Gentlemen: Can you explain the appeal of cuckolding?

Because some of us girls are wondering.

Thank you!

Wild_Honey_66 said:

Because some of us girls are wondering.

Thank you!

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Some of us guys are too.

I recently wrote a story about a man who wanted to be cuckolded and did some research into the reasons why anyone would do that. The problem is that there isn't much published stuff on it - what little there is is more concerned with partner sharing/swinging, where the motivations are presumably more mutual than with cuckolding.

Interestingly, the second part of the story - moving it on from what happened to why it happened - hasn't proved that popular.

A lot of the evidence is down to anecdotes on sites like this and, as with so much of that it's often difficult to decide whether you're reading an account of real life or someone's fantastical imaginings. If I had to guess, I'd say 90 per cent imaginings and 10 per cent RL. Not, I suppose, that that makes much difference to the motivation for it - more the extent to which it really happens.

If I ever get round to writing up the fruits of my research, I'll put it on here.

I read a theory once that a cuckolded husband has subconscious homosexual urges and that the act of cuckolding is an expression of latent homosexuality.

Basically the guy can't bring himself to indulge in male on male contact but if his wife, his other half, his "property", is indulging in sex with a guy then, in a way, he is doing it himself.

Not saying I agree with it, just that it is out there as a theory.

magicalmoments said:

I read a theory once that a cuckolded husband has subconscious homosexual urges and that the act of cuckolding is an expression of latent homosexuality.

Basically the guy can't bring himself to indulge in male on male contact but if his wife, his other half, his "property", is indulging in sex with a guy then, in a way, he is doing it himself.

Not saying I agree with it, just that it is out there as a theory.

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After many experiences with this I have to say that they nailed it. I have seen a husband or boyfriend do things that have actually shocked their partners.

I got to disagree with the latent homosexuality theory. At least with me I can say that.

I remember early in my marriage finding love notes in my beautiful young wife's handbag. As I read them I was enraged and aroused at the same time. I remember alternating between thoughts of rage and MFM threesomes. She actually left me and I masturbated around the clock to her fucking that other guy.

We got back together...years later we would have sex and talk about her imaginary boyfriend. It was hot as hell. We don't do that anymore and haven't had sex in years.

I met an escort that specializes in fantasies. We had planned a 3-sum with another girl and I wrote up this elaborate fantasy. The 3rd girl became ill and had to back out. Thank God. I had to come up with a new fantasy. So guess what. I told her about this cuckold fantasy. We role played that she was my wife and she came home from work to tell me that there was another man in her life. I had asked her to find a man for 3sums. As she was stripping for me and teasing me she admitted to the other man. During the foreplay she admitted that she had been fucking him at work for the past few weeks. As we were about to have intercourse she applied a condom because she wasn't using them with him and she wasn't on birth control and the other man wanted her to wear condoms with me (we have to wear them anyway. It's an escort). It was hot as hell and I had two of the best orgasms ever.

Afterwords we talked and I confessed to her about my past. She is a college Psychology student and she was very familiar with this urge and she is really into it.
She said it is a defense mechanism.

I'm not so sure what it is. I think it is a primal urge. When someone wants what you have (your wife or girlfriend) she becomes more attractive to you. You want to plant your seed in her. There are all kinds of urges here and it is very emotional. It's like survival of the fittest and you are in competition with the other person's seed. It is about natural selection.

I have had friends tell me that they don't understand why but thinking of their wife with another guy is hot as hell. They don't necessarily want to do it and they don't understand it but it is exciting. One friend has started to going hedonistic clubs for tropical vacations. He likes to walk around nude with his wife. I just listen and I do not even have the guts to tell them about how I feel.

All I can tell you is that it is hot as hell and I envy those that have learned to harness this primal urge and keep their relationships new and sex life hot and outstanding.

I think the theory of latent homosexuality is not accurate. Certainly not accurate for me. At no time have I wanted to dress like a girl and at no point have I become physically attracted to men. I am being honest with myself. It just has nothing to do with my cuckold fantasy.

Some of it probably comes down to a mix of voyeurism and eroticizing insecurity.

Basis for cuckold fetish

I believe an event that took place when I was younger was the cause of my cuckold desires. I witnessed my girlfriend and another guy and another girl have sex. They did not know I could see them and I watched and masturbated. Many years later, I had a girlfriend that I was arguing with and we decided to see other people. She went out with a guy one night and had sex with him. She came to my house after and also slept with me. I ate her pussy and didnt realize that I was eating a creampie until much later.

Way back when, cuckolding was very different than today's "Hot Wife".

