Then no matter what else he did some good. It is so easy for submissives to not get who we are and find ourselves in abusive relationships until we find something that gives us the strength to see who we are. Been there
Healthy Sub
- Thread starter cmslt2326
- Start date
Then no matter what else he did some good. It is so easy for submissives to not get who we are and find ourselves in abusive relationships until we find something that gives us the strength to see who we are. Been there
All_4_Love
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2014
- Posts
- 1,339
*hugs you tightly*
Hugs.
You know I think we managed to actually discuss what the post is supposed to be lol.
All_4_Love
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2014
- Posts
- 1,339
All_4_Love
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2014
- Posts
- 1,339
Hunter Hayes -Invisible
Crowded hallways are the loneliest places
For outcasts and rebels
Or anyone who just dares to be different
And you've been trying for so long
To find out where your place is
But in their narrow minds
There's no room for anyone who dares to do something different
Oh, but listen for a minute
Trust the one
Who's been where you are wishing all it was
Was sticks and stones
Those words cut deep but they don't mean you're all alone
And you're not invisible
Hear me out,
There's so much more to life than what you're feeling now
Someday you'll look back on all these days
And all this pain is gonna be invisible
Oh, invisible
So your confidence is quiet
To them quiet looks like weakness
But you don't have to fight it
'Cause you're strong enough to win without a war
Every heart has a rhythm
Let yours beat out so loudly
That everyone can hear it
Yeah, I promise you don't need to hide it anymore
Oh, and never be afraid of doing something different
Dare to be something more
Trust the one
Who's been where you are wishing all it was
Was sticks and stones
Yeah, the words cut deep but they don't mean you're all alone
And you're not invisible
Hear me out,
There's so much more of this life than what you're feeling now
And someday you'll look back on all these days
And all this pain is gonna be invisible
These labels that they give you
just 'cause they don't understand
If you look past this moment
You'll see you've got a friend
Waving a flag for who you are
And all you're gonna do
Yeah, so here's to you
And here's to anyone who's ever felt invisible
Yeah, and you're not invisible
Hear me out,
There's so much more to life than what you're feeling now
And someday you'll look back on all these days
And all this pain is gonna be invisible
It'll be invisible
Crowded hallways are the loneliest places
For outcasts and rebels
Or anyone who just dares to be different
And you've been trying for so long
To find out where your place is
But in their narrow minds
There's no room for anyone who dares to do something different
Oh, but listen for a minute
Trust the one
Who's been where you are wishing all it was
Was sticks and stones
Those words cut deep but they don't mean you're all alone
And you're not invisible
Hear me out,
There's so much more to life than what you're feeling now
Someday you'll look back on all these days
And all this pain is gonna be invisible
Oh, invisible
So your confidence is quiet
To them quiet looks like weakness
But you don't have to fight it
'Cause you're strong enough to win without a war
Every heart has a rhythm
Let yours beat out so loudly
That everyone can hear it
Yeah, I promise you don't need to hide it anymore
Oh, and never be afraid of doing something different
Dare to be something more
Trust the one
Who's been where you are wishing all it was
Was sticks and stones
Yeah, the words cut deep but they don't mean you're all alone
And you're not invisible
Hear me out,
There's so much more of this life than what you're feeling now
And someday you'll look back on all these days
And all this pain is gonna be invisible
These labels that they give you
just 'cause they don't understand
If you look past this moment
You'll see you've got a friend
Waving a flag for who you are
And all you're gonna do
Yeah, so here's to you
And here's to anyone who's ever felt invisible
Yeah, and you're not invisible
Hear me out,
There's so much more to life than what you're feeling now
And someday you'll look back on all these days
And all this pain is gonna be invisible
It'll be invisible
CutieMouse
Meticulously Flighty
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2004
- Posts
- 8,493
[random hijack]
The most interesting thing about threads like this one (that have happened more often over the years than the people posting in them might realize), is that they eventually devolve into "I feel so terribly unwelcome and attacked! I never expected this from people in an alternative lifestyle..." stuff.
