When did it start for you....and why?

I was speaking with my wife the other day and we were discussing childhoods and the different ways we were brought up and raised(she is almost Brady Bunch and I was raised eventually in foster homes and around a lot of abuse and issues)

The conversation brought up something I had not thought of in quite some time and that is....where did it start? The fantasies and desires that lead to this lifestyle and why?

I am aware of the when and it was quite early. Now I hope I am not breaking underage rules here because the age has a point. I recall at a very early age-I am thinking by the school I was in and the girl involved probably no later than second grade.

I remember dreams and fantasies of having her tied down-not naked, nor was I-and tickling her bare feet. Her laughing, but then begging me to stop. I was waking up hard not even knowing what the hell that was and thinking something was wrong.

I also recall a friend getting a hold of his big brother's dirty magazines and us looking at them and all the kids looking at the boobs(like we knew what to do back then, I think we knew we were supposed to like boobs) and I was, again, looking at feet.

I can remember reading comic books and anything that had a woman tied to a chair or anything like that would get a reaction from me. There was a 70's magazine called Vampirella that was black and white and aimed more at adults and there was some naked bondage in that one that really affected me.

So long story short my foot fetish, bondage and control fantasies were fully awake and "installed" before I hit double digits in age.

My question is where the hell could this come from? Yes, I was raised in an abusive environment which leads to being kind of broken in many ways, but what the hell would I have seen to make me think of tickle torture and bondage when I had no clue what sex even was?

Does anyone here have any thoughts or do you think we can somehow be genetically predisposed towards that type of thing?

I saw a Disney short when I was probably 4 or 5 that likely got the ball rolling for me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTtJty5zg5k

I imagine I saw this too:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoG94ieN828

Wait, not BDSM you say? Too bad.

KoPilot said:

I saw a Disney short when I was probably 4 or 5 that likely got the ball rolling for me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTtJty5zg5k

I imagine I saw this too:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoG94ieN828

Wait, not BDSM you say? Too bad.

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There was a sesame street bit back when I was that age-I tried searching you tube can't find it-that involved a blonde woman and a gorilla. The gorilla kept trying to give her flowers and talk to her and she kept saying No (the bit was about the word no) and at the end she ends up pulling him behind her by his feet and he is yelling no. That.,.stayed with me for a long time.

I should go on record somewhere as blaming sesame street for my bondage fantasies. 50 shades of Ernie....

lovecraft68 said:

My question is where the hell could this come from? Yes, I was raised in an abusive environment which leads to being kind of broken in many ways, but what the hell would I have seen to make me think of tickle torture and bondage when I had no clue what sex even was?

Does anyone here have any thoughts or do you think we can somehow be genetically predisposed towards that type of thing?

Click to expand...

I had a pretty peaceful, non-abusive upbringing. Not that my parents were perfect, but they were good to us. I still ended up with weird BDSM-ish fantasies drifting into my mind by about age twelve. I think before I took an interest in 'vanilla' sex stuff.

I think some people are just predisposed to kink, and the human brain is such a complicated thing we'll probably never understand exactly why.

Often thought about women being tied up and helpless while being "experimented" on. Though it was never clear exactly what was happening. Nothing in my past before that to trigger that really. Just liked it.

I had a couple of very elaborate humiliation fantasies that I would try to act out in my bed before falling asleep. I'd also get my friends tie me up to trees and things and not let me loose but rather just leave me hanging until I could escape on my own. I used to love playing with a friend that was seriously into the princess thing. I'd always be her servant and do things for her while she was sitting on her throne (ie. a gigantic rock). Sometimes she'd want to switch and I was the princess, but I always found it boring to just sit there and ask the servant to do things.

That was before I went to school, but I'm pretty sure I didn't start attaching any sexual feelings to those fantasies and situations until much later on. It's just easy to look back knowing what I know now and interpret things as proof of my inclination to bdsm, when in reality it's just been kids playing or whatever.

Never been abused or anything. I had an awesome childhood and great parents. So "being damaged" definitely has nothing to do with my interest in bdsm. I haven't even tried to explain the whys of my sexuality, it hasn't felt important or interesting at all to me.

