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Submission is a gift

LostBabygirl3489

LostBabygirl3489

Literotica Guru
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So I had a 'dominant' guy try to get me to submit to him and he actually called me weak. Then I had another 'dominant' tell me I am not submissive because I won't settle for just being someone's fuck toy and nothing more. I did not get mad or go off on them. But it got me thinking. I've always known this. In many ways, submissive types are stronger than dominant types. Subs have to trust with their heart and body...trust can be fickle. Even the most intuitive, someone like me, can be wrong about someone and trust completely and find themselves seriously hurt and abused. But it goes beyond that. To surrender to someone is a very powerful act. And it's a beautiful gift that should not be taken for granted. Ever. People tell me I am intelligent, and I agree in this case...I am smart about waiting. There are so many fakes out there. So many that want to abuse or just use someone like me who is hurting and in emotional pain. But I will not allow that. The person that I will submit to will cherish and adore me because he/she will know that I am unique and sensitive and strong and lovely. He/she will get to know me before I give him/her the gift of my submission. I will accept no less. And neither should you, if you want a long lasting relationship.

:)
 
LostBabygirl3489 said:
So I had a 'dominant' guy try to get me to submit to him and he actually called me weak. Then I had another 'dominant' tell me I am not submissive because I won't settle for just being someone's fuck toy and nothing more. I did not get mad or go off on them. But it got me thinking. I've always known this. In many ways, submissive types are stronger than dominant types. Subs have to trust with their heart and body...trust can be fickle. Even the most intuitive, someone like me, can be wrong about someone and trust completely and find themselves seriously hurt and abused. But it goes beyond that. To surrender to someone is a very powerful act. And it's a beautiful gift that should not be taken for granted. Ever. People tell me I am intelligent, and I agree in this case...I am smart about waiting. There are so many fakes out there. So many that want to abuse or just use someone like me who is hurting and in emotional pain. But I will not allow that. The person that I will submit to will cherish and adore me because he/she will know that I am unique and sensitive and strong and lovely. He/she will get to know me before I give him/her the gift of my submission. I will accept no less. And neither should you, if you want a long lasting relationship.



:)
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I get what you're saying, and agree with a lot of what you say about choosing the right partner, but...

Subs can be abusive and hurtful as well. There is plenty of trust needed on the other side of the slash too. Submissives are not stronger than dominants. We are all people, and identifying with a particular role doesn't make one special. There aree plenty of weaksubmissives and strong dominants, and vice versa.

My submission is in no way a gift. If i felt that way I'd be totally turned off by the idea. My submission is actually quite selfish as it makes my sex life better. I don't do service, i do what he says because then I don't have to worry about making sure he gets what he wants. He just tells me. I do what he says so I don't have to stress about how I'm feeling. I want his attention, and for him to do things to me. Fortunately he wants to give attention and see how i react when he does things to me.
 
The sub has all the power in the relationship. Its their limits, their safe word, the sub is merely letting the dominant have the power.
 
YoungToy said:
The sub has all the power in the relationship. Its their limits, their safe word, the sub is merely letting the dominant have the power.
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That's ridiculous. The dom is equally able to end the relationship if he/she wishes.
 
For every 10 submissives you ask, you'll get 12 different answers. Then a handful of switches and dominants offering their valid views as well.

Personally? Not so much a gift, but I am selective over who I submit to - this does not make me any less submissive. I am respectful to all regardless of label or D/s-type, but there is only one that I actually bend knee to and call 'Master', even if there are a select other handful of people that I defer to due to having more experience, or experience in things that I do not that I am interested in learning. That might be perceived as me giving my Master the 'gift' of my submission, but more realistically it is just me being picky about who I play with, and sensibly selective.
 
While I understand what you're saying and I agree that submission is a gift, dominants are just as vulnerable. Revealing dark desires requires a great deal of trust, as well. Dominant partners carry a great deal of responsibility and risk and none of this should be minimized. Neither is more or less vulnerable, special, powerful (well, that last one is maybe a stretch as BDSM relationships often involve power exchange, but I believe my point is apparent).
 
Primalex said:
Whatever makes you swallow.
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Primalex for the win! ;)

In my relationship -

Being authentic is not a gift.
Neither party are immune to suffering.
Both take risks.

Just because he gets to use me however he chooses to, it doesn't mean our relationship is any deeper, more magical, special-er, or whatever other magical unicorn of fuckery language people in "the lifestyle" (echo... echo... echo) think it is. It's still a relationship, just like any other healthy (non-D/s) relationship.
 