The reason I (personally) find it so fascinatingly interesting, is that as an "old timer", I find some of the attitudes, philosophies, perspectives, etc of "newbies*" leave me (as an "old timer") sometimes feeling unwelcome, attacked, and completely out of the loop re: Lit's BDSM Forums. As a result, I find myself NOT participating, or sharing observations and/ or advice, more often than I would like. Not that I consider myself to be a that great of a resource, but the complete disinterest in becoming a part of the "but that was mean/ I'm misunderstood/ you don't understand me" stuff, is the sort of thing that can create a lack of mentoring relationships... which (IMO) is a shame.
[/random hijack]
*No "newbies" in particular are the cause of this discomfort, I am not singling anyone out, no specific poster is a target of this observation.
The most interesting thing about threads like this one (that have happened more often over the years than the people posting in them might realize), is that they eventually devolve into "I feel so terribly unwelcome and attacked! I never expected this from people in an alternative lifestyle..." stuff.
The reason I (personally) find it so fascinatingly interesting, is that as an "old timer", I find some of the attitudes, philosophies, perspectives, etc of "newbies*" leave me (as an "old timer") sometimes feeling unwelcome, attacked, and completely out of the loop re: Lit's BDSM Forums. As a result, I find myself NOT participating, or sharing observations and/ or advice, more often than I would like. Not that I consider myself to be a that great of a resource, but the complete disinterest in becoming a part of the "but that was mean/ I'm misunderstood/ you don't understand me" stuff, is the sort of thing that can create a lack of mentoring relationships... which (IMO) is a shame.
[/random hijack]
*No "newbies" in particular are the cause of this discomfort, I am not singling anyone out, no specific poster is a target of this observation.
cmslt2326
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2014
- Posts
- 339
Okay, I hear you. So, basically we are back to the same argument here. Because my reality does not match your reality, it's offensive to you.
I am sorry if that comes off as cocky. It's frustrating for me. I never ever expected my sig to be offensive to anyone. I am literally in shock over this. I don't even know what to say. I'll take the sig off, but it seems to me that the damage has already been done.
I just can't wrap my mind around it, Stray.
So, now I'm in tears. My sig is gone. I am devastated at how I've been treated here and the fact that I unknowingly and inadvertently offended so many others. And, KP, you have your wish. I won't be posting anymore in the BDSM forum. And, no Netz, it's not because I am taking my toys and going home. It's because I have a fucking heart and I am sick and tired of it being trampled on. I never wanted to offend anyone here. I wanted to make friends.
And on second thought, there are really very few here that I would want to be friends with anyway.
cmslt2326
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2014
- Posts
- 339
Again a new word I never used. I never accused you of attacking me and no I did not misunderstand SK's post
All_4_Love
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2014
- Posts
- 1,339
Although I know that you state you are not directing these thoughts at any one person in particular, "threads like this one" got started in direct reference to my signature line. The responses that lean towards a "much harsher" bent coincidentally come from a few common posters that have made it quite clear since my posts on another thread that they took serious issue with my point of view.
This a storm that has been brewing directly with me, although a few of them will deny it, for quite a while now over the course of quite a few threads. Evidently, much to my surprise, and after a few google searches, this is also a storm that has been brewing in the BDSM community for a very long time since long before I came here.
To put me in the same category as you have done with so many previous posters who have devolved into the infamous "I feel so unwelcome and attacked" category, is, in my opinion, wrong and unfair. I have not held myself up that way until I was, without doubt, personally attacked several times.
This has nothing to do with "people in an alternative lifestyle". Feed that to yourself if you must. This has to do with treating other people with courtesy. To use your words "be a mentor" not a critic. Because as soon as you do, you put people on the defense.
I know this is not something that you will agree with, and that's fine. We will have to agree to disagree.
It is a shame because the feeling is very mutual. I came here with curiosity, hope, and naivety. What I have walked away with is a lot of disappointment.
