Old 09-30-2002, 02:58 PM   #101
JUDO
Flasher
 
JUDO's Avatar
 
JUDO is offline
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Far Far Away
Posts: 2,237
Tale of a Tail

With sonnet's muse beside my lustful ear,
I paint inspired by memories so hot,
And shed my clothes as I get wet, my dear.
Please watch as I begin to stir my pot.

Into the bar she jiggled, laughed and swayed.
My breath caught tight, but not as nipple's rocks
As men were spurred and I met eyes of jade,
A grin spoke countless words, but not to cocks.

To me, she flashed a nipple, pink and hard.
By me, she brushed warm breast against my arm.
For me, entreaties spoke let down my guard
And tit-to-tit, we slept in lustful charm.

At morning's light, we loved and bade goodbye.
Who said you couldn't live on milk and pie?


- Judo
__________________
A Sampler:
The Sibling Diaries
Pearls to Pour
My Ange
June Gloom
  Reply With Quote

Old 09-30-2002, 03:10 PM   #102
Angeline
Poet Chick
 
Angeline's Avatar
 
Angeline is offline
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Birdnest
Posts: 23,963
528 Hobart Avenue

Sitting by the screen door
on late summer nights
daddy and I watch storms
as if in theater box seats

the kitchen is on one side
basement steps the other
so a weird musty savory smell
always lingers in the doorway

but we are comfortable
companionable even
the old rump-sprung chair
the shared root beer

we don't much talk
just watch the sky flash

count the seconds

one mississippi
two mississippi

when you are safe
it's easy to predict thunder
you don't have to
hold your ears or cringe

you just say
there it is

sometimes we walk in the rain
we get really soaked
and he says: "See? You won't melt.
You're not a sugar cookie, cookie."
__________________
Talk

Poems
  Reply With Quote

Old 09-30-2002, 03:15 PM   #103
_Land
Literotica Guru
 
_Land's Avatar
 
_Land is offline
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: in the corners of my own mind.
Posts: 757
Re: 528 Hobart Avenue

Quite lovely angeline!




Quote:
Originally posted by Angeline
Sitting by the screen door
on late summer nights
daddy and I watch storms
as if in theater box seats

the kitchen is on one side
basement steps the other
so a weird musty savory smell
always lingers in the doorway

but we are comfortable
companionable even
the old rump-sprung chair
the shared root beer

we don't much talk
just watch the sky flash

count the seconds

one mississippi
two mississippi

when you are safe
it's easy to predict thunder
you don't have to
hold your ears or cringe

you just say
there it is

sometimes we walk in the rain
we get really soaked
and he says: "See? You won't melt.
You're not a sugar cookie, cookie."
__________________
~time is making
love is eternity
heavens gift
in your arms~




_Land's Posted Poetry
  Reply With Quote

Old 09-30-2002, 03:19 PM   #104
Angeline
Poet Chick
 
Angeline's Avatar
 
Angeline is offline
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Birdnest
Posts: 23,963
Thank You _Land

I seem to be filled with these memories lately! The ones of those times are especially good.
__________________
Talk

Poems
  Reply With Quote

Old 09-30-2002, 03:31 PM   #105
_Land
Literotica Guru
 
_Land's Avatar
 
_Land is offline
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: in the corners of my own mind.
Posts: 757
Hot pink petals
in full bloom
swelling colors
fragrantly
sharing its smell

closing my eyes
I breathe in
letting the petals
brush my lips,
quivering

twisting the stem
slowly, savoring
every moment
as I hand you
a single rose
__________________
~time is making
love is eternity
heavens gift
in your arms~




_Land's Posted Poetry
  Reply With Quote

Old 09-30-2002, 03:54 PM   #106
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
lickmyboot, _Land, JUDO, Angeline - your poems were all lovely, some inspiring even.

karmadog: I don't want my home in a hurricane; I want myself in one. I also want to hang-glide, parachute, and jump into a lagoon from an 80ft. waterfall. =) Thrillseeker.

