How do I explain to women that I want to be dominated?

I'm a very manly man when it comes to appearance. I'm 6'4 240 pounds with an athletic body. But when it comes to sex I'm very submissive. But I'm not sure how to bring that up to women that I sleep with. I guess I'm kind of worried what they will think of it all...any ideas?

I would think you could just keep it simple and say you would like to be dominated, and how.

I feel like most women might find that weird/judge me hard

Pretty much what LadyVer said. There's no tricks or special phrases that are going to make it easier. What would make it easier to discuss would be to look for women interested in domination. If this is with a partner or partners you already have, you just have to be honest and hope they're into it. If not, decide how important it is to you and proceed from there.

If they've never done it, but are interested in trying, I'd suggest going slow and helping them find resources and info on the things you both want to try. I've actually not read through most of this thread, but it seemed very popular. Maybe there will be some helpful info for you and possibly a partner.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1119955

Another thing: I don't know what domination means to you, but simply asking if your partner would be willing to direct you could get the ball rolling. I wouldn't lead with, "take this strap on and pound my ass." If you're into that sort of thing. That might be a bit strong.

MeekMe said:

Another thing: I don't know what domination means to you, but simply asking if your partner would be willing to direct you could get the ball rolling. I wouldn't lead with, "take this strap on and pound my ass." If you're into that sort of thing. That might be a bit strong.

Click to expand...

I usually try to start slow but I want more and more and I'm scared to ask for it.

TattedSub said:

I usually try to start slow but I want more and more and I'm scared to ask for it.

Click to expand...

I completely understand your dilemma, but not asking only increases the likelihood that you won't get what you want. Some women may not be interested, some may even be turned off. In either case, at least you know they probably won't be able to provide what you want, which allows you move on and find a partner who is interested.

Moving slow is a good advice for several reasons, including the fact that not everyone knows up front that domination or submission is their cup of tea. If a partner finds they enjoy some types of low-key domination they may be willing to try more extreme D/s activities down the road. Activities that might turn them off if broached initially.

I'm not a submissive, but I imagine that it's the same as being a dominant and telling your girlfriend that you want her to submit to you. It's very scary only when you really like the other person and don't want your fetishes to be the deal breaker that drives them away.

Talking to them frankly, is the only way I see it working out. Just as I don't have telepathy and need my submissive to tell me when she wants me to dominate her, you have to bite the bullet and tell your intended what spins your world. I know meekme said not to drop a ton of bricks on her and that makes sense, but there really isn't an easy way to pull a band-aid off in my mind. You can pull the band-aid off slowly and draw out the painful explanation or you can do it quickly.

Talk about it first, don't bring it up when you are both in bed.

MeekMe said:

I wouldn't lead with, "take this strap on and pound my ass."

Click to expand...

Spat my tea out laughing at that one. Good advice! It's like the Broad City episode where he whips out the dildo when she asks if he wants to change things up a bit. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5uI_-mnojs

But seriously, good advice. Also, an important question is what sort of sex are you having anyway? Is it relatively frisky/kinky in the first place? If not, you can have honest conversations about wanting to spice up by trying new things and some of those things can definitely involve your submission. It's not a passive thing, to be a sub, no matter what some morons spew into their erotic journal entries--if it's truly what lifts your kilt it takes hard work and dedication. On top of which, every newbie sub in the world now has the (mixed) blessing of now being able to broach the topic after putting on a DVD of 50 Shades of Grey, the world's only acceptable couples porn to be found on the big screen. (Okay, I wouldn't normally recommend watching it as I'm pretty sure it's god-awful and not indicative of a healthy BDSM relationship in the least, but as a conversation starter perhaps?)

