Carnal_Flower
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 31, 2014
- Posts
- 6,896
Hi there.
Long time lurker, first time posting in the Poetry Section.
I posted a poem a few days ago and I thought I would transfer the discussion here. I would love to get reactions if anyone cares to.
The Girl I Wasn't
For Karina Vetrano (Murdered 8/2/16 Queens, NY) & Vanessa Marcotte (Murdered 8/7/16 Princeton, MA)
What was it
That split us in two
On the edge of the blade
I fell on one side,
You on the other
I was there, too
With his hands on my throat, squeezing
My vision darkening
My death the prize in his mouth
Who would ever know, what I saw, what I felt?
No one!
My corpse, in a field,
“Raped and strangled?”
No!
I’m telling you,
It was only a question of a millimeter
A fraction of a fraction of a breath
The vise just missed my windpipe
He blinked, maybe he sneezed, at just the wrong moment,
Enough for me to kick him in the nuts
And run
I survived
A woman, cut in two
The other half of me
Is still in the fields
With you
Senna Jawa commented:
I had a very specific idea in mind when I wrote this. I don't know if it comes across or not.
I watch a lot of crime shows. Specifically I was watching "I Survived", which features people telling how they got out of life-threatening situations. There was one girl, Amy, who really affected me. She was brutally raped and attacked by a coworker, and left for dead in a desolate field. Somehow--miraculously--she managed to live and get away. I couldn't forget her story. It was so harrowing, and she told it with such heart-stopping detail, like you were right there with her.
The poem is written as putting myself in the place of "Amy" seeing a headline in a tabloid (like the ones I referenced, which made a lot of news in NYC where I live two summers ago) and imagining her speaking to these women who went through the same thing she did--only did not live to tell their tale.
I guess it's pretty dark . . . I tend to write poems about things that I pick up on in every day life, on my commute, watching TV, walking around the city, etc.
Anyway that's the story behind that poem. Any comments are welcome!
Long time lurker, first time posting in the Poetry Section.
I posted a poem a few days ago and I thought I would transfer the discussion here. I would love to get reactions if anyone cares to.
The Girl I Wasn't
For Karina Vetrano (Murdered 8/2/16 Queens, NY) & Vanessa Marcotte (Murdered 8/7/16 Princeton, MA)
What was it
That split us in two
On the edge of the blade
I fell on one side,
You on the other
I was there, too
With his hands on my throat, squeezing
My vision darkening
My death the prize in his mouth
Who would ever know, what I saw, what I felt?
No one!
My corpse, in a field,
“Raped and strangled?”
No!
I’m telling you,
It was only a question of a millimeter
A fraction of a fraction of a breath
The vise just missed my windpipe
He blinked, maybe he sneezed, at just the wrong moment,
Enough for me to kick him in the nuts
And run
I survived
A woman, cut in two
The other half of me
Is still in the fields
With you
Senna Jawa commented:
A very difficult theme
This is dramatic and extremely depressing.
If an analysis of the poem is needed then the Poetry Feedback and Discussion forum (at Literotica) may be preferable.
I had a very specific idea in mind when I wrote this. I don't know if it comes across or not.
I watch a lot of crime shows. Specifically I was watching "I Survived", which features people telling how they got out of life-threatening situations. There was one girl, Amy, who really affected me. She was brutally raped and attacked by a coworker, and left for dead in a desolate field. Somehow--miraculously--she managed to live and get away. I couldn't forget her story. It was so harrowing, and she told it with such heart-stopping detail, like you were right there with her.
The poem is written as putting myself in the place of "Amy" seeing a headline in a tabloid (like the ones I referenced, which made a lot of news in NYC where I live two summers ago) and imagining her speaking to these women who went through the same thing she did--only did not live to tell their tale.
I guess it's pretty dark . . . I tend to write poems about things that I pick up on in every day life, on my commute, watching TV, walking around the city, etc.
Anyway that's the story behind that poem. Any comments are welcome!