The Raven (closed)

"You've already been doing the right things for them, Lynndon." Emma said softly as Elijah snuggled up against her skin, a little sigh leaving his lips as he finally settled down. "You know, I told your mother that perhaps it was best if I did die. That way you would at least have a baby to love and a fresh start away from me."
 
"I was useless without ya," Boar admitted quietly. "I took care o' the boys, sure, but... There were some days I had t'leave 'em t'the others when I jus' couldn't make myself get out o'bed."
 
"I guess we need each other more than we realized." Emma said softly. "I'd have come back sooner if I knew that. I tried my hardest to just wake up because I had to get back to you and the babies. I didn't know how much you would miss me."
 
"Hopefully now y'see just 'ow much I love ya an' need ya. If y'need any more convincin'... Just ask Selena. She 'ad t'stop me from outright givin' up some days..." He situated himself beside her, and Leon reached out with a soft coo to touch her arm.
 
Emma glanced down at her broad boned son as his tiny hand rested against her arm. She smiled, holding Eli a little bit tighter as Boar settled beside her on the bed.

"Never give up, Boar." Emma said softly. "I never want you to give up anything."
 
"Only if you promise not to either," Boar murmured, leaning over to kiss her cheek.

Emma was still bedridden for some time until she had enough strength to stand. She was in nearly the same condition Kitty had been for so long due to her illness, but Emma would slowly return to normal with a lot of time and rest and Vincenzo's treatments. The first day she was able to walk to the keep's hall with Boar's help while Vincenzo brought the twins for them, the Ghis family was awaiting her and all looked absolutely relieved to see her up and around and looking a bit less pale.
 
Emma was embarrassed at the state that she was in. She wanted to hold her babies and care for them on her own, but that was nearly impossible. She depended so much on Boar, Vincenzo, and the rest of the family that seemed to be on a constant rotation so she was never alone. Her temper had grown short and she would often snap at Boar before breaking down into tears when she apologized.

She sat down in a chair with a long and tired sigh. Glancing towards Vincenzo, she held out her hands for one of the babies, simply needing to hold on as she fought to find a little bit of normalcy.
 
Vincenzo gave Emma a gentle smile, helping her settle little Leon against her chest as she was still too weak to hold him properly. Leon cooed softly as he settled against her. If there was anything to be said for Leon and Eli, it was that they adored their mother and had missed her terribly.
 
Emma let her eyes close slightly as Leon was settled into her arms, the baby cooing happily as he came to settle against her chest. She couldn't even lift her twins from bed in the middle of the night when they needed her most. It was all a little too much for her fragile state and often she would be found sobbing by the fire in her frustration.

"Just a little bit of lunch, please." Emma murmured as she looked up at Boar. "Not too much."
 
"Sure, love," Boar nodded, going to get her a plate as Chessie doled everything out. Since his arrival in Inverness, at Vincenzo's request Chessie had also been preparing a special tea at each meal for Kitty. Ever since Emma had woken, Vincenzo had asked Chessie to make extra for her. It was oddly sweet despite the awful medicinal smell, but it had done wonders for Kitty's health and would do the same over time for Emma. Boar brought her the tea and her plate before settling beside her to take Eli so Vincenzo could return to Kitty.

"How y'feelin' t'day, love?" Boar asked his wife softly.
 
"Tired and useless. Like an old woman." Emma said as she took the mug and brought it to her lips. "I want to go back to our home. I'm tired of being cared for here in the keep. It's time for us to figure things out on our own without people around all the time."
 
"Yer no' useless, love," Boar told her softly. "We can go 'ome t'day if Vincenzo thinks it's alright, but it migh' be tough, jus' the two of us with th'boys." It'd taken two people plus Boar to support Emma in her weakness and take care of the twins since she'd woken, and then the addition of Vincenzo on her worst days.
 
"You've said that every time." Emma said, that slow building anger coming forward as she looked at him. "Lynndon, I don't want to rely on people anymore. This isn't how I imagined the first few days of our sons' lives playing out. They need to be at home with their Mummy and their Da. That's it and that's what I want."
 
Boar could see and hear the anger, especially when she used his real name. "Alright, alright..." he nodded slowly. "I'll 'ave a talk with Vincenzo after we're done eating." He also thought to talk to her about what he wanted and needed, knowing he needed to stop giving in to her wishes over what was best. But he didn't speak of it then. It wasn't something to start out in front of everyone.
 
