Old 03-21-2018, 10:11 AM   #351
JCSTREET
Literotica Guru
 
JCSTREET's Avatar
 
JCSTREET is offline
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Tailwaters of Lake Ontario
Posts: 1,724
"Was it the unknown or
what I had smoked"

The question we have been asking since Enki walked the ancient paths of earth
__________________
STORIES AND POEMS

Men are afraid that women will laugh at them and women are afraid that men will kill them. Margaret Atwood

The problem with sex in the movies is that the popcorn usually spills.
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-26-2018, 04:24 PM   #352
AlotLikePsyche
Literotica Guru
 
AlotLikePsyche is offline
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,946
Thank you!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Groove View Post
I like the first one. It feels better and leaves more room for the reader.

I also like the suggestion regarding the metaphor line, it seems like you could just drop the "a metaphor of" and let it read simply, "You make my mouth..."

It's intense and we don't really want kisses to feel finished, do we?
Now that you mention it, no, not really.

And he usually does NOT go down on me after he kisses me in this very intentionally suggestive way, which is obviously cruel and unusual, and very much UN-fucking-finished in my mind...

But, Im getting off topic, so.

Thank you both, doc and cal, for the feedback. Its my first time to ask for some, and get some, so it is meaningful to me that you replied and helped. It makes me feel like a real poet. So, thank you for that.

I took your advice and landed on this. I like it better now.

Kissing You

Sometimes you part my lips,
Like a familiar road,
My cunt,
Your hair,
The ocean.
You taste my tongue,
Like it is the sky,
My clit,
Your own.
You make my mouth,
A messenger,
A meteor,
A myth.
Make me ache for it.
Hope for it.
Imagine it.
Know it.
__________________
Poems
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-26-2018, 06:14 PM   #353
JCSTREET
Literotica Guru
 
JCSTREET's Avatar
 
JCSTREET is offline
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Tailwaters of Lake Ontario
Posts: 1,724
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tzara View Post
That Girl in the Sundress

does not resemble you
her hair is too straight, too light
to be your dark, rich waves.
She is too young, too blank
in experience of life
to taste like the wine of your kiss,
your conversation. But she is bare,
or nearly so, and her beautiful
shoulders and slim, tanned legs
make me think of sex, and so,
the way a grainy photograph
must serve at times for soul,
this is whyhowshe becomes you.
perfect, professional, publishable, prick-teasing, penetrating
__________________
STORIES AND POEMS

Men are afraid that women will laugh at them and women are afraid that men will kill them. Margaret Atwood

The problem with sex in the movies is that the popcorn usually spills.
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-27-2018, 01:40 AM   #354
thespiceoflife
Really Really Experienced
 
thespiceoflife is offline
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: stuck in the middle
Posts: 394
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlotLikePsyche View Post
Now that you mention it, no, not really.

And he usually does NOT go down on me after he kisses me in this very intentionally suggestive way, which is obviously cruel and unusual, and very much UN-fucking-finished in my mind...

But, Im getting off topic, so.

Thank you both, doc and cal, for the feedback. Its my first time to ask for some, and get some, so it is meaningful to me that you replied and helped. It makes me feel like a real poet. So, thank you for that.

I took your advice and landed on this. I like it better now.

Kissing You

Sometimes you part my lips,
Like a familiar road,
My cunt,
Your hair,
The ocean.
You taste my tongue,
Like it is the sky,
My clit,
Your own.
You make my mouth,
A messenger,
A meteor,
A myth.
Make me ache for it.
Hope for it.
Imagine it.
Know it.

I adore this. The power and sensuality in such brevity. Keep it up. This certainly raised me
__________________
  Reply With Quote

Old 03-28-2018, 10:42 PM   #355
AlotLikePsyche
Literotica Guru
 
AlotLikePsyche is offline
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,946
Quote:
Originally Posted by thespiceoflife View Post
I adore this. The power and sensuality in such brevity. Keep it up. This certainly raised me
Thank you for the encouragement. It made my day.
__________________
Poems
  Reply With Quote

Old 06-09-2018, 10:29 PM   #356
captainman2018
Literotica Guru
 
captainman2018 is offline
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,231
To Pleasure One's Slave

After putting her wrists in chains, I rubbed on her pussy a crop's tip.
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-01-2018, 09:05 PM   #357
todski28
Literotica Guru
 
todski28 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,564
and so the weight of a mans heart is barely 300grams
a woman's slightly less
and beyond the fatalistic beating

70-80 of those a minute

pumping life into the furthest reaches of the cosmos
because the connections in the human brain
link beyond that of the stars in the sky


