Looking for constructive criticism

Hello all,

I wrote my very first erotica story back in October, and ever since then I've been bitten by the writing bug. I'm fairly happy with the ratings my stories have gotten, but that only goes so far.

My profile is: https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=2857596&page=submissions

I don't know if this is asking a lot, but it would be nice to hear some constructive criticism on whether or not I'm heading in the right direction. I'm especially interested if the pacing is right, or if parts are too shallow/too detailed. Also if the dialogue seems natural. Any other criticism is also welcome, of course.

The story categories are kind of all over the place, and I already know that a lot of them lack a proper ending. (Some I intend(ed) to continue, if people like them)

Thanks!

A True Believer

I read only a portion of this story. I liked the plot and the character development. The dialogue was fine but you definitely have grammar and punctuation problems. 'Parents house' is incorrect. It is possessive so it should be 'parent's house.' The days of the week should be capitalized as should be the names of religions, ie Christians. I found dashes used in place of commas, verbs missing as well as articles.

In short, it appears to me you did not proofread the story before submitting it to Lit. I suggest you either grt a Beta reader or an editor.

Tigersman said:

'Parents house' is incorrect. It is possessive so it should be 'parent's house.'

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Actually, it should be "parents' house". If it was about a single parent then "parent's house" would be correct, but from a quick look at the story, this house belongs to both parents.

When you're forming a possessive from something that's already a plural ending in "s", the apostrophe goes after the "s":

Parent <- one
Parent's <- belonging to one
Parents <- two (or more)
Parents' <- belonging to two

Tigersman said:

In short, it appears to me you did not proofread the story before submitting it to Lit. I suggest you either grt a Beta reader or an editor.

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Thanks for the taking the time to do this. I do proofread, but (obviously) miss a lot. I had a volunteer editor for my first submission, but after that I had a few no-responses from the ones I tried contacting, and eventually just started submitting rather than spend a couple of days finding/waiting on editors.

Sounds like the wait is worth my time, though, and I'll go back to doing it.

Edit: What's a beta reader?

rarmons said:

Thanks for the taking the time to do this. I do proofread, but (obviously) miss a lot. I had a volunteer editor for my first submission, but after that I had a few no-responses from the ones I tried contacting, and eventually just started submitting rather than spend a couple of days finding/waiting on editors.

Sounds like the wait is worth my time, though, and I'll go back to doing it.

Edit: What's a beta reader?

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The best way to find an editor is to go on the Editors' Forum and post about a new story you're writing, describe it briefly and ask for someone to work with you. Or you can also find a writer whose style you admire and ask them if they edit.

A copy editor will tidy up the punctuation and spelling errors for you.

A beta reader will comment on holes in the plot, characterisation issues and suggest ways you could write a better story. In effect, what you asked for here was a beta read of your story. You wanted feedback so you can develop your story writing better. What you got was some copy editing suggestions, LOL.

Good luck with your writing! It's always good to see someone who wants to build on their success and improve; who takes their writing seriously.

The Important Lessons of Life

I did a review of it in my incest story review thread here