"Thank you." Emma said with strain in her voice as she glanced down at Leon who was nuzzling against her skin.

She knew she was being irrational and she knew that Boar was wearing thin where her temper was concerned. She knew she needed to apologize to him, but the words always seemed to get stuck between her heart and her lips. After they had sat in strained silence for a long moment, Emma let out a soft sigh and looked at her husband.

"It's hard to be like this." She said softly. "I want to do things on my own."
 
"I know it's hard love... but if you push away 'elp too soon, it'll take even longer t'heal an' get yer strength back," Boar warned her in a soft voice. "I only want what's best fer you an' th' boys. So do all th'others."
 
Emma was quiet after her husband gently scolded her. She was lost in her own thoughts of the situation and was warring between wanting to be independent and needing the help to get through each day. It was a hard decision and she knew that Boar was doing everything in his power to make sure that she healed properly.
 
Eli began to fuss quietly, being the much quieter of the two in most situations, and Boar lifted him up to kiss his forehead. "Now wha's wrong, lad? Jealous o' yer brother?" He'd learned that the boys were much louder when they were hungry, but they would whimper when they missed one of their parents. He looked to Emma, "Trade ya?"
 
Emma looked to him as Eli fussed in his father's arms. Boar was quick to try and soothe him, his eyes soon turning towards her as he offered to trade. She thought for a long moment and shook her head.

"I want both of them." She said softly, looking at him with those clear blue eyes that still held so much hurt, disappointment and pain. "Please? I just want to try. I haven't gotten to hold them both at once since they were born."
 
"'Course you can, love." Boar lifted Eli up to settle him against her opposite shoulder as it was the only way she could support her boys at the moment. Eli quieted down immediately, clinging to his mother's dress.
 
Emma could hardly believe that the thing that she wanted most was finally happening. Eli settled immediately and held her dress between his tiny fingers. Leon reached for his brother and held onto his woolen shirt just as tightly. Emma let out a long sigh and nuzzled against both of the boys, glancing at Boar with tears in her eyes.

"This is what I wanted all along." Emma whispered, those tears falling as she wrapped the boys up in her arms as tightly as she possibly could.
 
"Oh, Em..." Boar murmured, feeling a lump in his throat at seeing her tears. "I'm sure it's what they wanted too, love." He knew it was a heartening sight for himself. He reached up to dry her tears before he let his hand rest across Leon's back. "They love ya so much... they missed you every day, couldn' stop 'em cryin' sometimes til they tired 'emselves out."
 
"You don't understand, Boar." Emma said with a sniffle as he dried her tears. "I'm useless for them. I can't nurse them without help. I can't change a diaper. This isn't how this was suppose to be."

Emma let out a long sigh, looking down at her twins as they squirmed against her chest. "Perhaps this is a punishment for all of the bad things in my life. For being whore. For plotting against a king. For every bad thing that I ever did."
 
Boar felt so helpless watching her mourn over the loss of something so simple that most mothers often took for granted. When she mused over it all being a punishment, he sighed and looked down. "Maybe... maybe it is some kind o' punishment. I've been wonderin' th'same fer myself, havin' t'watch you suffer. We've both done a lot o' things tha' we regret an' wish we'd gotten through some other way." He lifted his gaze to hers. "But, Em... This is what's happenin' righ' now. You're alive, an' tha's a blessing in my book after facin' possible execution an' nearly dyin' in childbirth. You're getting better, an' we're gonna make it because we 'ave a family with hearts o' gold tha' gave us another chance even when I stoked th'fire o' the war an' you poisoned Brogan. We're okay... we're becomin' respectable people fer once. Leon an' Eli won' have t'be ashamed of us. Tha's all I could ask for... an' if it takes a while fer us t'be one-hundred percent, tha's more'n I could've asked for anyway. We're gonna be okay. Tha's what matters most."
 
Emma listened to her husband as he talked gently and she finally nodded, looking up at him as more tears spilled down her cheeks. He wanted to make her life easy and give her the respectability that had alluded her for much of her life. It was a kind gesture, one that she wasn't entirely sure that she deserved.

"I'm sorry I get angry with you." She said softly. "I just wish we were home. I know people can care for me easier here at the keep, but I just want to be home. Maybe we shouldn't leave until we build the new home we were talking about."
 
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