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Old 01-24-2018, 10:38 PM   #1
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Role reversal gone wrong

So about a year ago I got it in my head I wanted my wife to tie me up so we could see what it was like on the other side. I had never fantasized about that side of the dynamic but I was very curious to see what it was like. So we discussed it and she wasnít enthusiastic about it but she was willing to try it.

I got out the cuffs and bed anchors and laid them out on the bed and noticed she was just spacing out stairing at them. I asked her if she was ok and boom. She just starts full on balling like a child and says ďI canít do this. Please donít ask me to do thisĒ. I pushed the stuff to the floor and we cuddled and I assured her she didnít have to do anything.

We discussed it more the next day when she was less distraught but even then she couldnít really explain her reaction. Only that when she got to the moment that she realized it was not in her to do it and it scared her to even think about it.

Anyone had a similar experience?


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Old 01-24-2018, 11:58 PM   #2
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No, but I can see this happening. Sometimes things just click in our heads instantaneously, while previously we thought it wasn't a big deal.

Well, you have your definite answer now, at least. She doesn't seem to want to do this. Considering that you say that you aren't really into it, but just curious (which is totally understandable) - I think that'd be easy for you to just give it up and live without role reversals

I think you did absolutely right, at the moment.
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Old 01-25-2018, 06:35 AM   #3
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There is not a dominant or sadist bone in my body (not a masochist, either). A former partner of mine instructed me to hit him. I was a wreck. Internal dialogue went something like: Do I hit him? I have never hit a person ever in my life. What if I hurt him? I don't want to hurt him. I REALLY don't want to fail at a task I've been assigned, I don't fail at tasks, but I don't hit people....

I ended up crumbled up and needing him to help me calm down, too. We talked about that one a lot after that. It ended up being a joke between us. I don't think I would have been able to hit him.
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Old 01-26-2018, 01:07 PM   #4
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Seems like an unusually extreme response though.

Therapy maybe?

Similar experiences.... Hmm.... Not directly related...

Maybe it felt a little too much like jumping out of a plane? Some people get up in the plane, and the horror of the idea takes over , and the idea that they can't turn back, or even that they might be forced to follow through, elevate the horror factor far past the level of any excitement they held for the notion.
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Old 01-29-2018, 10:03 AM   #5
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That's an extreme response, but there's nothing weird about it. BDSM plays with some pretty deep-seated stuff. I've known people who were triggered by certain sights or actions before, and it can be the most innoccous stuff.

Talk to her, and maybe you can figure out if this relates to something specific from her past. Maybe it doesn't though. Brains are complicated things, and the ways they work (or don't work) don't always make a whole lot of sense.
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Old 01-29-2018, 12:16 PM   #6
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There have been certain instances in my life where I wasn't 100% comfortable doing something, but assumed I could pull it off if I practiced or prepared myself enough, only to freak out when the moment actually arrived. Like giving a speech practiced in front of a mirror or crowd of friends numerous times, or performing CPR on a real person even after being trained and certified. Just too many nerves, lack of confidence, and fear of making a mistake.

I know it's not exactly the same situation, but your wife's reaction could be simply for similar reasons, and not some deep underlying cause. It could be many reasons really, but I don't think it's anything serious to worry about.

I will say, I am very comfortable in my submissive role and have no desire to 'switch' with my Dom. If he wanted to try it, just out of curiosity, I would want to be able to give him that. And I would try to make it a good experience BUT I'm pretty sure I wouldn't enjoy it for myself or be very good at it. Some of the worries in the back of my mind might be: What if I get him all tied up then don't know what to do? What if I hurt him? What if I look stupid? What if he doesn't like it? WHAT IF HE DOES? What if this changes the dynamic between us? The list could go on and on. Endless worries that could cause the reaction she had. It might not seem like a big thing to a lot of people, but sometimes the smallest changes can be scary. Feeling out of your depth can be scary.

If you're perfectly content without trying out the submissive side, then the easiest thing would be to just forget about it. If you'd still like to try it, my advice would be to work it into a 'play session'. As her Dom, let her know you'd like her to help you experience a tiny bit of bondage. Maybe binding your hands behind your back so you're restrained while she is on her knees giving you a blowjob. Nothing complicated or too long. (Kinda a trust building exercise for both of you) Make sure she knows YOU are still the one in charge, she is just following orders and you will be there to help guide her. That should alleviate some of her anxiety and open the door for other possibilities in the future...slowly as she gains confidence and feels more comfortable. Could lead to a little self discovery and personal growth for you both OR stick to what works and enjoy what you've got.
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