Safe words

This is very new to me and I have been thinking of a few that aren't "no" and "stop" but it's been quite challenging as the other words I am thinking of cause me to get completely turned off and that is what I want to prevent by using a safe word.

Please tell me what your safe word is

Thanks Sam xx

I usually got with the traffic light system

Red means I stop there and then (though to talk and discuss, not specifically the whole session)

Orange / Amber means a sub is near her limit but ok for now.

Green means the subs is happy for things to go further.

The last two are usually given as a response to a direct questions from me, the first is at the sub's discretion.

Thanks Malich for your quick response. As the Dom I think it's really caring of you to check in and see if everything is ok.

What did you get some reds for?

Sam xx

I haven't yet. The joy of this system is that if the Dom is smart, learns his subs responses over a few sessions rather than just going for it and hoping the sub knows when she's had enough and he checks in on her every now and then, there should never be a need for the sub to have to safe out.

Subs can lose themselves in a session and not all will be in a place to stop a session or realise when something has gone too far for them. This is where it becomes the responsibility of a the dominant partner to judge what he is doing based on the sub's responses. No dom can know a sub on their first session well enough to just break out their most extreme toys and go full whack (pun intended).

Talk a lot, build up over time / sessions and never worry about a safe word needing to be used.

I've had subs amber and ask for their bonds to be loosened a bit as they were loosing feeling in a hand for example. This is what I prefer as it stops a minor thing turning into a red situation.

Now, flip side to this, being asked every now and then if they're ok can stop a sub hitting sub-space which can be disruptive to play. in this situation, where you can't ask, it becomes even more important to know your sub well enough to read them and to have the self control to stop yourself before you go too far.

Also make sure you have a system in place for when the sub cannot give a verbal response, they are gagged for example. The taps with their hand, three repeated tones through the gag, a heavy weight they can drop that will make an obvious thud.

With Daddy I've got the usual traffic light colours. But also if we're playing with anyone else, I can use the word ' fridge ' and say I want to go and get a cold drink.

What do you see as sub-space?

I have had it explained to me once I would like to know more about it please xx

xxxSubSamxxx said:

What do you see as sub-space?

I have had it explained to me once I would like to know more about it please xx

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***Utterly personal opinion***
It's a lovely, endorphin-induced trance state. For me it feels like floating (consider accounts of astral projection), sensory input becomes diffused, muscles are totally relaxed and I'm not entirely in my body anymore. It's a cherished place.

Thanks dessertslave

Anyone else have a perspective?

A safeword being a turn off is not necessarily a BAD thing.

xxxSubSamxxx said:

This is very new to me and I have been thinking of a few that aren't "no" and "stop" but it's been quite challenging as the other words I am thinking of cause me to get completely turned off and that is what I want to prevent by using a safe word.

Please tell me what your safe word is

Thanks Sam xx

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I don't use the traffic light system with My subbies because I feel that can be considered topping from the bottom but they ALWAYS have at least two safewords. One verbal and one non-verbal in case they're gagged for a scene.

You said that words you're thinking of would turn you off. That's a good thing because if you invoke your safeword you NEED things to stop so you can discuss what happened and what made you say it.

Tech_Director said:

I don't use the traffic light system with My subbies because I feel that can be considered topping from the bottom but they ALWAYS have at least two safewords. One verbal and one non-verbal in case they're gagged for a scene.

You said that words you're thinking of would turn you off. That's a good thing because if you invoke your safeword you NEED things to stop so you can discuss what happened and what made you say it.

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Thanks for this advice. I didn't wee it this way. Now I know i need to be with someone who openly discusses my likes and dislikes.

Sam xx

So far we have traffic light system, fridge, and three sharp tones if the sub is gagged. That's great. Any more guys?

Verbal?

Mercy or Uncle

My safe word is something I would never use in conversation but I would never forget and my Dom cannot mistake for anything else.
And though I have never used it...it would at least initially signal the equivalent of "yellow" in the traditional traffic light system.

If you decide to use something other than the traffic system, it seems that the safe word you choose is personal, like mine. Something that is meaningful to you, and memorable.

And as above... it you play with gags, make sure you have a way to signal without your verbal indication... taps or something you can hold and drop if you need to get your Dom's attention to slow down or stop.

My Dom is watching for my safety all the time and works with my limits and pushes me in a way that I can tolerate ~ not too far too fast. Just as Malich described... which in the best world means that you won't need to use your safe word... but you can scream "no, no, no and please stop" all you want... and he knows you are still okay and that you want him to keep going.

Good luck. Play safe.
~clynn

Whatever you do, do not make this mistake when choosing a safe word.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-2dN9E8vPk

Everyday_Man said:

Whatever you do, do not make this mistake when choosing a safe word.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-2dN9E8vPk

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Lol just perfect I love it Thanks Sam xx

Everyday_Man said:

Whatever you do, do not make this mistake when choosing a safe word.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-2dN9E8vPk

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I see your mistake and raise you:

SNL Key Party Sketch

MrRandyWatson said:

I see your mistake and raise you:

SNL Key Party Sketch

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Sorry Randy it didn't work for me I can't see it
Sam xx

xxxSubSamxxx said:

Sorry Randy it didn't work for me I can't see it
Sam xx

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I clicked the link and it worked for me. Google "SNL Key Party" and see if it comes up another way.

MrRandyWatson said:

I clicked the link and it worked for me. Google "SNL Key Party" and see if it comes up another way.

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Yes it worked when I googled it funny thanks Sam xx

Honestly, I like it when the dom is constantly checking to see how i am doing. I rarely play with people I do not trust, I have a safe word but have never once used it. The partners that I play with know the sounds that I make, know when to slow down and also know when I've gone to my happy place.

I don't really speak when I am playing, it's just the way I am. However, those that I trust enough to play with learned very quickly how to read me. A lot of times it makes them laugh like when I tap my foot from whatever pain, the sounds I make when being asked if I'm ok or if I'm done.

Just have fun with it and watch for the signs of complete stress.. I'm not saying that safe words are a bad thing, everyone I know has them. But if things are the way they are suppose to be, safe words shouldn't be needed. Though, if like me and the bottom doesn't really speak much, the body language and little noises should be enough.


If something is really wrong though, or it hurt more than it should have, I just tell the partner what happened and they adjust things. It's all about communication really..

/shrug..

Thanks Gianbattista and katalynn for your responses. I am getting to learn if you have a partner that really cares about you, you won't need safe words, but obviously as you get to know each other you need to have somekind of a safety net but I can understand that communication is far more valuable

Thanks to everyone that has joined in on this thread

Sam xx

Gianbattista said:

Hmm. I think its still safest to have one, even if I don't like it.

For a start it lets both ( or all depending on situation ) know that no one HAS used it. NOT employing something is also a communication of sorts....its communicating you are not in trouble, are not needing to ask for help and are communicating in the same or a compatible way.

I think we did talk about a personal one and I forgot it. . If I needed it I'd revert to traffic light or yell 'cramp'

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Cramp.....I like it that's cool I might take it from you xxx

Being a Daddy to my Babygirl, she gravitated to my actual given name. She calls me Daddy or Sir the rest of the time, so when she uses my proper name, I'm clear, that I have to stop. We tried several words along the way but it stuck when she switched to my proper name. And i wont forget the safe word, lol.