Old 06-24-2016, 11:41 PM   #1
DanielBoone
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Location: Rocky Mountains.
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feedback welcomed

I have submitted four or five poems.
I like poems that paint little impressionistic pictures.
I'd welcome feedback on my latest.

https://www.literotica.com/p/this-is-what-i-love

Thanks to one and all.
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The universe is made of stories.


I wrote some poems.
https://www.literotica.com/stories/m...ge=submissions

I wrote about licking my beloved's ass.
https://www.literotica.com/p/this-is-what-i-love

And I wrote about a Colorado scene, since I live in Colorado.
https://www.literotica.com/p/trailhead
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Old 06-25-2016, 06:35 AM   #2
Magnetron
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DanielBoone View Post
I have submitted four or five poems.
I like poems that paint little impressionistic pictures.
I'd welcome feedback on my latest.

https://www.literotica.com/p/this-is-what-i-love

Thanks to one and all.
Line 3 mentions you both being asleep, but nothing about either you or the both of you waking up.

Line 6 is completely unnecessary, as it repeats what we already know in Line 5.

The rest is smooth sailing from there in out.
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Old 06-25-2016, 11:09 AM   #3
UnderYourSpell
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I would have liked it better if I hadn't been told you were both doing it in your sleep.
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
Sestina slut
Annie submits
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Old 06-25-2016, 11:16 AM   #4
DanielBoone
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Rocky Mountains.
Posts: 111
Thank you

Both for your feedback.
And thanks to the feedback from Greenmountaineer.

I enjoy putting this kind of stuff out into the world! And receiving feedback too.
__________________
The universe is made of stories.


I wrote some poems.
https://www.literotica.com/stories/m...ge=submissions

I wrote about licking my beloved's ass.
https://www.literotica.com/p/this-is-what-i-love

And I wrote about a Colorado scene, since I live in Colorado.
https://www.literotica.com/p/trailhead
  Reply With Quote
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