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Casual Sex?

I'd bet people who can easily compartmentalize their emotions, those who lack the ability to feel empathy, or those who just don't feel emotions very deeply... my guess is that casual sex can work and be great for people with these traits. It'd be great for me, except I've not encountered a man yet who understood the difference between casual sex and lack of respect. They somehow think they're the same thing. :( ...casual sex and no respect.
Plus, it doesn't work well for me. I got an over-active oxytocin thing goin' on... :eek:
 
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Only had casual sex a few times in my life, was great for busting a nut, but so is masturbation.

Been with 3 people in over 15 years now with the one casual encounter only being a one time thing. Couldn't ever do that again. There's so much more to knowing what turns a person on and how they want to be touched. Knowing what you can and can't do. Do they like it rough, does she have a short vaginal canal that you can hit her cervix and make her uncomfortable in certain positions? Does she like to give head, AND is she good at it? Too many things to know about a partner to make casual sex worth my time when I know I can get it good from the woman I'm with, and know what I can and can't do in the bedroom.
 
pfflyerhot said:
I'd bet people who can easily compartmentalize their emotions, those who lack the ability to feel empathy, or those who just don't feel emotions very deeply... my guess is that casual sex can work and be great for people with these traits. It'd be great for me, except I've not encountered a man yet who understood the difference between casual sex and lack of respect. They somehow think they're the same thing. :( ...casual sex and no respect.
Plus, it doesn't work well for me. I got an over-active oxytocin thing goin' on... :eek:
Click to expand...



I'm one of those guys. Had 3x successful fwb over the years. The key was clear boundaries, rules, and an agreement that each time was "the last" and the next was just a bonus.

That way we both had no inhibition, no hangups and just went for it.

It can work.
 
It really depends on the psyche of the individuals involved. I was once involved in a FWB situation for about 3 months, and although I was physically attracted to her, I didn't really care about her though.
.
The friends part eventually became harder than the benefits part. Needless to say, it ruined a friendship for a physical release I could get by myself.
 
yellowrocket said:
Only had casual sex a few times in my life, was great for busting a nut, but so is masturbation.

Been with 3 people in over 15 years now with the one casual encounter only being a one time thing. Couldn't ever do that again. There's so much more to knowing what turns a person on and how they want to be touched. Knowing what you can and can't do. Do they like it rough, does she have a short vaginal canal that you can hit her cervix and make her uncomfortable in certain positions? Does she like to give head, AND is she good at it? Too many things to know about a partner to make casual sex worth my time when I know I can get it good from the woman I'm with, and know what I can and can't do in the bedroom.
Click to expand...

I like this answer, too. I've always felt I cannot make a sexual judgement on a lover's abilities in the very beginning. I need time to assess. Time to see what ...can enfold. I know I certainly do give it my all the first time I'm with a man. I've learned I can't trust him enough to do that, even yet... when I'm hopping in the sack. Not the first time, and probably not the second time either.
I've always said give me a trusting relationship with someone who loves me and vice-versa, and I'll give you all kinds of wild and crazy sex, no worries. I don't do that shit casually. Sorry.
 
newhere2learn said:
I'm one of those guys. Had 3x successful fwb over the years. The key was clear boundaries, rules, and an agreement that each time was "the last" and the next was just a bonus.

That way we both had no inhibition, no hangups and just went for it.

It can work.
Click to expand...

Are you saying you had no respect for this person? That the fact that you were having casual sex meant you could be disrespectful? That's the point I was getting at.
I think having clear boundaries, or guidelines is the way to go, certainly. Probably good if that involves ongoing negotiation, too, like all good relationships... even though casual sex is supposedly not a relationship.
What? Wait? ...Sex... orgasm, pleasure, release... bodies... human... it's a relationship of some sort... Well... it is for me.
...Aw hell. I give up. I'm almost old enough to...
 
Do you enjoy casual sex? Do you ever feel empty afterwards, or is it all in good fun and variety is the spice of life?

How satisfying are these encounters? Do you think men are more able to enjoy casual sex than women are? Can you even have sex with very little actual "intimacy"? Or would you call your encounters intimate, even if you don't stir up any feelings of love/romance/etc.?