^^^ I used to play escape artist, too!

Only my friends would lock me in the tree house and pretend they were guards outside. I would jump out of the windows and get away. （＾ω＾）They were always mad that I would do that (this was kind if high up and no one else would risk it). They did catch on and started trying to keep watch below, so I would have to choose my window wisely. And sometimes hang there for awhile. :sigh: Wish I still had that kind of strength and athleticism.

I have similar early memories and experiences way back like the pinning someone down and tickling (probably a lot of kids do this but maybe not) and in the cowboy movies of tieing the kidnapped girl to a chair or a tree. Even very young, I'd thinkg about tieing her to that tree and pulling har pants down.

When I was older but still in elementary school, I found a "nudist camp" magazine in the bushed while walking home from school. Back then in the dark ages, before the concept of PC's and internet were even thought of in si fi movies, those "nudist camp" mags were put out as "brochures" ptomoying the healthful features of the "nudist" lifestyle, and it was the only way to publish full genital nudity, both male and female. Of course they made sure the women were lounging around the pool with their legs open and the guys were standing next to them "chatting" with their cocks about two inches from their faces. I shoved that bad boy into my bookbag, ran home with a "boner" the whole way and into the bathroom to do my thing. I kept that mag hidden REALLY well but just thinking about what was in it had my dick hard as a rock.

Then there was my buddy whose older brother had his private "club house" in an attic above their garage. He had all sorts of things stashed up there from cigarettes to girlie mags to a "French Deck" with photos of all sorts of porno position sex acts. He had some mag with pictures of women tied up and gagged and things like that. He gave us quite and education.

MeekMe said:

^^^ I used to play escape artist, too!

Only my friends would lock me in the tree house and pretend they were guards outside. I would jump out of the windows and get away. （＾ω＾）They were always mad that I would do that (this was kind if high up and no one else would risk it). They did catch on and started trying to keep watch below, so I would have to choose my window wisely. And sometimes hang there for awhile. :sigh: Wish I still had that kind of strength and athleticism.

Click to expand...

Yup, spy school here, taking turns as teachers and students.

Bramblethorn said:

I had a pretty peaceful, non-abusive upbringing. Not that my parents were perfect, but they were good to us. I still ended up with weird BDSM-ish fantasies drifting into my mind by about age twelve. I think before I took an interest in 'vanilla' sex stuff.

I think some people are just predisposed to kink, and the human brain is such a complicated thing we'll probably never understand exactly why.

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This.
I think our background can affect how we express our kink, though.

I recall playing cops and robbers with my best friend and his sister and I as the bad guy and I would sit her down and put a pair of plastic cuffs on her and she would start with the "Please help me" stuff, just kid stuff and he would come in and "shoot me" and let her go

The fist time we did it it was all I thought about that night and the next time I had a damn hard on the whole time and kept trying to find a way to keep the game going longer, her pleading just drove me nuts.

I ended up telling an older cousin about it and he went to my parents(little rat) MY foster father (who I still refer to as my real dad) asked me what the hell was wrong with me? And to get that shit out of my head and never tell anyone about it or I would get locked up...

Power dynamics in my family are jacked, with my mother being the ultimate in passivity and my grandmother being the ultimate in passive aggression, and the men just traditionally staying away as much as possible.

I tend to just stay away as much as possible from hierarchy or step in and fill the vacuum, unless I actually respect the leadership and think the idea is solid, in which case I'll walk over coals for the other person. (This does not happen often)

Evidence that I was a perv didn't really show up super directly till mid teens, but any sense of sexuality with other humans didn't really either. Getting off was a solo act in my brain as well as my body even till about then.

I did enjoy tying myself up, but found it irritating when friends wanted to tie me up and confusing when they were OK with me tying. "Spies" was fail.

One clue was my complete inability to find most romantic reading romantic or hot. Still completely turned off by aggro alphas and every "tamed" woman is like a knife for me, personally. How the hell am I supposed to enjoy my own psychic demise every time I read something to get off? Doesn't anyone else enjoy crushing the ego of a smug guy like a bug and later watching him eat out of her hand?

