Chrissi
Infectious smiler
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2010
- Posts
- 485
I never really had any single event where I "came out."
About the closest to that was telling my only sister, we were both in our early 30s at the time. Her response: "Well, no duhhh!"
I never came out to my parents mainly because they divorced when I was young. My "relationship" with my mother was estranged at best. I am pretty sure she knows now, (most likely from my sister, which is completely okay with me), but since she has spent the better part of my life distancing herself, despite occasional (but always unsuccessful) attempts to jump start a relationship on my part, I doubt any sort of acknowledgement would ever happen.
As to my dad? Telling him, would have killed him. He was/is extremely homophobic, despite my own suspicions that he may be gay himself. He is staunchly religious and very old school. Now being in his mid 80s it would be just cruel to tell him.
I sorta came out and in - in stages.
While I suspected I was gay in high school, it wasn't until my senior year that I was "out" to some friends and acquaintance that I had away from school. But that was mainly due to them also being like me. I wasn't out at school...that would have been social or literal suicide.
In college I wasn't out, but I wasn't in either. I sometimes hung with a couple of guys who were gay and out, but they were kinda weird and it really wasn't my scene. I developed a close (non sexual) friendship with a girl, who point blank asked me if I was gay...(because I never made a pass at her, she said) I told her I was - so I guess that's the first time I really "came out."
After college, I was fortunate enough to be in the right places at the right times, and was picked up by a team and raced (bicycles) through the rest of the 80s. So back in the closet (sorta) I went. Being gay and a pro athlete didnt mix well anywhere. Even if you were just a lowly domestique, you were always trying to prove yourself to your teammates and your DS, or to other teams and riders. That just wasn't safe if it was known that you were anything other than straight.
After my racing career, I went back to school. Again I wasn't in, but I wasn't out either, but staying so focused on school, I didn't date either.
After my degree, I had my first serious bf. Looking back, he was a very bad influence in my life. Since I was out, and had gay friends who really cared about me, I was guided through and away from him and those influences. I was lucky to have these gay mentors, almost all of whom I still count among my oldest and dearest friends. So I guess at that time I wasn't "in." But because of this mentoring I was firstly starting to be happy about being gay. This was my emotional growing up time. When I really felt comfortable being totally out.
I was out to colleagues and in my profession. This was the first time in my life that I was starting to make friends outside of my primary interactions (family, school, work). Most of these friends were also gay, so it really wasnt that hard to "come out" or "be out." It was a big weight off my shoulders - and at times I just felt like shouting from the rooftop: "I'm gay!"
This is also pretty much the timeframe that I told my sister.
Fast forward 20+ years: I am out at work, and so are both of my assistants. I am out to my clients, as are many of them too. I am out to my bf. And pretty much anyone who knows me well, knows. I don't keep it a secret, but I'm not in your face about it. Most folks' gaydar's ping on me in short order, but for the life of me I don't know why...lol.
EDIT Jan 15....sort of lost track here at lit, and found my way back...I still enjoy reading the wonderful stories, but havent been on the forum in ages. So hello to some old and familar names.
After some recent death's of freinds parents or family members and their regrets about never coming out to them...I decided to fully come out to my parents.
I told them last April and May.
My mother was a bit surprised, I guess my sister never did tell her...she always said so, but I didnt quite believe her...But it almost has improved our relationship, with my mother that is. And that is a good thing. Although, honestly, I thought she would be more curious and questioning about it, she really isnt.
My Dad, was most surprising. He was really good with it and gave me a big hug and told me he loved me. He's a bit reluctant to let his friends know...although some of them do. But that is okay.
So know, I can officially say, I am completely out. Not much has changed, but at least I can talk about bf's or cute guys when in my parents presence and not be afraid to slip up.
About the closest to that was telling my only sister, we were both in our early 30s at the time. Her response: "Well, no duhhh!"
I never came out to my parents mainly because they divorced when I was young. My "relationship" with my mother was estranged at best. I am pretty sure she knows now, (most likely from my sister, which is completely okay with me), but since she has spent the better part of my life distancing herself, despite occasional (but always unsuccessful) attempts to jump start a relationship on my part, I doubt any sort of acknowledgement would ever happen.
As to my dad? Telling him, would have killed him. He was/is extremely homophobic, despite my own suspicions that he may be gay himself. He is staunchly religious and very old school. Now being in his mid 80s it would be just cruel to tell him.
I sorta came out and in - in stages.
While I suspected I was gay in high school, it wasn't until my senior year that I was "out" to some friends and acquaintance that I had away from school. But that was mainly due to them also being like me. I wasn't out at school...that would have been social or literal suicide.
In college I wasn't out, but I wasn't in either. I sometimes hung with a couple of guys who were gay and out, but they were kinda weird and it really wasn't my scene. I developed a close (non sexual) friendship with a girl, who point blank asked me if I was gay...(because I never made a pass at her, she said) I told her I was - so I guess that's the first time I really "came out."
After college, I was fortunate enough to be in the right places at the right times, and was picked up by a team and raced (bicycles) through the rest of the 80s. So back in the closet (sorta) I went. Being gay and a pro athlete didnt mix well anywhere. Even if you were just a lowly domestique, you were always trying to prove yourself to your teammates and your DS, or to other teams and riders. That just wasn't safe if it was known that you were anything other than straight.
After my racing career, I went back to school. Again I wasn't in, but I wasn't out either, but staying so focused on school, I didn't date either.
After my degree, I had my first serious bf. Looking back, he was a very bad influence in my life. Since I was out, and had gay friends who really cared about me, I was guided through and away from him and those influences. I was lucky to have these gay mentors, almost all of whom I still count among my oldest and dearest friends. So I guess at that time I wasn't "in." But because of this mentoring I was firstly starting to be happy about being gay. This was my emotional growing up time. When I really felt comfortable being totally out.
I was out to colleagues and in my profession. This was the first time in my life that I was starting to make friends outside of my primary interactions (family, school, work). Most of these friends were also gay, so it really wasnt that hard to "come out" or "be out." It was a big weight off my shoulders - and at times I just felt like shouting from the rooftop: "I'm gay!"
This is also pretty much the timeframe that I told my sister.
Fast forward 20+ years: I am out at work, and so are both of my assistants. I am out to my clients, as are many of them too. I am out to my bf. And pretty much anyone who knows me well, knows. I don't keep it a secret, but I'm not in your face about it. Most folks' gaydar's ping on me in short order, but for the life of me I don't know why...lol.
EDIT Jan 15....sort of lost track here at lit, and found my way back...I still enjoy reading the wonderful stories, but havent been on the forum in ages. So hello to some old and familar names.
After some recent death's of freinds parents or family members and their regrets about never coming out to them...I decided to fully come out to my parents.
I told them last April and May.
My mother was a bit surprised, I guess my sister never did tell her...she always said so, but I didnt quite believe her...But it almost has improved our relationship, with my mother that is. And that is a good thing. Although, honestly, I thought she would be more curious and questioning about it, she really isnt.
My Dad, was most surprising. He was really good with it and gave me a big hug and told me he loved me. He's a bit reluctant to let his friends know...although some of them do. But that is okay.
So know, I can officially say, I am completely out. Not much has changed, but at least I can talk about bf's or cute guys when in my parents presence and not be afraid to slip up.
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