This can cover one-night stands, but I'm also looking for input from people who have repeated casual sex with the same person over a period of time (no romantic feelings/FWB).

Yes I enjoy casual sex. Yes, I feel very empty afterwards, even if it is very satisfactory during. I don't know if men can or do enjoy it anymore than women do. I enjoy it immensely and have experienced both the one timer and the long term FWB. It does get better with time, as you learn the others likes/dislikes. Part of me enjoys the no strings aspect of it, but part of me craves the emotional connection more than the physical. One day I will merge the two, but I'm not there yet. It is nice to fulfill my emotional needs with my online friends and have someone to call when I need the physical contact.
 
daddysbaby150 said:
Do you enjoy casual sex? Do you ever feel empty afterwards, or is it all in good fun and variety is the spice of life?

How satisfying are these encounters? Do you think men are more able to enjoy casual sex than women are? Can you even have sex with very little actual "intimacy"? Or would you call your encounters intimate, even if you don't stir up any feelings of love/romance/etc.?

This can cover one-night stands, but I'm also looking for input from people who have repeated casual sex with the same person over a period of time (no romantic feelings/FWB).

Yes I enjoy casual sex. Yes, I feel very empty afterwards, even if it is very satisfactory during. I don't know if men can or do enjoy it anymore than women do. I enjoy it immensely and have experienced both the one timer and the long term FWB. It does get better with time, as you learn the others likes/dislikes. Part of me enjoys the no strings aspect of it, but part of me craves the emotional connection more than the physical. One day I will merge the two, but I'm not there yet. It is nice to fulfill my emotional needs with my online friends and have someone to call when I need the physical contact.
Click to expand...

Wow...perrfectly put...in my case anyway, I'm just like you. I was previously engaged, and thank God it didn't happen, but I haven't been ready for that deep of a relationship with another man yet. The night I broke up with him was my first time with another woman, which has been very, very satisfying but I don't have a 'serious' relationship there either. She got married but has been my long term FWB too, without his knowledge. And I also satisfy my other needs when the time comes.
 
pfflyerhot said:
Are you saying you had no respect for this person? That the fact that you were having casual sex meant you could be disrespectful? That's the point I was getting at.
I think having clear boundaries, or guidelines is the way to go, certainly. Probably good if that involves ongoing negotiation, too, like all good relationships... even though casual sex is supposedly not a relationship.
What? Wait? ...Sex... orgasm, pleasure, release... bodies... human... it's a relationship of some sort... Well... it is for me.
...Aw hell. I give up. I'm almost old enough to...
Click to expand...


2 out of 3 I had no respect for, they were using me just as much as I was using them. Physical attraction, meet, fuck like Viagra fuelled Duracell bunnies, anything goes. Finish. Leave.

Days/weeks later, text when wish to repeat.

Third was a mutual friend of my ex. We're still friends now. That was more relaxed, caring and lots of extended play sessions.
 
I've had casual sexual encounters with some people off online, but not a friends with benefit situation until last year.

We had about 3-4 months where the first month was dating and then I asked him if he wanted to shift it to a more physical relationship (we didn't have much in common, but the sex was decent).

We'd meet once a week or so and fuck. Sometimes I'd crash, sometimes I'd leave. It lasted until he moved and I really miss that situation.
 
I had frequent casual sex with a long-time friend for about a month. No feelings were involved, it was strictly physical, and something we both needed. I think the length of time was just right for us, and it was very much satisfying. However, I will say that I was going through a lot emotionally at the time, so I think the casual sex worked for me. I have no doubt that he can/will do it again with someone else, but I don't know if I'd be able to do that again.
 
I enjoy casual sex, though I do prefer to be in a relationship. I'm not having enough sex lately to be picky though! It all depends on your partner's feelings, but I'd say its easier for men to have no strings attached sex. I have a had a friend with benefits for years now, and it has worked because we clearly know a long term committed relationship won't work. She is older and has all the kids she wants, I want to meet someone and start a family. We tend to each others physical needs between dating other folks. It works for us.