Heathcliff could Wuther me any day, but I think it was a question of my id relating to his creeepypants sadistic outsiderness. The stuff that people find off putting about that book had me hooked.

I don't remember the exact age, but it was around 10 years old. A neighbor girl and I experimented together. I'd had erotic thoughts about it even earlier than that, but I didn't really understand them. Shit, I didn't understand any of it until several years later.

Why did I start? It was those erotic desires...those thoughts in my head. I couldn't deny them. It just felt right.

IrisAlthea said:

I think our background can affect how we express our kink, though.

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Yep. And I'm willing to believe background could make some people kinky, but not everybody.

I really need to get a macro of the scene from "Outland" where Andy explains why he's kinky, it's such an awesome funny scene. He gives a long and impressive-sounding speech about how as a surgeon he takes people's lives in his hands every day, blah blah blah...

"That's a good speech. Is any of it true?"
"Not particularly, no. You're overanalysing this. People like what they like."

I don't think that's always true either, but people do need to stop assuming that everything will have a nice pat explanation.

Hand on my throat

My interest started when I was in my early 20's. I had an encounter with a most beautiful lover who took our trist to a new level. It was our one and only time together but on that floor when he held me down and then cut off my breath with his big strong hands he had me to a level I never knew existed!! I have never, after 20 years, ever experienced something so sexy in my life!!

Interesting subject.

I was into pain before I identified it with sexuality. I remember pinching myself, burning myself with matches, and even biting the inside of my mouth. It was a way I had of controlling what my body was experiencing.

I also remember having one very vivid dream when I was eight or nine or so. I was stripped naked, tied to a stake, and beaten by some neighborhood boys my age. I woke up shaking with a mixture of excitement and fear, and was haunted by the dream for days afterwards. It only dawned on me later, when I was in therapy, that the fact that my tormentors were all boys was an indication that the dream was associated with some nascent sexuality.

My introduction to actual sex was very negative (incestuous rape) and since I had little control over what other people were doing to my body, I was taken more into a mindset of giving myself pain as a way of asserting control over my body. As I started recovering from the incest and discovering the positive aspects of sexual relations, the need to seek pain diminished dramatically, although it has never really disappeared.

I remember being little kid and...
Accidentally spilling hot wax on myself and liking the feeling
In westerns when a woman was tied up I would fantasize about the men raping her Pirates saying rape and pillage
Seeing fuzzy cuffs and whips and such and stores like Spencers

An odd combination for me I suppose - being a boy, I wasn't supposed to like reading the "Pauline Peril" comic book, but I did, and I bought those things a lot when we went to the grocery store - still have a few today from the early 1970's. There was just something about a hottie blonde getting herself tied up in practically every comic book I didn't understand, but I knew I liked it.

https://d1466nnw0ex81e.cloudfront.net/n_iv/600/804385.jpg

Other weirdo thing was that my favorite cartoon was "Josie and the Pussycats" - again, didn't understand why, but I never missed it. Won the boys beauty pageant in the 4th grade, figured out I liked dressing in girl's clothes, won it again in the 11th grade, never have gotten over it sense - led to me being an advanced kinkster I suppose, fascinated with the female form and everything to do with it. Love nothing more than coming up with inventive ways to pleasure, tease, and please my wife, and if I may boast, I had some very happy girlfriends along the way to getting where I'm at.

A few years ago, while having some tests done for a rather weird health issue I've got, one of my doc's asked if I'd ever had a hormone test as I'm not overweight but my boobs keep getting bigger - yadda, yadda, yadda, turns out I'm a legit freak of nature XXY guy - two parts female, one part male, but the male part is dominant, thus, I'm a guy. I was thinking "Well, that explains a lot!" I've always looked rather girlish and haven't been a "typical guy" my entire life, so at the tender age of about 47, they finally figured out why and honestly I felt a lot better about myself.

But as far as being kinky is concerned, gotta' blame the roots of it on those Pauline Peril comic books - dang, that chick was hot!

For as long as I can remember, when my first sexual fantasies started, at or around age 10-12 maybe?

