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Thoughts on seduction to bdsm

CutieMouse said:
I disagree... Rough sex/CNC is fine, but I'd be concerned about the risks involved in playing it by ear. Like I said earlier, the discussion doesn't necessarily have to be a blow-by-blow this is how we kink, but the conversation still (IMO) needs to be had for everyone's safety.

My current lover described himself as dominant and aggressive, his OKC ad was full of references that could be best described as primal. My OKC ad made it clear that I lean towards alternative relationships and traditional gender roles.

We still sat down and talked about what we were looking for (re: D/s). He wanted to make sure he had enthusiastic consent; I wanted to reassure him I wasn't someone who would regret things the next morning and file a rape report.

It was a 30 minute, very relaxed & friendly conversation; everything after that point developed organically. But that conversation established two things - 1) we were concerned for each other's safety, and 2) open, honest communication was important.

The above might not be as necessary if one is exploring kink for the first time within a long term, established relationship, but in a new relationship or when randomly dating? It's just smart kinkery.

(Again, personal opinion.)
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I completely agree CutieMouse. :)

I should clarify that my explorations described where there was little discussion about con non con we're with my Husband of 3 years (been together for 7). For us there's been discussion but not as much as there would have been with someone who wasn't a long term partner as I described about the Top I sometimes scene with. I trust that Top, but we always negotiate for about a week before EVERY SINGLE SCENE. To make sure there's no backlash for him and I don't get hurt, physically or emotionally.

Again it's not a play by play, we don't map out every minute of the scene. But will go like this:

T: How do you feel about clothes cutting?
me: I'm fine with it. What do you use for cutting?
T: Are you ok with the use of knives?
me: Yes, so long as they're cleaned properly. What is your method of cleaning them between play partners?

He doesn't tell me HOW he plans to do things, he just asks if something appeals to me so that he doesn't stumble across a trigger when I'm all tied up.
 
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MastersDelight said:
That clarifies things more thank you. :)

Rough sex and things like that don't really need any talking as you say, most men can just read their girl and go from there. The talking and negotiation I mentioned was more for impact scenes. For me, I'm a masochist and a pain slut. So scenes can be dangerous if there's no discussion of limits. Most of our scenes include floggers, whips, canes, belts, dragon tails, punching, pinching, slapping, choking or breath play, sensory deprivation, cutting, knife play, to name a few things. Master is still learning some things so he's careful and feedback from me is important for increasing his skill and maintaining my safety. A friend Top of ours I scene with from time to time is more experienced and therefore is far less reserved in his Sadism in a scene. We talked EXTENSIVELY before he ever chained me up and the negotiation continued right up to the start of the scene, giving me the chance to veto any implements he had brought before we started.

Going back to what you had said, Con non con (rape play) is SO MUCH FUN. Master mentored it as a fantasy way back at the start of this BDSM fun. We played it out with little discussion on it. It's one of my favorite things to do now. And now I'll sprinkle it in spontaneously. He'll start initiating sex and I'll play hard to get and things just escalate. I'm really hoping one of these days well find an adequate play space to do a take down scene. :D
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All of it sounds very sexy.

II must say most of you probably have to have these conversations because you dwell into darker territories.

I only use hand cuffs, blind folds, fruits, ice, my hands,physical strength, uniforms, candle wax and my commands. I don't allow toys she's not allo her ass, pussy and mouth belongs to my dick.

Role play of me breaking into the house and forcing her is sexy. I also enjoy putting on my old uniform and behaving as if she's an inmate that I must control.
 
SoulAssasin247 said:
All of it sounds very sexy.

II must say most of you probably have to have these conversations because you dwell into darker territories.

I only use hand cuffs, blind folds, fruits, ice, my hands,physical strength, uniforms, candle wax and my commands. I don't allow toys she's not allo her ass, pussy and mouth belongs to my dick.

Role play of me breaking into the house and forcing her is sexy. I also enjoy putting on my old uniform and behaving as if she's an inmate that I must control.
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I like how you possess her holes, but the vibrations of toys are exquisite
Sam xx
 
xxxSubSamxxx said:
I like how you possess her holes, but the vibrations of toys are exquisite
Sam xx
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It might be just me if I am there why do you need a toy. I have a good sized dick that stays hard. If I am not around use it.
 
xxxSubSamxxx said:
SA, Like I said above the vibrations are exquisite, size is no comparison to vibrations and teasing. Sam xx
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Yes vibrations are VERY fun. Sometimes he uses toys to tease me, get me wet, bring me to the brink, then back off before I can climax, again and again and again until I'm a mewling trembling ball of lust. :eek:

It in no way replaces him, on the contrary it makes me want his cock more.
 