As a newbie, I have found a lot of people downright offended for me being unabashedly myself, someone without an ounce of concern, mind you, about the authenticity of, or aptitude of knowledge, toward anyone that didn't see things "my way", so to speak.
I am truly sorry if the contents of this thread made you feel attacked. I am not a part of any loop to even feel left out of. Look at the problems that were caused from my sig. I mean, honestly, when it all comes down, is it really so bad and offensive?
I see a community very divided, and basically over run by a few people who just happen to have the very unwavering and set views about this "lifestyle" that I keep being accused of. Then, of course, you have your "not so direct" members that think that if they play it safe and just throw out some sarcasm and a few covert insults, then all is well and good. It's sad, really sad.
And yet I hear recent echoes of a previous complaint from another member about how "people like me" create an atmosphere that keeps people from feeling confident to join Lit, from feeling welcome and accepted for who they are regardless of the style of their kink?
You all preach safe, sane, and consensual? Yet, your forum feels like a place for a submissive to run from, right into the arms of the very type of man that you keep preaching is so dangerous.
CutieMouse
Meticulously Flighty
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2004
- Posts
- 8,493
"Threads like this" started with a question. Until the OP mentioned it, I (for one) had NO CLUE the thread was inspired by someone's sig. When the quote was mentioned, I requested it so I'd know what was being discussed, and I'd be able to know what I was talking about.
You and I probably do not see eye to eye on the subject of D/s. And? There are people here (not you) that I personally feel use the forum for their own political/personal agendas. In some cases, I find those [perceived] agendas to be offensive to my personal philosophy of D/s. However - Lit is a Free Speech site. They have every right to express their views in whatever manner they feel is most effective. I have the right to do the same; unfortunately [fortunately
] I'm spread too thin to bother these days. (On the days I want to vent, I send ranty PMs to people I trust will read them in the spirit they're intended. lol)Forgive me, but this reads as victim mentality. While I may not agree with your views, I do believe you to be an articulate, intelligent person who surely is capable of recognizing that adults can disagree without it being a personal vendetta.
I have seen a lot of sensitivity and hurt feelings. That (IMO) does not equate personal attacks.
I am a fan of reality and tough love, dished out with as much compassion as possible, and bluntness when necessary. You may feel that is discourteous, but I feel it does a greater disservice to naive, inexperienced people to hold their hands and spoon feed them sugar cubes. I have made a lot of mistakes over the years, and I remember people on this forum giving me advice early on that I thought was mean, and rude, and how could those people not understand my point of view?? How could those people be so jaded? How could they make me feel so unwelcome?
The suffering and struggles I could have avoided, if I'd listened to the "rude" comments of Catalina, SirWinston, Francisco, Etoile, AngelicAssassin, DVS, Yanks, Netzach and more, instead of reacting emotionally...
But then I remind myself that we all walk our own path, and I used to be offended by/ ignore well meaning advice, too.
That's kinda my point. What you require for a conversation to be "civil" may not be what I require for a conversation to be "civil". Who gets to decide what the rules are? Because I haven't seen nearly as much rudeness as you have perceived (across multiple threads). Have things gotten heated at times? Yes. But in the threads where I have no "dog in the fight" one way or another, I've seen rude behavior on both sides [in the mile in their moccasins sort of way].
blunt moment -
This is the sort of statement that wears thin [for me]. Speaking for myself, I am not offended by your being "unabashedly yourself". I disagree with your personal views of D/s, as well as your sources - however, I also recognize that they are your own, personal views, expressed on a website, that honestly have very little impact on myself. I am able to recognize that although I disagree with your philosophy of D/s, it's YOURS. Rock on with yo' bad self and all that.
I also have an obsession with research, and do care about the authenticity and aptitude of knowledge of the resources people turn to. For me, personally, the writings that inspired this thread felt "off" enough to me to join the conversation. There are people here who's opinion I trust; there are people here who's opinion I don't care for. And when all else fails, I remind myself that online, everyone is a dog. (Old New Yorker cartoon.)
