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Old 08-26-2017, 08:14 AM   #301
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greenmountaineer is offline
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,227
Originally Posted by Tzara View Post
The Five Senses Challenge is rocking right now--good poems by Angie and Remec and a really superb one by greenmountaineer.

Perhaps it's my fondness for the doomed city of Carthage, but gm's poem strikes me as being really, really good. (Though it needs some editing. Here, for example:
With a desert storm fast approaching,
the young brides hastened their work
who would [be?] allowed the ornate breastplates,
I also would have liked footnotes to explain some of the terms. I found hastati, but not Sahbi, so I was left a little confused by that.

Still, a really superior poem, by a really superior poet.
That's nice of you to say, Tzara. Sahbi is a made up name for Hadl's deceased husband. This is one where my use of proper nouns got the better of me. ""a husband" would have prevented confusion.

I struggled whether or not to include "hasati," which is the plural Latin word for the lowest of Roman foot soldiers because it sounded like a word from whatever language the Carthaginians spoke, but the alternative "legionnaire" didn't sound right to me.

Last edited by greenmountaineer : 08-26-2017 at 07:10 PM.
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