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MastersDelight said:
Yes vibrations are VERY fun. Sometimes he uses toys to tease me, get me wet, bring me to the brink, then back off before I can climax, again and again and again until I'm a mewling trembling ball of lust. :eek:
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My fantasy, I would love to experience this xx
 
MastersDelight said:
Yes vibrations are VERY fun. Sometimes he uses toys to tease me, get me wet, bring me to the brink, then back off before I can climax, again and again and again until I'm a mewling trembling ball of lust. :eek:

It in no way replaces him, on the contrary it makes me want his cock more.
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Sounds fun

I usually love seeing her mouth water and her her whimper. I look her right in the eyes and say " beg for my fat dick". I love hearing her beg as I rib my dick on her lips and start smacking her face hard with my dick.
 
SoulAssasin247 said:
All of it sounds very sexy.

II must say most of you probably have to have these conversations because you dwell into darker territories.
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That would be an (in my case, incorrect) assumption on your part.

I only use hand cuffs, blind folds, fruits, ice, my hands,physical strength, uniforms, candle wax and my commands. I don't allow toys she's not allo her ass, pussy and mouth belongs to my dick.

Role play of me breaking into the house and forcing her is sexy. I also enjoy putting on my old uniform and behaving as if she's an inmate that I must control.
Click to expand...

No cuffs, no blindfolds, hell no to food play, ice isn't of interest, role play and dressing up bore both of us and I'm dissinterested in 98% of the toys out there. One could argue your BDSM is actually riskier than a lot of mine... Yet I still have the conversation to minimize risks.

If you and yours don't do things that way, rock on wit yo' bad self, but most people with kinky experience lean towards a hightened level of communication re: sex because (again), risks involved.
 
CutieMouse said:
That would be an (in my case, incorrect) assumption on your part.



No cuffs, no blindfolds, hell no to food play, ice isn't of interest, role play and dressing up bore both of us and I'm dissinterested in 98% of the toys out there. One could argue your BDSM is actually riskier than a lot of mine... Yet I still have the conversation to minimize risks.

If you and yours don't do things that way, rock on wit yo' bad self, but most people with kinky experience lean towards a hightened level of communication re: sex because (again), risks involved.
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I dunno, he seems risk averse. He seems a bit concerned that she might run off with the vibrator.
 
CutieMouse said:
That would be an (in my case, incorrect) assumption on your part.



No cuffs, no blindfolds, hell no to food play, ice isn't of interest, role play and dressing up bore both of us and I'm dissinterested in 98% of the toys out there. One could argue your BDSM is actually riskier than a lot of mine... Yet I still have the conversation to minimize risks.

If you and yours don't do things that way, rock on wit yo' bad self, but most people with kinky experience lean towards a hightened level of communication re: sex because (again), risks involved.
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I said most because I saw some hard core bondage examples being used. If I am wrong about most I meant no offense.

If you care to share exactly what you're into and the safety risks comparison to mine.

No one has ever been physically hurt under me. I cared and some even loved. I wouldn't hurt them.
 
SoulAssasin247 said:
As far as hurting somebody take gradual force and read body language. When I was 21 tried to be dominant to fulfill a fantasy but wasn't happening. I didn't know or understand how. When I had my first truly dominant moment I learned a lot from fucking multiple times a day experimenting. She never wanted to tell me how to do anything so I tried and learned how much force is acceptable. I read their bodies if she looks like she could benefit from more force I use it. If she seems in real pain I ease up. I don't pull her hair and throw her from one side of the room to the other. I play with her hair she enjoys it I grab her hair she moans I command her to tell me how it feels as I take control and read her body.
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I pay attention to body language but it has its limitations, especially with unfamiliar partners. I'm autistic; non-autistic folk often misread my body language badly and then ignore what I'm actually telling them with words. Some people will go very quiet and still when they're having a good time, and I've heard some will go very quiet and still (and possibly forget safewords) when they're terrified and want things to stop. It's easier with somebody who knows me well, and then there's a lot less need to talk things over, but early on... safer to talk a bit.

That doesn't always mean time out. Sometimes it's part of the game. For the right person at the right time, "I want to hurt you" is negotiation and foreplay all at once :)

SoulAssasin247 said:
It might be just me if I am there why do you need a toy. I have a good sized dick that stays hard. If I am not around use it.
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I knew one lady who asked her husband if he was jealous of her vibrator. His reply: "Jealous? He's not my rival, he's my battle buddy!"

Most women do not reach orgasm from penetration alone, no matter how big or hard the dick. It's not an aspersion on anybody's masculinity; it's just a matter of individual physiology. A vibrator can do things your dick can't do* and for some women those things help them get off.

*if this is not true, see a urologist IMMEDIATELY.

SoulAssasin247 said:
No one has ever been physically hurt under me. I cared and some even loved. I wouldn't hurt them.
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Most of my partners have been hurt under me. That's the "S&M" part of the acronym ;-) But I do my best not to harm anybody.
 
SoulAssasin247 said:
I said most because I saw some hard core bondage examples being used. If I am wrong about most I meant no offense.
Click to expand...

Interesting... I went back through the thread and didn't see any examples of hard core bondage? :confused:

If you care to share exactly what you're into and the safety risks comparison to mine.
Click to expand...

No need to share; I keep details of my proclivities private.