In my experience the subs is the giver of a gift. Since they can stop or take that gift away they are ultimately in control. The submissive "giving" is more of a mental thing. The Dom may be the one molding and taking the Sub into sub space but the sub has to let go and trust for that to happen. The Dom is more a delivery system of that experience. Now love can be attached to the act but now always is. If a sub decides to leave a Dom or breaks their trust it can be just as devastating as any break up of a non- lifestyle break up. Ultimately, I agree with the person above me. While it has extras, it is still a relationship and has all the pitfalls and rewards of one. Though with the way people view relationships these days, I think it is a more honest one than typical relationships. More trust and better communication. Generally speaking ofc.
 
prdigy666 said:
Very wise words Miss
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Just speaking form my experience. I found it a different animal than a regular relationship. So much so that I was not always comfortable in the role I played. I am a good at taking care of others but not to those depths. Hence why I don't do it anymore.
 
Misshotndeep said:
Just speaking form my experience. I found it a different animal than a regular relationship. So much so that I was not always comfortable in the role I played. I am a good at taking care of others but not to those depths. Hence why I don't do it anymore.
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I feel it is a much deeper relationship than what you normally see. One giving Thermalright completely to the other due to one's or a mutual lifestyle. To have a woman, or any sub, give themselves completely and freely is one of complete trust and adoration.
 
But the D-type can just as easily remove their control, dominance, etc. (The flip side of the s-type removing her submission.)

So why is submission generally looked upon as this magical woo-woo kinky fairy dust GIFT, but no one talks about dominance as a gift?
 
The gift thing just sounds silly to me. If I give a gift, it's no strings attached. Once that gift is given, I don't ever expect to see it again. If I gave a gift to a friend or a boyfriend and our relationship ended, I wouldn't expect to get the gift back. Once given it is no longer mine. Furthermore, I wouldn't expect to take that gift back and rewrap it for the next special person in my life. What a lame gift...

Also, what CutieMouse said. It's a relationship. I get something from it just as he does. I don't view submission as a gift.
 
CutieMouse said:
But the D-type can just as easily remove their control, dominance, etc. (The flip side of the s-type removing her submission.)

So why is submission generally looked upon as this magical woo-woo kinky fairy dust GIFT, but no one talks about dominance as a gift?
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The sub is the one with the safty word. They can stop the play at any point. ANY. The Dom can stop the play too. Normally it is for a reason. Safety, to build anticipation or to give a sub a break they may not realize they need. A Dom has to watch and be totally in tune to their sub while in the throws of thier own pleasure. So they are controlling two people. The sub can stop the Doms pleasure for any reason what so ever. They are not required to pay attention to more than their body unless their Dom ask for more. When a person submits to the a Dom they are giving them total trust. Total control over that person. Giving of love is a gift so how come giving of ones trust and body can not be a gift. Dom's give of themselves to but it is different on that side of the paddle. It is more a giving of care and a taking of trust.
 
Misshotndeep said:
The sub is the one with the safty word. They can stop the play at any point. ANY. The Dom can stop the play too. Normally it is for a reason. Safety, to build anticipation or to give a sub a break they may not realize they need. A Dom has to watch and be totally in tune to their sub while in the throws of thier own pleasure. So they are controlling two people. The sub can stop the Doms pleasure for any reason what so ever. They are not required to pay attention to more than their body unless their Dom ask for more. When a person submits to the a Dom they are giving them total trust. Total control over that person. Giving of love is a gift so how come giving of ones trust and body can not be a gift. Dom's give of themselves to but it is different on that side of the paddle. It is more a giving of care and a taking of trust.
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I repeat, this is kind of ridiculous. The dom is just as capable of stopping play. The sub would also have reasons for stopping play or ending a relationship. How is that any different from the dom ending things?
 
SpunThings said:
I repeat, this is kind of ridiculous. The dom is just as capable of stopping play. The sub would also have reasons for stopping play or ending a relationship. How is that any different from the dom ending things?
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It's in the mid set really. Having been on both ends of it. It is in the mind set. I said in my last post that both can stop it. I don't see anything silly about the fact that Subs give and Doms take pleasure in their giving. It's kinda the nature of the beast.
 
A dominant can have more restrictions on things (hard limits) than a submissive. A dominant can refuse to take things as far as the submissive wants them to. A dominant risks he said/she said situations when engaging in edge play activities - the submissive can change her mind after the fact, and ruin the dominant's reputation or file criminal charges.

No one has the exclusive on risk in the relationship.

