How to ask Mom if I can fap in her room?

I genuinely tried to avoid this thread for days even though I kept seeing it on the board list. Curiosity won out.

Has anybody seen that film 'We need to talk about Kevin'? It might be appropriate.
 
I genuinely tried to avoid this thread for days even though I kept seeing it on the board list. Curiosity won out.

Has anybody seen that film 'We need to talk about Kevin'? It might be appropriate.


I can see where one could draw those parallels, but I think Pinapple Kevin is less the dramatic, psychological thriller Kevin (granted, he has probably slain many a bag of Cheezies), and more Kevin McCallister, all grown up but still ‘home alone’, using his mom’s bedsheets as a wank-sock.
 
Kevin hasn't been seen since they arrested that Waffle House shooter in Nashville.

I'm sure it's just a coincidence.
 
What?!? Are you coaxing your coagulant using some sort of stealthy dry-fist technique?

You gotta lube that bad boy up Kev! Slather on the pina cõlada flavoured water-based lube, liberally. When pumpin’ the wee peni, it should sound like when your ma vigorously mixes a fresh pot of Kraft dinner for you, with her big ol’ wooden spoon.

You keep grippin’ and rippin’ your weenus dry like that, it’s gonna look like you’ve been sticking it in a leatherback sea turtle’s mouth, by the time you’re 24.

Yeah you really need to stop talking like a 17th century poet. It's getting annoying.
 
For fucks sake.

She’s your mother so it stands to reason that you’ve already put her through enough shit without inflicting your incest fantasies on her too.

I sent this comment for a lab analysis and I got the report back.

Saltiness: 50%
Bitterness: 35%
Narcissism: 15%
 
Spoken like a man who has either never read a 17th century poet, or has only read Rochester. Which would be pretty niche. Though the 17th and 18th centuries were massively into pineapples.

This is true.
 
I've decided to not go ahead with it. Thanks to a conversation I had with a member on this site. A conversation that was actually helpful btw

Excellent. I would give you a high five but I'm slightly concerned where your hand has been.
 
Yeah you really need to stop talking like a 17th century poet. It's getting annoying.



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I've decided to not go ahead with it. Thanks to a conversation I had with a member on this site. A conversation that was actually helpful btw

Christ on a bike, it took a conversation off line to convince you it wasn't a clever idea? I'm gob-smacked that five pages on this thread wasn't enough! Mate, you're a legend, most entertaining!
 
Sounds like someone's mom finally got a lock for her bedroom door.
 
Christ on a bike, it took a conversation off line to convince you it wasn't a clever idea? I'm gob-smacked that five pages on this thread wasn't enough! Mate, you're a legend, most entertaining!

Maybe because the posts on this thread weren't really '' answers ''
 
Maybe because the posts on this thread weren't really '' answers ''

They weren't the answers you wanted, but they were generally advice that it wasn't the best idea you've ever had. Which, apparently, is the same advice you received from your sage.

Did you buy your mom flowers?
 
They weren't the answers you wanted, but they were generally advice that it wasn't the best idea you've ever had. Which, apparently, is the same advice you received from your sage.

Did you buy your mom flowers?

I don't think this qualifies as an answer

You likey the Peenie Coladas,
And getting caught by your ma!

tumblr_inline_mfx08wONYF1qe2omi.png
 
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I don't think this qualifies as an answer

You likey the Peenie Coladas,
And getting caught by your ma.

tumblr_inline_mfx08wONYF1qe2omi.png

Granted, that one's a piss take. But you did get some sensible advice, early on, that you chose to ignore, because it wasn't what you wanted to hear. You did ask in the first place, remember?
 
Granted, that one's a piss take. But you did get some sensible advice, early on, that you chose to ignore, because it wasn't what you wanted to hear. You did ask in the first place, remember?

Yeah you told me to make wide ranging circles around her so that I can run away as soon as something dumb happens.
 
Is this technically in the incest category

Yes.
The fact that you can get off even knowing you're mom is anywhere in the vicinity pretty much puts it in the incest category. The vast vast majority if people would NEVER be in a position for a parent to see them.

If you just liked being watched, you'd probably go for a non family member.

Is it wrong?
I dunno. Your mom's a grown adult and i don't know enough about her to judge how she really feels on this.

But yes....this is definitely in the incestuous category of activities.
 
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