I have always been the girl kept in a dungeon to be used and abused by an aggressive male, the girl raped in a dark alley, the mistreated and objectified wife kept pregnant, domesticated, and away from civilization, the one being beaten and bruised, humiliated and degraded.

Ugh...

It has taken me a long time to consolidate those fantasies, and now here I am sharing them in a public forum. I know that I will never fully understand the "why" and that certainly doesn't make complete acceptance any closer within my reach. I vacillate a lot, still.

I am still trying to understand what it is I like, dislike and who I am in this world. I never really had much in the way of deviant thoughts or fantasies as a kid/teen/ young adult. Sex was just always something I really enjoyed and kept a "try it once" attitude, and pair that with a screwed up sense that everyone has to be happy before I can be happy and voila! I married a man who enjoyed bondage, and was crafty and clever with his homemade crosses and such. I never really associated what we were doing with bdsm, it was just FUN. But he was also a man who could never be satisfied in the relationship he had, and his constant need to validate his own self worth lead him to other women....soooo many other women. It broke me down and I made it my fault in a corner of my mind, so to try and meet his needs for "strange" and my needs to not be cheated on, we entered into the swinging scene. Again, the play we got introduced to was just PLAY to me. I did tend to reject all pain though. Spank me? Yeah, that would get you a dirty look and a promise to never play again. And to be a little boastful.... I was a hot piece of ass back then, and the threat of being barred from my bed always worked to keep things within the limits of MY enjoyment. Then I met one guy who didn't seem to be phased by it. Sex was on his terms, and he was fantastic at it, but he also knew it, and it both pissed me off and turned me on. We would battle it out every encounter, my trying to dictate how the sex would be and him pulling back and denying me completely until I got on board with what he wanted. The best and worst part was that I always came to heel. So we did what he wanted, and I got more exposure to pain, which I discovered I liked, within limits, and I got more rough play, which I liked also... All the while we would do our dance of my resistance and his waiting me out or overcoming it with blunt force. But this relationship came to an end and I found myself struggling to replace it and name what this new need was. So I tuned to Lit and found myself in an amazing relationship with a man who identified as a Dominant, and we kind of walked our way through my brain and the things that turned me on. Unfortunately it had major limitations due to distance and we never really got beyond thought to deed or action. But in that I did discover a submissive side. I wanted to please, but I also still struggled with the knee jerk "hell no!" reaction. It ended sadly and badly and hurt me in ways I still haven't healed from, but I moved on and am still discovering things about me. A current partner seems to get where I am at and even accept that I am something of a -C submissive. I still resist for a lot of reasons, and he seems to know when to back step and wait me out or push forward. I'm not sure how much more I will learn without jumping back into something offline, but I am going through a divorce and move and lots of stuff, so don't know that I have the time or emotional energy to put into finding a match. And then when I do, I'm not even sure I'll be able to describe just who or what I am. Advertising oneself as a -C submissive isn't likely to land me with Mr. Right.

Anyhow, that's my story. Sorry for errors and rambling. I typed the whole thing via my phone and I reserve the right I edit when I am on laptop.

I don't remember ever not having S&M fantasies. I do remember learning to avoid the subject around adults because it made them really uncomfortable.

The earliest memory I have is when I was 5 in first grade, and the most popular boy in school would just love to run around and chase a couple of the other girls during recess, again those who were seen as popular.

I wasn't aware I was involved when one day one of the girl's, a friend, squealed and hid behind me. I froze when I saw him start to run at me. My friend ran out from behind me, but I turned and ran as I seemed to be his new target. He was near me by the time I turned to run and I was at the end of the playground. I bounced into the fencing and turned around to see where he was and that's when he grabbed my wrists and held them on either side of me against the fence. He smiled at me and then ran off to find another girl to catch. lol

I remember that being very scary, but also exciting. But, I suppose that was the only incident for a long, long time regarding any interaction I had with a boy and in that manner. I only acknowledged my "sub tendencies" about a year ago at most. It's maybe always been a tacitly known thing, but I'm beginning to actually refer to it at times when I talk to my boyfriend, and in speaking about my sub qualities he's been surprisingly open with naming his definitively dominant desires. On one of our first "dates" he tickled me relentlessly until I had no strength left, and he loved using that method to make me pliable and weak against him. I guess he's always been dominant... lol

A lot happened since I was 5 in way of developing my personality. I became very hard and cold and analytical when I was bullied every day in first grade, and my mind became my defense and offense. I think it comes from my base nature: I'm quiet, introverted, I observe to be certain, I hate making mistakes, I like things perfect, I'm often frustrated with stupidity.