I burn for the curled warmth
of your breath on my face
tickling
inviting me to stare
into the unknown

the abyss that stares back
reflecting a fleeting moment

where my breath quickens
the pulse races and all 300grams of
me pounds as if I am sprinting
from death
as if the maelstrom of ideas I hold
are phantoms leaking out
being consumed by the simple act

of holding you cocooned in the Sanskrit
writings calligraphed on you skin in indelible ink
invisible to those looking out from within there own
hollows

but I see the lines and want to trace them out

write those letters of some such on all 300grams of my beating insanity

taste your taboos and kiss them away
until they are integrated into an us
to help you conquer your dreams
not stand in the way and try to do it for you
shield you from wounds that would altogether be mortal if I was not there
but I refuse to take those wounds that will make you stronger

there is some kind of gorgeous huger
in the suffering of fools in love
as if a heart beating battery acide
and a mind clouded in the dizzy fogs are all that matter
and yes I burn for you
ache to join in the topography of your flesh
breath the sanguis perfume
from between your thighs

the moments of awe
hair raised in shivering piloerection

as I melt

Aristotle believed the heart was a lamp that kept us warm
and mine surges into a bonfire

whenever I read the depth of you

engraved in all 300grams
of my lifes blood
__________________
todski28

As a favour to Tsotha

Last edited by todski28 : 08-01-2018 at 09:08 PM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-01-2018, 11:03 PM   #358
HarryHill
Just Chilling
 
HarryHill's Avatar
 
HarryHill is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: 7 miles from Backwater
Posts: 8,053
Quote:
Originally Posted by todski28 View Post
and so the weight of a mans heart is barely 300grams
a woman's slightly less
and beyond the fatalistic beating

70-80 of those a minute

pumping life into the furthest reaches of the cosmos
because the connections in the human brain
link beyond that of the stars in the sky


I burn for the curled warmth
of your breath on my face
tickling
inviting me to stare
into the unknown

the abyss that stares back
reflecting a fleeting moment

where my breath quickens
the pulse races and all 300grams of
me pounds as if I am sprinting
from death
as if the maelstrom of ideas I hold
are phantoms leaking out
being consumed by the simple act

of holding you cocooned in the Sanskrit
writings calligraphed on you skin in indelible ink
invisible to those looking out from within there own
hollows

but I see the lines and want to trace them out

write those letters of some such on all 300grams of my beating insanity

taste your taboos and kiss them away
until they are integrated into an us
to help you conquer your dreams
not stand in the way and try to do it for you
shield you from wounds that would altogether be mortal if I was not there
but I refuse to take those wounds that will make you stronger

there is some kind of gorgeous huger
in the suffering of fools in love
as if a heart beating battery acide
and a mind clouded in the dizzy fogs are all that matter
and yes I burn for you
ache to join in the topography of your flesh
breath the sanguis perfume
from between your thighs

the moments of awe
hair raised in shivering piloerection

as I melt

Aristotle believed the heart was a lamp that kept us warm
and mine surges into a bonfire

whenever I read the depth of you

engraved in all 300grams
of my lifes blood
..
Oh bravo!
__________________

Voyages II < finished at last

0 days accident free


"I'll never be a poet" - The Harry
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-02-2018, 09:04 AM   #359
greenmountaineer
Literotica Guru
 
greenmountaineer is offline
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,396
Quote:
Originally Posted by HarryHill View Post
..
Oh bravo!

Agree with Harry; one of your best, tod
  Reply With Quote

Old 08-04-2018, 08:26 PM   #360
butters
Literotica Guru
 
butters's Avatar
 
butters is offline
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: home
Posts: 62,243
todski... it's like you missed 3 rungs on the stepladder and wrote this one from the fourth up from you regulars.

they were pretty damned good, visceral, and beyond simple 'raw' - this latest is honed to a professional feel without being so shiny it's tawdry.
__________________
William Dement (the father of sleep medicine) said:
"Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives."

  Reply With Quote

Old 08-05-2018, 01:07 AM   #361
champagne1982
Dangerous Liaison
 
champagne1982's Avatar
 
champagne1982 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,443
Quote:
Originally Posted by butters View Post
todski... it's like you missed 3 rungs on the stepladder and wrote this one from the fourth up from you regulars.

they were pretty damned good, visceral, and beyond simple 'raw' - this latest is honed to a professional feel without being so shiny it's tawdry.
Agreed in all but the honing Todski. I know it needs an edit simply because you wrote it on your mobile phone touch pad. If you'll allow me I will clean it up for you.

Send me an IM
__________________
Get Carrie'd away.
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:14 AM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.