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03-21-2018, 11:11 AM
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#351
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Literotica Guru
JCSTREET is offline
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Tailwaters of Lake Ontario
Posts: 1,735
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"Was it the unknown or
what I had smoked"
The question we have been asking since Enki walked the ancient paths of earth
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STORIES AND POEMS
“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them and women are afraid that men will kill them.” — Margaret Atwood
Doe maar normaal, dan ben je al gek genoeg’
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03-26-2018, 05:24 PM
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#352
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Literotica Guru
AlotLikePsyche is offline
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,946
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Thank you!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Groove
I like the first one. It feels better and leaves more room for the reader.
I also like the suggestion regarding the metaphor line, it seems like you could just drop the "a metaphor of" and let it read simply, "You make my mouth..."
It's intense and we don't really want kisses to feel finished, do we?
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Now that you mention it, no, not really.
And he usually does NOT go down on me after he kisses me in this very intentionally suggestive way, which is obviously cruel and unusual, and very much UN-fucking-finished in my mind...
But, I’m getting off topic, so.
Thank you both, doc and cal, for the feedback. It’s my first time to ask for some, and get some, so it is meaningful to me that you replied and helped. It makes me feel like a real poet. So, thank you for that.
I took your advice and landed on this. I like it better now.
Kissing You
Sometimes you part my lips,
Like a familiar road,
My cunt,
Your hair,
The ocean.
You taste my tongue,
Like it is the sky,
My clit,
Your own.
You make my mouth,
A messenger,
A meteor,
A myth.
Make me ache for it.
Hope for it.
Imagine it.
Know it.
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03-26-2018, 07:14 PM
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#353
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Literotica Guru
JCSTREET is offline
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Tailwaters of Lake Ontario
Posts: 1,735
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tzara
That Girl in the Sundress
does not resemble you—
her hair is too straight, too light
to be your dark, rich waves.
She is too young, too blank
in experience of life
to taste like the wine of your kiss,
your conversation. But she is bare,
or nearly so, and her beautiful
shoulders and slim, tanned legs
make me think of sex, and so,
the way a grainy photograph
must serve at times for soul,
this is why—how—she becomes you.
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perfect, professional, publishable, prick-teasing, penetrating
__________________
STORIES AND POEMS
“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them and women are afraid that men will kill them.” — Margaret Atwood
Doe maar normaal, dan ben je al gek genoeg’
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03-27-2018, 02:40 AM
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#354
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Really Really Experienced
thespiceoflife is offline
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: stuck in the middle
Posts: 401
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlotLikePsyche
Now that you mention it, no, not really.
And he usually does NOT go down on me after he kisses me in this very intentionally suggestive way, which is obviously cruel and unusual, and very much UN-fucking-finished in my mind...
But, I’m getting off topic, so.
Thank you both, doc and cal, for the feedback. It’s my first time to ask for some, and get some, so it is meaningful to me that you replied and helped. It makes me feel like a real poet. So, thank you for that.
I took your advice and landed on this. I like it better now.
Kissing You
Sometimes you part my lips,
Like a familiar road,
My cunt,
Your hair,
The ocean.
You taste my tongue,
Like it is the sky,
My clit,
Your own.
You make my mouth,
A messenger,
A meteor,
A myth.
Make me ache for it.
Hope for it.
Imagine it.
Know it.
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I adore this. The power and sensuality in such brevity. Keep it up. This certainly raised me 
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03-28-2018, 11:42 PM
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#355
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Literotica Guru
AlotLikePsyche is offline
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,946
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thespiceoflife
I adore this. The power and sensuality in such brevity. Keep it up. This certainly raised me 
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Thank you for the encouragement. It made my day. 
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06-09-2018, 11:29 PM
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#356
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Literotica Guru
captainman2018 is offline
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 2,642
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To Pleasure One's Slave
After putting her wrists in chains, I rubbed on her pussy a crop's tip.
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08-01-2018, 10:05 PM
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#357
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Literotica Guru
todski28 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,647
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and so the weight of a mans heart is barely 300grams
a woman's slightly less
and beyond the fatalistic beating
70-80 of those a minute
pumping life into the furthest reaches of the cosmos
because the connections in the human brain
link beyond that of the stars in the sky
I burn for the curled warmth
of your breath on my face
tickling
inviting me to stare
into the unknown
the abyss that stares back
reflecting a fleeting moment
where my breath quickens
the pulse races and all 300grams of
me pounds as if I am sprinting
from death
as if the maelstrom of ideas I hold
are phantoms leaking out
being consumed by the simple act
of holding you cocooned in the Sanskrit
writings calligraphed on you skin in indelible ink
invisible to those looking out from within there own
hollows
but I see the lines and want to trace them out
write those letters of some such on all 300grams of my beating insanity
taste your taboos and kiss them away
until they are integrated into an us
to help you conquer your dreams
not stand in the way and try to do it for you
shield you from wounds that would altogether be mortal if I was not there
but I refuse to take those wounds that will make you stronger
there is some kind of gorgeous huger
in the suffering of fools in love
as if a heart beating battery acide
and a mind clouded in the dizzy fogs are all that matter
and yes I burn for you
ache to join in the topography of your flesh
breath the sanguis perfume
from between your thighs
the moments of awe
hair raised in shivering piloerection
as I melt
Aristotle believed the heart was a lamp that kept us warm
and mine surges into a bonfire
whenever I read the depth of you
engraved in all 300grams
of my lifes blood
__________________
todski28
As a favour to Tsotha
Last edited by todski28 : 08-01-2018 at 10:08 PM.
