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Old 06-14-2017, 09:42 AM   #76
Farawyn
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KimGordon67 View Post
Thanks ... and yes, those friendship are rare and so random it makes you wonder that they ever happen at all.

Everything else below your post ... I have no idea WTF just happened here ...
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Originally Posted by La damnee elle la licorne View Post
They aren't that rare I think.

I have met with a few lit friends now and would love to meet with more. Talk with lit friends can be easy and lovely. There are some wonderfully genuine people here, people who are easy going, open minded and engaging. And I am not meaning sexually, though the same is true there I am sure.
They are not rare. I have a number of good friends, and of course, my guy. All of who (whom?) I met here.
In fact, I only missed meeting Elle by 1 day or so, 'cause I was busy visiting another Litster.
I plan on meeting cookie and her hubs this summer, and I am going to another girl's nursing pinning in December.

I have good friends from another website that I've known for over 15 years and have met them all.

Oh, and I have real life friends, too.
I just like people online to know I am who I present myself to be.
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Old 06-14-2017, 04:38 PM   #77
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Hey Kim Gordon Read Ur profile Biography, I like Ur style, BTW you are not a beat around the bush, intriguing Woman, makes me curious on what a converse with you could lead up to ? I get the notion it would far from boring, and an exciting exchange ! With logical thinking two can feed off the others input. I'm kind of new in here, but I think that is what the site is about. I sure would be interested in a chat. I try to be good natured and respectful to who ever I am talking with. I read over Ur Woman PM guidelines, looks like common sense to me ! Pleasure to acquainte myself to you, hopefully You & I can converse sometime in the future.
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I'm entirely unsure how to respond to this ...
I am pretty sure this was entirely tongue in cheek. I found it funny in the context of this thread.
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Old 06-14-2017, 04:56 PM   #78
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Obligation. Yea. There is an assumption that since a guy sent a PM he must be rude I sense. But I was working on the idea that as a nice guy if I send a nice PM saying not rude things is that too boring to reply to?

This thread made we wonder, so I looked at my PM's that I have sent and the few that someone responded to back to 2007. Yes they are still in my sent and inbox. They all are polite and comments on things posted in threads. A few girls replied back. But there is no pattern.

I was under the impression most had no interest in replying back. But I think you just explained it to me.

I'm not aiming this at you personally but some of the creepiest guys I have ever met were self described nice guys who thought that if they followed certain "guidelines" women "owed" them a response.

If you respect a person you will recognize that they don't owe you anything and they alone will decide if they want to respond to you. Regarding them as rude is your prerogative but that is where it ends.
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Old 06-14-2017, 05:01 PM   #79
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Originally Posted by cascadiabound View Post
I am pretty sure this was entirely tongue in cheek. I found it funny in the context of this thread.
I really couldn't tell one way or the other - hence the uncertainty
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Old 06-14-2017, 06:29 PM   #80
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Quote:
Originally Posted by policywank View Post
I'm not aiming this at you personally but some of the creepiest guys I have ever met were self described nice guys who thought that if they followed certain "guidelines" women "owed" them a response.

If you respect a person you will recognize that they don't owe you anything and they alone will decide if they want to respond to you. Regarding them as rude is your prerogative but that is where it ends.
Well said!

https://goodmenproject.com/sex-relat...anything-mkdn/
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Old 06-14-2017, 10:42 PM   #81
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For Farwayn it's definitely dick pics all day erry day. She knows what kind of pm's she wants and she's not afraid to say so.
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Old 06-14-2017, 10:52 PM   #82
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For Farwayn it's definitely dick pics all day erry day. She knows what kind of pm's she wants and she's not afraid to say so.


Just don't be "a nice guy" about it.
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Old 06-14-2017, 11:21 PM   #83
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Originally Posted by policywank View Post
I'm not aiming this at you personally but some of the creepiest guys I have ever met were self described nice guys who thought that if they followed certain "guidelines" women "owed" them a response.