A few months ago I sailed to Bermuda on a 32ft. sailboat.. we rode a gale for 11 hrs. - 25ft. waves, crest to trough. On the way back I got pictures of 3 water spouts, closest one about 100 ft. from the boat.

I want to see a hurricane on land (and live through it which goes without saying).
  Reply With Quote

Old 09-30-2002, 03:57 PM   #107
Angeline
Poet Chick
 
Angeline's Avatar
 
Angeline is offline
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Birdnest
Posts: 23,963
And that is a lovely poem _Land

i love the image of smelling the rose, then twisting it in your hands then handing it to another.

you sound very happy! i'm happy for you.
__________________
Talk

Poems
  Reply With Quote

Old 09-30-2002, 04:07 PM   #108
_Land
Literotica Guru
 
_Land's Avatar
 
_Land is offline
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: in the corners of my own mind.
Posts: 757
Re: And that is a lovely poem _Land

melancholy moments
manic masquerades
maming machismo

meaningful melodys
maroon memories
merry moods

prevail



Yes angeline, I am happy for the first time ina long time I really am.






Quote:
Originally posted by Angeline
i love the image of smelling the rose, then twisting it in your hands then handing it to another.

you sound very happy! i'm happy for you.
__________________
~time is making
love is eternity
heavens gift
in your arms~




_Land's Posted Poetry
  Reply With Quote

Old 10-03-2002, 04:49 PM   #109
_Land
Literotica Guru
 
_Land's Avatar
 
_Land is offline
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: in the corners of my own mind.
Posts: 757
Pounding head
Throbbing
tightness
swollen glands

massage brings
temporary relief
before pressure
builds again



My Migrain Poem~~~~~~

anyone with some asprin?
__________________
~time is making
love is eternity
heavens gift
in your arms~




_Land's Posted Poetry
  Reply With Quote

Old 10-05-2002, 10:10 AM   #110
beths-virtue
Really Experienced
 
beths-virtue's Avatar
 
beths-virtue is offline
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: texas
Posts: 253
howling

3 long days, of self imposed bliss, trying in vain to make up for passion and love we have missed
tonight was delicious
rough and heated
a ribald ride a frolicsome romp

dear goddess ive acted such a tramp
what can i say
happy and in love with you
i love to scream when we screw
tonight , in spite of the heat, we had the windows open , letting the moonlight shine in

the bedsheets are torn off
and we have been in every imaginable position
throwing pillows on the floor
ive scratched thrails in your chest, as yet another orgasm has torn through me

and still you persist, pounding into me , the rough ness of overwhelming and i scream , again, my voice rough from repeated breathless verbal explosions

i feel you swelling inside me ,
and the burgeoning of my orgasm, and yours
louder , you groan
and i scream
your voice rises with mine, in exhaultation,
blessing the moon ,
and the circumstances that have brought us together


we look into each others eyes, and laugh ,
as we hear all neighbors dogs ,
barking and howling, in response to our noise


<i have avoided this thread on purpose, because rarely does my writing resemble poetry , when i first write it but, since i promised, my conspiritor in the creation of this poem , that i would write , something about it ..... and finally , i have the net here at home ...here i am , back and , way way better than ever :P>
__________________
...."and in studying you must have learned
that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison
as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly
not choose the wine in front of me"
my blog
  Reply With Quote

Old 10-05-2002, 11:38 AM   #111
stargirl32
defector back 2 life
 
stargirl32's Avatar
 
stargirl32 is offline
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: in the folds of space. with the fluff of gods navel.
Posts: 1,698
we fucked , with me on the ground,
having only met that moment ,
taking libitys with our health .

the rain fell cold and hard .
the rain shadow of our bodies
lasted longer than we did .
__________________
wow back on line after a huge change in my life,
if you know me contact me, i would love to hear from you,
  Reply With Quote