And I don't care how dominant a partner is - I am still ultimately responsible for my own safety and wellbeing. I've had partners unwittingly trigger me in the middle of what was supposed to be some kick ass kinky sex. It wasn't anything I could have anticipated, warned him about, or expected him to "read" in me before it happened. It sucked, no harm/no foul, we discussed it when we were calm, and moved on. Because dominant as people, and sometimes shit happens.
 
Misshotndeep said:
It's in the mid set really. Having been on both ends of it. It is in the mind set. I said in my last post that both can stop it. I don't see anything silly about the fact that Subs give and Doms take pleasure in their giving. It's kinda the nature of the beast.
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I agree that it's all in the mindset. I take take, and he gives lots. I'm the submissive partner. He's the giving one in this relationship, and happens to be in charge too.
 
CutieMouse said:
But the D-type can just as easily remove their control, dominance, etc. (The flip side of the s-type removing her submission.)

So why is submission generally looked upon as this magical woo-woo kinky fairy dust GIFT, but no one talks about dominance as a gift?
Click to expand...

i completely agree with this, CM. dominance is absolutely a gift too... it certainly feels that way as someone receiving it.
 
Well, I'll tell you what strength is.

Standing with a cane next to your naked, tied-up body. You, who flirted with my coworker two weeks ago. You, who somehow managed to damage my car last week. You, who cooked a shitty meal because you wasted the whole evening on Pinterest. My cock throbbing, every fiber inside me telling me to wreak havoc upon you. "I was a bad girl!", you call out, challenging me, because you are already soaking wet and have no idea, how much I agree with that today.

You think submission is strength because you have to turn off your rationale mind and give in to your desires?

Well, sweetheart, this is where I have to do the opposite. When my desires are the strongest, I have to turn my rationale mind on. This is where I need to remember how easy it is to harm you with my strong hands wrapped around your puny neck. That you don't want any marks in certain areas. That I should listen to your laughable safe word. And I will stop, not because your safe word has some magical power over me due to your strength as submissive; but because I have the strength to imprison all my demons and desires every fucking second of my life at will, even when my cock is deeply buried in your soaking wet pussy.

Your submission is not a gift, it's the payment for your very own demons, it's a sacrifice that you have to make to silence the voices of your sexual desires, it's the entrance fee to being reduced to a mindless mess of sexual surrender. I have nothing to do with your submission. I'm just the one who is there when you paid up.
 
A submissive is an individual with submissive tendencies ... she / he remain a sub without a master / dom.

A master / dom is one only when given the power to be so by a sub! So ... I guess that summarises what I feel about this whole D/s!
 
I have never understood this submission is a gift idea, MASTER has always taught me that his dominance is the gift, my submission and obedience is just the 'payment'. subs should not get too full of themselves, they are disposable too.
 
Primalex said:
Well, I'll tell you what strength is.

Standing with a cane next to your naked, tied-up body. You, who flirted with my coworker two weeks ago. You, who somehow managed to damage my car last week. You, who cooked a shitty meal because you wasted the whole evening on Pinterest. My cock throbbing, every fiber inside me telling me to wreak havoc upon you. "I was a bad girl!", you call out, challenging me, because you are already soaking wet and have no idea, how much I agree with that today.

You think submission is strength because you have to turn off your rationale mind and give in to your desires?

Well, sweetheart, this is where I have to do the opposite. When my desires are the strongest, I have to turn my rationale mind on. This is where I need to remember how easy it is to harm you with my strong hands wrapped around your puny neck. That you don't want any marks in certain areas. That I should listen to your laughable safe word. And I will stop, not because your safe word has some magical power over me due to your strength as submissive; but because I have the strength to imprison all my demons and desires every fucking second of my life at will, even when my cock is deeply buried in your soaking wet pussy.

Your submission is not a gift, it's the payment for your very own demons, it's a sacrifice that you have to make to silence the voices of your sexual desires, it's the entrance fee to being reduced to a mindless mess of sexual surrender. I have nothing to do with your submission. I'm just the one who is there when you paid up.
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jesus christ you need professional medical attention. your justification for bdsm is "flirted with a dude two weeks ago (according to me)" and "cooked a shitty meal"? you know the 60s are over, right?

settle the fuck down, non draper. a safeword isn't "laughable," it's a way for two adults to have a good time without incurring injury. doms: respect your subs! don't buy into this prolix horseshit.
 
A BDSM relationship is just that, a relationship, like any other. I have always thought that both partners were giving themselves to the other. It is a special thing to find someone who shares your kinks. That's a gift, imo.
 
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