Advice

Hi all!
I'm looking for a little advice...
I would like for my partner to be a bit more dominant in the bedroom, rougher nipple play, forceful fingering, aggressive pussy play, name calling etc. What are some things/signs I can give to let him know I'm wanting more?

Watch porn together. Point out the things that make you go squishy in the night.

What's wrong with using your voice? Why do you need signs? When his hand is on your nipple say ' a little rougher, please'. Simple

Mellifluous Mermaid

Write him a private email describing your wishes in depth

Tell him. Use your words.

Miles Long said:

Tell him. Use your words.

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Yep. And when he does do something that you want, you can say, "Harder!"

I will be blunt and say most men can't read subtle signs all that well.

So just have a talk. Where you say it plain and simple.

Nezhul said:

I will be blunt and say most men can't read subtle signs all that well.

So just have a talk. Where you say it plain and simple.

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Unfortunately, being a male, I have to agree. OK, maybe there are a few men who can understand those little hints here and there, but I think I would have had a lot more sex in my life, if I had only been able to read what some women were trying to say, without saying it.

Personally, I think it's a stupid thing that women learn as young girls. They are told not to be the one to instigate anything, for fear of being seen as a slut, or a whore. While I understand that, in some cases, there comes a time when women need to understand the male mind.

We are visual and not so emotional. Emotions come after we get to know someone. I would often ask a woman what she wanted to do and all I'd get was, "whatever you want to do". Do you know how irritating that gets, after a while? Especially, when you are truly wanting to find out what she likes and doesn't like. What does this come down to? TALK! If this is someone you have an emotional connection to, let him know what you like. You might be surprised with the results.

You have a choice. You can say nothing and what you have now will continue. If that's enough for you, then continue with that. But, if you want something more, you have to find a way to let him know. If you can't bring yourself to say it out loud, watch a movie where the things you like happen. Watch porn where the woman is treated like you want to be treated. But, when those scenes show up in the video, you have to find a way to let him know you find those things interesting. That still involves talking.

Maybe you can say you heard from a friend that their relationship got better, when they decided to experiment with different things. You can say they started trying different things and found that they really enjoy it. Those things can just happen to be the very things you want your partner to do to you. This way, you might be able to find out how he feels about these things, without divulging how you feel.

But whatever method you try, eventually you are going to have to talk about it and explain to him that you want this...you need this. You will have to instruct him on how you want to be treated. He might know nothing about any of this and not even be aware that some people enjoy such things.

And that's something else you are going to have to deal with. What if he doesn't want to give you what you need? Some men just can't hurt a woman they love. It's ingrained into their heads so far, some just can't do it. I don't have this problem, but I have male friends who would consider me to be quite strange, if they knew just what I enjoy in my sexual life.

You risk rejection. If you sense that is coming, you might want to back off from your plans and rethink your approach. Maybe you can still get what you want, but in a different way. But, if he is able to keep an open mind, and if he loves you and if you love him, you should be able to come to some kind of solution you both can live with.

After all, it's just sex. We all enjoy it, and we're all a little different. If we explore our inner kinks, we can find things that give us extreme satisfaction. Some of us just take a little longer to get the hint. And with men, that hint sometimes involves a hammer.

Send them the link to this thread

Maybe you could put your hands over his and squeeze harder. Make some noise to let him know you like it.

Nezhul said:

I will be blunt and say most men can't read subtle signs all that well.

So just have a talk. Where you say it plain and simple.

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most women are not very good at stating what they want

I have to agree wholeheartedly with those who said just tell him verbally. I've found that if you do it in a non-criticizing manner, that approach usually works well. You can do that either outside of the actual encounter, before or after, or even during it, although if you do it during, a pleading, needful tone works best, especially if you're not usually the lead dog in such situations.

gentold said:

most women are not very good at stating what they want

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That's true, but they not always use that skill. Often they will say something to you, expecting you to read between the lines.
There are very few women who are always direct in saying what they think or feel.

They also apply it the other way. More than once a woman has "read" some hidden meaning in my expression or body language or choice of words, when there was none to begin with.

I wish it were as simple as just telling someone clearly and lucidly.

You’re already in a relationship, there are already boundaries you’ve set - implicitly or otherwise. You’re with a kind partner who thinks the world of you, respects you, and doesn’t want to hurt you.

What is so hard is explaining that you value all that, but in the bedroom you want the opposite. For me as an onlooker I can suggest that it’s because you’re comfortable with him that you can express this side of you. But of course it’s hard to say, “I love you and how secure you make me feel, but what I need now is for me to call me a bitch and force your fingers in my cunt until I whimper.”

I think a clear email or love letter is your best bet. You can express yourself without getting upset if he reacts badly, and depending on timing you can avoid him giving a snap reaction.

Good luck. There is nothing wrong or weird with what you want, and I hope you get it.

It's not always easy just to tell a partner what you want. If you're nervous about it I always recommend reading erotica or watching porn together - that was you can guage their reaction to things as they come up.