The examples you gave would, for me personally, be things I was not interested in, not willing to do for personal reasons, or question the necessity of bothering with. Which, if we were to start dating, would be a good thing to find out through casual conversation before getting too invested.

No one has ever been physically hurt under me. I cared and some even loved. I wouldn't hurt them.
Click to expand...

Hurt and harm are two different things, and not all harm is physical.
 
CutieMouse said:
Interesting... I went back through the thread and didn't see any examples of hard core bondage? :confused:



No need to share; I keep details of my proclivities private.

The examples you gave would, for me personally, be things I was not interested in, not willing to do for personal reasons, or question the necessity of bothering with. Which, if we were to start dating, would be a good thing to find out through casual conversation before getting too invested.



Hurt and harm are two different things, and not all harm is physical.
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*Searches for like button.*
 
SoulAssasin247 said:
All of it sounds very sexy.

II must say most of you probably have to have these conversations because you dwell into darker territories.

I only use hand cuffs, blind folds, fruits, ice, my hands,physical strength, uniforms, candle wax and my commands. I don't allow toys she's not allo her ass, pussy and mouth belongs to my dick.

Role play of me breaking into the house and forcing her is sexy. I also enjoy putting on my old uniform and behaving as if she's an inmate that I must control.
Click to expand...

The stuff we do is pretty tame, and still we discuss a lot.
 
CutieMouse said:
Interesting... I went back through the thread and didn't see any examples of hard core bondage? :confused:



No need to share; I keep details of my proclivities private.

The examples you gave would, for me personally, be things I was not interested in, not willing to do for personal reasons, or question the necessity of bothering with. Which, if we were to start dating, would be a good thing to find out through casual conversation before getting too invested.



Hurt and harm are two different things, and not all harm is physical.
Click to expand...


It's OK I started the thread to hear what other people usually do. I know my situation isn't the usual one. Its ok you don't have to share. Thanks for the reply
 
MastersDelight said:
Again it's not a play by play, we don't map out every minute of the scene. But will go like this:

T: How do you feel about clothes cutting?
me: I'm fine with it. What do you use for cutting?
Click to expand...

In my experience, that particular discussion also tends to involve "but don't you DARE cut my expensive stuff unless you're buying a replacement".

The joys of wandering through a second-hand shop looking for things that will be worn exactly once and then binned in tiny pieces :)
 
Yellow!!

SoulAssasin247 said:
Do you care to discuss what kind of bdsm you're into in your personal life. If you're not willing I understand
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I was into spanking and then -- later -- into being spanked. Later again I worked up via massaging and being massaged to being fucked -hard! -- by a buttplug and sucking cock. Is that OK by you, SoulAssassin247? What other kinds of seduction do you like? Bears or twinks?
 
loverofintersex1 said:
I was into spanking and then -- later -- into being spanked. Later again I worked up via massaging and being massaged to being fucked -hard! -- by a buttplug and sucking cock. Is that OK by you, SoulAssassin247? What other kinds of seduction do you like? Bears or twinks?
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No disrespect not into men.
 
Bramblethorn said:
In my experience, that particular discussion also tends to involve "but don't you DARE cut my expensive stuff unless you're buying a replacement".

The joys of wandering through a second-hand shop looking for things that will be worn exactly once and then binned in tiny pieces :)
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Hard limit; especially my lingerie.

I once had a lover suggest it would be fun to rip/cut off my lingerie. He saw the look of horror on my face and quickly explained it would be throw away WalMart type stuff. Didn't change anything. HARD.LIMIT.

(Like I would allow cheap lingerie on my body long enough to cut it off...:rolleyes: )
 
For me to submit to a man, it starts with chemistry. It is either there or not.

I have submitted to a total stranger before and I found the experience mind blowing because we had intense chemistry and I didn't know what to expect. Sometimes surprises can be a exactly that--surprises:)

But in most cases, I have to be intellectually connected with the man. I like the friend approach. First we are friends and if I find you intellectually irresistible, I would do anything to have a glimpse of your mind.
 
CutieMouse said:
Hard limit; especially my lingerie.

I once had a lover suggest it would be fun to rip/cut off my lingerie. He saw the look of horror on my face and quickly explained it would be throw away WalMart type stuff. Didn't change anything. HARD.LIMIT.

(Like I would allow cheap lingerie on my body long enough to cut it off...:rolleyes: )
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Laughs. Have to appreciate a woman who values quality delicates.

DemiAngora said:
For me to submit to a man, it starts with chemistry. It is either there or not.

I have submitted to a total stranger before and I found the experience mind blowing because we had intense chemistry and I didn't know what to expect. Sometimes surprises can be a exactly that--surprises:)

But in most cases, I have to be intellectually connected with the man. I like the friend approach. First we are friends and if I find you intellectually irresistible, I would do anything to have a glimpse of your mind.
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Hence "demi" in the name, I expect. I share that need, but find it often insurmountably frustrating in non-relationship settings, which where I choose to be for multiple reasons.
 
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