Old 10-05-2002, 08:23 PM   #112
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
all right , since wednesday night poem , didnt turn out how i had hoped, i think i will try one more time , from a few minutes that happened here on friday, my birthday ( nods and smiles, yep , am finally all grown up now )
anyone else can decide , wether it took chutzpah or stupidity.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


reclining from my aced interview, the doorbell rings and i rise,
opening the door imagine my unpleasent surprise

"hi im cindy" she replies
(the ex wife)

the bitch the nerve the gall, to show up here on this day of all
"come on in" i smile and say
knowing that later ther will be hell to pay

"well, theres a few things i think you should know"
about my husband, you see"

still the silly wench cant get a grip,honey, hes not yours, and wasnt long before we met

"im a good christian and so is he"(cringe)

wow, youre clueless, if you cant see

"youre not are you?, christian i mean,"

wondering did she read the goddess stickers on my car .
"um no,i answer"

she brought a friend, emotional reinforcement i suppose, but when her good christian friend starts spouting jesus under my nose,
i turn off her faucet, and her jaw drops in silence, the woman came here for her friend, and wont even sit down in my (lair), living room, wondering if she has seen the large fertile Freyr statue, on the shelf above the couch where Cindy(cringe) sits now

thats right girls i think, as She sits and spouts of the evils of _land,
and in the next breath confesses she would take him back again

Her offended wacked out jesus friend, has decided to split, and in her departing comments says, she wont be back again
Cindy(cringe), i look forward to another chat, just girl to girl , lets chew the fat
  Reply With Quote

Old 10-05-2002, 10:47 PM   #113
_Land
Literotica Guru
 
_Land's Avatar
 
_Land is offline
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: in the corners of my own mind.
Posts: 757
I will say we did have sushi for dinner though, so her birthday wasnt all that bad..........................






Quote:
Originally posted by Unregistered
all right , since wednesday night poem , didnt turn out how i had hoped, i think i will try one more time , from a few minutes that happened here on friday, my birthday ( nods and smiles, yep , am finally all grown up now )
anyone else can decide , wether it took chutzpah or stupidity.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


reclining from my aced interview, the doorbell rings and i rise,
opening the door imagine my unpleasent surprise

"hi im cindy" she replies
(the ex wife)

the bitch the nerve the gall, to show up here on this day of all
"come on in" i smile and say
knowing that later ther will be hell to pay

"well, theres a few things i think you should know"
about my husband, you see"

still the silly wench cant get a grip,honey, hes not yours, and wasnt long before we met

"im a good christian and so is he"(cringe)

wow, youre clueless, if you cant see

"youre not are you?, christian i mean,"

wondering did she read the goddess stickers on my car .
"um no,i answer"

she brought a friend, emotional reinforcement i suppose, but when her good christian friend starts spouting jesus under my nose,
i turn off her faucet, and her jaw drops in silence, the woman came here for her friend, and wont even sit down in my (lair), living room, wondering if she has seen the large fertile Freyr statue, on the shelf above the couch where Cindy(cringe) sits now

thats right girls i think, as She sits and spouts of the evils of _land,
and in the next breath confesses she would take him back again

Her offended wacked out jesus friend, has decided to split, and in her departing comments says, she wont be back again
Cindy(cringe), i look forward to another chat, just girl to girl , lets chew the fat
__________________
~time is making
love is eternity
heavens gift
in your arms~




_Land's Posted Poetry
  Reply With Quote

Old 10-05-2002, 11:28 PM   #114
_Land
Literotica Guru
 
_Land's Avatar
 
_Land is offline
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: in the corners of my own mind.
Posts: 757
Re: howling

Well, since we are sharing, I guess i will tell my side of the story too.....................................


