? Or the feeling that everything you did is kind of pointless? I can imagine many more scenarios, but whatever it is - you start with finding which thoughts trigger your bad mood.

Then when you know what it is, you need to talk to your Dom and find a solution - things that may need to be done to cheer you up. For some, a simple reassurance and cuddling in bed after the session may be enough. Others may need a rest - a good night's sleep and an easy day after that. Others still may find other ways.

That's my two cents.

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These are good suggestions, although I don't think it's up to the Dominant to remedy it because that simply may not be possible. But I do think, as you characterize in your comments, that it's up to the Dominant to be available and to be aware of the pyl's condition.

(And to prescribe rest and water.)

DeepGreenEyes said:

These are good suggestions, although I don't think it's up to the Dominant to remedy it because that simply may not be possible. But I do think, as you characterize in your comments, that it's up to the Dominant to be available and to be aware of the pyl's condition.

(And to prescribe rest and water.)

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I agree with DGE. I don't think remedy is quite the right word. It's the responsibility of both parties to talk before the scene about what kind of aftercare the pyl is likely to need after the scene is over, and, where appropriate, the Dominant should help with that. Among my submissive friends the variety of what they need as aftercare is staggering. Some of them like to cuddle, others a quick hug, some nothing at all, and one of them actually needs to be choked while being fucked as hard as possible. When I was first starting out in the BDSM world I thought aftercare meant always cuddling, and it took a few subs telling me that's not the aftercare they need before I realized it was something that can vary person to person.

Also, it rarely gets talked about around here, but tops can need aftercare too!

Miles Long said:

I agree with DGE. I don't think remedy is quite the right word. It's the responsibility of both parties to talk before the scene about what kind of aftercare the pyl is likely to need after the scene is over, and, where appropriate, the Dominant should help with that. Among my submissive friends the variety of what they need as aftercare is staggering. Some of them like to cuddle, others a quick hug, some nothing at all, and one of them actually needs to be choked while being fucked as hard as possible. When I was first starting out in the BDSM world I thought aftercare meant always cuddling, and it took a few subs telling me that's not the aftercare they need before I realized it was something that can vary person to person.

Also, it rarely gets talked about around here, but tops can need aftercare too!

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^^^ Yes. Also, it may be helpful to distinguish between physiological sub drop- the depletion of hormones, etc, and psychological effects that may or may not be related to this physiological sub drop. For example, hormone depletion can make sexual humiliation stop feeling sexy and start feeling abusive, which may relate to a person's cultural schema, or may be connected to past trauma, etc. Really severe or long lasting 'drops' may be worth investigating as medical or psychological issues.

Sub drop can be a problem for me, too - and it's one of those that gets paradoxically worse as the play sessions get better and more intense, unfortunately. The higher you fly, the higher you fall...

I don't think it's anywhere near as simple as "the Dom's fault" that you're having it. I mean, that COULD be a potential reason in cases where the Dom is a bad partner. But there are so many other potential reasons, too. Personally, for one thing, sometimes it's bad enough that NOTHING makes it 100% okay. Sort of like a hangover. Sure you can do things that make it better but at the end of the day there is still some unpleasantness.

Also, in my case the subdrop isn't immediate and there's no real way to know when it can strike. Sometimes it can occur half an hour later and only last a short while. Sometimes it can happen 6-12 hours later or even more. My Dom cannot possibly be expected to be on call to attend to my needs for the entirety of the next 24 hours - sometimes he needs to sleep, or go to work.

But... to answer your questions, I've found that some things make it better. We do aftercare, of course. We cuddle and compliment each other and take a hot bath together. Then we get some food and water in our bellies. All of the above is good bonding time anyway, even if the subdrop strikes later. But the most important part of the solution for me, is to simply recognize it for what it is, accept that it can happen, and distract myself with other things or a good self-pampering.

It would be interesting to see how other subs deal with it beyond aftercare (which I agree that every good Dom should do).

KarenLoves said:

I'm just curious how other girls out there handle subdrop. I have a "pen pal" for whom subdrop lasted days and it's never lasted more than two days without attention for me.

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Subdrop is different for eveyone. Some people need a cuddle and attention, some people eat comfort food, some chill out with friends, watch tv, others want to be left alone. You need to ask yourself what helps you?

Food and water is an important thing as well, making sure you eat properly before and after play.

I found I subdropped for a few day and expected people to know what I needed. Bad move! I found I just needed a small amount of attention and cuddles!