How much weight do you give your perversions in choosing a mate.

I don't know what else to say except that I feel very naive right now :eek:. If he does have any STDs, at this point, so do I :(. He has been around the world (unprotected), so to speak. I'll have my Ob Gyn test me when I go in tomorrow, I don't see any shame in asking for that. Again, call me naive or stupid, but I do believe what he has told me and that he is "clean".

I have thought long and hard about the baby and while I love babies and would love being a SAHM, I would be ~58 years old when this child was graduating high school. versus under 45 for my two current children. He is accepting that it wouldn't be the best thing for my children or us to bring a new baby into the world,particularly the world as it is headed right now.

Mr. G is allowing me to masturbate (with his permission) so it is much easier to keep a clear head, being denied is very discombobulating for me.

Mr. G is not allowing me to drink, which is a good thing and it has been easier than I was afraid it would be :D. Just a few headaches and perhaps a little moodiness.

As a sidebar, I wanted to get back to the original reason for starting this thread. I submit that once we establish and assume our respective roles in the relationship we are just like any other couple with one partner being the dominant one, to varying degrees, of course. So that brings us to the sex, in reality, what percentage of our lives is sex? 2.5% is where I would put mine at right now. If we were living together it would go a up 1-1.5 percentage points. I guess what I'm trying to get at is that we are not that different than vanilla people, it's just that our roles are defined differently and the sex we have is different, but it is still a route to intimacy, however circuitous that path may be. I'll stop rambling now. Thanks for listening, I know we all have our own lives and we don't necessarily want to hear the moment to moment details of each others lives it's just that I can share things here that I could never, ever tell my friends, I can see it now "What do you mean you have to ask permission to go to the bathroom when you two are together? Are you okay?" I do enjoy hearing the mundane parts of others D/s and other complicated relationships, because I feel less isolated. :kiss:
 
It depends on how much of it your kids see. If you ask permission to go to the bathroom in their hearing you're going to be modelling some TMI behavior for them.

And if, at some time, he refuses to give you permission-- then they are watching your sexlife unfold in front of them.
 
Stella: Please give me/us some credit for discretion. No one, child or adult, will hear my request. I am failing in my attempt to communicate that I/we are in fact very vanilla, evidentily more so than most of the people here.

Please allow me to set the stage. At our little dinner party at my house, I greet you at the door wearing a very nice cocktail dress, you may or may not find me attractive in it, but you would not think it innapropriate in any way. Iam not wearing a dog collar, not even the little BDSM symbol on a necklace.

At dinner, I lean over whisper in Mr. G's ear "May I go to the bathroom, Sir?" He looks at me, smirks and quietly says "You may ask me again when we are done eating.".

Now my friends know that I always wear slacks and more often than not a turtle or mock turtle neck sweater, they were taken aback by the outfit, but gave me the "It's about time/you go girl!" Speech. Iwill admit that I was aroused showing some cleavage and having my thighs visible.

I'm sorry, I'm just a nerdy woman with some unusal sexual proclivities. Aother example, I would like to go to a leather bar, but it would be my first time and I would be very nervous. Most of you are more wordly and experienced than I am. I love my children very much and they, nor anyone else will see me in any sexual situation. Mr. G an average looking man with a charming personality and a great sense of humor, but no one will ever mistake him for Tom Cruse in Eyes Wide Shut. I'm not trying to mislead anyone that I am more experinced than I am. Including Mr. G, I have been with 7 men in my life and one was a boy when I was in high school.


It depends on how much of it your kids see. If you ask permission to go to the bathroom in their hearing you're going to be modelling some TMI behavior for them.

And if, at some time, he refuses to give you permission-- then they are watching your sexlife unfold in front of them.
 
