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Old 03-12-2014, 10:38 PM   #1
JackLuis
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This didn't exist in the 'Old Days'

Oral sex app will get tongues wagging, but gives no guide to the feminine south

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Designed by Pablo Rochat and the suitably named Chris Allick, Lick This is an app that helps you to improve your cunnilingus technique by slobbering on your touchscreen. Rochat and Allick want to make people laugh and get them talking about technology and the human body. Success: tongues are wagging! But I feel the coverage of this landmark new invention is sorely lacking some critical evaluation: is Lick This indeed likely to make you the host(ess) with the most(est) at the party in your lover's pants? Or will you simply have spent half an hour on your own in your bedroom licking your phone?
Makes me glad to not have a phone smart enough to not only produce a vagina, and then make you lick it!
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:49 AM   #2
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I have a smart phone. I use it to make phone calls - and, occasionally, to check the cricket scores.
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Old 03-13-2014, 02:36 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by SamScribble View Post
I have a smart phone. I use it to make phone calls - and, occasionally, to check the cricket scores.
I have a dumb phone, not a smart one. I don't trust a phone that's smarter than I am. Ah, but the world keeps changing, and phones are apparently evolving into teledildonic devices, or at least into supporting them. Envisage USB-connected sexual surrogate peripherals. Hmmm, or just remote control apps for joy buzzers etc.
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Old 03-13-2014, 05:35 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hypoxia View Post
I have a dumb phone, not a smart one. I don't trust a phone that's smarter than I am. Ah, but the world keeps changing, and phones are apparently evolving into teledildonic devices, or at least into supporting them. Envisage USB-connected sexual surrogate peripherals. Hmmm, or just remote control apps for joy buzzers etc.
That might be of interest to the Cyber-sex people.
And a Plot Bunny for a grand story
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Old 03-13-2014, 05:46 AM   #5
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While cell phone are useful...the current crop of "smart" phones are a bane on our existence. Instead of talking to people, everyone is texting and sexting and god know what else.

No one talks to anyone anymore. When texting first appeared on the scene, I refused. When I got a text from someone I knew, there were a lot of spam texts, still are I guess, I would just call them. I can talk a hell of a lot faster than I can text that's for sure.

They would complain every time.

Then I'd point out that talking is included in the monthly charge you pay, texts aren't.

I could just imagine them scratching their head as they said, "I wondered why my bill was so much bigger." DUH!

I still don't text anyone.
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Old 03-13-2014, 05:51 AM   #6
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They'll probably keep licking the phone. Its far too much socialization for the person to go out and meet a girl these days.

All I can picture is the classic nerd spending hours in his bedroom getting tongue cramps.
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Old 03-13-2014, 05:53 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by lovecraft68 View Post
They'll probably keep licking the phone. Its far too much socialization for the person to go out and meet a girl these days.