If you respect a person you will recognize that they don't owe you anything and they alone will decide if they want to respond to you. Regarding them as rude is your prerogative but that is where it ends.
I do not feel they are rude for not replying. I thought it was rude the comment made to me and assuming what I think of someone.
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Old 06-15-2017, 03:39 AM   #84
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bone251 View Post
Obligation. Yea. There is an assumption that since a guy sent a PM he must be rude I sense. But I was working on the idea that as a nice guy if I send a nice PM saying not rude things is that too boring to reply to?

This thread made we wonder, so I looked at my PM's that I have sent and the few that someone responded to back to 2007. Yes they are still in my sent and inbox. They all are polite and comments on things posted in threads. A few girls replied back. But there is no pattern.

I was under the impression most had no interest in replying back. But I think you just explained it to me.
I think everything's that been written in here suggests that a guy sending a PM doesn't need to be rude, but he probably does need to be interesting. Rude/boring aren't the only two options. Pretty much every single one of my ongoing interactions has resulted from a PM that was interesting ... and interestED.
I guess this isn't really a 'how to ...' thread, because that does imply there's some magical set of variables that you imbue a PM with that will guarantee a response, and obviously that's just ridiculous. But I think, statistically speaking, there are a few general things that a lot of women (and probably a lot men) do and don't like in the PM genre.
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Old 06-16-2017, 03:58 AM   #85
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Old 06-16-2017, 08:35 AM   #86
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I found it extremely creepy to receive a PM yesterday from someone who had no info on his profile, and zero posts on the site, and yet has been a member for over a year. His message was also one that instantly had me thinking, "what the * is that supposed to mean??" but if he'd had some posts or info, I could have got a quick idea of his personality/interests and worked out what he was trying to get at. No public info but just a PM feels quite stalkerish!
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Old 06-16-2017, 08:38 AM   #87
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Quote:
Originally Posted by La damnee elle la licorne View Post
I think it often depends what I have going on elsewhere. I have had a long period of time recently where engaging in private communication even in basic terms felt inconceivable. I struggled to make good communication with dear friends so doing that with 'new to me' people would mostly have felt very disloyal as well as effortful.
That's exactly me right now. Going through a bereavement and just looking to divert my mind, I don't have the energy to commit to regular communication with anyone right now. I do feel bad about the couple of people I started a good conversation with, but the nature of the site makes me not want to bring those external issues here, so I ended up leaving the conversations.
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Old 06-16-2017, 08:42 AM   #88
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That's exactly me right now. Going through a bereavement and just looking to divert my mind, I don't have the energy to commit to regular communication with anyone right now. I do feel bad about the couple of people I started a good conversation with, but the nature of the site makes me not want to bring those external issues here, so I ended up leaving the conversations.
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sure you will be able to pick things up again. People understand. You are not alone.
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Old 06-16-2017, 08:46 AM   #89
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I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sure you will be able to pick things up again. People understand. You are not alone.
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Old 06-16-2017, 05:56 PM   #90
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I keep referring guys to this thread. Kim took the time to write some great advice that should be heeded by guys trying to start a relationship.
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Old 06-23-2017, 10:22 PM   #91
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1b Make it clear you're PMing her ... but don't overdo it

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Originally Posted by KimGordon67 View Post
One of the long list of PMs I dislike receiving is the one that basically says 'you appear to be breathing and female, and you're online ... wanna chat?' This is, in all probability, a version of the 'I want to get off in the next 90 seconds' variety, but if that's what you're wanting, just say so, so then I can say 'no' and move on.

If there's something about her that's made you want to contact her, do a bit of research first. Any of us who are actually interested in conversing will usually have a bit of information in here ... reasonably full profiles, threads we've started about things we're interested in, etc. Do at least a modicum of reading and, if you're still interested enough to message her, say something in that message that indicates you've read something she's written, and what it was about that you found interesting/intriguing (although try to avoid saying 'intriguing' - it's horribly over-used)/annoying/funny/whatever. If we've put anything about ourselves in here, we tend to not want to have to repeat that stuff over and over again ... especially the stuff that's in our profiles.