Stella: If you don't mind, I've been meaning to ask. Why do you call yourself Stella Omega with Omega meaning the last. Just wondering, I hope that's not too personal. :kiss:
 
Stella: Please give me/us some credit for discretion. No one, child or adult, will hear my request. I am failing in my attempt to communicate that I/we are in fact very vanilla, evidentily more so than most of the people here.
I'm glad to hear it. It's just that it's so extremely important for the kids, yanno?
And there have been people who show up here and claim that it doesn't harm their children to see Mommy deferring to Daddy at all times-- that they hope their kids grow up to carry on the tradition of M/f. (wish there was a smilie for "puke")

Stella: If you don't mind, I've been meaning to ask. Why do you call yourself Stella Omega with Omega meaning the last. Just wondering, I hope that's not too personal. :kiss:
'Cause it sounds portentious but not pretentious. ;)

Also, it's a legacy name. Cherry Omega was a leatherdyke that I met in the nineties before the internet. I learned a lot from her over about five weekends spread out in 98-ish and then lost track of her. Later I found out she had died of cancer. When I was looking for a good pseudonym, I remembered her. Stella was a character that i was writing in a novel that never went anywhere and as she says, "the bitch stole my name"

hehe
 
OP, since your relationship is/looks 98% [+] "normal" to the rest of the world (which, BTW I'd argue is how the vast majority of BDSM relationships look)...

From one divorcee to another, you have kids. Slow your roll.

You've known this guy 2-ish months and there's lots of great chemistry, he's charmingly kinky and financially secure. Kick.Ass. But there is no reasonable [responsible] reason to even *think* about topics like marriage and/or children at this point, much less be making theoretical decisions together about such ginormous life changing events.

Have the kids met him? Have you introduced him as a friend, or relationship/lover type guy? What do they think? What happens if things fall apart a month or two down the road; how will it impact your children? How would you split parenting decisions? If he has authority over you, but none [or little] over your children, how will you back one another up/maintain the power dynamic that's important to your relationship, but not necessarily important to your children's environment?


I bet you $$ they already know something's going down that is outside the norm. They've probably already noticed you aren't having that glass of wine anymore (mine would LOL). At one point years ago, I gave up wearing pants [as instructed]; my kids noticed. Now when I occasionally wear jeans... they notice. They might not know the *reason* for XYZ shift in attitude, dress, decision making... but they do notice.
 
Hi Cutie: I'm doing my best to "slow my roll" but I'm having a hard time doing it. The kids have met him twice, briefly, I introduced him as a friend. My son is oblivious/ambivalent. My daughter, is friendly but cautious. We really haven't discussed the whole co-parenting thing. That is very scary to me.

My best friend, who was totally going all mother hennish on me, has changed her tune after meeting him from "Slow down Missy!" to "Don't you dare let him get away." She is vanilla and knows I'm "kinky", but not to what extent. We were discussing swallowing and such and she told me, in all seriousness, "Listen, I wouldn't normally say this, but if he wants to put it in your butt, you let him!". She couldn't understand why I laughed for a solid 5 minutes, I laughed so hard I actually peed myself.

I am trying hard to find things not to like, so far that best I can do is he's not all that great looking, which is a complete non-issue for me, he snores, he has the typical guy sense of humor and he comes in entirely too large of quantity, and he eats a lot of vegatables, so it tastes nasty. For a woman who hates everything about semen and is used to swallowing a tablespoonful (at most)of OK tasting stuff (as semen goes) to what feels like more than a shot glass of broccoli tasting, super thick semen I'm none too happy about that :eek:.

I honestly don't know if the kids have noticed me not drinking or not, I'm sure they have. The thing that they, and everyone else I know, have commented on is how happy I am. For the last 2+ years I was looking more and more like I would never find anyone, so now, yea, I've gone off the deep end.

For everyday wear, I am still wearing my "unifrump" as my friends and co-workers call my slacks and sweaters. When I am with Mr. G he wants me in a skirt or dress, with garter belts and stockings. The funny thing is that I have great legs (and a flat white girl butt:eek:) that no one ever saw in my pants, now when I wear a skirt/dress I get guys looking at my legs, which is a great ego booster.