I don't feel attacked by the contents of the thread. I pointed out a generic empathy for your feelings of not being welcome here.
I also don't see any of the "problems caused by your sig". Some people likened it to early internet CastleRealm BDSM woo-woo, and had an interesting debate about it. Why and how is that a problem? I thought it was one of the more interesting conversations we've had around here in a while...
I haven't seen that. I have seen heightened sensitivity, maybe a little defensiveness, and maybe a bit of projection, but I haven't seen what you are describing. Different lenses.
Soooooo... I make an attempt to reach out a hand, and empathize with feeling uncomfortable posting, and if I'm reading this right, that offended you because I can see where you're coming from [although from a slightly different perspective]?
Bit histrionic, don't you think?
Adults have adult conversations, which may evolve [sometimes devolve] into debates, in which people are able to discuss their views in intelligent and forceful manners... seeing adults argue, and debate, and discuss the hard stuff is going to drive grown adults into abusive relationships? Seriously?
The flip side of that argument is that s-types would successfully AVOID abusive relationships, as long as everyone agreed with each other, never discussed (questioned) things people saw online, and worried more about being nice to each other, than discussing the hard stuff.
Do you believe that discussing the quote in question is more likely to result in abusive relationships, than not discussing the quote in question?
Last edited:
StrayKat
Conquered By A Tiger
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2009
- Posts
- 3,645
I asked you how did I bring anyone into the fray and you answer me with what somebody else wrote as if it was your own post?
Let me clear that up for you. I never asked All4Love to participate in this thread nor did I comment anything about her, nor did I involve her in any other way.
I said the quote you presented as a merit for healthy sub is pissing me off. Because it implies that those of us who are not all that guy says healthy sub should be, are unhealthy and should be as he says we should be to become healthy. I think he is full of shit. Why me thinking he is full of shit should make you two so hurt and feeling rejected is beyond me. I didnt piss on Holy Bible, I said I find borderline offensive for somebody who is not even sub to make rules and norms of what a "real, good, healthy" sub should be.
Apparently you cant stand somebody disagreeing, not with you, but with somebody else who is not even participating in this discussion. Well, too bad, because I have my opinion and no amount of kicking and screaming and being hurt will change my mind. I still think he is full of shit. Period. Take it entirely as you will.
cmslt2326
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2014
- Posts
- 339
I asked you how did I bring anyone into the fray and you answer me with what somebody else wrote as if it was your own post?
Let me clear that up for you. I never asked All4Love to participate in this thread nor did I comment anything about her, nor did I involve her in any other way.
I said the quote you presented as a merit for healthy sub is pissing me off. Because it implies that those of us who are not all that guy says healthy sub should be, are unhealthy and should be as he says we should be to become healthy. I think he is full of shit. Why me thinking he is full of shit should make you two so hurt and feeling rejected is beyond me. I didnt piss on Holy Bible, I said I find borderline offensive for somebody who is not even sub to make rules and norms of what a "real, good, healthy" sub should be.
Apparently you cant stand somebody disagreeing, not with you, but with somebody else who is not even participating in this discussion. Well, too bad, because I have my opinion and no amount of kicking and screaming and being hurt will change my mind. I still think he is full of shit. Period. Take it entirely as you will.
Sweetheart you are mistaken if you think anything you say could hurt me. lol. You simply do not have that ability. I have never stated what I think a healthy sub is or even what my opinion of the word healthy is so you can not disagree with an opinion I have never shown you. I did not post the quote from "The Healthy Sub" as merit for my original thread because it was not used as such. What it did was get me thinking and made me decide to ask some questions here. You did not ask All_4_Love to join the thread you just verbally beat the hell out of her for her opinion and made her cry. I love when people disagree and discuss, unlike you, which is why I started the thread to begin with. The only person kicking and screaming on this post was you and you are entitled to your opinion. I love spirited dialogue and I love differing opinions I simply do not like individuals who throw a fit in long diatribes when her opinion is challenged.
cmslt2326
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2014
- Posts
- 339
"Threads like this" started with a question. Until the OP mentioned it, I (for one) had NO CLUE the thread was inspired by someone's sig. When the quote was mentioned, I requested it so I'd know what was being discussed, and I'd be able to know what I was talking about.
