The Revenge of the White Rose

A brilliant MIT chemist who works for the CIA and has ties to the Kremlin is all butt hurt because of what his spouse wants to do and say when she thinks he's not around? I guess there's two trains of thought when it comes to relationships; appreciating your spouse enough to respect whatever makes them happy versus appreciating your spouse in such a way that they're always 'forbidden' from being with another, and if they lie about their closeted non-monogamy then it apparently sends their partners into temper tantrums where they're tempted to murder and engage in malicious sabotage.

Oh, and apparently racism in 2018 is so subtle that it takes 2+ years of dating and marriage before it can be identified, and once it is identified then it further justifies the fantasy of the spite-fueled vengeance.

The story wasn't poorly written, but at the same time I found it virtually impossible to empathize with the sadistic motives of the protagonist, thus killing the read. Renee also came across as a one dimensional character, which is a shame because even despite her closeted racism and closeted non-monogamy, she was still able to make her partner happy enough to marry her. They say that ignorance is bliss, and so who knows? Maybe Jack would have lived happily ever after had she managed to be just a little bit more discreet.
 
As in all BTB stories I thought there was to much disparity of power and far to much overkill in the use of it. I'm no fan of cheaters, but there are far worse people in the world.

I just don't think that cheating deserves a lifelong sentence, hell it's not even a crime that you can do time for.(To the Chagrin of many readers on this site.)

The Bigotry was appalling and , but I still don't think it warranted memory erasure or imprisonment.

The Protag does show some regret at the end, perhaps he'll have change of heart?
Pie the paramours off with a small fortune for their silence? Easier to do than ensure lifetime enslavement. He did love this woman enough to marry her.

Impregnation is also problematic IMO because he'll have to hire Doctors and buy their silence as well as health an human services people to ensure silent adoptions. Just to much money for petty revenge, IMO.

A Question, How does the wife expect to find her parents when the husband erased her memory? (Apologies if I missed something)

Well-Written and original, To Sci-FI to take seriously.

Thanks for sharing and the hot sex scenes (Even though that much in that time duration would kill you ):eek:

Another BTB example of an extremely evil man taking revenge on weak people.:caning:
 
Author's note.

The editor points out the issues, gives advice, and suggestions. It's up to the author if he / she wants to follow them, as well as fix any other issues (grammar, spelling, content, etc.). I apologize to Yorkie Chai if I inadvertently implied otherwise.
 
Could have used more editing, particularly in comma usage. After seeing your wife cheat, saying "Time to go Jack" carries a slightly different meaning (and looks like an errant miscapitalization) as opposed to "Time to go, Jack".

It's tough to believe that someone this cartoonishly evil managed to hide their true nature for so long.

The BTB was so ridiculously over-the-top as to be silly: A multimillionaire (sorry, multi-billionaire) genius couldn't come up with a better plan than a James Bond-esque death trap that was so elaborate and required so many people involved that he's very obviously going to be caught and end up in jail?

Honestly, I'm not even sure what the revenge was. So, he used decoys to make it look like they ran away, he's going to be able to get the marriage annulled (for no readily-apparent reason), then he's going to mind-wipe them and dump them somewhere far from home... so she can then crawl back to her parents (but how, they were mindwiped?) and the lover will be broke after he does a hostile takeover of the guy's yoga studios (but why, if he's going to be mindwiped anyway, and I don't think you really understand what a hostile takeover is and the unlikelihood that that term would ever apply to yoga studios).

Oh, and then he's also giving them fertility drugs, because it makes complete sense to bring a child into the world in this fucked-up situation. That'll really show the... brainwiped people who won't even remember why they're being punished.

The MC was similarly over-the-top ridiculous, in a "this wouldn't even make sense in a comic book" way. He met his best friend in junior high (in Chicago?) while at the same time he was getting a master's degree at MIT (in Massachusetts) after he got his bachelor's at Tuskegee (in Alabama). Lots of commuting? He apparently went on to finish junior high, high school and go to college with his peers, despite already having gone through that once?

The symbolism of the roses was also a bit odd. It felt like the roses were intended to signify something, but I've no clue what. Red signifies passion and romantic love. White signifies innocence, purity and new beginnings (which is why, like a white dress, they're often used in weddings). It would have fit more if the wife demanded red roses for passion in the wedding, and the ending had him picking up a white rose for purity and a new beginning, rather than the exact opposite.

