He's not cheating. He's simply not that motivated. It used to bother his exes because he was so passive. People who've known him all his life frequently comment how far he has come to life since we got together 11 years ago. He's had a very hard life and he found his resilience to endure it all by just not engaging. He's not a bad person. Very kind, a hard worker, we've got each other's back when it comes to the care taking needs of our aging family members, we laugh and play a lot. It's just that part is gone. But no, I'm not in denial. He's not cheating. Loyalty is important to him.
I don't want my marriage to die. I can't abandon him for this. Impotence is an illness and our vow is "in sickness and in health." Maybe I'm the one being selfish here. When we had that physical intimacy, it was so wonderful. I felt beautiful and loved. I miss that.
Wait a second, you started out by saying it had been 8 years since you two have had sex and now you say you have only been 11 years total. It seems to me the time to say 'not enough is not good enough' was a long time ago.
By now you have to decide if you are really only best friends or is there more there. It sure sounds like your are his best friend and that's it.
I wish you the best