You and I probably do not see eye to eye on the subject of D/s. And? There are people here (not you) that I personally feel use the forum for their own political/personal agendas. In some cases, I find those [perceived] agendas to be offensive to my personal philosophy of D/s. However - Lit is a Free Speech site. They have every right to express their views in whatever manner they feel is most effective. I have the right to do the same; unfortunately [fortunately
Forgive me, but this reads as victim mentality. While I may not agree with your views, I do believe you to be an articulate, intelligent person who surely is capable of recognizing that adults can disagree without it being a personal vendetta.
I have seen a lot of sensitivity and hurt feelings. That (IMO) does not equate personal attacks.
I am a fan of reality and tough love, dished out with as much compassion as possible, and bluntness when necessary. You may feel that is discourteous, but I feel it does a greater disservice to naive, inexperienced people to hold their hands and spoon feed them sugar cubes. I have made a lot of mistakes over the years, and I remember people on this forum giving me advice early on that I thought was mean, and rude, and how could those people not understand my point of view?? How could those people be so jaded? How could they make me feel so unwelcome?
The suffering and struggles I could have avoided, if I'd listened to the "rude" comments of Catalina, SirWinston, Francisco, Etoile, AngelicAssassin, DVS, Yanks, Netzach and more, instead of reacting emotionally...
But then I remind myself that we all walk our own path, and I used to be offended by/ ignore well meaning advice, too.
That's kinda my point. What you require for a conversation to be "civil" may not be what I require for a conversation to be "civil". Who gets to decide what the rules are? Because I haven't seen nearly as much rudeness as you have perceived (across multiple threads). Have things gotten heated at times? Yes. But in the threads where I have no "dog in the fight" one way or another, I've seen rude behavior on both sides [in the mile in their moccasins sort of way].
blunt moment -
This is the sort of statement that wears thin [for me]. Speaking for myself, I am not offended by your being "unabashedly yourself". I disagree with your personal views of D/s, as well as your sources - however, I also recognize that they are your own, personal views, expressed on a website, that honestly have very little impact on myself. I am able to recognize that although I disagree with your philosophy of D/s, it's YOURS. Rock on with yo' bad self and all that.
I also have an obsession with research, and do care about the authenticity and aptitude of knowledge of the resources people turn to. For me, personally, the writings that inspired this thread felt "off" enough to me to join the conversation. There are people here who's opinion I trust; there are people here who's opinion I don't care for. And when all else fails, I remind myself that online, everyone is a dog. (Old New Yorker cartoon.)
I don't feel attacked by the contents of the thread. I pointed out a generic empathy for your feelings of not being welcome here.
I also don't see any of the "problems caused by your sig". Some people likened it to early internet CastleRealm BDSM woo-woo, and had an interesting debate about it. Why and how is that a problem? I thought it was one of the more interesting conversations we've had around here in a while...
I haven't seen that. I have seen heightened sensitivity, maybe a little defensiveness, and maybe a bit of projection, but I haven't seen what you are describing. Different lenses.
Soooooo... I make an attempt to reach out a hand, and empathize with feeling uncomfortable posting, and if I'm reading this right, that offended you because I can see where you're coming from [although from a slightly different perspective]?
Bit histrionic, don't you think?
Adults have adult conversations, which may evolve [sometimes devolve] into debates, in which people are able to discuss their views in intelligent and forceful manners... seeing adults argue, and debate, and discuss the hard stuff is going to drive grown adults into abusive relationships? Seriously?