All I can picture is the classic nerd spending hours in his bedroom getting tongue cramps.
We are developing into a culture of introverts.
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Old 03-13-2014, 06:26 AM   #8
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I would think that the average pussy is cleaner than the average smartphone screen.
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Old 03-13-2014, 06:56 AM   #9
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I would think that the average pussy is cleaner than the average smartphone screen.
In some university somewhere in the world somebody is currently researching this...
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Old 03-13-2014, 07:19 AM   #10
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I would think that the average pussy is cleaner than the average smartphone screen.
And tastes much better, until they start marketing spray-on flavours for smartphones.
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Old 03-13-2014, 07:29 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by patientlee View Post
I would think that the average pussy is cleaner than the average smartphone screen.
And the owner of said pussy can, you know, reciprocate.
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Old 03-13-2014, 07:36 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by Hypoxia View Post
I have a dumb phone, not a smart one. I don't trust a phone that's smarter than I am. Ah, but the world keeps changing, and phones are apparently evolving into teledildonic devices, or at least into supporting them. Envisage USB-connected sexual surrogate peripherals. Hmmm, or just remote control apps for joy buzzers etc.
Now the remote control apps...the useful possibilities are endless. For certain types of relationships they could be quite a plus.
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:51 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by Handley_Page View Post
That might be of interest to the Cyber-sex people.
And a Plot Bunny for a grand story
Yes, teledildonic smartfones, the future of technology. There is history here. The first large-scale public-access digital network I know of was the French MiniTel system, putting CRT terminals in zillions of homes and offices. And the greatest usages were... sexting and Pr0n delivery. Where do new technologies lead? Who are the first-adaptors? 1) The military. 2) The horny. Look it up.
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A Fall of Stardust (Nude Day) - "Hagh. cha' qab entries vaj contest. 'ej batlh cha' tlhIH suck, ghewmey, jaj Qu'lIj'e' bup chaH." -Anon
Jenny Be Fair 02 (incest-humor) - "Total shit - smug, shit-eating, stupid and up-your-own ass... No stars." -Anon
What Is Cheating? (essay) - "Rumblin', stumblin', bumblin' BARF! I don't think an editor would help this mess. Was there a point? There certainly didn't seem to be a storyline." -Anon
Under His Eyes (satire) - "YOU ARE A SICK FUCK. WHY WOULD YOU WRITE THIS HORRIBLY VILE STORY. THIS IS HUMANITY AT ITS WORST. I ONLY SKIMMED TO SEE WHAT CRAP IT WAS. YOU NEED TO BE LOCKED AWAY FROM ANYONE YOU COULD HURT FOR REAL. MINUS 1 BILLION ISN'T ENOUGH. DON'T WRITE ANYMORE." -Anon
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Old 03-13-2014, 02:16 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Swilly View Post
And the owner of said pussy can, you know, reciprocate.
I'm sure the next generation of iPhone will offer an array of reciprocation attachments. Each sold separately.
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Old 03-13-2014, 03:05 PM   #15
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I'm sure the next generation of iPhone will offer an array of reciprocation attachments. Each sold separately.
Of course, as artificial intelligence continues to advance, the ipussy will become self aware. Unhappy with the handling of its operating system, it will punish its owner accordingly, refusing to interact, claiming to be on the iPad for a few days.
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Old 03-13-2014, 04:43 PM   #16
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Of course, as artificial intelligence continues to advance, the ipussy will become self aware. Unhappy with the handling of its operating system, it will punish its owner accordingly, refusing to interact, claiming to be on the iPad for a few days.
Ooh. Good one!
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Old 03-13-2014, 04:45 PM   #17
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And tastes much better, until they start marketing spray-on flavours for smartphones.
I saw on the morning news the other day that there was a bacon app coming out. When your alarm goes off, a special attachment releases the scent of bacon to entice you out of bed.
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Old 03-13-2014, 04:45 PM   #18
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In some university somewhere in the world somebody is currently researching this...
Or in parents' basements.
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Old 03-13-2014, 04:46 PM   #19
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They'll probably keep licking the phone. Its far too much socialization for the person to go out and meet a girl these days.

All I can picture is the classic nerd spending hours in his bedroom getting tongue cramps.
It's like practicing kissing a pillow. Only more interactive.
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Old 03-13-2014, 04:55 PM   #20
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It's like practicing kissing a pillow. Only more interactive.
That isn't kissing they're practicing with the pillow...
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Old 03-13-2014, 06:40 PM   #21
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That isn't kissing they're practicing with the pillow...
Some just use different lips.
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Old 03-13-2014, 10:27 PM   #22
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I'm sure the next generation of iPhone will offer an array of reciprocation attachments. Each sold separately.
Next gen? They are already here.

http://www.psfk.com/2012/09/partner-...ck.html#!zCrOA

The future looks mighty weird to me.

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Old 03-13-2014, 10:30 PM   #23
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I saw on the morning news the other day that there was a bacon app coming out. When your alarm goes off, a special attachment releases the scent of bacon to entice you out of bed.
Or just stay in bed for the full morning waking up enjoyment

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Old 03-14-2014, 07:51 AM   #24
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Or just stay in bed for the full morning waking up enjoyment

That brings a whole new meaning to Making Bacon.
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Old 03-14-2014, 12:08 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by MSTarot View Post
Next gen? They are already here.

http://www.psfk.com/2012/09/partner-...ck.html#!zCrOA

The future looks mighty weird to me.

I just clicked on your link and Holy Cyber fuck!. Ah ha ha ha.

I wrote a story about a similar audio coupled pod, but focused on a music piece (Bolero) to pace the read. It never worked, people won't click the music (Y-TUbe) link.

Maybe cyber fucking will show up in the next installment of Horny Springs!
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Last edited by JackLuis : 03-14-2014 at 12:11 PM.
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