Doms can you explain what you get out of it?

the captians wench said:

This was a hard lesson for me to learn.

I tend to play with sadists. Not ones who want me to enjoy what I am taking, ones who want the pain, the tears, the hurt to go deeply, beyond anything I could enjoy. They want me to suffer.

The problem I had with a safeword, at first, was that I didn't want to disapoint them. I wanted to go on until he was completely satisfied. I wanted to last until he had exhausted himself, if that's what he wanted. I felt like if I didn't go as long as he had wanted to, then I would let him down.

It wasn't until some one explained to me, "if you allow me to damage my toy, and therefore prevent me from playing with her again, I will be very disapointed in you. Especially when it is so easy to say just a word."

He was one sadistic son of a bitch, and he knew just how to use my need to please to make me see how stupid I was being.

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Every relationship is different wenchie isn't it? Mine is unique to us and we know where we stand and that's comforting for me. Ours is a mutual exploration. There is not a sadistic bone in his body. But I find its the reassurance of knowing he wants me to be just as happy as he is that drives me to reach the next level.

kimuk said:

Every relationship is different wenchie isn't it? Mine is unique to us and we know where we stand and that's comforting for me. Ours is a mutual exploration. There is not a sadistic bone in his body. But I find its the reassurance of knowing he wants me to be just as happy as he is that drives me to reach the next level.

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Aye, that it is, as every person is different.

My point wasn't so much on the actual sadism though, as it was the feelings of "letting him down" which I think might be applied a bit more widely spread.

I have had lovers who wanted nothing more than to bring me to orgasmic bliss over and over again. And I did not enjoy the experience any less. It just satisfies a different need.

the captians wench said:

Aye, that it is, as every person is different.

My point wasn't so much on the actual sadism though, as it was the feelings of "letting him down" which I think might be applied a bit more widely spread.

I have had lovers who wanted nothing more than to bring me to orgasmic bliss over and over again. And I did not enjoy the experience any less. It just satisfies a different need.

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Oh God I know about letting him down and the acute pain that causes ~ hence me fucking up the last cam play night and him watchin me sob for an hour!!!!!

But he still manages to fix me.

Even stroking me from a distance with words works for me. However it still dosent sooth that sense of failure and my own quest to get round the problem.

But it's a long term fix rather that a quick fix and THAT is frustrating!!!!!

kimuk said:

Oh God I know about letting him down and the acute pain that causes ~ hence me fucking up the last cam play night and him watchin me sob for an hour!!!!!

But he still manages to fix me.

Even stroking me from a distance with words works for me. However it still dosent sooth that sense of failure and my own quest to get round the problem.

But it's a long term fix rather than a quick fix and THAT is frustrating!!!!!

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"Wow" to that last statement, from someone who has too oft dealt with the leaky pipe by placing frog tape on it. I would love more time to reroute the full plumbing.

I wish you longterm success.

Artina Heartflash said:

A more simple pleasure of being a Domme:

watching the gluts flex as he struggles, face down, in his binds
because I have dumped a huge scoop of ice cream in his crack.

And the more he squirms, the more he is rewarded by my equally squirming tongue lash

Hot damn, I love to tease.

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I realize that it's much too early to discuss end-of-year holidays with any amount of seriousness, but this image made me think of a delicious way to enjoy some red and green: scoops of pistachio ice cream on a hot and deeply reddened ass. With a certain amount of care to keep the sugar from invading places and causing post-play infections, of course.

midwestyankee said:

I realize that it's much too early to discuss end-of-year holidays with any amount of seriousness, but this image made me think of a delicious way to enjoy some red and green: scoops of pistachio ice cream on a hot and deeply reddened ass. With a certain amount of care to keep the sugar from invading places and causing post-play infections, of course.

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Oh bring us some figgy pudding
Oh bring us some figgy pudding

And the heck with waiting until Merry Christmas. I want it NOW. lol...

midwestyankee said:

I realize that it's much too early to discuss end-of-year holidays with any amount of seriousness, but this image made me think of a delicious way to enjoy some red and green: scoops of pistachio ice cream on a hot and deeply reddened ass. With a certain amount of care to keep the sugar from invading places and causing post-play infections, of course.

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Wow, why have I never thought of that?! I was an ass man long before entering into a master/slave relationship. I could have both! Technically I have already, but for my slave ass play just means being in her ass. There are so many other options to explore. And since it's now my ass to use as I will I shall have to do so.

