Time Management and D/s [or BDSM]

CutieMouse

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It was mentioned in another thread that D/s is time consuming... is it?

It is self-evident that people who do not spare the time will never opt for something very time-consuming. As far as I see it, no citation is needed. If someone comes along and purports that he/she WANTS to engage in a time-consuming endeavor and it is just impossible for him/her and that is why he/she does S/M in a professional dungeon every Friday night, then we will all address that person's problem with specific advice, such as "you must sacrifice some activity", "you could always change your job" or "sleep less" (I actually said that last one to a Dom who did not have time for me, but he did not see my side of things so he went along on his way, we are still friends though and he still plays the Friday Master with little girls, lol - extremely good-looking guy).

I would argue that D/s isn't any more time consuming than breathing. Then again, I don't believe [for myself, personally] that "scenes" or "playing" or dungeons, munches, the scene, etc is necessary for a D/s relationship.

Thoughts?
 
It was mentioned in another thread that D/s is time consuming... is it?



I would argue that D/s isn't any more time consuming than breathing. Then again, I don't believe [for myself, personally] that "scenes" or "playing" or dungeons, munches, the scene, etc is necessary for a D/s relationship.

Thoughts?

Going out for lunch or dinner is time consuming, going to a movie is time consuming, going to quilting classes is time consuming.

We all manage to make time for things we enjoy so how can BDSM be any more time consuming than any other activity. If it is something we enjoy then we can always make time sure the drop can be a pain time wise when the house has to be cleaned and it's the last thing we want to do but so worth it.
 
I would argue that D/s isn't any more time consuming than breathing. Then again, I don't believe [for myself, personally] that "scenes" or "playing" or dungeons, munches, the scene, etc is necessary for a D/s relationship.

Thoughts?

I think if somebody's using D/S as a combination philosophy/religion/dessert topping/floor wax, then they will find ways to make it time-consuming if it isn't already. If their self-image is predicated on "D/S makes me a speshul snowflake" then they probably need to be reminding themself and others of it at all times.

For the rest of us, things are more flexible.

I will note that the OP from that thread started out with the claim that time-poor people don't want to do D/S; I think this "well if it really mattered you'd MAKE time for it" is back-pedalling from that position. I decided to put them on ignore at that point rather than try to explain the existence of people who have D/S inclinations but who are already working flat-out and skipping sleep just to afford food and heat.
 
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It was mentioned in another thread that D/s is time consuming... is it?



I would argue that D/s isn't any more time consuming than breathing. Then again, I don't believe [for myself, personally] that "scenes" or "playing" or dungeons, munches, the scene, etc is necessary for a D/s relationship.

Thoughts?

No more so than any other relationship. *shrug*

But like kiwi said, it's kind of one of those "you will make time if you want to" kind of things. At least I think so anyway.

And I know that quote is just a snip of a larger conversation, but I personally couldn't imagine telling some one that they should find a new job or sleep less in order to spend time with me. That just seems unrealistic to me, and again, if he isn't making time for me, it's usually because something else is more important, and then I have to evaluate the situation. But that's me.
 
It was mentioned in another thread that D/s is time consuming... is it?



I would argue that D/s isn't any more time consuming than breathing. Then again, I don't believe [for myself, personally] that "scenes" or "playing" or dungeons, munches, the scene, etc is necessary for a D/s relationship.

Thoughts?

I agree with your view of it.
Relationships do take time of course. Being one person who is more dominant and one who is more submissive and deciding to structure the relationship around it doesn't really change things in my opinion.

Elaborate kinds of play, that take a lot of preparation, reading up, damage control, clean up, cause emotional drama, etc can be very time and energy consuming.
I think a lot of people tone those things down a bit during times when other things in life need to be dealt with.
No need to change the personalities involved or the foundation the relationship is structured around though, unless you want to.
 
No more 'time consuming' than being married. I would never suggest Mister sleep less or get a new job. I do everything I can possibly do to make sure he sleeps well and doesn't worry about a whole lot outside of his job.

No scenes, munches, or elaborate setups necessary for us.
 
No more so than any other relationship. *shrug*

But like kiwi said, it's kind of one of those "you will make time if you want to" kind of things. At least I think so anyway.

I don't really have enough experience with the situation to have a worthwhile opinion, but I will second this ^.

Seems pretty self evident.
 
It can be said that D/s, BDSM, Kink or sex orientation just is. Therefore it's like breathing.

:)

It can also be said that the kind of sessions I crave are, in fact, time consuming, so can be the planning of them, and it's time my partner and I don't have right now.

:eek:

Fortunately I'm not so kinky that I can't get off from what I like to call maintenance sex.

:cool:
 
It can be said that D/s, BDSM, Kink or sex orientation just is. Therefore it's like breathing.

:)

It can also be said that the kind of sessions I crave are, in fact, time consuming, so can be the planning of them, and it's time my partner and I don't have right now.

:eek:

Fortunately I'm not so kinky that I can't get off from what I like to call maintenance sex.

:cool:

Maintenance sex. I'm soooooo stealing that! :D
 
These days I don't have the energy for anything more elaborate than watching a movie before bed. But that's two hours together. Another couple might use that two hours for an elaborate piece of bondage or a finely detailed mind-fuck torture scene. All couples spend time together doing whatever turns the spark into a flame. Anyone who makes the claim that D/s takes time from other activities isn't thinking things through very carefully.
 
Yeah, it just is. It's as time consuming as being in a relationship. But would you say that singles had more free time than partnered folk? Of course not. Everyone generally finds ways to use up their time in ways that are enjoyable (or at least necessary) for them.

It's not like I'd have a void in my day if I didn't do D/s. But on the same hand, I don't really see myself allotting much more time to it beyond "being in a relationship". I have other stuff to consciously take up my time and energy. I mean, sure, I claim the label "pet" a lot, but it's seriously not like suddenly being committed to a thing like adopting a dog, where you have to take time out of your day to do the "chores" part of being a dog-owner like walking and picking up poop.

Are there "chore" aspects of D/s? Sure, for some folk, I imagine. And if anyone here has a dynamic like that, I'd like to hear from them.
 
Even simple kink can be time consuming. Some of my partners prefer to spend all of it on tying the ropes and then...untying. Others hate to take anytime at all on ropes, so you get a lot of play but no restraint.
As a top, I try to achieve a balance. Simple and quick restraining ties to hold her still for the nummmies.

As a bottom, I wish more of my tops would do the same... We are working on education.
 
The potential to be time-consuming is certainly there, but I think it's a conscious choice. D/s can be expressed by something as complicated as a multi-hour shibari scene, as quick as a pinch on one's ass as Sir walks by, or just a look.
 
From what I have read from the OP from the quoted post (and others) before my mind wandered off :eek: she seems to talk a lot about a... less emotionally intimate and more casual, or professional BDSM hook up, however you want to label that. Thinking about it that way, if I had to find and negotiate a new partner for every session, or every few sessions, yeah. That would take a LOT of time and effort.
From an established relationship standpoint, you can spend hours, even weeks getting everything just so, mentally and scenically. Or you can trip a few triggers and have awesome sex in minutes.
Therefore I conclude BDSM both is and is not time consuming :p
 
I personally don't think bdsm is any more time consuming than a normal relationship. I don't have much experience so I may be wrong. But I believe that as long as you're honest with your partner (be it a vanilla or bdsm relationship) about what you need to get done personally and what time you have available for the relationship, it would work out. I know that I don't have time for any type of relationship right now so the Doms/Daddy's that I've been speaking to are aware of this.

There, my 2 cents are in now haha :p
 
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