New Story... interracial and unique plot

Thinking of starting a new story about an African American woman working at corporate level getting sucked into bdsm in an Asian based country.

Think I can pull it off. I love interracial shit.

Those who are following my "Obsessed with Ember" story, I am still working on her dilemma. Her story seems to be a maybe a 4 chapter reluctant/romance tale. Got get a new editor though. Anyone interested let me know.

Readers, this is slightly near the middle, just wanted to get some responses and see if this catches a like.

Lydia smiled and gently shook her head no to Yuanlong. He smirked a bit, realizing the mocha beauty with full lips and slight almond shaped eyes not to different from his had just turned him down. He tipped his head, turned, and ambled down the hallway taking the stairs two at a time. She felt bad, she just wanted friendship. Lydia was about to close her door when her door was shoved back into her shoulder, knocking her back nearly stumbling over her own feet.
“What the…” she could barely say before suddenly realized who had forced his way into her small condo.
“Mr. Okada? What are you doing here? Why’d you push into my place? Have you lost your everlas…” before she could finish two more men followed him in behind him closing and locking the door. The sound of he door’s latch being slid into place seemed to set her in motion. Lydia quickly turned and ran toward her kitchen, her first thought… ‘Get a kni…” Before she could even enter the next room, an arm snaked around her middle and snatched her into the air just as a hand covered her mouth.
All that ran through her head, ‘this wasn’t real,’ struggling against the man restraining her.
“Got her Tak?” Asked Toshiko, as he scanned her small living room as if he were missing something and a visual would remind him if he spotted it. Seeing what he had cased her place for, he suddenly snorted, and smiled as he went to collect Lydia’s cell phone.
“You wont be needing this… ever.” Toshiko flashed her a knowing look as he pocketed her cell. “Wait a while before taking her out. I saw Yuanlong just leaving her place, and I don’t need his sense of the duty getting in the way, what you Americans call? A Boy Scout? Yeah, Toshiko liked that comparison, he was sick and tired of Yuanlong damn Boy Scout ways and how his uncle lapped it up.”

skip this

"Shit" is interracial??

Going to say... it's lacking something. I like interracial, I like BDSM, but there is something indefinitive about this that just doesn't blow up my skirts.

Well part of the "problem" (I think the scenario is kinda sexy and my esteemed colleague Lovecraft will be along soon to tell us how evil we are) this isn't a BDSM scenario. It's a non-consent/rape scenario that may or may not have BDSM elements later as the woman is steadily broken in but she is being kidnapped and presumably raped.

This is just simply a story about rape. Another lazy rape story.

To Loquere, this is not a simple lazy rape story. I do not do lazy as a writer. Maybe as a reader... lol. Your comment came across as a lazy assumption, and you know what Eddie Murphy said about the word assume?
Did you not read where I stated initially that that part of my story was near the middle? I'm new to Lite as a writer, unlike yourself, I put this little piece out there for some positive feedback, not for it to get stomped or kicked about. I even requested an editor, noticed you did not volunteer.
The story will be my first attempt to writing BDSM. The only thing Sean Renaud got right was she was being abducted. The man with the plan does not plan to rape her, only prepping to train her to be someone's sub. She will be most likely an unwilling sub. Someone paying to have her trained.
I also noticed none of your stories centered on BDSM and your one Interracial submission as of the first 2 pages never mentioned the characters races, from an avid reader of IR, that's a major annoyance, even though the names (Derrick) gave a pretty good hint of ethnicities, but the only colors I read were 4 pairs of BROWN eyes and GREENE & Whitney.
So please, when you comment, try to be accurate. But have heart, I do have a reluctant/non-consent story on lite; currently working on chapter 3. Please read it, its rape... control issues plain and simple. No hard feelings, but I take pride in my writing, when its shitty I know it, when it's good I know that too, and when I'm testing the water I let others know. In the future when you comment, not sure of others, but I want the bad but also offer some advice as well. Read my other stuff. Sounds like you know some stuff, why not edit for me?

