Unexpected Reactions

I'm currious if this is a common experience at some point along the journey, or if it is an outlier, and how this has played out for folks on both sides of the metaphorical aisle.

I tend to think of myself as pretty self-aware and metacognitive. Rarely am I completely shocked at my reactions to a situation or stimulus. I had an experience last week that threw me a bit off kilter, and while I've regained my footing, it has stuck with me.

I have been in the situation several times before, and it has always effected me one way, not a bad way, but not terribly deeply either. On this occasion it was like over the rainbow "I think we're not in Kansas anymore Todo". It wasn't a BAD thing, quite the contrary, it was extremely effective and positive at the time. The change in my reaction, however, afterward scared the living heck out of me. I understand no one can tell me WHY I reacted this way, and I certainly haven't given enough information to hazard a guess (intentionally), because I'm not after the specifics of the event.


The question is: how often have people's reactions to a specific activity or stimulus changed markedly? Have they changed due to time/exposure or due to the partner or both? What if you barely knew the partner? Has a change like that ever made you want to run the opposite direction, even if the effect was positive? How did you handle that flight response?

The experience was overall extremely positive, but my initial flight response I do not understand. Thank you in advance for any input.

It's a little hard to address specifically because you're a bit vague as to what happened. However, I think I know what you're saying, and I can assure you that sort of thing happens all the time. A wise Dom watches for it and is prepared to deal with it. An experienced sub knows strange things can happen and tries to mentally prepare for it having her safe work ready and using it if she senses things are getting dangerous or out of control.

I think its one of the "hazards" of the lifestyle. Not necessarily bad, not necessarily good. Scenes can unlock all sorts of feelings, emotions, memories and reactions that have been locked away and sometimes surface unexpectedly. Hopefully in your situation it has promoted growth and a better understanding of yourself and will make you a better sub going forward.

Angedesoleil said:

The question is: how often have people's reactions to a specific activity or stimulus changed markedly? Have they changed due to time/exposure or due to the partner or both? What if you barely knew the partner? Has a change like that ever made you want to run the opposite direction, even if the effect was positive? How did you handle that flight response?

The experience was overall extremely positive, but my initial flight response I do not understand. Thank you in advance for any input.

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I apologize for this but I've read your post multiple times and I still don't understand your question nor the context leading to it. Could you perhaps rephrase?

PrisonerOfDoubt said:

I apologize for this but I've read your post multiple times and I still don't understand your question nor the context leading to it. Could you perhaps rephrase?

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I'm sorry it was vague..but Mr.Ron seemed to understand what I was driving at and answered it pretty well. I'd still like to know if anyone else has actually experienced a reaction they didn't at the time expect or understand... Either positive or negative.


The point is, I went into situation I've been in before and had reaction A to. I expected reaction A. Instead while situation was not noticeably or markedly different from past situations, my reaction to it WAS. Not negative, just worlds different from reaction A. This took me by surprise and has been turning about in my head for days because I do not understand what caused that reaction. I can't find the cause. It isn't personal dynamics because I didn't know person THAT well, which is part of the cause of my turmoil.

I'd previously understood myself in one light: I don't get much out of things if I don't know partner well ( I'd tested that theory before and it had held up) but that wasn't the case in this scenario and it threw my assumptions and perceptions of myself for a loop. I'm trying to understand that.

Have you gone into that same situation again with a different person? That might help isolate whether you’re new reaction was caused by the Dom or if it’s something about you that is changing.

No, I havent. It would be the scientific way, wouldn't it. Then again it could be a little of both. Who knows. *shrug* Thank you for your replies Mr. Ron. *appreciated*

Angedesoleil said:

No, I havent. It would be the scientific way, wouldn't it. Then again it could be a little of both. Who knows. *shrug* Thank you for your replies Mr. Ron. *appreciated*

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It probably is a little of both. BDSM is not just rough sex as so many see it. There are incredibly complex emotional and psychological things going on within and between partners and even onlookers. For me that's part of the attraction and why I find it so fascinating. Failing to understand this though can lead to confusion, dissatisfaction, and even damage. Proceed with caution and common sense and you should be fine.