Didn't mean to get anyone up in arms.

The words I use are the ones that get me off. What I described on the last page is how I interpret and recall sex with my wife. She would likely describe it differently.

I have never violated a limit of hers. I know she keeps things to herself so every so often I ask her, explicitly, if there's anything she's uncomfortable with or upset about. If there is, we discuss and resolve it, but more often than not she's content.

She and I are a good match because she is a masochist. I knew it when we were kids (although not in so many words) and it's no less true now. The way she has explained it to me is that it's the situation that she enjoys, not necessarily the pain itself. When I'm hurting her "it fucking hurts" (her words) and deriving pleasure from it doesn't make it any less painful. What makes it pleasurable for her is that I get off on hurting her, and she herself often attempts to play down her pleasure because she enjoys the idea that I am intentionally doing something that she does not want. At the end of the day I know that the sex I have with my wife is consensual. But in the moment I don't want it to be, and so it isn't.

Also, to touch on what I said about having sex with her whether she likes it or not: if the bad outweighed the good we would not have this type of relationship, or we wouldn't be together at all. When she doesn't want sex it's usually not that she is opposed to having it (i.e. she doesn't feel well or is angry at me), she's just not in the mood. In those situations, even though sex is not something she's seeking out, she's essentially neutral, and so is more or less happy to let me take it. If she absolutely does not want to have sex she's more than welcome to refuse me, and very often I do take her feelings into consideration. Not always, but like I said before, the good outweighs the bad otherwise we wouldn't be here.

She knows what she's getting into when she fights me physically. In fact, most of the time she's looking for a slap across the face or a belt across the ass but sometimes, for her, the punishment she receives is worth the chance to take a swing at me. Those situations, however, are very very rare.

Bottom line: maybe it seems fucked but our relationship is very simple -- we love each other no matter the situation, but when it comes to sex she enjoys being hurt and I enjoy hurting her. There's nothing nonconsensual about it.

Now having to actually type out those words will haunt me for the rest of the night.

switchbitch said:

I can only speak for myself, and my reactions may be very different to others because I am a switch. I thoroughly agree with your take on submission, but when I am dominant the feeling is very different. This is probably a bad analogy but I'm going to use it anyway it's kind of like having a puppet when you pull the strings the right way and suddenly the puppet comes to life and walks exactly as you wish it to, there is a serious rush of achievement in the control. That is SOO exciting! When a submissive works hard to please me it is arousing on so many levels, when a submissive hands over control to me, the gift of that submission sends shivers up my spine.The moulding of that submission into the perfect tool to drive us both higher sexually, and the feeling of ownership of that tool is deeply satisfying.
I would love to hear others take on this particularly the male members of the community.

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I don't know if I could have said it better..........I just found this thread and need to read more.......ponder and reply.........thanks for such a wonderful thread......and the forum to share some important thoughts.......

mdavid_1964 said:

The pleasure that I have received over the years as a Dom is both physical and emotional. When I was with my "one" it's was like being transported to another world and all the burdens of everyday life were lifted from my shoulders. The sky becomes a deeper shade of blue, the air is fresher, the grass is greener, the sun is warmer,the flowers bloom more fully and fragrantly, the birds sing sweeter, and time seems to move much slower.

It was the first time in her life that she had ever given a man so much trust and allowed anyone to come inside her outer walls and see and touch all of the woman that she was meant to be. It was the first time that she could ever talk about her deepest needs to submit, and the first time she ever put all of her emotional and physical needs into a mans hands and allowed him to nurture and care for her and own her pleasure. As a Dom there is no greater gift than watching a woman finally bloom after so many years of not being all that she wanted and needed to be. Knowing that I helped to unlock that part of her and let it breathe gives me a very real sense of purpose in my life.

It's always been my experience that the emotional bond between myself and my "one" is what drives the sexual part of our relationship and brings out the very best in both of us. Her love, devotion, and eagerness to please me fuel my passion and the result is like an intense chemical reaction that produces a heat and hunger that are unlike anything I've ever felt in a vanilla relationship. The end result is an intense sexual pleasure that drives both of us to the point where we feel like we are being consumed and that our earthly bodies have truly merged and become "one" in a way that goes much deeper and much more satisfying then I had ever dreamed could be possible. It's like two souls intertwined and two hearts beating as one and it gives me such an incredible joy and happiness that satisfies all of my emotional and physical needs.