See, out of the 3 of you bullies, you get it. I wasn't going for lazy rape scene... thanks Loquere. At least my little bit came across as interracial, way better than Loquere's version. Still trying to detect what was interracial in his one Interracial submission, other than the generic name "Derrick." Okay, I will leave that alone... for now.
The girl IS being kidnapped (thank you for your keen observation and reading comprehension skills; following that compliment, I will be hitting you up in a moment for editing), but she is not intended for rape. I did that story already (Obsessed with Ember), rated between 4.39 to 4.59 so I'm good with comments and people asking for more. This story is to be different. I just need someone that knows their stuff in regards to BDSM. Any takers? No? Oh well.
As I stated with Loquere, this is my first attempt at writing BDSM, I enjoy many aspects of this sexual expression, but to be honest, I am still new to it; BUT I have an idea of a story I want to write with it and I want it to be interracial. There I said it. Guess what else, I need an editor, not a lazy quick to judge editor. Know anyone that would fit the bill?

The problem is, until you know what to fix, all you are going to do is sit and spin.

I wish I could put my finger on it but I guess I am too busy "bullying" people around to notice.

BUT, instead of looking at what I was saying as constructive criticism, I guess you'd rather say I was bullying.

C'est la guerre

Sorry that my breeze did nothing but cool you down... but at least you were honest. But did you read the part where I said it was slightly near the middle? Compared to some members I am kind of new to Lite and its elements... meaning BDSM. I like some of its elements. Plus this story is very new, I threw it out there to simply test the waters, and believe me there are some really weird ideas for stories, now saying that I will climb off my pedestal. Know that I am looking for a decent editor that knows more than I do about BDSM. Read your stuff. Oh yeah, and I read some work from each of you guys; my stuff may not have done much for you, but my previous stories (2 chapters) scored better than yours. I know what you're probably saying this very moment, but I'm not trying to be petty... just honest. Read my stuff. I will admit when I first read your comment, I was like "Let's read his shit" and it was too... kidding, just kidding. Your stuff was okay, I guess as okay as I think mine is. Well at least mine is in its baby stage.
You do realize I am just talking mess. Oh well, don't like my story or style, then make it better by offering to edit.
Had great editor, but life got in the way, and he's off Lite for now. Ex-military, grammar, punctuation, spelling, tone, built in GPS of military bases, and military terms and experience... he had it all. Oh well.

how did you question it as interracial? it was obvious when I described the woman as a "mocha" beauty? Should I had went with burnt bread to describe her complexion or was the phrase too generic? See this is why I want an editor.

I understood it wasn't the beginning, yes.

uh... okay, the problem there is, this is "story ideas" and not "editors" So it's unlikely that you'll find any editors here unless one pops their head in to see pre-story brainstorming going on. Doubtful. Highly doubtful.

I grew up in Highland Park, Brooklyn, NY and Hollis, Queens, NY. I know "talking mess."

I'd read your stories, but I am currently working on one of mine and dealing with my own doldrums.

Also, did not the names Toshiko and Okada come across as Asian? I mean really you didn't pick up on that?? How about if I had written catfish and black bean soup would that had brought it to light? Or you don't know what I am talking about?

black_maestra said:

how did you question it as interracial? it was obvious when I described the woman as a "mocha" beauty? Should I had went with burnt bread to describe her complexion or was the phrase too generic? See this is why I want an editor.

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If this was to me, I wasn't questioning your story as interracial, I was being literal and asking how shit is interracial.

black_maestra said:

Also, did not the names Toshiko and Okada come across as Asian? I mean really you didn't pick up on that?? How about if I had written catfish and black bean soup would that had brought it to light? Or you don't know what I am talking about?

Click to expand...

Personally I'd rather have softshell crab and some king cake, or did I miss it again?

...maybe some blackened groupa if not.

I think you were and Sean may have been the only ones to note it was not the start of the story.
Okay, wasn't looking for editors initially, but I liked the comments I picked through from the 3 of you. I didn't like some but then that happens when you let others read your stuff.
Sorry to interrupt your doldrums.

black_maestra said:

Sorry to interrupt your doldrums.