The "bull" was an ALPHA male who saw something and took it, just as if he owned it. When that something was a married woman, his behavior closely paralleled the cuckoo bird. Thus the name.

The two sides of the dynamic: Female recognizes and accepts alpha because bull is alpha. Male recognizes he's beta, and accepts bull because bull is alpha.

Such stories are ones of conquest, and are probably best considered "pecking order" as described by psychologists, sociologists and anthropologists.

Now "Hot Wife" is very different for me.

There wasn't a "bull" the is taking my SO away from me. The "bull" was never in ultimate control -- she was, and I was.

I recognized that a couple of my SOs were women who wanted varied sexual experiences, and sex with multiple partners. I was please to give them the freedom to go for it. Sometimes I was present to enjoy her having the experience, sometimes I had to enjoy it second hand.

All of this was compersion, not to mention the New Relationship Energy (NRE) effect.

On the micro scale, I strongly suspect one SO had encounters that looked like traditional cuckolding. It would have been role play for her, and the "bull" had minimal influence on me in the macro. But sex has often been defines as "Adult Play", and we play to have fun.

I saw the net for every SOs as a win-win-win. My SOs always came home, generally very happy, and I was happy that they were happy.

My thoughts

I don't know if my thing is cuckolding or the hot wife thing. I don't care much about the guy who's interested or hooking up with my wife, I just get turned on by the idea that my wife is desired by others. It makes her hot to me. Being a flirt and a slut makes her hot. theres also a taboo and bad girl part of it. I don't think it's an underlying homosexual tendency, it's all about what she does.

ReadyOne said:

Way back when, cuckolding was very different than today's "Hot Wife".

The "bull" was an ALPHA male who saw something and took it, just as if he owned it. When that something was a married woman, his behavior closely paralleled the cuckoo bird. Thus the name.

The two sides of the dynamic: Female recognizes and accepts alpha because bull is alpha. Male recognizes he's beta, and accepts bull because bull is alpha.

Such stories are ones of conquest, and are probably best considered "pecking order" as described by psychologists, sociologists and anthropologists.

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I like your take on the classic cuckold situation and the Hot wife scenario. It explains why there are different types of cucks. In the classic scene, I think there is a lot of Dom/sub energy involved both between the Alpha male and the cuck... as well as between the Wife and the cuck. This D/s energy isn't as strong in the Loving Wife thing.

And probably there is even a third variation where either the open or latent homo tendencies of the cuck come into play in a way where he is "forced to be queer".

So far, we've identified at least three reasons the kink is pursued...probably there's more.

Some of the time it's like their just caught up in the moment and ready to explore their sexual side.

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I'm not interested in the humiliation-factor of cuckolding, but I would enjoy my wife having a sex life outside of marriage, and occasionally sharing.

I'm not latently gay, but definitely bi. However, I'm more about my wife enjoying her sexuality, having fun, flirting, etc. She's very sexy, and gets hit on all the time. I've encouraged her to hit back, but so far, nothing.

whenagain said:

Some of it probably comes down to a mix of voyeurism and eroticizing insecurity.

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This seems legit.

I think mostly they are horny perverts willing to do some crazy shit to get their rocks off.

Wild_Honey_66 said:

Because some of us girls are wondering.

Thank you!

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do you mean watching another guy fuck your wife, or fucking another guy's wife???

As a guy who does quite a bit of imagining on Lit about being the other guy, let me say:

I'm glad that the term 'stag' is available these days for a husband who is thrilled and pleasured by this wife wishing for and going for other sexual partners. I'm glad because my observation is that for the large majority of husbands whose wives go elsewhere by their mutual agreement, the term cuckold is totally out of place.

My hunch is that the principal driver is that men genuinely adore and even need their wives to have all the sexual pleasure they desire. The pleasure for a loving husband in his wife's orgasmic bliss and all that she might enjoy before and after that is supremely important and fulfilling to him. I know that a loving wife can be pleased about her husband enjoying his 'completion' and she will have pleasure about his arousal before that. But for the man, the pleasure in his woman's pleasure is exponentially deeper.

It's that depth which will lead some men into hoping that their wives will find the freedom to get this with other men as well as with her husband, and developing the generosity to support her desire in that direction should it arise.

My two pennyworth, based on observation and conversations on here. For me personally I am at nil on that sliding spectrum for one reason only and that is that my wife's desire is completely monogamous.

Samsacks said:

However, I'm more about my wife enjoying her sexuality, having fun, flirting, etc. She's very sexy, and gets hit on all the time. I've encouraged her to hit back...