I hope that my description of what I get from being a Dom is helpful. I know that it has brought me the greatest joy and happiness that I've felt in my life and a feeling of being whole and complete that is like nothing else I've ever felt.

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While I am a sub I have to say it's as if you crawled into my head and read my thoughts. This is exactly how I feel with Master.
When you wrote
"The end result is an intense sexual pleasure that drives both of us to the point where we feel like we are being consumed and that our earthly bodies have truly merged and become "one" in a way that goes much deeper and much more satisfying then I had ever dreamed could be possible. It's like two souls intertwined and two hearts beating as one "

This is truly how I feel in Masters presence. He has taken me to places I never even knew existed!

midwestyankee said:

Now cut to another table at the same restaurant where a man in khakis and a turtleneck is sliding his phone back into his pocket, smiling broadly as he tucks into his Big Mac. His text message had accomplished his purpose and she did not know he was only thirty feet away at the time.

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OMG! what an incredible image. Master can tell me to come while we play and I do..but to think that I could be apart from him...in a non sexual setting and read a simple text that causes me to instantly orgasm is HOT!!!!!!!!!

goodsonformom said:

I don't know if I could have said it better..........I just found this thread and need to read more.......ponder and reply.........thanks for such a wonderful thread......and the forum to share some important thoughts.......

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I'm glad I started then, it has has some intresting posts

kimuk said:

I'm glad I started then, it has has some intresting posts

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Yes........I am glad as well.........

I think the thing that is most welcoming about you........most intriguing........is in the words in your signature

"Always trying, often getting it wrong, learning more every day. Lifes a journey and its better with the right company."

Aren't we all on this journey......cognizant or not......always asking......picking ourselves up.......experiencing the next lesson.......hopefully leaning forward.....sometimes take a step back......or two.........

three periods ... is an ellipsis ... Which can be used correctly or incorrectly just like any other form of punctuation.

eight periods........ is a bloody irritation...

Perhaps that can be our lesson for today?

Stella_Omega said:

three periods ... is an ellipsis ... Which can be used correctly or incorrectly just like any other form of punctuation.

Ten periods............ is a bloody irritation...

Perhaps that can be our lesson for today?

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I frankly don't care.......................................and who are you to "lesson" me?

goodsonformom said:

I frankly don't care.......................................and who are you to "lesson" me?

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You're right. I'm not your mother, that's for sure. My apologies.

goodsonformom said:

I frankly don't care.......................................and who are you to "lesson" me?

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Feel free to not care, but you'll soon be talking to yourself as the ignore lists start to fill

Lizzie_Borden said:

Feel free to not care, but you'll soon be talking to yourself as the ignore lists start to fill

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I've never meant any harm to anyone and did not see why I was being called out on a technicality in writing style. It seems odd that style may override content. Two people that possibly come from distinctly different places, should attempt to embrace differences as apposed to nit picking some minor issue of whether or not my writing technique is to their liking. Maybe a kind PM would have been more appropriate. It may have opened the door of communication with yet another person, allowed each other to understand each others unique thought processes, and given fertile ground for a possible friendship.

I understand that I may not have the same sexual orientation as you or another, but that means absolutely nothing to me. I am not a judgmental person, and I do embrace differences and find them to be both intellectually and emotionally stimulating, friendship comes in all sizes, colors, and orientations.

Sorry if I offended you.

Stella_Omega said:

You're right. I'm not your mother, that's for sure. My apologies.

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Thanks for your thoughts. I hope your day is one of peace and passion.

goodsonformom said:

I've never meant any harm to anyone and did not see why I was being called out on a technicality in writing style. It seems odd that style may override content. Two people that possibly come from distinctly different places, should attempt to embrace differences as apposed to nit picking some minor issue of whether or not my writing technique is to their liking. Maybe a kind PM would have been more appropriate. It may have opened the door of communication with yet another person, allowed each other to understand each others unique thought processes, and given fertile ground for a possible friendship.

I understand that I may not have the same sexual orientation as you or another, but that means absolutely nothing to me. I am not a judgmental person, and I do embrace differences and find them to be both intellectually and emotionally stimulating, friendship comes in all sizes, colors, and orientations.

Sorry if I offended you.

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Some things can be over looked, as long as the content out weighs the lack of readability. Lord knows the Grammar Nazis have shown me leniency on my horrid spelling!

