[London, UK] Greying M seeks F play partner for nurturing and sharing of cake :)

I'm looking for a non-exclusive, "no sex" female BDSM play partner with submissive tendencies (age unimportant) in or around SE London — ideally someone who would like to learn with me.


Who am I?

I'm a straight married guy from SE London with a long-standing passion for gentle sensual play, light bondage and nurturing. I'm 51 years old, full of ideas, energy and fun, with looks that I'd describe as "distinguished" (hence "greying" in the title ) — see my profile photo.

My wife (Mrs MF) and I have been exploring BDSM together for the last year and a half. We're well known in our local kink community and we're regularly seen out at events. We're now both seeking to branch out individually in new directions to supplement our play together.

Over the last three months, Mrs MF and I have been helping a newbie lady sub to indulge her long-standing curiosity about kink, culminating in several sessions of play at a local venue. We've all enjoyed that, but unfortunately the lady lives a long way away, so we don't have opportunities for regular play together.


What's the deal?

Let me expand on my headline:

• By "non-exclusive", I mean that I'm entirely happy for you to play with other partners as well. I'm certainly going to continue playing with my wife! Part of the fascination for me is that each person responds differently to the same stimuli. I'd enjoy the challenge of building a connection with someone else and discovering what works best for you.

• By "no sex", I mean that I'm not seeking to perform overt sexual acts with you. I have no need for that and I'm not looking for it. I'm open to the idea of including a sexual edge in physical play (e.g. light flogging of bum and boobs), but that's something for negotiation and I'll definitely play safe without that agreement.

• I've written "play partner with submissive tendencies" rather than "submissive" because I'm unable to commit to 24/7 support that might be expected with a full-on D/s relationship. I'm imagining that we'd stay in contact on a regular basis, but a few times a week rather than throughout each day (excepting aftercare, which I'd treat as a special requirement).

• I've specified SE London (or nearby) as I want it to be possible for us to get together fairly easily. I'm not looking for an online-only arrangement.

• I want to learn with you. I have some experience of BDSM but I certainly don't know all of the answers and I want to grow too. I'm a competent and sensible guy, and I'm able to develop strong understanding and empathy with people who "click" with me. Others have said that I'm good at listening, encouraging and challenging (in a positive way), and I'd enjoy taking a nurturing role if you have a need for that.

What do I like?

Here are some activities that I enjoy (not an exhaustive list!):

• Slow teasing sensual play, perhaps involving blindfolds and light restraint. I'm qualified in Indian Head Massage, so I'm capable of delivering a range of relaxing sensations as well as stronger ones. We could start with this: me just working gently on your arms, shoulders and head without any elements of bondage.

• Mental games involving anticipation, surprise and release. I'm aware, though, that these require strong trust and a good connection, so they're probably not an option for first play.

• Domination games in which we engage in a mental and physical battle for control of a situation or role play (but I win, of course!). Again, these require great trust and communication, as well as a lot of shared imagination, so they won't suit everyone.

• I've also started to explore hypnosis as a means of consensual mental domination. I need to learn more, but I believe that I might have the right temperament and a knack for it.

What happens next?

For those who like a detailed plan, read on!

Here's how things might pan out:

• You read this advert and like it
• You contact me by Private Message
• We exchange messages for a while to see if we "click"
• If so, we move to chat via 'phone, instant messaging or other medium (your choice)
• If all goes well, then we arrange to meet up somewhere (e.g. local pub or coffee shop)
• We talk about what we want (types of play, experience levels, ambitions and limits)
• If we seem compatible, then we shortlist some possible events to go to
• We attend an event and we try playing together there
• I administer aftercare (if needed) and we review how things went
• Hopefully, we do more!

On a week-to-week basis:

• We keep in touch by online chat and physical meetings (as suits us)
• We talk about our ambitions and how we're getting on with them
• There may be nurturing
• There will definitely be cake!
• We arrange to go to more events and we prepare for them
• We go to events and play

Realistically, things can change at any stage:

• We need to keep reviewing how things are going
• It's okay for us to grow apart or to agree that it isn't working — we can be adult about that
• I'll be delighted if my nurturing enables you to move on to something bigger and better
• Hopefully, we'll part company amicably and with good memories

That's just an illustration, though — not a prescription.


About Mrs MF and me

Mrs MF helped me to compose this advert and is keen for me to pursue this ambition.

Here's a photo of us enjoying some rope play:



You can read more about us in our writing: Meet Mr and Mrs MF!.