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I've seen this attitude a lot as well, among my online friends, in regards to me. But I often wonder how things are different in the real world. There is no jealousy? Or is that part of the eroticism?

Great responses so far! Thank you all for your thoughtful replies.

crashD said:

do you mean watching another guy fuck your wife, or fucking another guy's wife???

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Hi crash. I mean the first.

Wild_Honey_66 said:

Hi crash. I mean the first.

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that is what i thought. can't help you.....

Wild_Honey_66 said:

Because some of us girls are wondering.

Thank you!

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No clue. Whatsoever.

suckonsimon said:

As a guy who does quite a bit of imagining on Lit about being the other guy, let me say:

I'm glad that the term 'stag' is available these days for a husband who is thrilled and pleasured by this wife wishing for and going for other sexual partners. I'm glad because my observation is that for the large majority of husbands whose wives go elsewhere by their mutual agreement, the term cuckold is totally out of place.

My hunch is that the principal driver is that men genuinely adore and even need their wives to have all the sexual pleasure they desire. The pleasure for a loving husband in his wife's orgasmic bliss and all that she might enjoy before and after that is supremely important and fulfilling to him. I know that a loving wife can be pleased about her husband enjoying his 'completion' and she will have pleasure about his arousal before that. But for the man, the pleasure in his woman's pleasure is exponentially deeper.

It's that depth which will lead some men into hoping that their wives will find the freedom to get this with other men as well as with her husband, and developing the generosity to support her desire in that direction should it arise.

My two pennyworth, based on observation and conversations on here. For me personally I am at nil on that sliding spectrum for one reason only and that is that my wife's desire is completely monogamous.

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Thank you, Simon. You know that I value your input.

I think my greatest concern in a real life situation is that my SO would want the same freedom that he had extended to me, and I don't think that I could find a way to be okay with that. I know that it seems hypocritical, but that is my honest assessment of my own heart.

In addition, it would take a lot of reassuring on his part to convince me that expanding our boundaries in this way wouldn't have an irreparably devastating effect on our relationship.

Wild_Honey_66 said:

Thank you, Simon. You know that I value your input.

I think my greatest concern in a real life situation is that my SO would want the same freedom that he had extended to me, and I don't think that I could find a way to be okay with that. I know that it seems hypocritical, but that is my honest assessment of my own heart.

In addition, it would take a lot of reassuring on his part to convince me that expanding our boundaries in this way wouldn't have a irreparably devastating effect on our relationship.

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The potential for devastation is huge and as you know I don't know anything about that personally.

But I do get it that, while there are plenty of married men who are inclined to be promiscuous, and couples who want to swing, there is most definitely this further and quite distinct appeal for some couples that he be for ever monogamous and that they share the excitement of her adventure within and outside the marriage. I can see it that a husband's exclusive devotion to his wife could be enhanced by his pleasure about her desire for and experience of sex with other men as well as with himself.

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First of all, I consider the meaning of cuckold to be that as found in Webster's. Simply being, a married man whose wife is having extra marital sex. The definition says nothing about there being permission involved, humiliation, degradation, or any other fetishes or kinks. If a married woman is having sex with others, the husband is defined as a cuckold. It is not a matter for debate as to the husband wanting to be a cuckold or not, it is a done deal when a wife has sex with others. Husbands who say they want a 'hot wife' but none of the cuckold stuff, are in fact wishing to be cuckolded. Humiliation, degradation, cross dressing are just fetishes that are often combined with cuckolding.

Having said that, I can tell you that I have had a desire to be cuckolded for well over 20 years. I can't give you a fancy psychological reason why it happened to come about, but I can tell you when it happened. I was in the habit of stroking to Penthouse Letters in between sexual encounters with my wife, when one day I was rather bored with the usual material. I had never had an interest in the 'Wives gone wild' kind of letters before, but this day, I gave them a try. As I got into the first letter of a roaming wife, I found myself stroking like mad and soon shooting a large load. I was hooked. Soon, I was searching out and reading nothing but stories of wives fucking other guys.

My wife had no idea until I was bringing home a lot of porn with the theme of housewives getting fucked, with and without their husband's blessings. The cat was eventually out of the bag and my wife was not impressed. In spite of my protestations, that it was for her benefit, there was no convincing her otherwise. Despite my assurances, she was of the mind that giving her permission to fuck others would mean that I no longer found her sexually desirable and/or that I would use it as a springboard to fuck other women. We managed to keep it as a very low level of fantasy, but there was no way she would let it get any further.

To this day, this is one of my strongest and most sought after fantasies to come true.