How to make amends?

I'm sure she didn't expect these consequences. I mean, at worst an affair normally leads to a broken home and the clap and maybe something that walks and goes to college eventually. But what you are describing as natural consequences are not that. It's the equivalent of the death penalty for theft.

When someone is warned, and they continue to do what they were doing, regardless of the clear warning to stop...then yes, they should expect consequences like this.
 
You'd better hope in this lifetime that nobody else equates something you've done that they don't approve of with the kind of vengeance/justice you are exacting upon TL. And I know you claim to live a blameless/spotless/fully accountable life, but you'd be surprised (or maybe you wouldn't) how LITTLE it takes to set some other people off in this world. Maybe one day someone like that is going to come after you...with his or her own grandiose, inflexible set of judgments about what you "deserve."

And why limit TL's punishment to being someone whom should be prevented working around children? I mean, she crossed the line with your friends, so couldn't you go as far as to apply your logic and say she doesn't "deserve" to be working with and around other adults of integrity and firm, righteous morality ?

You're right. Someone could come after me for damn near anything. In fact, I might cut someone off in traffic on the way to the restaurant tonight -- a complete accident -- and they might be in a road rage kind of mood and shoot me dead before I have a chance to apologize. Stranger things have happened.

I'm not preventing her from working around children. If her boss decides she shouldn't, then so be it. I simply lay out the facts, and what others choose to do with that is their business.

But sure, let's apply my logic to "other adults of integrity and firm, righteous morality." The key word there is "adults." Adults can make an informed decision about whether they want a woman like that in their midst. Kids can't make that kind of choice.
 
Let's hear it all.

When someone's logic seemed flawed, there are two big options. First, that it really IS flawed and that person is full of shit. But the second option is that you simply don't have all the information -- so there are holes in the logic, but not necessarily flaws. What we're dealing with is the latter.

"Hearing it all" would be the "nuclear option" I mentioned quite a few pages back. As long as she continues to leave my friends alone, I won't go that far.
 
When someone's logic seemed flawed, there are two big options. First, that it really IS flawed and that person is full of shit. But the second option is that you simply don't have all the information -- so there are holes in the logic, but not necessarily flaws. What we're dealing with is the latter.

"Hearing it all" would be the "nuclear option" I mentioned quite a few pages back. As long as she continues to leave my friends alone, I won't go that far.

So I'm asking what information we don't have that makes what I perceive as flawed logic to make this sensible. Because what I see is this:

1. You think it's wrong to cheat.
2. You've cheated.
3. You would never do anything harmful to one of us, unless we hurt your friend.
4. You think it's inappropriate that TL hasn't had to suffer any consequences for her actions.
5. You think she should own up to everyone, present and future, who may decide to Google her name. This includes hindering her ability to be gainfully employed in the future.
6. You didn't out yourself to everyone that you know for your cheating ways.
7. You didn't out your friend to everyone for his cheating ways.
8. You see no problem administering current and future punishments that you don't really think fit the crime, in that the means are justified by the end result. I mean, the only from you are really punishing here is stalking and not leaving your friend alone, not the cheating.
9. Any punishment you see fit is really acceptable to you, regardless of the initial crime.
10. And you are the one who gets to decide what is too much or too little punishment.

Are any of those statements incorrect?
 
So I'm asking what information we don't have that makes what I perceive as flawed logic to make this sensible. Because what I see is this:

1. You think it's wrong to cheat.
2. You've cheated.
3. You would never do anything harmful to one of us, unless we hurt your friend.
4. You think it's inappropriate that TL hasn't had to suffer any consequences for her actions.
5. You think she should own up to everyone, present and future, who may decide to Google her name. This includes hindering her ability to be gainfully employed in the future.
6. You didn't out yourself to everyone that you know for your cheating ways.
7. You didn't out your friend to everyone for his cheating ways.
8. You see no problem administering current and future punishments that you don't really think fit the crime, in that the means are justified by the end result. I mean, the only from you are really punishing here is stalking and not leaving your friend alone, not the cheating.
9. Any punishment you see fit is really acceptable to you, regardless of the initial crime.
10. And you are the one who gets to decide what is too much or too little punishment.