A month of anticipation
lonely masterbation
dreaming of your pleasure
burrying face in un-hidden treasure

The first night was slow
gentle, loving tender
How my cock did crow
the length of time was slender

The next night was long in flight
Greedily loving into the night
Teeth clamping on flesh
Nails digging, blood fresh

animalistic throes of passion
beastial in form and fashion
as we became mans best friends
our climactic howls, grunt sends

the neighborhood dogs in to an uproar
Perhaps it was your full moon
but what a chorus we had in store
as we finished our lovers tune






ARRRRROOOOOOOOOOH!!!



Quote:
Originally posted by beths-virtue
3 long days, of self imposed bliss, trying in vain to make up for passion and love we have missed
tonight was delicious
rough and heated
a ribald ride a frolicsome romp

dear goddess ive acted such a tramp
what can i say
happy and in love with you
i love to scream when we screw
tonight , in spite of the heat, we had the windows open , letting the moonlight shine in

the bedsheets are torn off
and we have been in every imaginable position
throwing pillows on the floor
ive scratched thrails in your chest, as yet another orgasm has torn through me

and still you persist, pounding into me , the rough ness of overwhelming and i scream , again, my voice rough from repeated breathless verbal explosions

i feel you swelling inside me ,
and the burgeoning of my orgasm, and yours
louder , you groan
and i scream
your voice rises with mine, in exhaultation,
blessing the moon ,
and the circumstances that have brought us together


we look into each others eyes, and laugh ,
as we hear all neighbors dogs ,
barking and howling, in response to our noise


<i have avoided this thread on purpose, because rarely does my writing resemble poetry , when i first write it but, since i promised, my conspiritor in the creation of this poem , that i would write , something about it ..... and finally , i have the net here at home ...here i am , back and , way way better than ever :P>
__________________
~time is making
love is eternity
heavens gift
in your arms~




_Land's Posted Poetry
  Reply With Quote

Old 10-07-2002, 01:12 PM   #115
_Land
Literotica Guru
 
_Land's Avatar
 
_Land is offline
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: in the corners of my own mind.
Posts: 757
Talking Live Wire Alliteration

Touching you, electric fence tingles
shivering shock sensations shoot
sending hair erect, something else too
amperage arrives, appendages announce!

Coursing tingling, conections twitch
errant errection enters earth
causing shuddering, climbing shaft
riding ranges, ridgedly racing

Rising currents, overload circuits
grinding gyrations galliently ground
muscular spasms, mustering sperm
leveraging limbs, locking lips

Juices flow, Jizm flys freely
helplessly holding happy hands
Unable to release. release unwanted
pleasure presented, playfuly played

switching switches
turning torrid.
illicit ignition
lights lusty
monday moods
__________________
~time is making
love is eternity
heavens gift
in your arms~




_Land's Posted Poetry
  Reply With Quote

Old 10-08-2002, 08:33 PM   #116
Camille
Really Experienced
 
Camille's Avatar
 
Camille is offline
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Forever bound to the crystal menace
Posts: 247
Huh

Eve, sweetie I read your poem and I was not amused. I sweat but never is there a stench!

Hey girl!
__________________
Like water for chocolate.
  Reply With Quote

Old 10-09-2002, 01:08 PM   #117
Angeline
Poet Chick
 
Angeline's Avatar
 
Angeline is offline
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Birdnest
Posts: 23,963
Live Wire Alliteration

Touching you, electric fence tingles
shivering shock sensations shoot
sending hair erect, something else too
amperage arrives, appendages announce!

Coursing tingling, conections twitch
errant errection enters earth
causing shuddering, climbing shaft
riding ranges, ridgedly racing

Rising currents, overload circuits
grinding gyrations galliently ground
muscular spasms, mustering sperm
leveraging limbs, locking lips

Juices flow, Jizm flys freely
helplessly holding happy hands
Unable to release. release unwanted
pleasure presented, playfuly played

switching switches
turning torrid.
illicit ignition
lights lusty
monday moods


My buddy _Land asked for an edit, so--deep breath--here goes.

You've set yourself quite a task with this form--which I assume you made up for the poem. It's ambitious and it's good, but it isn't consistent in some ways as you currently have it constructed. I think it would be stronger if you made the extra leap. Let me explain more specifically.

