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Old 09-21-2018, 05:16 AM   #1
hubby77
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Post Lost in Purgatory, replying to comments and update on sequel.

I am responding to the comments, both negative and positive, that I have received on my recently posted (Lost in Purgatory) story. I'm actually getting more positive responses than I expected. I was trying something different by writing "alt current" or "in the moment" from David's point of view, during his three-plus hours of pain and suffering. I'm sure I pushed bent and broke every punctuation rule there is, with my attempt to mimic the thought and speech patterns of a hurt confused devastated man in a real and messy human way.

I gave strongly worded authors disclaimer to dissuade readers who are not "literary masochist's" and not into strong emotional content with no happy ending. I knew my story would only appeal to a small group of readers. But I suspect many readers skip the author notes, or in my case took it as a challenge. It was pointed out that a "conger" is a small snake-like fish and "conjure" was the correct word in my (The Twilight Zone) inspired intro. Please don't blame my editor, I added the intro and ending after she had finished. I will eventually do an edit and purge as many unnecessary commas as I can, for anyone who stumbles across my story in the future.

Ah-yes; then thereís the semicolon and the use of CAPITAL LETTERS in my story. Well; how in the FUCK am I supposed to reproduce people SCREAMING and YELLING in a highly charged emotional state without the two beat or pregnant pauses to emphasize the next word phrase or thought that is a natural part of real people's speech patterns without using semicolons, I mean; REALLY!

I have to admit, I was truly humbled when, Randi, the best Literotica editor for the last two years running replied to my query for an editor. I was surprised he took the time to write to me, and I appreciated his candor. He would not edit my story or any story written in the first person or "in the moment" as I put it. He pointed out, that it is a temporal impossibility to be "in the moment" with the written word. He could not get past the first paragraph.

I can understand some readers not being able to stomach it. I tried to watch a movie which was filmed literally from the antagonist's point of view "Hardcore Henry" and after only five minutes I had to change the channel. But the more I thought about his comments, it struck me that he had gotten the point of my writing without even realizing it. It was not supposed to be easy to read. Itís supposed to be an emotional rollercoaster ride right from the first sentence. Now that I think about it rollercoaster is a good analogy for my story, but you will have to read it to understand why.

To everyone who got what I was going for and understood, appreciated or even loved it. thank you for kind comments and support.

The sequel (Lost in Purgatory, Lisa's side!) was just submitted and should be published soon. (Domwife) my editor/wife told me to tell everyone, she is the self-appointed "Comma Queen" and will try to do better in the sequel. I think most readers will like the "unique" third-person perspective she is using. She uses a typewriter and I have to print out my work for her edit. She has a severe form of visually induced vertigo and a scrolling computer screen will make her sick almost instantly. I'm proud of her for even trying to write the sequel. I think it has made her understand and appreciate, that it's not as easy as it looks!

P.S. There were 1300+ commas in her story when I started typing it in. I managed to get it down to just over 600, so I hope this will make the comma police happy!
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Old 09-21-2018, 10:53 AM   #2
gunhilltrain
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Posting in Loving Wives reminds me of what the gladiators supposedly said, "We who are about to die, salute you!" Except that in LW it's the audience that may kill you, not the other gladiators.

On the other hand, writers get a lot of attention there which is perhaps better than being ignored. You did get eighteen favorites which is pretty good.

When I first started here I thought it was easy to get a score above 4.00; I was wrong. I think 3.67 is respectable.

Don't overdo the disclaimers although it is tempting to do so. It probably doesn't change the outcome much so one or two sentences will be sufficient. Just put it out there and see what happens.
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Old 09-21-2018, 11:59 AM   #3
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Old 09-21-2018, 05:38 PM   #4
electricblue66
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hubby77 View Post
I have to admit, I was truly humbled when, Randi, the best Literotica editor for the last two years running replied to my query for an editor. I was surprised he took the time to write to me, and I appreciated his candor. He would not edit my story or any story written in the first person or "in the moment" as I put it. He pointed out, that it is a temporal impossibility to be "in the moment" with the written word. He could not get past the first paragraph.
EDIT: in fairness, what the OP should have added was "first person, present tense."
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Last edited by electricblue66 : 09-21-2018 at 06:03 PM.
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Old 09-21-2018, 05:43 PM   #5
electricblue66
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For the curious, here's the link to the OP's story:

https://www.literotica.com/s/lost-in-purgatory
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Old 09-21-2018, 05:44 PM   #6
KeithD
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Quote:
Originally Posted by electricblue66 View Post
Lit's "best editor" doesn't think you can write in first person? Seriously? WTF?
Yet more argument that someone doing editing at Lit. should refuse to do it unless they are kept anonymous.
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Old 09-21-2018, 07:54 PM   #7
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We write most stories in past tense, but the Page serial is entirely in present tense (with the exception of characters speaking about the past).

We wrote it like that purposely to give an edgier feel that puts the reader into the background suspense. It was and is difficult to switch back and forth when writing other stories, but it seems to score about as well or better than the others.

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Old 09-21-2018, 08:51 PM   #8
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I read most of the first page of the story this morning before I left to work. I ran out of time and skipped to the end to see what happened.

I thought the story was effectively written. I had no problem with the person or tense. I did get the sense of immediacy that the author intended.

Skipping to the end didn't tell me much.
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Old 09-21-2018, 09:34 PM   #9
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Perfect 34c tits kind of lost me as soon as I hit that one. That one sends me on a spin every time and should've been edited out but I get the immediacy. That's an approach I like but a little too much telling. "I'm feeling...." is telling me and that's stepping back from the immediacy you're aiming for.

And I'd disagree with that comment on first person and immediacy. I really like that style as well as stream of consciousness writing. Hard to get right but if you can it can really work well to get the reader inside your protagonists head.
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Old Yesterday, 01:35 AM   #10
Oblimo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChloeTzang View Post
That's an approach I like but a little too much telling. "I'm feeling...." is telling me and that's stepping back from the immediacy you're aiming for.
https://youtu.be/sFBhR4QcBtE

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