But I have also been with women who have wanted more despite my efforts to keep it casual. No matter what I had said, they secretly hoped I would fall for them and more would develop. Once I realized their feelings, we had to stop sleeping together. As long as both partners are honest and consenting, I think its great. But it can get messy.
 
Between my first 'lover', who was my cousin's much older boyfriend who was really a twisted predator, and my husband, I only had casual sex. I did not have a boyfriend until my senior year in college (my now husband). I had a lot of one time hookups and some fuck buddies. Every sexual encounter that I can recall before my husband involved me having some quantity of alcohol first.

I prefer being with someone I love and who loves me, I just did not realize that until I met the man who was to become my husband. And that has not been easy, and has involved me backsliding and separating us for a year and a half, but things are wonderful now. I could not imagine returning to the way I used to be.
 
When I was in between my marriages I had a friend who ended up being a FWB and just casual sex. Neither one of us wanted an in depth relationship with each other but physically we were great together. Once I started dating somebody it was over and she was perfectly fine with that. Don't know that I could ever do that today but at the time it worked out great. ;)
 
I get the "...physical attraction, meet, fuck like Viagra fuelled bunnies... ... finish and leave" bit. But were you nice to them? Or, did you feel like you could treat them disrespectfully when you were together because it was just casual fucking? Did you, say... make disparaging remarks about them to their face? Or behind it?, or was it like... they were good enough to fuck, but, really? Do I have have to be nice, too? What?! We have to talk, too?
I would ask the women the same questions if I could.
Casual sex makes perfect sense in my mind, but... so far, I've never been able to overcome my tendency to over-sentimentalize the act of sex to actually have it make sense to me in reality. I don't need a declaration of love, but I do need mutual respect... I'm not gonna wanna fuck a dude, or let him fuck me if he's rude, insulting and a complete ass to me.
I'm someone who'll go more hog-wild, be more balls-to-the-walls hot and be more open to ... exploration with a trusted partner who loves me (and vice versa) than I ever would with a casual sex partner. I'm not gonna fuck my heart out with a casual partner. I'm gonna hold back...for my safety.
It's fucked. I'm not wired for sex without emotion. Sorry. I wish I was.

Omg... it's after 3am again! Hope all that made sense... not proofing it.
;)
newhere2learn said:
2 out of 3 I had no respect for, they were using me just as much as I was using them. Physical attraction, meet, fuck like Viagra fuelled Duracell bunnies, anything goes. Finish. Leave.

Days/weeks later, text when wish to repeat.

Third was a mutual friend of my ex. We're still friends now. That was more relaxed, caring and lots of extended play sessions.
Click to expand...
 
You made perfect sense to me, but I'm in the same boat regarding casual sex as you are. I need that level of trust and understanding to be at my best. I need to know when I say it's okay to bite me she won't freak out, or try to take a bite of flesh. That when it comes time to getting rough with each other that we know our limits, cause it's not fun for either of you to find out what's too much by surprise.

I need to know that she wants to give a such as receive, and it doesn't have to be at the same time. But I'm not in to giving and not getting cause you want to be lazy. And believe me I've had a few of those partners.
 
SweetSam42 said:
(No - not talking about the 80s Lea Thompson movie...)

Do you enjoy casual sex? Do you ever feel empty afterwards, or is it all in good fun and variety is the spice of life?

How satisfying are these encounters? Do you think men are more able to enjoy casual sex than women are? Can you even have sex with very little actual "intimacy"? Or would you call your encounters intimate, even if you don't stir up any feelings of love/romance/etc.?

This can cover one-night stands, but I'm also looking for input from people who have repeated casual sex with the same person over a period of time (no romantic feelings/FWB).
Click to expand...

Yes, sometimes feel empty afterwards. I think this is both for men and woman
 
Did quite a bit of it in my late teens and on through my late twenties. I got married at 31 and haven't done any since of course. I always enjoyed it. Sometimes, I just wasn't in the mood for all the drama of a relationship and for me I enjoyed the thrill of juggling multiple women.
 
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