If you're too important or busy to bother reading someone's profile, don't bother PMing them.
Just as an addendum to this, while research is good, don't overdo it - loading messages with references to oblique comments made months ago can get a bit weird. See Gracie's comment here: http://forum.literotica.com/showpost...58&postcount=8

I know, it sounds like there's some mythical 'sweet spot' that I won't quite define (like the magical figure of men a woman's meant to have sex with that prevents her being called either 'frigid' or 'a slut') ... and to some extent, that's probably true. Interesting and interested is great ... enthusiasm that's operating at bouncy Labrador puppy level ('here's a message with references to 12 different disparate things you've said in the last three months) is a bit exhausting.

But definitely read the profile. I literally had a guy ask me if I was married the other day.
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They went down to the river on a warm summer night.
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Maybe glance at this before you PM: Writing PMs

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Old 06-23-2017, 10:45 PM   #92
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Even reading the profile can't help some people. I just told a guy that read my profile and thought we had non-kinks in common to get lost. This after I had already shot him down two times. Each time he messaged me as if he had no idea he already had. He didn't do anything but see that I'm female. So in the end I told him to stop sending me messages because I didn't want to talk to someone that couldn't be bothered to even pay attention to who he was messaging.
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Old 06-23-2017, 10:47 PM   #93
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The funny thing about the guy mentioned above was that he'd read this very thread!!!
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Old 06-24-2017, 07:25 AM   #94
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If I may, may I add one thing to the discussion that's been touched on already? It's regarding entitlement and jealousy. I recently had to end what was otherwise a really nice, and engaging conversation because the other person became increasingly possessive of my interactions with others here on lit. I really don't appreciate seeing your overt jealousy of my being flirtatious in public forums. I come here to play and make flirty friends, mot to be an endless open hole for your personal escape. I don't owe you my chastity, nor do I appreciate being accused of saying the same things to you in private, as I do to everyone else. This is the quickest way for me to stop interacting with you.

Oh and I agree, stop asking me to ask questions about you. Could you be any more narcissistic?
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Old 06-24-2017, 07:31 AM   #95
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kim, can you add him to the asshat thread?
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Old 06-24-2017, 08:38 AM   #96
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I recently received a PM that was witty, interesting and seemed as if the guy was interested in actual conversation, in getting to know those he took the time to PM. It caught my attention and I was planning to reply, until I got to the last line. It was along the lines of "but if that's not you in your avatar, nevermind."

Well yes it is me in my avatar, but that one line made it clear the rest of the PM was all just bait to reel me in... didn't even try to casually ask whether it was me, just a clear "if you don't look like that, goodbye"

Why would anyone respond to someone with that attitude?
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Old 06-24-2017, 08:42 AM   #97
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Old 06-24-2017, 08:46 AM   #98
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Pictures don't even tell a whole truth. A friend posted an illustration of this somewhere on bdsm forum I think.
Yes exactly! I know someone who only takes photos from certain angles in order to emphasise certain features. You wouldn't recognise her in real life!

And that's just general photos for her fb page!

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Old 06-24-2017, 08:58 AM   #99
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Old 06-24-2017, 09:05 AM   #100
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I am cautious, and resist random photos my others. Shrug. But I was on a plane recently and watched a woman I had lent my phone charger to take selfies and I was intrigued by the duck pout face she pulled for each one. Crazy thing is, she was much more attractive without it!
I know someone exactly like that, and she recently went abroad, so I can't help wondering whether it's the same person! It seems to be becoming increasingly rare for anyone to just genuinely smile. I think a genuine smile can be so pretty. I wonder how people who pull those duck faces will feel about them when they look back on them in years to come!
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