The flip side of that argument is that s-types would successfully AVOID abusive relationships, as long as everyone agreed with each other, never discussed (questioned) things people saw online, and worried more about being nice to each other, than discussing the hard stuff.
Do you believe that discussing the quote in question is more likely to result in abusive relationships, than not discussing the quote in question?
Thank you for sharing your opinion about this. This dialogue right here about the rights of LIT users to state an opinion and agree or disagree on the points debated is exactly what I"d hoped for when I posed the original questions. I love your thoughtful questions posed herein and the fact that you mention discussing the hard stuff. The hard stuff and the questions that every sub answers for herself/himself was exactly what the loop was all about. No one can tell a submissive how to feel about her/his decision to submit. It is a very personal journey and because it can be a non-traditional choice it often involves more questions than answers. My goal in this forum was to finally hear from others about their thoughts and opinions into what submission really means for them. I have really enjoyed the lively debates here on this thread and I am very thankful you shared your views. This site has provided an excellent opportunity for us in the BDSM community to discuss the hard stuff and to debate and question our own preconceptions.
Thanks for your feedback. I really appreciate it.
StrayKat
Conquered By A Tiger
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2009
- Posts
- 3,645
I already said I dont care for that passive aggressive shit so stop trying to "verbally beat the hell out of me for my opinion", because you wont make me cry, you will just make me roll my eyes
If you ladies cant handle somebody disagreeing with your authority without turning it into bickering and trying to use the guilt trips to force someone to agree, quite frankly that is your problem not mine.
I said what I had to say, I still think the same, no point in posting here anymore.
Didn't this shit burn itself out last night? How long can this keep going?
The only thing Stay Kat did was state a difference of opinion with All4love (in a way less offensive manner than most) who seemed to have some friendship before, and became the last straw. And now is pointlessly getting ripped into cause that will make things better.
Cmslt all you seem to be doing is stirring up a fight which seems to be the aim of setting up this thread since you show no interest in getting it back on subject.
Chocolate cake and camomile tea on the table if anyone wants to be civil but I have enough shit in my life without online war with no reason
The only thing Stay Kat did was state a difference of opinion with All4love (in a way less offensive manner than most) who seemed to have some friendship before, and became the last straw. And now is pointlessly getting ripped into cause that will make things better.
Cmslt all you seem to be doing is stirring up a fight which seems to be the aim of setting up this thread since you show no interest in getting it back on subject.
Chocolate cake and camomile tea on the table if anyone wants to be civil but I have enough shit in my life without online war with no reason
cmslt2326
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2014
- Posts
- 339
Actually Shade I did not start this mornings message I responded to SK's post so No stirring for me and if you note what I wrote to CutieMouse you will discover that I did and do want to be back on topic. I loved when you and All_4_Love actually seemed to have a real conversation about the initial premise behind the thread. That was what I hoped for from the initial questions.
Chocolate cake and camomile tea sounds lovely. Thanks
IrisAlthea
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 2, 2008
- Posts
- 5,199
Oh, I missed this before.
Yes, I can see that it has some effect when I see how mine interact with others, especially when we are not around.
It's mostly the daily demonstrations of affection between siblings and such that make me remember the family curse (may your kids be half as bad as you are
).
All_4_Love
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2014
- Posts
- 1,339
What I believe is that you're a very condescending woman and that a discussion or plea towards any compassion from you is hopeless. You can sugar coat, name drop, and hang on the tails of your superiority and BDSM expertise all you need to to keep that up, but it has no effect on me. Perhaps, your intended audience will better benefit.
I know the woman that I am. I know the woman that I came here and held myself up as. I am a late 30s submissive WOMAN. I have 2 beautiful children that I live for every day. I have a past and a future. I have manners. I have empathy. I have self esteem.
I most certainly had no other agenda coming here other than to make friends. Maybe I should have just started a thread about how to suck a cock...
StrayKat
Conquered By A Tiger
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2009
- Posts
- 3,645
Indeed.