Are any of those statements incorrect?

Several of those statements are incorrect.

Dude, you were here from the start of the thread. I think you were posting long before I showed up here. You've posted on almost every page. That means you surely know by now that this whole situation cannot be boiled down to simplistic bullet points. :rolleyes:
 
Several of those statements are incorrect.

Dude, you were here from the start of the thread. I think you were posting long before I showed up here. You've posted on almost every page. That means you surely know by now that this whole situation cannot be boiled down to simplistic bullet points. :rolleyes:

I love this thread. I'd take it out back and get it pregnant if I could.

But the thread can be boiled down to bullet points. I still think your logic is shite. It's all over the place and inconsistent. It changes the moment someone brings up a good point. It goes from you being a hero to you beig V for Vendetta as you see fit.
 
I love this thread. I'd take it out back and get it pregnant if I could.

But the thread can be boiled down to bullet points. I still think your logic is shite. It's all over the place and inconsistent. It changes the moment someone brings up a good point. It goes from you being a hero to you beig V for Vendetta as you see fit.

Okay. Well, I'm sorry you see it that way. I'm not sure what to tell you without rehashing the whole damn thread, and frankly, I just don't have the time or the inclination. You can find the answers to any of those bullet points if you just go back and read the sections where I already addressed them.
 
Most people's entire lives can be boiled down to simplistic bullet points at their funerals. I am not sure why you think this situation is so special or original. Let me help you, it isn't.

It is the tired old story of infidelity. You have the cheater, the other woman (or man) and the significant other. The other man/woman typically does get off easier than the cheater or significant other, simply because they are not part of the core relationship. Brace yourself for this next part, it is not unheard of for the other man/woman to try to reclaim what they feel they have lost. What TL has done is not new in the history of the world, it is not even surprising.

It is also not unheard of for the cheater to take-up cheating again or for the S/O to give a second chance and end up with a broken heart when it happens again.

None of the details you are keeping to yourself could possibly change the salaciousness of this tale or make TL deserving of your vengeance.

Take your story to Maury or Jerry if you need validation.

Oooooh. She's smart. Condescenderella strikes again with brilliance!
 
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So I'm asking what information we don't have that makes what I perceive as flawed logic to make this sensible. Because what I see is this:

1. You think it's wrong to cheat.
2. You've cheated.
3. You would never do anything harmful to one of us, unless we hurt your friend.
4. You think it's inappropriate that TL hasn't had to suffer any consequences for her actions.
5. You think she should own up to everyone, present and future, who may decide to Google her name. This includes hindering her ability to be gainfully employed in the future.
6. You didn't out yourself to everyone that you know for your cheating ways.
7. You didn't out your friend to everyone for his cheating ways.

8. You see no problem administering current and future punishments that you don't really think fit the crime, in that the means are justified by the end result. I mean, the only from you are really punishing here is stalking and not leaving your friend alone, not the cheating.
9. Any punishment you see fit is really acceptable to you, regardless of the initial crime.
10. And you are the one who gets to decide what is too much or too little punishment.

Are any of those statements incorrect?


I think the bullet points are spot on and I have particular trouble with points 5-7.

As for 4, how does HH REALLY know what consequences she's faced or not? He doesn't really know. He only knows she hasn't faced what HE considers to be deserved consequences, in his opinion.

I also think HH has trouble acknowledging all those points as valid because then he would have to admit to inconsistencies in his vigilante campaign against TL.
 
Most people's entire lives can be boiled down to simplistic bullet points at their funerals. I am not sure why you think this situation is so special or original. Let me help you, it isn't.

It is the tired old story of infidelity. You have the cheater, the other woman (or man) and the significant other. The other man/woman typically does get off easier than the cheater or significant other, simply because they are not part of the core relationship. Brace yourself for this next part, it is not unheard of for the other man/woman to try to reclaim what they feel they have lost. What TL has done is not new in the history of the world, it is not even surprising.

It is also not unheard of for the cheater to take-up cheating again or for the S/O to give a second chance and end up with a broken heart when it happens again.

None of the details you are keeping to yourself could possibly change the salaciousness of this tail or make TL deserving of your vengeance.