Ok. You have four four-line stanzas that describe/build a sexual encounter (oh, hi Beth! How ya doin?). These stanzas have an ABAB alliteration scheme (partial/total alliteration). These are followed by one briefer four-line stanza of alliterative pairs that summarize the poem. So far, so good. The next step though would be to get the syntactical pattern consistent.

Look at the first stanza.

Touching you, electric fence tingles
shivering shock sensations shoot
sending hair erect, something else too
amperage arrives, appendages announce!


line 1
cause-effect and active--gerund + pronoun phrase, third-person verb form

line 2
cause--modifier, modifier, noun, verb

line 3
effect--gerund + noun string, noun string

line 4
expanded effect--using two third-person verb forms

So. This is the thing about formal structures--and the reason I like free verse--once you start them, you have to live with them for the rest of the poem. Do you want to be as persnickety about this as I am being? Maybe not (maybe you want to run away screaming at this point.)

If you choose to make the stanzas syntactically (and I guess logically) consistent, I think you will end up with a very tight, strong poem. Maybe you don't want to move it in that direction--make it so lock-step--but I did want to offer the option. If you do, I have some suggestions.
__________________
Talk

Poems

Last edited by Angeline : 10-09-2002 at 01:11 PM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 10-09-2002, 04:11 PM   #118
_Land
Literotica Guru
 
_Land's Avatar
 
_Land is offline
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: in the corners of my own mind.
Posts: 757
Suggest away Ang


i didnt run away screaming, but i did pull out the dictionary :P




Quote:
Originally posted by Angeline
Live Wire Alliteration

Touching you, electric fence tingles
shivering shock sensations shoot
sending hair erect, something else too
amperage arrives, appendages announce!

Coursing tingling, conections twitch
errant errection enters earth
causing shuddering, climbing shaft
riding ranges, ridgedly racing

Rising currents, overload circuits
grinding gyrations galliently ground
muscular spasms, mustering sperm
leveraging limbs, locking lips

Juices flow, Jizm flys freely
helplessly holding happy hands
Unable to release. release unwanted
pleasure presented, playfuly played

switching switches
turning torrid.
illicit ignition
lights lusty
monday moods


My buddy _Land asked for an edit, so--deep breath--here goes.

You've set yourself quite a task with this form--which I assume you made up for the poem. It's ambitious and it's good, but it isn't consistent in some ways as you currently have it constructed. I think it would be stronger if you made the extra leap. Let me explain more specifically.

Ok. You have four four-line stanzas that describe/build a sexual encounter (oh, hi Beth! How ya doin?). These stanzas have an ABAB alliteration scheme (partial/total alliteration). These are followed by one briefer four-line stanza of alliterative pairs that summarize the poem. So far, so good. The next step though would be to get the syntactical pattern consistent.

Look at the first stanza.

Touching you, electric fence tingles
shivering shock sensations shoot
sending hair erect, something else too
amperage arrives, appendages announce!


line 1
cause-effect and active--gerund + pronoun phrase, third-person verb form

line 2
cause--modifier, modifier, noun, verb

line 3
effect--gerund + noun string, noun string

line 4
expanded effect--using two third-person verb forms

So. This is the thing about formal structures--and the reason I like free verse--once you start them, you have to live with them for the rest of the poem. Do you want to be as persnickety about this as I am being? Maybe not (maybe you want to run away screaming at this point.)

If you choose to make the stanzas syntactically (and I guess logically) consistent, I think you will end up with a very tight, strong poem. Maybe you don't want to move it in that direction--make it so lock-step--but I did want to offer the option. If you do, I have some suggestions.
__________________
~time is making
love is eternity
heavens gift
in your arms~




_Land's Posted Poetry
  Reply With Quote

Old 10-09-2002, 06:02 PM   #119
Angeline
Poet Chick
 
Angeline's Avatar
 
Angeline is offline
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Birdnest
Posts: 23,963
Ok _land

I worked with "Live Wire" Alliteration to try to make the logic and syntax consistent with my earlier suggestions. I tried, wherever possible to work in language about electricity too, in order to extend your metaphor, but there's just so much already happening in the poem, it was really hard to do. See what you think--use what you like and--perhaps more importantly--discard what you don't.

