Calling would-be kinksters near London, UK!

My wife and I have made this invitation to a few people individually, but then it occurred to us to offer it more widely -- at least, to Litsters in the UK within reach of London.

Have you considering engaging face-to-face with your local BDSM community? If that seems like a scary proposition, then we can offer you reassurance, positive feedback and some practical assistance.

My wife and I have been active newbies in our local BDSM community for six months now, attending meets and play events with other kinksters. It's been a wonderful voyage of discovery! We didn't know what to expect, and we were worried that we might be too conventional to fit in, but our fears were complely unfounded. We've found the community to be extremely accepting, supportive and respectful, which has been vital to us as we've taken our first faltering steps. We've met countless lovely, warm and genuine people, and we've been fortunate to draw on the wisdom of experienced practitioners, who have given us plenty of good advice.

The flip-side warning that we'd like to offer, though, is that my wife and I have heard many individual accounts of the hazards of some online-only "Doms" who act in predatory ways towards individuals who declare themselves as newbie subs. We're certainly not suggesting that everyone online is up to mischief -- there are undoubtedly good souls to be found out there -- but we think that you'd be right to be cautious about that.

The good news is that we can report that it's much easier to be confident about people's true motivations in a supportive physical (off-line) environment, in which others take care of newbies and offer guidance on what to watch out for. Indeed, "real world" events tend to be self-screening, as the fake "keyboard warriors" would never dare to attend them for fear of being quickly rumbled as such.

Why am I telling you all this? First, my wife and I feel a sense of gratitude and responsibility towards the BDSM community that we'd like to repay by helping others to find their way. Secondly, we've had the advantage of venturing out together as a established couple, but we can imagine how difficult it might be for single first-timers to make that same step. Thirdly, we may be able to help you in a direct and practical way.

If you live within reach of London in the UK and you're interested in kink (but perhaps a bit nervous!) then my wife and I would be very happy to chat with you, meet you, and introduce you to the BDSM community, probably starting at a "munch" (a low-key social meeting, typically in a pub). We believe that it's much more palatable to make that first step if you have a couple of known individuals there as "anchor points" -- indeed, we've already played that role for others!

I hope this is a helpful proposition for someone out there. Please let me know by PM if you'd like to take us up on the offer. My wife and I are active on Fetlife, which tends to be the focus for kinky events -- we can provide details if you're interested.

All the best.

MF (and Mrs MF)

Unfortunately not in the UK, but what a lovely offer, MF! I hope you get some genuine responses. If I lived closer, I'd love to go to one of those rope classes you attend.

Thanks very much, Aphroditiac and RubenesqueAphrodite! I appreciate your worthy endorsements.

I haven't received any bites of interest so far, but it's still early days. It occurs to me, though, that anyone who is too nervous to attend a local munch might also have reservations about contacting someone unknown online. That would be a shame, as my wife and I are warm and cuddly teddy bears, and we're eager to help, but it's difficult to prove those things here!
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Gianbattista said:

Also, for anyone considering it, while I am also so done unknown on the Internet, Gianbattista and I have met mindfondler and his wife and they are not at all scary, and are indeed warm people. A couple of others on BDSM forum have too, at LAM ( and at another London munch?) so its not as if they are totally unmet by anyone on Lit.

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Thanks very much for that endorsement, Elle! As you say, it's still just words on a screen for anyone reading, but hopefully it might help to tip the balance for anyone teetering on the verge of getting in contact.

Gianbattista said:

Oh....re read....I thought you were starting a new munch, Oh, definitely meet up with these guys somewhere. They are very sweet! I think there are a few litsters aiming for LAM in may?

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Yes -- we have no plans to set up a new munch! The idea is that, as my wife and I already frequent several munches around the London area, it wouldn't be much of a stretch for us to introduce someone who is new to them. As you say, LAM (London Alternative Market) is another possibility. All of these are in public places and therefore are neutral (safe) territory into which to venture.
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I'd like to add my voice to the general approbation. This is a very kind offer.

I've been to a munch myself and I can attest to the fact that it's like checking out any new interest group - with the additional knowledge that you are very definitely being sized up, and may or may not be welcomed into less public circles, depending on people's impression of you.

Would it be easier to go to a munch if you already knew at least one person there? No question.

Blase said:

I'd like to add my voice to the general approbation. This is a very kind offer.

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Thank you very much!

Blase said:

I've been to a munch myself and I can attest to the fact that it's like checking out any new interest group - with the additional knowledge that you are very definitely being sized up, and may or may not be welcomed into less public circles, depending on people's impression of you.

Would it be easier to go to a munch if you already knew at least one person there? No question.

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I appreciate your confirmation that our idea is a sound one. The experience of my wife and me is that, although munches are good-natured and unjudgemental, they can seem cliquey at first, and a newcomer might find it difficult to break into the established social circles. As relative newcomers ourselves, we know that feeling and we can probably help to overcome it.

Gianbattista said:

I would not have gone to my first market if it hadn't been for meeting friendly faces there I think. We still haven't been to a munch, partly because of location and timing and partly because of other restrictions, but I would certainly be more minded to go knowing that people I know from here are there, I agree.

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Once again, that seems to confirm that there ought to be an interest, in theory.

All that we need now is some takers to put it into practice!
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Just to say that this offer is still open!

My wife and I have now been active within the real-life UK kink community for nearly nine months, and we're both loving it! We're still gaining experience in our respective roles (me as Dom, my wife as sensualist) but we've established a wide base of friends and acquaintances, so we're well placed to speak about the realities, to offer friendly welcoming faces and to foster further introductions.

You can find out more about both of us on our respective Fetlife profiles (mine is here, as per the link in my signature). Please feel free to get in touch if you're in or around London, UK and would like some moral support.
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Bumping shamelessly! (I'll stop soon, though )

Mindfondler said:

My wife and I have made this invitation to a few people individually, but then it occurred to us to offer it more widely -- at least, to Litsters in the UK within reach of London.

Have you considering engaging face-to-face with your local BDSM community? If that seems like a scary proposition, then we can offer you reassurance, positive feedback and some practical assistance.

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Quite a few people have said to me that this is a good idea and have encouraged me to continue promoting it, but I've had zero interest from potental takers. I'm curious to know whether this is because our offer is too tightly focussed (London, UK), or that we're not known well enough here to appear trustworthy, or if there simply isn't any demand out there.

In a similar vein, I'm seeking a local platonic sub with the full awareness and understanding of my wife (see my Need to Nurture thread and my Fetlife profile).

I'll give it one more shot and then let this thread die naturally if nothing further happens.
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