So your man has a dress code for you? Are you married to him?

I love your avatar picture, who is that? She is very glamorous.
 
Wow this thread is a trip.

I must say, I would NEVER introduce my kid to any man until we've been serious for 6 months. Never.
 
I'm sure the kids (and everyone else) notices how happy you are; my point was more of a comment on how back-asswards it is to be thinking/discussing things like marriage & babies after 2-ish months, when the kids don't even know you're "dating" this guy.

I've been separated/divorced 8 1/2 years; I will never ever get married again. Ever. Did I mention I don't want to get married? At all? Ever? lol

I've been in an open relationship for the last 18 months or so. Neither one if The Men have any interest in controlling my life beyond "use your brain, own your [emotional] shit, strive for happiness." I'm capable (and content) with stricter forms of intimacy (clothing restrictions/etc), but can enjoy a relationship without it, so I do.
 
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Oh and the av is Kathryn Grayson.

I'm actually with kitten on the timeline... I've been involved with one of The Men three years (off & on); the other for two. The kids haven't met either one (all adults in agreement that it's not time, yet).
 
OP, you had your first date Dec. 9 and he has met your kids, you're hosting dinner parties for him, you've met his co-workers, you're planning a family, you're "in love", having unprotected sex, and asking permission to go to the bathroom? Wow, just..... Wow






It's odd, some of your posts almost sound like a story or a fantasy, and some sound so real. It's like a soap opera. Either way, I'm hooked. What's in the locked room?
 
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My second major D/s relationship started much the same as the OPs. Met him in my mid-40's and was fairly new to bdsm. He was very naturally dominant and we had chemistry in every way. It wasn't just the sex (although that was mind-blowing), but we enjoyed each other's company in many other ways.

I'm normally slow to fall in love, usually fairly cautious. I don't have kids, so I can't speak to that issue but it felt weird when I was meeting his 4 kids within a month. I felt the red flag but we got along so well, I pushed aside that flag. Within that same month, we were in love.

With the same speed at which we approached becoming a couple, we crashed and burned. For no other reason than we didn't take the time to know each other. We had fun, we had great sex, I was crazy about the D/s dynamic we had, I met his friends and we had a blast but ultimately, we never took the time to really get to know each other.

Love takes time. Lust happens fast. I call it cunt love. That adreneline rush.

Someone said it earlier - in a year from now, if you're still over the moon, then be in love. Right now? Love the lust, the rush, the great sex, love the fact he moves you to submit to broccoli semen facials. Love that he's encouraging you to be more... YOU. Enjoy it.

And take your time falling in love.
 
any updates on Mr.German?
i hope all is well with him and your relationship. please keep us posted!! :)
 
any updates on Mr.German?
i hope all is well with him and your relationship. please keep us posted!! :)

Mr. G is wonderful! Things couldn't possibly be going any better. The only problem is that with two children and a FT job, I don't get to see him as often as I would like. We have only made love perhaps 6 times since our first date a month ago, but each session gets better and we are pushing each others boundaries. I can now say from first hand experience, what they say about German men being kinky, it's twoo, it's twoo :D. And to the people who have advised me to take it easy, I'm doing my best :). One funny thing, since my husband sees what is going on, he says he will be willing to accommodate my schedule some. I'm sure it has nothing to do with reducing his monthly liabilities :rolleyes:.

I also "came out" to my best friend of many years about my proclivities. She was very hurt that I felt I wouldn't share this major aspect of my life with her all this time. I gave her broad outlines of my preferences and now she won't stop asking very specific, embarassing "nut and bolts" questions :rolleyes:. I wanted someone to talk to, but I have a hard time telling a lady whose idea of kinky is anal sex that I like to be tied up and caned until I cry (I didn't tell her that ;)).

Anyhow, thanks so much for asking, I hope things are going as well for you as they are for me. :kiss:
 
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