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It's totally selfish thinking on my part. Trying to help someone else out, creatively, sometimes helps me out.

Nowadays mostly everything is interracial. I like IR stories. Use to piss me off after awhile reading books where the girl was always blonde and blue eyed. So I read Black romances, but then the guy was a thug or she was popping her gum or it was stella got her groove back, those got tired real quick for me. and the IR stuff is so different and unique, it's growing in popularity.

Look whatever helps and your right about helping others out. I am suppose to working on my national board teaching certificate, but I have writer's block for the moment, but the other day I broke it down for a colleague of mine, and it hit me, dang why cant I do that for myself? lol

Well thank you for responding and good luck with your writing. laters

I've written a lot of various colors of the rainbow. Mostly I write about my dreams and if I try to change the colors or characteristics of my dreams, then my dream muse tends to get bitchy.

If I had an old format disk player, I'd post some of my older work...

later
☮

you should. Love reading a well written story. It's very soothing for me. Hubby doesn't get it.

I didn't say it was a lazy story, I don't really think such a thing really exists and you certainly can't tell from a short synopsis like this. regardless a kidnapping followed by non-con BDSM is still rape anyway you try to slice it. There is nothing wrong with that but lets not sugar coat it.

Sean Renaud said:

I didn't say it was a lazy story, I don't really think such a thing really exists and you certainly can't tell from a short synopsis like this. regardless a kidnapping followed by non-con BDSM is still rape anyway you try to slice it. There is nothing wrong with that but lets not sugar coat it.

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I did not say YOU say it was lazy. How could you read my replies and say that? Oh, I get it, you didn't. (smirking) I actually complimented your reading comprehension, unlike Loquere's, then your last comment proved me wrong.

But guess what, now you are wrong, she wasn't about to get raped. It's was an abduction. With so many plots out there it is trying to create a story with a different twist. Mine is, seeing as there are very few INTERRACIAL erotic stories featuring African American women and Asian men. But then again, the middle part led you to equally assume as Loq that testing of my story would be sorely focused on temporary control. My guy wants complete control obtained with a challenge. And that is where my girl with inner-city upbringing and ivy league education coupled with her unique experiences and outlook on life fits in, or rather they try to make her fit in... and that is where I want my story to focus on. So once again, it's not about control as a one one time thing, he (their client) wants the challenge she presents... but of course I want it to lead to something neither anticipated. But it's just an idea so far. I hope this will suffice the conversation.

She is kidnapped, and then reluctantly controlled. That's rape. I don't understand why you're so defensive about it. There is nothing wrong with writing a rape fic on Lit. It needs a thin coating of "she liked it all along." But unless in your story after she's kidnapped she's given the keys to the car and told that she can leave whenever she wants with no reprocussions it's still rape.

Sean Renaud said:

She is kidnapped, and then reluctantly controlled. That's rape. I don't understand why you're so defensive about it. There is nothing wrong with writing a rape fic on Lit. It needs a thin coating of "she liked it all along." But unless in your story after she's kidnapped she's given the keys to the car and told that she can leave whenever she wants with no reprocussions it's still rape.

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I am defensive because I do not want you putting your own personal take on my story. I put it out there as a possible new story, what I wrote was all I had for that one. It wasn't to be judged (like what you are doing now).

Your first comments were good and what I expected, but I'm pissed off that you accused me of claiming you wrote "a lazy rape story," a comment I NEVER said you did write. I did notice you didn't acknowledge your mistake in blaming me for that or even apologize.

Are you going to ignore you were wrong to accuse me for that? Yeah it's little but for some reason it annoys me that out of all this silliness that was the first thing you wrote.

Rape in my book is forced sexual intercourse without consent, not someone getting kidnapped... I also understand control and rape is a basic form of control. But that is not to say control means someone is getting raped. Raped pillage, destroyed in the process of controlling. My story he definitely does not want the woman destroyed, just alter her perceptions. Its not rape so leave my story and thread alone.

I was trying to put a different spin to it but now all I have is you already dissecting the story which isn't even a story yet. I did submit a story (Obsessed with Ember) that has rape in it, but not this one.