When it came to finally being interested in a relationship, I wanted a boy who was nice to me, intelligent, but one whom I couldn't crush. I wanted someone worthy, someone I couldn't bully. And because my boyfriend is that nice boy with an edge, it's a welcome relief for my submissive side to not always need to tell someone what to do, and be allowed to observe and feel even during the most intimate occasions.

I don't know if that's really the most succinct, fleshed-out answer, but it's all of what I can surmise at the moment is reason for my sexuality.

It's funny - my first fetish was the thought of getting girls out of bondage, and now it seems I've taken a complete 180. I suppose it's just that hero mentality that gets drilled into you as a kid: That the only way to 'get the girl' was to somehow swoop in and save her from some imminent danger. Every time I was walking behind a pretty girl in school my hands used to twitch with anticipation because I thought any moment something could happen to her and I couldn't miss a chance to be a hero. I used to get frustrated with how safe my environment was, hoping for some terrible thing to happen so I could prove myself.

It was because of this 'gallant hero' obsession that I started getting into tales of high fantasy and, more notably, Dungeons and Dragons. It was there that I realized how much more fun it was to be the villain than the hero, and slowly got out of my childish shell of refusing to appreciate a good villain. I would still laugh at a lot of the silly kick-the-dog things a lot of villains would do, but I found most of them were far better designed than the heroes. I had begun to accept my love of leadership, the rush of power I felt whenever I left the competition in the dust, be it a contest of brains or brawn, and eventually, the sexual thrill of successfully bending another living, breathing, thinking human being to my absolute will. And if that made me the bad guy, I was finally okay with it.

I think it can all come down to conditioning. I went through middle school and high school looking for love (a stupid thing for a teenager to do). It really screwed me up. I constantly got turned down and crushed by whomever I was chasing at the time. Soon, I started having fantasies about tying a girl up and having my way with her. I'd never rape a woman, that is some serious fucked up shit right there. However, I did have rape fantasies.

My last girlfriend had them too, so it was a great chance for us both to act them out. I'd tie her up, dominate her, have my way with her. I could get it all out of my system, and since she was on birth control, creampies were like the icing on the cake. Every night, I had claimed her, branding her as my property in a way.

After awhile though, I wanted to be tied up. I wanted to be dominated. At first, it was awkward. We didn't use many toys made for males, and my g/f wasn't the aggressive type. So aside from tease and denial and cowgirl positions, there wasn't much. One day, we watched the movie road trip. That scene at the sperm bank where the nurse milks the pervert got me thinking. First, I started using my g/fs toys (without lube, bad idea). Then, I started to buy a few wands and vibrators on hustler.com.

It went from there. We started with small toys, and that was it. What really kicked it off for me though was the night I spent with a dominatrix and had my first strap on experience. I'll talk about this elsewhere. After that, I started looking for harnesses and attachments, and now I have my own little collection.

It started for me when I was 7 or 8. We often were left with a babysitter when my parents went out, a friend of the family. Even when my sister and I were on our best behavior, we seemed to always get a spanking for doing something that she didn't like. It started out with her bare hand on our bare butts and progressed over time to the much more effective hair brush. I don't think she did anything more to my sister, but when she disciplined me she would also "play" with my more sensitive areas. To this day I still enjoy CBT, and I guess that I have to thank her for that. The irony is that I did get some payback when I was 15 and she was 20, and she was the first girl that I "went all the way" with.

hi

20 when I met my ex bf, got me tipsy on whisky,showed me vid clips of caning,motivated me to submit, and sodomy after caning.kept me high on whisky through the weekends.sodomized me always.and now I am hooked to it even after he migrated far away for his career.not easy to fined aguy like him though.