This was written quite beautifully; I don't understand why you would choose to write in such a broken way, when you are fully capible of greater more eloquent style?

Remember, this is a literature forum: Literotica, so yes grammar stands for a great deal in a great deal of places around here.

Welcome!

the captians wench said:

Some things can be over looked, as long as the content out weighs the lack of readability. Lord knows the Grammar Nazis have shown me leniency on my horrid spelling!

This was written quite beautifully; I don't understand why you would choose to write in such a broken way, when you are fully capible of greater more eloquent style?

Remember, this is a literature forum: Literotica, so yes grammar stands for a great deal in a great deal of places around here.

Welcome!

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Thank you for your kind words. Yes I am aware of the fact that I can write, I actually do all of the written copy for the corporation from which I am employed. I guess the use of the periods as breaks, was a deviation from the normal writing style that is always found...everywhere. I read many years ago a book by I believe Celine, who used this way of separating thought. I believe my prose in many situations on Lit, as more of a stream of consciousness, and thought it to be my style. Thanks for your thoughts.

goodsonformom said:

Thank you for your kind words. Yes I am aware of the fact that I can write, I actually do all of the written copy for the corporation from which I am employed. I guess the use of the periods as breaks, was a deviation from the normal writing style that is always found...everywhere. I read many years ago a book by I believe Celine, who used this way of separating thought. I believe my prose in many situations on Lit, as more of a stream of consciousness, and thought it to be my style. Thanks for your thoughts.

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You're quite welcome.

If I might say, I found it very choppy myself. Rather than a break, or a breath, it felt more like a gasp and forces the eyes to jump from thought to thought.

I understand they concept behind it, but might here be another way to accomplish the same feeling with out the choppy look?

the captians wench said:

You're quite welcome.

If I might say, I found it very choppy myself. Rather than a break, or a breath, it felt more like a gasp and forces the eyes to jump from thought to thought.

I understand they concept behind it, but might here be another way to accomplish the same feeling with out the choppy look?

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Thanks again, I appreciate your thoughts and will consider it in the future. I certainly desire people to read my words with comfort.

By the way, I love your Avi, very nice.

CutieMouse said:

Wait... WHY does he need to "do more soul searching as to why pain is so important for sex"? Why can't it just be something as simple as pain being a part of sex [for him]?

If one of The Men (my 2 lovers) wants to fuck me, it better damn well hurt [in order for me/him/us to fully enjoy it] and we all know it. I was laying in bed with one of them the other day and he commented that he never expected (at his age; he's 60) to find a "soulmate"- someone who needs to absorb his aggression/authority as much as he needs to express it. There isn't any dark history, no background of physical abuse, no mysoginy... No need to "soul search". Just intimacy, endorphins, vulnerability and friendship.

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I agree....maybe it is the level of trust...the fact that you trust your Dom enough to inflict pain. For me...the pain thing is very new... and at least for now...limited to nipple clamps. every time Master puts the clamps on my nipples, it literally takes my breath away...the pain is real and intense...yet strangely arousing. Once they are on...and he continues using other parts of my body...I completely forget they are on...until he takes them off and places my tit in his mouth. Then..OMG...I have died and gone to heaven. The feeling extremely intense and highly pleasurable and it makes my pussy drip. I actually find myself craving it. I have tried to use the nipple clamps on my own...but cant tolerate the pain...it is only in his presence that it brings me pleasure.

MissHolly said:

I agree....maybe it is the level of trust...the fact that you trust your Dom enough to inflict pain. For me...the pain thing is very new... and at least for now...limited to nipple clamps. every time Master puts the clamps on my nipples, it literally takes my breath away...the pain is real and intense...yet strangely arousing. Once they are on...and he continues using other parts of my body...I completely forget they are on...until he takes them off and places my tit in his mouth. Then..OMG...I have died and gone to heaven. The feeling extremely intense and highly pleasurable and it makes my pussy drip. I actually find myself craving it. I have tried to use the nipple clamps on my own...but cant tolerate the pain...it is only in his presence that it brings me pleasure.

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The pain / pleasure mix is something that I'm learning about. But I'm like you it dosent work for me unless I'm in his presance. The "fantasy" of how its going to feel is worlds apart form the reality. Baby steps for me I think , because I think I've tried to run before I could walk. Good job I have a sensible , controled , sane and loving Dom, else I could have ended up in severe trouble. But its very reassuring if a little unnerving that he understands me often better than I do myself.