I am on pre-diabetic diet and chamomile puts me to sleep, but I discovered a new passion for lime water if you have any
Oh, I missed this before.
Yes, I can see that it has some effect when I see how mine interact with others, especially when we are not around.
It's mostly the daily demonstrations of affection between siblings and such that make me remember the family curse (may your kids be half as bad as you are
I think my kids are the whole bad as I am, but being as bad as I am and not as good as my Mother was when I was a kid, we get along surprisingly well.
I would say enjoy every moment they drive you nuts now, they grow up and leave to go live their own lives so fast its unreal. I am waiting on grandchildren to spoil them in all those ways I didnt dare to spoil my kids not to screw them up.
CutieMouse
Meticulously Flighty
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2004
- Posts
- 8,493
IMO, the "hard stuff" has nothing to do with how a submissive feels about his or her decision to submit. Hard stuff is things like -
You're in a relationship and your partner has final say. Period. A life changing event has come up, and you strongly disagree with your partner's decision. How do you handle it?
or
You have always felt submissive, but were a little ashamed/ felt wrong for the feelings, so hid it from your partners. You've been married 10 years, have 1 child with another on the way, and finally shared your submissive desires with your partner. They said they were on board, but you don't feel they understand what their role in the relationship is. What do you do?
or
You are married, and consider your relationship to be D/s. You've started noticing that your children (one boy, one girl) are mimicking your relationship dynamics, and you don't know if that's because of the model you present, or they're simply inclined to behave that way. How do you raise a well rounded child, in a D/s household, ensuring that they understand how to assert themselves, as well as respect the authority of others (who may or may not fit traditional leadership roles)?
or
You fall on the "natural submissive" side of the spectrum, but have started realizing that it feels like friends, family and coworkers are taking advantage of you. How do you reconcile a "naturally submissive" personality, with the day to day stuff, without being/ feeling used?
or
Your best friend is worried that you are in a codependent relationship, and expresses concern. You decide to explain the D/s thing to them, and the talk goes better than you expected... but they are also still able to point out examples of codependent [damaging, unhealthy] behaviors in the relationship. You recognize that a lot of D/s might look codependent from the outside, but also recognize that your friend has some valid points. How do you figure out what is a positive D/s element (that deviates from "the norm" in modern relationships), and what isn't? And if you do identify something negative, what happens next?
Those things are hard. People in an online forum saying "XYZ is the most amazing, insightful view of BDSM I've ever read and it speaks to me all the way down to my submissive toes!" / "ehhhhh... gotta tell ya, I don't buy into ____ / actually that person's views are offensive to me because ___" is just intellectual masturbation.
I haven't seen anyone tell someone how to feel about their decision to submit. I have seen several conversations about philosophies, theories, beliefs re: submission, in which people may or may not agree, but I haven't seen anything telling someone to stop feeling the way they do.
StrayKat
Conquered By A Tiger
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2009
- Posts
- 3,645
Might come as surprise but I am not really crazy about chocolate. White chocolate yes, Raffaelos I could drown in, and I kinda totally like the taste of vanilla
IrisAlthea
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 2, 2008
- Posts
- 5,199
Indeed.
I am on pre-diabetic diet and chamomile puts me to sleep, but I discovered a new passion for lime water if you have any
I think my kids are the whole bad as I am, but being as bad as I am and not as good as my Mother was when I was a kid, we get along surprisingly well.
I would say enjoy every moment they drive you nuts now, they grow up and leave to go live their own lives so fast its unreal. I am waiting on grandchildren to spoil them in all those ways I didnt dare to spoil my kids not to screw them up.
I do enjoy it, between facepalm moments.
Youngest one angrily stomped up the stairs this morning. Later when I went by her door, she had posted a handwritten sign on it that said "closed!".
I did manage to get out of earshot before rolling on the floor laughing.
That was kind of a personal attack if we're going to stop that then we all stop it, or reach for the guns and bombs. Now have a cup of tea and a slice of cake