Clearly, the only possible sequel for a work like this is from the POV of the poor fucked-up kid who came out of this situation, who spends his life training like Batman to match the achievements of and eventually overcome the multi-billionaire supervillain who caused his birth. If he's lucky, he got superpowers out of all the drugs his mother got dumped into her system before he was born.
 
Assessment and commentary.

So, it's 24 hours and here's my comment on my very first Loving Wives revenge story. Well, I have to say, I braced myself for a lot of suck on this. It's a problematic story, with problematic characters in, what is probably, the most controversial category on the site. I put it there because it didn't seem to fit in the usual sci-fi / fantasy stories, I usually post. Mind Control didn't seem to cut it either. So I thought: "It's a pretty brutal story, unlikable characters, as much controversy as I can cram into it, and I've never done LW, let's see what happens."

The result? A personal record for my postings: the single most popular story, by views, I ever posted. Fastest of any of my stories to reach 10,000 plus (it's closing in on 20 thou as I type). The most votes of all my stories. I didn't have expectations of high votes. I doubted it would crack 4.0. I wasn't disappointed. The most commentary of any story I've written; quite possibly more commentary than all the others put together. In terms of comments, it's a mixed bag, of course. Given the racial content, including the use of the "N" word, plus the adultery and revenge angle, I figured the reaction would be in the extreme, both in range and vehemence. The freaks were definitely going to come out on this one; I wasn't disappointed there either.

As it stands, I'm curious to see how much commentary, votes, and views this thing will garner before it peaks. I'm going to say this with all sincerity. To the people who voted, to those who commented and / or fed back, both good and bad, even the rotten ones, trolls and all, thank you. Really. At least you read. Maybe you didn't like. Maybe you despised. Maybe you think I'm some evil freak who hates everyone and everything (actually I'm a cynic and a pessimist, which doesn't necessarily mean I'm a hater) but at least you're not indifferent. Your comments give me lessons to work on, that I can use for future writing. Information is the best kind of tool a writer can have, so thank you. It's the story I wanted to write; it's the story I submitted, so I own it, faults, warts, flaws and all. So keep it coming. As for other people's stories, I'll try to work on my feedback towards others. It's something I've neglected severely.
 
thank you. Really. At least you read.
Meh. From my end I think 'read' is very generous in this context. At best I would have described it as a very brief skim; just enough to get the overall gist of the story and offer feedback.

But if view count, votes and negative commentary was the currency you were seeking all along then congrats; trolling readers with the race card seems to have sold.
 
Please Explain

What is the point of her being impregnated? I thought more torture but since Brad is

going to mindwipe them anyway what's his motivation? Ruin her figure?

Lot's of women keep in shape post pregnancy, especially yogi's.

What is Brad going to use the color red for at the end?, it was little confusing

Thanks for the good story, but I would've like to have seen a little more detail in the

endgame, perhaps a sequel is in order or a challenge to your critics for them to

write a sequal on their own?
 
Hesitant explanation.

I was hesitant to respond. This story's a monster and, considering the pot it's stirred, I fear adding more drama. Oh, his name is Jack; Brad's the best friend. Still, I'll try some explanation. Getting her pregnant is a petty revenge, Jack will probably admit it later. He was married to her for ten years. While there were aspects of her personality he was ignorant about, he did know she took great pride in her body. He's too pissed and broken hearted to think clearly. People do extreme things in emotional trauma. She'll wake up somewhere, in a year maybe, with stretch marks and time missing. I don't have a story about this. Maybe some ideas. Jack picks a red rose because he likes the color now; no real symbolism there. I have no real plans for a sequel, and I'm hesitant to give it to others. Given the responses to the story, some very . . . um . . . Well, anyway, I'd kind of hate to see what some critics would write in regards to sequels. Thanks for reading.

What is the point of her being impregnated? I thought more torture but since Brad is

going to mindwipe them anyway what's his motivation? Ruin her figure?

Lot's of women keep in shape post pregnancy, especially yogi's.

What is Brad going to use the color red for at the end?, it was little confusing

Thanks for the good story, but I would've like to have seen a little more detail in the

endgame, perhaps a sequel is in order or a challenge to your critics for them to

write a sequal on their own?
 
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