Or, this is a bit more fun--grab a hat or sock or something, some bits of paper and pens, and sit across the table from your partner with some writing materials each. The idea is to each scribble what they'd like to do to the other person that they're too scared/nervous to suggest, i.e. "hold ice cubes to your nipples until you squirm, then soothe the cold with my warm tongue." I dunno, whatever. Throw a few of those into the hat. Now each scribbles what they'd like to have done TO them that they're too afraid to ask for. Give the hat a shake, and pull out a paper...it might be one of her wishes that comes first, but sooner or later yours will be what gets pulled out. This is actually less an exercise for getting laid in a submissive state and more a chance to start talking about stuff you like to do and have done to you.

Finally, if she's of that bent, make it political. Nothing turns a feminist on by saying you thrall to her powerful inner goddess, and can she please invoke Durga or Kali and just go to fucking town on you? Tell her you'll happily take one for the patriarchy if she wants to plow you like a queen.

Also, what LWulf said: don't talk about it in bed. Talk about it surrounded by wine bottles or your particular favourite form of Dutch courage.

Good luck!
Claire

That Broad City episode was pure gold. The whole series is awesome, but that one's just great.

On the topic at hand:

I think it's ok to sort of gauge what your partner's reaction to things is while you're in bed. You can see if she starts to take the lead a little more if you let her, you can say that you love to pleasure her and want to make her feel good (if that is the case), ask her what she would like you to do to her etc. Subtle things that don't require you to say that you want her to dominate you, but rather just give little hints.

That won't take away the need to have a real conversation about things, but that may give you a little insight into how she might react when you do bring up the topic and make it easier to start the conversation once it's time. If she's not familiar with bdsm, it might be a good idea to steer away from words like domination or punishment when you approach the topic. They might be a little off-putting to some people and carry a lot harsher and negative images than intended.

It is difficult to start the conversation, but usually once you get the ball rolling it isn't that bad, or maybe I've just been very, very exceptionally lucky. I'm with Meeks in that it's good to start slow and not dump the whole extent of your kink in the beginning.

I think it's worth remembering that if your partner is not at all experienced in this but is willing to try, it's important to show encouragement when she's taking the first steps. Even if it means you might not get the perfect experience and might feel that you're the one who's actually running the show. It can be a scary step to take.

(Not trying to say that you wouldn't do that naturally, but I've had the unpleasant experience of trying and then being told I did a poor-to-mediocre job because I wasn't comfortable dishing out the amount of pain and degradation they wished for when I tried to top someone.)

Good luck!

If you're fun/ridiculous/playful in bed in general, I suggest a naked horsey ride around the room. If that's not your dynamic, pass this one over. If you're worried about what she'll think about you, you're just fucking around being funny, so there's no real stakes.

However:

It's an intoxicating and non-threatening experience with power. If she's not caught up in it, she's probably not going to be into the whole thing.

Advanced level - put something humpable for her on your back and put your belt in her hand and see what happens. Use a tie or belt as a bit if she's not comfortable spanking you quite yet.

Love the advice yall! Thank you so much! Love the idea of just handing her a belt and seeing where that goes. Just gonna go for it

Yep. When you reach that part of the relationship where you either start having sex or talk about sex then you bring it up in a casual non-intimidating way. If she runs out the back door then my guess is that she isn't the one for you.

That is a good question in my book.

Even though, you may be slightly over thinking it, You have a good point to be nervous for it. Your body may hint of to most women you sleep with that you are Dominant in which you may need to show a bit of submissive to hint off ahead of time. You got the body, depending on your looks and how you would carry yourself Women may come to you, Upon were you start a bit of your submissiveness.... It sounds crazy but, Most guys go for keeping the conversation alive by questions in stuff. Do not act like the guy that wants to seem Dark and Mysterious but, try letting them lead the Conversation. If it doesn't work oh well, Life goes on and the next day will bring more chances to try a different way. Also, a change in attire probably won't help and may attract the attention you don't want so, if you are just wanting female just keep it simply to who you want in control and show maybe a little less dominance other place such as your Conversations and or actions, Keep the Factor of control to them without seeming like hey I am either Fruity or just very sensitive because, at seeing you have an athletic body you may not like the results. All in all just let them lead for the most part and It will probably be easier for you to bring it up to them as it will be less of a shock.