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Exploring BDSM for first time..

K

KissmeKassie

Experienced
Joined
Aug 7, 2010
Posts
48
I dont even know how to begin this besides, i need a little help and guidance from my fellow bdsm fetish fiends..

Naturally, I am submissive. I want to be used and crave the idea. Ive been fantasizing for years about having a "dominating master" and finally ive found someone whose a natural dominant. He is pretty vanilla, cant even look at me in my eyes yet.
Trust me, its not for the fact im not attractive enough. Going beyond that puzzle, I just cannot figure out how to break into this new world that neither of us have really been apart of yet. Im the initiator but he is picking up the idea very well..


So pretty much what im seeking here is some tips, stories, or experiences of other people's first bdsm. How do i lead him to take the reigns? How do i explain that i love pain? And want butt plugs, anal beads, bites till i bleed, to be tied, gagged, etc.


Xoxo kass
 
Last edited:
Have you said anything to him yet at all?
Also, what makes you say he is a natural Dom when he can't look you in the eye? You mean, can't look you in the eye while you are having sex? Or ever? :confused:
And is you are initiating things and he is picking it up pretty well, what do you need help with? Maybe you could be a little more specific on exactly what you want, or what you have tried that didn't work and someone might be able to speak to the specifics.
 
Idk man. I'm with Cnc-- what makes you think that he's so dominant? It's really super easy to project these kinds of roles onto people, especially when you're jonesing.

I just flat out told my partner. "Hey, so uh... I'm into the thing." We were LDR (still are) so we had like, months before even needing to think about putting it into practice. What I did though was start a tumblr where I just collected images and other tidbits of things I liked. I also shared stories with him. And we mostly just talked a lot, because we're better at talking about stuff than... acting them out? Or at least I am. :V

Worst thing you could do would be to slap a checklist down in front of his face right off the bat and say "k gimme these things". Take it slow. Oh, and don't be surprised if he's not, in fact, the dominant that you think he is. And don't force it. That's way unsexy.
 
Asexuality- As in no sexual attraction, lack thereof.
Genderlessness- As in no specific gender.
Low libidnousness- As in not much libido, lack thereof.

I am just wondering, is there a word for no personality, lack thereof? As in, I have no personality of my own, so I pick someone that I deem to be worthy and just start acting exactly like them instead?

*chuckles*
 
All_4_Love said:
Asexuality- As in no sexual attraction, lack thereof.
Genderlessness- As in no specific gender.
Low libidnousness- As in not much libido, lack thereof.

I am just wondering, is there a word for no personality, lack thereof? As in, I have no personality of my own, so I pick someone that I deem to be worthy and just start acting exactly like them instead?

*chuckles*
Click to expand...
A word for no personality? Sure there is. They call them lawyers :p
 
All_4_Love said:
Asexuality- As in no sexual attraction, lack thereof.
Genderlessness- As in no specific gender.
Low libidnousness- As in not much libido, lack thereof.

I am just wondering, is there a word for no personality, lack thereof? As in, I have no personality of my own, so I pick someone that I deem to be worthy and just start acting exactly like them instead?

*chuckles*
Click to expand...

What are you even on about?
 
Alright, I'll admit it. I just finished a class on passive aggressiveness and I was trying to see if I'd learned anything. :rolleyes:
 
No, wait! I'm too damn naturally submissive for that to even be appealing to you. Scratch that idea.
 
tumblr_inline_n4zt0fN2vP1qafrh6.gif


Sorry OP, A4L is apparently drunk posting all over your thread.
 
Sorry, OP. I'm not drunk but I am full of piss and vinegar, among other things too, I imagine, but no alcohol or illegal substances. ;)
 
KoPilot said:
Idk man. I'm with Cnc-- what makes you think that he's so dominant? It's really super easy to project these kinds of roles onto people, especially when you're jonesing.

I just flat out told my partner. "Hey, so uh... I'm into the thing." We were LDR (still are) so we had like, months before even needing to think about putting it into practice. What I did though was start a tumblr where I just collected images and other tidbits of things I liked. I also shared stories with him. And we mostly just talked a lot, because we're better at talking about stuff than... acting them out? Or at least I am. :V

Worst thing you could do would be to slap a checklist down in front of his face right off the bat and say "k gimme these things". Take it slow. Oh, and don't be surprised if he's not, in fact, the dominant that you think he is. And don't force it. That's way unsexy.
Click to expand...

RANDOMBLURT

Kitty!!!!
Pretty... :)

/RANDOMBLURT
 
To elaborate..

I guess ever since we met he has taken charge, which is why I would say that he is naturally dominant. He cares, yet takes complete control in both social and sexual situations.

The eye thing genuinely bugs me... But he says eyes are more revealing than anything and we are long distance so its taken us quite some time to even progress to this point.
This point being FINALLY vocalizing wants and desires.
Mine being a little more "dirty" than his.

He hasnt ever really thought of things like this. Ive asked him what his sexual fantasies are and he just simply said,
"I like to be in control and dominate.. So pretty much that and everything that falls under that."

Lately, we have been talking more about it. He is approaching me more and asking questions. Im SHOCKED.
Me never having even grasped the idea that I would find someone so willing to explore, is gleefully at a loss of words.. for once -_-


I shall work more on communicating the things I want...slowly. Seems obvious but putting these things into words is easier. Thank you (cant look back and get your name gangsta kitty)
 
KissmeKassie said:
I guess ever since we met he has taken charge, which is why I would say that he is naturally dominant. He cares, yet takes complete control in both social and sexual situations.

The eye thing genuinely bugs me... But he says eyes are more revealing than anything and we are long distance so its taken us quite some time to even progress to this point.
This point being FINALLY vocalizing wants and desires.
Mine being a little more "dirty" than his.

He hasnt ever really thought of things like this. Ive asked him what his sexual fantasies are and he just simply said,
"I like to be in control and dominate.. So pretty much that and everything that falls under that."

Lately, we have been talking more about it. He is approaching me more and asking questions. Im SHOCKED.
Me never having even grasped the idea that I would find someone so willing to explore, is gleefully at a loss of words.. for once -_-


I shall work more on communicating the things I want...slowly. Seems obvious but putting these things into words is easier. Thank you (cant look back and get your name gangsta kitty)
Click to expand...

The tumblr idea was great. Pictures are valuable, and so much easier :) Also, being long distance might actually help, as many people find it easier to type things instead of say them. And if you are this far along, a BDSM checklist might actually be just the thing for you! Google them and see if you find one you like! There are many... Good luck and enjoy :cattail:
 
a) Stop changing your font size for no reason. You are just making it more difficult for people to read.

b) I advise against maintaining a relationship with Norman Bates.
 
For everyone else, thank you !!! :)
I appreciate the suggestions and shall hopefully not scare the shit out of him.



If i do, oh well :)
 
KissmeKassie said:
For everyone else, thank you !!! :)
I appreciate the suggestions and shall hopefully not scare the shit out of him.



If i do, oh well :)
Click to expand...

The rules state you have to come back and let us know how it goes. Oh yes, thems the rules. Didn't you read the fine print? Maybe the font was too small. :p
 
Since the rules state....

Im here to report a happy update:


This is going remarkably well. Im so pleasantly surprised with the sudden complete interest in bdsm. So many things everyone has suggested along with his natural inclination have helped me much.

At first, i explained it too him. Over the phone of course.

Next, we expressed our interests and secret fantasies we have. I told him aboit my porn fetishes which somehow turned into our first phone sex session.


Last night he hand cuffed me, and fucked me so deep i almost couldnt hande it. Completely hard as a rock.
The kid loves it.




Thanks guys, peace
 
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