Take your story to Maury or Jerry if you need validation.

I guess you loved the Condescending Corner so much you decided to stay there awhile, eh? ;)

Of course everything you said is true...with the exception of your assumptions concerning what TL deserves. But that's to be expected, since you are working with only part of the story.

There is also the assumption that I need validation. Why would I need that? I'm at peace with what I am doing, and I don't care what anyone else thinks -- quite obviously. All I care about is the outcome.
 
I think the bullet points are spot on and I have particular trouble with points 5-7.

As for 4, how does HH REALLY know what consequences she's faced or not? He doesn't really know. He only knows she hasn't faced what HE considers to be deserved consequences, in his opinion.

I also think HH has trouble acknowledging all those points as valid because then he would have to admit to inconsistencies in his vigilante campaign against TL.

I have trouble acknowledging all those points as valid because not all of them ARE valid. There's no deep, dark, scary, creepy psychological reason why I'm not agreeing with pmann's assumptions...it's simply that I have already talked about these, over and over. It's dredging up stuff from a dozen pages ago.
 
I have trouble acknowledging all those points as valid because not all of them ARE valid. There's no deep, dark, scary, creepy psychological reason why I'm not agreeing with pmann's assumptions...it's simply that I have already talked about these, over and over. It's dredging up stuff from a dozen pages ago.



We know you don't care what anyone thinks of what you're doing. But do you deny then having any inconsistencies in your thinking that would make it seem to others that your logic is inconsistent and flawed and perhaps even a tad hypocritical ?
 
We know you don't care what anyone thinks of what you're doing. But do you deny then having any inconsistencies in your thinking that would make it seem to others that your logic is inconsistent and flawed and perhaps even a tad hypocritical ?

That's what gets my goat. At least admit you're inconsistent and flawed. If I could nail that home, I'd be happy.
 
We know you don't care what anyone thinks of what you're doing. But do you deny then having any inconsistencies in your thinking that would make it seem to others that your logic is inconsistent and flawed and perhaps even a tad hypocritical ?

Are there points that appear to be inconsistent? Sure. ARE they inconsistent? Let me respond with what I already posted upthread:

When someone's logic seemed flawed, there are two big options. First, that it really IS flawed and that person is full of shit. But the second option is that you simply don't have all the information -- so there are holes in the logic, but not necessarily flaws. What we're dealing with is the latter.

This isn't rocket science.
 
So we don't know every little thing and therefore, our perception of what you're doing based on what we know is flawed ?

Oh, and, holes that appear to us aren't flaws ?

That's just fucking with semantics.

Okay. Sorry you feel that way.

If you want to know more of the story, feel free to PM me like so many others have. There's a reason that I don't tell all of it on the open boards, at least at this point.
 
It's the herpes of Lit.

Well, here's another outbreak. :D

I spoke with my friend's wife over the weekend. As I stated early on in the thread, my friends knew some things, but had never asked for details. Now my friend's wife was curious to hear the basics, so of course I told her.

Her reaction was two-fold:

First, she expressed gratitude that ms_intrigue has finally felt the bite of karma and consequences. She was very worried that it would never happen, and she was "very relieved" that it did.

Second, she said it's time to stop. She said that the fact ms_intrigue will always be looking over her shoulder, will always think of HER when she posts anything online, and will always know that this COULD happen again if she screws around, was enough. She didn't want things to go any further.

So, given that my friend's wife has asked me to stop, I will. I will simply leave things as they are. The blog and Facebook page will remain up for now, unless I am asked to take it down. I will continue to post on this thread if it pops up or if there are questions, comments, etc. But the "forward motion" has ceased at this point, so to speak.

Finally, I have to wonder if ms_intrigue will ever realize that the person who called a halt to all this is the one person in the situation who TRULY deserves vengeance? That's interesting to think about. :cool:
 
Wait.... what blog and facebook page. :eek:

Good for the wife, about time someone got you to see sense. :)

I mentioned those earlier in the thread. Somebody didn't read closely. ;)

I always said that if my friends asked me to stop, I would stop. One of them asked, and so I did.
 
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