Live Wire Alliteration (Revised)

Touching you, electric fence tingles
shivering shock sensation shoots
sending hair erect, something else too
amperage arrived, appendages announced!

Coursing through, connection twitches
evolving evident erection extends
making skin flush, shuddering there too,
riders raced, receptors resonated!

Overloading circuits, reactors explode
galloping grand gyration grinds
Signaling muscle spasms, mustering that too
limbs leveraged, lips locked!

Flowing juices, jism flys
hovering happy hand holds
denying love’s release, not doing that yet
pleasure presented, parts played!

Switching switches
turning torrid
illicit ignition
lights lusty
monday moods
__________________
Talk

Poems

Last edited by Angeline : 10-09-2002 at 10:23 PM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 10-09-2002, 06:42 PM   #120
phatcat
Really Really Experienced
 
phatcat's Avatar
 
phatcat is offline
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Atlanta... you want GPS coordinates?
Posts: 344
Question question

What distinguishes talent vs. a poem reworked over and over by someone with intelligence? It's always been a nag in the back of my mind that a lot more people could write poetry than actually do and make it good just by going back over and over it until it is polished. Then how do you differentiate that and someone who sat down and wrote it free hand so to speak?

dited to ask ...and would it then matter which was which?
__________________
Wherever you go... well, there you go.
  Reply With Quote

Old 10-09-2002, 09:27 PM   #121
OT
Literotica Guru
 
OT's Avatar
 
OT is offline
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: nearly there
Posts: 841
RE: Question (and my two penny answer)

Phatcat,

What you refer to as "talent" may simply be "experience".

Assuming some reasonable level of intelligence, basic poetry skills can be learned.

The amount of rework required is a function of experience (practice). Intelligence enters into the equation only to the extent that you may learn quicker or more efficiently apply rules.

For the sake of this discussion we'll assume that there exists a magical and universal poem rating system and that all poems register somewhere on the good-o-meter between 1 and 10 (1 being badder than bad and 10 being perfect.)

With sufficient dedication most of us should be able to crank out poems that register in the 5 to 7 range.

No amount dedication (learning, practicing, reworking) will produce a 10.

To consistently score above 7, creativity and intuition take over. Either you have it or you don't. Knowing what to write becomes more important than how you write it. Picking one word over another because it "feels" right.

O.T.
my stuff
  Reply With Quote

Old 10-10-2002, 03:40 AM   #122
phatcat
Really Really Experienced
 
phatcat's Avatar
 
phatcat is offline
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Atlanta... you want GPS coordinates?
Posts: 344
ahh

yet that doesn't answer the question whether a persistent (read: obstinate) enough person to make his poem "great" can spend enough time with a dictionary, a thesaurus and an encyclopedia, continually reworking the poem within the bounds of the form s/he has chosen to finally attain a class equal to someone talented (to whom words flow from his/her muse, if you will) who writes a peom once on inspiration, or if it's not enough, and the spark of genius/giftedness/talent will show itself (whereas it might be absent in a too "well-worded" yet ordinary poem).


Summed up: can 99% perspiration = 100% inspiration
__________________
Wherever you go... well, there you go.
  Reply With Quote

Old 10-10-2002, 08:27 AM   #123
beths-virtue
Really Experienced
 
beths-virtue's Avatar
 
beths-virtue is offline
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: texas
Posts: 253
Re: ahh

Quote:
Originally posted by phatcat
yet that doesn't answer the question whether a persistent (read: obstinate) enough person to make his poem "great" can spend enough time with a dictionary, a thesaurus and an encyclopedia, continually reworking the poem within the bounds of the form s/he has chosen to finally attain a class equal to someone talented (to whom words flow from his/her muse, if you will) who writes a peom once on inspiration, or if it's not enough, and the spark of genius/giftedness/talent will show itself (whereas it might be absent in a too "well-worded" yet ordinary poem).


