Everyday Erotica

[JCSTREET]

"Was it the unknown or
what I had smoked"

The question we have been asking since Enki walked the ancient paths of earth

[AlotLikePsyche]

Originally Posted by Dr. Groove

I like the first one. It feels better and leaves more room for the reader.

I also like the suggestion regarding the metaphor line, it seems like you could just drop the "a metaphor of" and let it read simply, "You make my mouth..."

It's intense and we don't really want kisses to feel finished, do we?

Now that you mention it, no, not really.

And he usually does NOT go down on me after he kisses me in this very intentionally suggestive way, which is obviously cruel and unusual, and very much UN-fucking-finished in my mind...

But, I’m getting off topic, so.

Thank you both, doc and cal, for the feedback. It’s my first time to ask for some, and get some, so it is meaningful to me that you replied and helped. It makes me feel like a real poet. So, thank you for that.

I took your advice and landed on this. I like it better now.

Kissing You

Sometimes you part my lips,
Like a familiar road,
My cunt,
Your hair,
The ocean.
You taste my tongue,
Like it is the sky,
My clit,
Your own.
You make my mouth,
A messenger,
A meteor,
A myth.
Make me ache for it.
Hope for it.
Imagine it.
Know it.

[JCSTREET]

Originally Posted by Tzara

That Girl in the Sundress

does not resemble you—
her hair is too straight, too light
to be your dark, rich waves.
She is too young, too blank
in experience of life
to taste like the wine of your kiss,
your conversation. But she is bare,
or nearly so, and her beautiful
shoulders and slim, tanned legs
make me think of sex, and so,
the way a grainy photograph
must serve at times for soul,
this is why—how—she becomes you.

perfect, professional, publishable, prick-teasing, penetrating

[thespiceoflife]

Originally Posted by AlotLikePsyche

Now that you mention it, no, not really.

And he usually does NOT go down on me after he kisses me in this very intentionally suggestive way, which is obviously cruel and unusual, and very much UN-fucking-finished in my mind...

But, I’m getting off topic, so.

Thank you both, doc and cal, for the feedback. It’s my first time to ask for some, and get some, so it is meaningful to me that you replied and helped. It makes me feel like a real poet. So, thank you for that.

I took your advice and landed on this. I like it better now.

Kissing You

Sometimes you part my lips,
Like a familiar road,
My cunt,
Your hair,
The ocean.
You taste my tongue,
Like it is the sky,
My clit,
Your own.
You make my mouth,
A messenger,
A meteor,
A myth.
Make me ache for it.
Hope for it.
Imagine it.
Know it.

I adore this. The power and sensuality in such brevity. Keep it up. This certainly raised me

[AlotLikePsyche]

Originally Posted by thespiceoflife

I adore this. The power and sensuality in such brevity. Keep it up. This certainly raised me

Thank you for the encouragement. It made my day.

[captainman2018]

After putting her wrists in chains, I rubbed on her pussy a crop's tip.

[todski28]

and so the weight of a mans heart is barely 300grams
a woman's slightly less
and beyond the fatalistic beating

70-80 of those a minute

pumping life into the furthest reaches of the cosmos
because the connections in the human brain
link beyond that of the stars in the sky


I burn for the curled warmth
of your breath on my face
tickling
inviting me to stare
into the unknown

the abyss that stares back
reflecting a fleeting moment

where my breath quickens
the pulse races and all 300grams of
me pounds as if I am sprinting
from death
as if the maelstrom of ideas I hold
are phantoms leaking out
being consumed by the simple act

of holding you cocooned in the Sanskrit
writings calligraphed on you skin in indelible ink
invisible to those looking out from within there own
hollows

but I see the lines and want to trace them out

write those letters of some such on all 300grams of my beating insanity

taste your taboos and kiss them away
until they are integrated into an us
to help you conquer your dreams
not stand in the way and try to do it for you
shield you from wounds that would altogether be mortal if I was not there
but I refuse to take those wounds that will make you stronger

there is some kind of gorgeous huger
in the suffering of fools in love
as if a heart beating battery acide
and a mind clouded in the dizzy fogs are all that matter
and yes I burn for you
ache to join in the topography of your flesh
breath the sanguis perfume
from between your thighs

the moments of awe
hair raised in shivering piloerection

as I melt

Aristotle believed the heart was a lamp that kept us warm
and mine surges into a bonfire

whenever I read the depth of you

engraved in all 300grams
of my lifes blood

[HarryHill]

Originally Posted by todski28

and so the weight of a mans heart is barely 300grams
a woman's slightly less
and beyond the fatalistic beating

70-80 of those a minute

pumping life into the furthest reaches of the cosmos
because the connections in the human brain
link beyond that of the stars in the sky


I burn for the curled warmth
of your breath on my face
tickling
inviting me to stare
into the unknown

the abyss that stares back
reflecting a fleeting moment

where my breath quickens
the pulse races and all 300grams of
me pounds as if I am sprinting
from death
as if the maelstrom of ideas I hold
are phantoms leaking out
being consumed by the simple act

of holding you cocooned in the Sanskrit
writings calligraphed on you skin in indelible ink
invisible to those looking out from within there own
hollows

but I see the lines and want to trace them out

write those letters of some such on all 300grams of my beating insanity

taste your taboos and kiss them away
until they are integrated into an us
to help you conquer your dreams
not stand in the way and try to do it for you
shield you from wounds that would altogether be mortal if I was not there
but I refuse to take those wounds that will make you stronger

there is some kind of gorgeous huger
in the suffering of fools in love
as if a heart beating battery acide
and a mind clouded in the dizzy fogs are all that matter
and yes I burn for you
ache to join in the topography of your flesh
breath the sanguis perfume
from between your thighs

the moments of awe
hair raised in shivering piloerection

as I melt

Aristotle believed the heart was a lamp that kept us warm
and mine surges into a bonfire

whenever I read the depth of you

engraved in all 300grams
of my lifes blood

..
Oh bravo!

[greenmountaineer]

Originally Posted by HarryHill

..
Oh bravo!

Agree with Harry; one of your best, tod

[butters]

todski... it's like you missed 3 rungs on the stepladder and wrote this one from the fourth up from you regulars.

they were pretty damned good, visceral, and beyond simple 'raw' - this latest is honed to a professional feel without being so shiny it's tawdry.

[champagne1982]

Originally Posted by butters

todski... it's like you missed 3 rungs on the stepladder and wrote this one from the fourth up from you regulars.

they were pretty damned good, visceral, and beyond simple 'raw' - this latest is honed to a professional feel without being so shiny it's tawdry.

Agreed in all but the honing Todski. I know it needs an edit simply because you wrote it on your mobile phone touch pad. If you'll allow me I will clean it up for you.

Send me an IM

[todski28]

Originally Posted by champagne1982

Agreed in all but the honing Todski. I know it needs an edit simply because you wrote it on your mobile phone touch pad. If you'll allow me I will clean it up for you.

Send me an IM

Damn champ I'm sorry for not responding to this, I've been flitting between here and gone so much it's been drive by poeming:/

Thanks all who replied also, I may be around more often I'm kinda not sure at the moment I want to be around but life does what life does