Interested?

Please send me an exploratory message. Let's talk!

P.S. Did you find the cake?
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It worked!

I'd like to offer encouragement to others here. My own personals advert (as above) not only worked, but led to something worthwhile and (hopefully) enduring.

A few days after starting this thread, I received a friendly PM from a young lady in the UK who had been lurking quietly on Lit. She liked my advert and was keen to find out more. She fitted the criteria that I specified — in particular, she was seeking Mrs MF and me as a couple, wanted to learn equally from both of us, and was entirely content to play second fiddle to us in our established relationship. I saw her immediately as an exceptional and precious "one in a million", and I haven't changed my mind since!

The three of us met soon afterwards. We quickly found that we clicked in all three directions, without issues of jealousy or mismatched expectations that one might have expected. We've all stayed in close contact ever since then. Unfortunately, we're separated by a lot of geography, so it isn't easy for us to get together regularly, but a few weeks ago we met up again for a few days to share more time face-to-face and try our first play sessions together. Everything went very well, great fun was had by all, and hopefully we'll plan further activities in the near future.

Mrs MF and I are greatly indebted to the lady in question for taking the plunge and contacting us. Although it turned out very well, it must have taken her a lot of bravery to do so. Perhaps that, combined with the "one in a million" factor, explains why adverts here can be so hit or miss (and mostly "miss").

I hope that's some reassurance to those reading or posting in the personals sections.

Cheers.

MF

P.S. In case anyone was wondering, this is the main reason why I've been very quiet on Lit recently!
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But where's the cake

(Bravo on the ad. Good read. Glad it succeeded)

Monica_112 said:

But where's the cake

Click to expand...

It's a good question! Cake was offered on several occasions but, as far as I can recall, was not taken up. It was almost as if my promise of cake played no part in the young lady's willingness to reply to the advert.

The cake was not a lie, though.

Monica_112 said:

(Bravo on the ad. Good read. Glad it succeeded)

Click to expand...

Thank you! It's great to be able to report that a targetted personals advert can sometimes yield a positive response, although patience and perseverance may also be essential ingredients for success.
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Mindfondler said:

Cake was offered on several occasions but, as far as I can recall, was not taken up.

Click to expand...

The young lady in question has just reminded me that I provided muffins (i.e. small cakes) during one of our get-togethers. I had forgotten that!

So, the cake is real!
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Mindfondler said:

The young lady in question has just reminded me that I provided muffins (i.e. small cakes) during one of our get-togethers. I had forgotten that!

So, the cake is real!
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Click to expand...

A muffin is not a cake

Lemme know if you wanna 4th

Monica_112 said:

A muffin is not a cake

Click to expand...

I reckon that statement could provoke a lot of debate. Jaffa Cake, anyone?

Monica_112 said:

Lemme know if you wanna 4th

Click to expand...

It's a possibility, subject to the criteria that I specified in my advert. We've confirmed now that there are plenty of exciting ways to play together, even within those constraints, if the chemistry and expectations are right.
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I've updated and added new information to my advert above, which is still current — hence this bump.
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I'm on the wrong side of the pond for you, but I still want to give you a bump.

Torinona said:

I'm on the wrong side of the pond for you, but I still want to give you a bump.

Click to expand...

Thanks for the bump! My search is still on, but I'm expecting it to be a long one, and I didn't want to keep bumping this thread all by myself.

As per my update in my more recent shorter advert:

Mindfondler said:

Over the last few months, Mrs MF and I have met three lovely UK based ladies through this and other personal adverts. Cynics please note: there are real and sincere people out there!

Mrs MF and I have spent many happy hours introducing these three ladies to kink, variously talking through the concepts and conventions, enabling them to meet other kinksters at public events, and helping them to join in at a play event. We're flattered that these ladies chose to put their trust in us and we're very pleased to have been able to help them.

Although Mrs MF and I have made three wonderful new friends with whom we're still in regular contact, I haven't yet found the elusive play partner whom I've been seeking in this and my original advert.

I'm therefore bumping my posting on the off-chance that it might be seen by someone new in or around London, UK who is interested in getting in touch.

Click to expand...

It's a shame that you're on the other side of the pond, but it's still great for me to hear from you and receive the affirmation that there really are like-minded people out there, even if I need to board a 'plane to find them!

Thanks again.

MF
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You sound lovely. I'm curious what the Mrs. is like.