RedHairedandFriendly
Too much red on Red?
- Joined
- Apr 20, 2005
- Posts
- 112,724
Bumping Noor's thread and answering another round of questions. . .
Remember my experience as far as changing partners is mainly focused on online relationships. As from the past questions I've answered we all know I have been married to the same man for 18 1/2 years and there was a brief time when I crossed the line of adultery - for those who wish to judge me - there's the door, please allow it to hit you on the way out.
My choice in online partners has changed since discovery of chat rooms and cybering. In the beginning I was very "free" with my attentions. I moved swiftly from cybering to phone and I enjoyed those moments, but soon like all things do when one over-indulgences I began to realize that I didn't really like how I was feeling. . . very used and dirty. It didn't take long to realize this - probably less than a couple months if even that. Either way my feelings began to matter and the rush for a quickie was no longer the highlight of my day. I wanted to feel like I was connected to the person on the phone or on the other side of the screen, even if they were bullshitting me... I didn't care, I wanted to FEEL as if I was important to them.
I began to really take the time to talk to men and focus on what there was about them that made me stop and take notice, or what was it about them that made me run and hide, hoping to never hear from them again. I became selective and picky and no longer did I feel it was my job to entertain a man, but I felt it was a mutual thing. A give and take relationship, even if it was for just a fun time on the computer or a fun time on the phone. I wanted to enjoy it at a deeper level than a fuck-job. I stopped accepting every offer - started chatting with men who formed more than two sentences when they talked to me and I began to demand respect both on the boards as well as off.
As I changed and conversed with various others, I saw a side to me that appeared submissive. I explored that with a friend who was also new and over the course of a year, I learned a lot about my desire to submit sexually and I also found out what I did not ever want to "play" with again --- a man new to a D/s relationship. Two "newbies" should never team up and learn without guidance from another couple. As he became more dominant, I gave up a large part of myself - it took time to realize that the mind games he played were tearing me up and doing damage that would take a long time to recover from. The experience also is what led me to "pause" before playing with a much younger man than I.
The online years that followed was not full with a lot of cybering or phoning. I just lost the desire to give so much of myself to someone after a few failed attempts of looking for a new Dom. I poured a lot of myself into writing and just making friends, occasionally flirting, but nothing really went further than that.
The spouse and I at this point were on a roller-coaster in regards to our marriage. I was living my "year" of doing things that I know I shouldn't have been doing. During that year I never got to truly experience D/s - then again how could I explain the marks it may have left on me? I couldn't have. Each one of those experiences were with men I trusted and each one fed the part of me that needed fed at that time in my life. All three were very similar men too. All knew my situation and the reality of my life. I gave and took, they took and gave.
I disappeared from Lit., came back and began writing - disappeared again, came back again. This time I am much more aware of my place here online and my place in my house. I have a stronger backbone in reality than I ever have before and online - I feel like the matron of the boards sometimes. The old woman people come for when they seek advice. The woman men don't approach without wearing protective armor. It's okay though, I don't mind.
I'm still selective - probably more so than before. I identify with a submissive - but one that refuses to bow to just any man. The man I bow before is a man that knows all of me and embraces all of me. He sees "Red" and he sees "Dee Dee" and he wants both of them - not one over the other. He allows me to be me without changing me. He guides and protects. He will reel me in when I've crossed the line. He will "lurk" and watch over me, hold me accountable for my actions, and yet he won't belittle me if I screw up. He won't ignore me as punishment - that's a mind game I can't handle and I will not allow (see --- even a submissive comes with rules).
Noor said:
Remember my experience as far as changing partners is mainly focused on online relationships. As from the past questions I've answered we all know I have been married to the same man for 18 1/2 years and there was a brief time when I crossed the line of adultery - for those who wish to judge me - there's the door, please allow it to hit you on the way out.
My choice in online partners has changed since discovery of chat rooms and cybering. In the beginning I was very "free" with my attentions. I moved swiftly from cybering to phone and I enjoyed those moments, but soon like all things do when one over-indulgences I began to realize that I didn't really like how I was feeling. . . very used and dirty. It didn't take long to realize this - probably less than a couple months if even that. Either way my feelings began to matter and the rush for a quickie was no longer the highlight of my day. I wanted to feel like I was connected to the person on the phone or on the other side of the screen, even if they were bullshitting me... I didn't care, I wanted to FEEL as if I was important to them.
I began to really take the time to talk to men and focus on what there was about them that made me stop and take notice, or what was it about them that made me run and hide, hoping to never hear from them again. I became selective and picky and no longer did I feel it was my job to entertain a man, but I felt it was a mutual thing. A give and take relationship, even if it was for just a fun time on the computer or a fun time on the phone. I wanted to enjoy it at a deeper level than a fuck-job. I stopped accepting every offer - started chatting with men who formed more than two sentences when they talked to me and I began to demand respect both on the boards as well as off.
As I changed and conversed with various others, I saw a side to me that appeared submissive. I explored that with a friend who was also new and over the course of a year, I learned a lot about my desire to submit sexually and I also found out what I did not ever want to "play" with again --- a man new to a D/s relationship. Two "newbies" should never team up and learn without guidance from another couple. As he became more dominant, I gave up a large part of myself - it took time to realize that the mind games he played were tearing me up and doing damage that would take a long time to recover from. The experience also is what led me to "pause" before playing with a much younger man than I.
The online years that followed was not full with a lot of cybering or phoning. I just lost the desire to give so much of myself to someone after a few failed attempts of looking for a new Dom. I poured a lot of myself into writing and just making friends, occasionally flirting, but nothing really went further than that.
The spouse and I at this point were on a roller-coaster in regards to our marriage. I was living my "year" of doing things that I know I shouldn't have been doing. During that year I never got to truly experience D/s - then again how could I explain the marks it may have left on me? I couldn't have. Each one of those experiences were with men I trusted and each one fed the part of me that needed fed at that time in my life. All three were very similar men too. All knew my situation and the reality of my life. I gave and took, they took and gave.
I disappeared from Lit., came back and began writing - disappeared again, came back again. This time I am much more aware of my place here online and my place in my house. I have a stronger backbone in reality than I ever have before and online - I feel like the matron of the boards sometimes. The old woman people come for when they seek advice. The woman men don't approach without wearing protective armor. It's okay though, I don't mind.
I'm still selective - probably more so than before. I identify with a submissive - but one that refuses to bow to just any man. The man I bow before is a man that knows all of me and embraces all of me. He sees "Red" and he sees "Dee Dee" and he wants both of them - not one over the other. He allows me to be me without changing me. He guides and protects. He will reel me in when I've crossed the line. He will "lurk" and watch over me, hold me accountable for my actions, and yet he won't belittle me if I screw up. He won't ignore me as punishment - that's a mind game I can't handle and I will not allow (see --- even a submissive comes with rules).
