Just curious

I have a poem on here, I know a few have read it and I am actually curious who has and what you all think of it, I know its not the happiest thing in the world but I could use some help improving them. So will you let me know?

Godsangel2010 said:

I have a poem on here, I know a few have read it and I am actually curious who has and what you all think of it, I know its not the happiest thing in the world but I could use some help improving them. So will you let me know?

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Can you post. Link to your poem or send it in a pm and I'll give you my opinion.

so many of us don't make it over to that part of lit on a regular basis. for feedback, i suggest you post it in the feedback and discussion side of this forum, asking for what you'd like and it'll stand a good chance of getting read and evaluated.

welcome to the forum

butters said:

so many of us don't make it over to that part of lit on a regular basis.

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Some of us don't make it over there at all anymore.

Godsangel2010 said:

I have a poem on here, I know a few have read it and I am actually curious who has and what you all think of it, I know its not the happiest thing in the world but I could use some help improving them. So will you let me know?

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It's not in any of your 3 posts and it's not in New poems, so where is it?

I looked it up, out of curiosity. It's here:

https://www.literotica.com/p/i-dont-understand

Lyricalli said:

I looked it up, out of curiosity. It's here:

https://www.literotica.com/p/i-dont-understand

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It would benefit more if the narrator focused the dialog towards the world in general and away from the rapist. It lacks emotion, so the lines directed at the rapist fall flat. This impacts the way the rest of your message is perceived.

Like now I'm wondering why you are trying to plead your case to someone who is an evil pile of crap so vile he's not worthy of a scrap of your attention. See, I just got pissed off and even made it somewhat rhyme.

Inject some emotion and now you have the world in general in a position to react to your writing emotionally. Whoa, Sister - he's one bad apple in a world full of apple orchards.

I'm not saying you have to manipulate the reader into feeling sorry for you.

But blowing off some steam at the cretin(s) would come across as more genuine than the narrator asking a bunch of questions everyone already knows the answer to.

Here is a poem I wrote that was inspired by your poem that I can't post here because it violates the suicide rule.

Although now that I think about it, I probably violated a rule by posting a link to another poerty site.