Summed up: can 99% perspiration = 100% inspiration
yes, its hard to define , since i tend to make slow simmers of my poems, rather than letting them boil over....i like to write, or quick dash off a poem , and then go back a day or so later, to re work it, ive explained this before on the board, and , lest i get repetitive
i write, what i deem a decent poem , usually working on it just a tiny bit as i write, then i let it sit, and re read it, and edit some more, maybe rearrange lines to better clarify myself , then , some times, but not always i will leave it sit again , before i release my dragonette free onto the world

its always variable, and , well, frankly it depends
on the poem , and wether or not, in its final form , i wrote it for fun , or intending to publish , and then of course, theres lots that i write on here, which , since the site is geared more toward the erotic, i dotn always publish it here, but , its saved for other forums.....

for example, and ode to a sunset or a tree, without any erotic overtones , falls flat on this site, like a lead balloon.....
here on the forum it may get read and appreciated, but, generally speaking, i dont bother
just cause
B
__________________
...."and in studying you must have learned
that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison
as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly
not choose the wine in front of me"
my blog
  Reply With Quote

Old 10-10-2002, 08:32 AM   #124
beths-virtue
Really Experienced
 
beths-virtue's Avatar
 
beths-virtue is offline
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: texas
Posts: 253
Quote:
Originally posted by Angeline


My buddy _Land asked for an edit, so--deep breath--here goes.

You've set yourself quite a task with this form--which I assume you made up for the poem. It's ambitious and it's good, but it isn't consistent in some ways as you currently have it constructed. I think it would be stronger if you made the extra leap. Let me explain more specifically.

Ok. You have four four-line stanzas that describe/build a sexual encounter (oh, hi Beth! How ya doin?).

.
just fine Angeline ....and you ?, i must admit , seems to be less of me latelyhere o n the board than before,partly cause the move, and the rest , well due to the ever passionate laying of _Land

B
__________________
...."and in studying you must have learned
that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison
as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly
not choose the wine in front of me"
my blog
  Reply With Quote

Old 10-10-2002, 10:13 AM   #125
_Land
Literotica Guru
 
_Land's Avatar
 
_Land is offline
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: in the corners of my own mind.
Posts: 757
Revision vs Original

Live Wire Alliteration (Revised)

Touching you, electric fence tingles
shivering shock sensation shoots
sending hair erect, something else too
amperage arrived, appendages announced!

Coursing through, connection twitches
evolving evident erection extends
making skin flush, shuddering there too,
riders raced, receptors resonated!

Overloading circuits, reactors explode
galloping grand gyration grinds
Signaling muscle spasms, mustering that too
limbs leveraged, lips locked!

Flowing juices, jism flys
hovering happy hand holds
denying love’s release, not doing that yet
pleasure presented, parts played!

Switching switches
turning torrid
illicit ignition
lights lusty
monday moods

VS.....


Live Wire Alliteration

Touching you, electric fence tingles
shivering shock sensations shoot
sending hair erect, something else too
amperage arrives, appendages announce!

Coursing tingling, conections twitch
errant errection enters earth
causing shuddering, climbing shaft
riding ranges, ridgedly racing

Rising currents, overload circuits
grinding gyrations galliently ground
muscular spasms, mustering sperm
leveraging limbs, locking lips

Juices flow, Jizm flys freely
helplessly holding happy hands
Unable to release. release unwanted
pleasure presented, playfuly played

switching switches
turning torrid.
illicit ignition
lights lusty
monday moods







Lets discuss this a little, what do you all think?
__________________
~time is making
love is eternity
heavens gift
in your arms~




_Land's Posted Poetry
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:44 AM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.