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08-02-2018, 12:03 AM
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#358
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Just Chilling
HarryHill is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: 7 miles from Backwater
Posts: 8,445
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Quote:
Originally Posted by todski28
and so the weight of a mans heart is barely 300grams
a woman's slightly less
and beyond the fatalistic beating
70-80 of those a minute
pumping life into the furthest reaches of the cosmos
because the connections in the human brain
link beyond that of the stars in the sky
I burn for the curled warmth
of your breath on my face
tickling
inviting me to stare
into the unknown
the abyss that stares back
reflecting a fleeting moment
where my breath quickens
the pulse races and all 300grams of
me pounds as if I am sprinting
from death
as if the maelstrom of ideas I hold
are phantoms leaking out
being consumed by the simple act
of holding you cocooned in the Sanskrit
writings calligraphed on you skin in indelible ink
invisible to those looking out from within there own
hollows
but I see the lines and want to trace them out
write those letters of some such on all 300grams of my beating insanity
taste your taboos and kiss them away
until they are integrated into an us
to help you conquer your dreams
not stand in the way and try to do it for you
shield you from wounds that would altogether be mortal if I was not there
but I refuse to take those wounds that will make you stronger
there is some kind of gorgeous huger
in the suffering of fools in love
as if a heart beating battery acide
and a mind clouded in the dizzy fogs are all that matter
and yes I burn for you
ache to join in the topography of your flesh
breath the sanguis perfume
from between your thighs
the moments of awe
hair raised in shivering piloerection
as I melt
Aristotle believed the heart was a lamp that kept us warm
and mine surges into a bonfire
whenever I read the depth of you
engraved in all 300grams
of my lifes blood
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..
Oh bravo!
__________________
Fairyland Theatre a three act comedy in prose and poetry... A sheened pearl of ice in the feeble dawn,
cracked, flawed, a chip gone, ghostly quiet in a misty fen, shattered with the first roar, melted with flames.
0 days accident free
"I'll never be a poet" - The Harry
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08-02-2018, 10:04 AM
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#359
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Literotica Guru
greenmountaineer is offline
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,442
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HarryHill
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Oh bravo!
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Agree with Harry; one of your best, tod
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08-04-2018, 09:26 PM
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#360
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Literotica Guru
butters is offline
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: home
Posts: 62,785
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todski... it's like you missed 3 rungs on the stepladder and wrote this one from the fourth up from you regulars.
they were pretty damned good, visceral, and beyond simple 'raw' - this latest is honed to a professional feel without being so shiny it's tawdry.
__________________
William Dement (the father of sleep medicine) said:
"Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives."
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08-05-2018, 02:07 AM
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#361
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Dangerous Liaison
champagne1982 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,455
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Quote:
Originally Posted by butters
todski... it's like you missed 3 rungs on the stepladder and wrote this one from the fourth up from you regulars.
they were pretty damned good, visceral, and beyond simple 'raw' - this latest is honed to a professional feel without being so shiny it's tawdry.
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Agreed in all but the honing Todski. I know it needs an edit simply because you wrote it on your mobile phone touch pad. If you'll allow me I will clean it up for you.
Send me an IM 
__________________
Get Carrie'd away.
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11-15-2018, 04:15 AM
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#362
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Literotica Guru
todski28 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,647
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Quote:
Originally Posted by champagne1982
Agreed in all but the honing Todski. I know it needs an edit simply because you wrote it on your mobile phone touch pad. If you'll allow me I will clean it up for you.
Send me an IM 
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Damn champ I'm sorry for not responding to this, I've been flitting between here and gone so much it's been drive by poeming:/
Thanks all who replied also, I may be around more often I'm kinda not sure at the moment I want to be around but life does what life does
__________________
todski28
As a favour to Tsotha
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12-19-2018, 03:54 PM
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#363
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Literotica Guru
todski28 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,647
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My hands are strangers
it smells of teeth
crushing ripe fruit
every motion draws a new catalyst
of meaning from your skin
metaphors spark in the moans
loss
reunification
a new pulse of life in the grey
solitude of my own thoughts
controlling demands of lye
shackled beasts wander
in the empty pit of my stomach
primordial things there before the formation of gods
sparking programming as ancient as trees
codified in the existence of your arousal
a well trekked swamp of danger
flush of excitement
collecting the burdens of
strength
the demands of surrender
taking all that is hard and
sinking into svelte softness
a dichotomy as old as time
everything tastes wet
you are mapped
in the contours of my existance
burdens pound against the temples
air never seemed so sweet
and raging blood never made me feel more alive
__________________
todski28
As a favour to Tsotha
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