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Do you hide your sexual needs from your significant other?

hi

I was shy before. now no. sometimes i find my needs elswhere. bot not often.
 
Vitriolhack said:
I will admit that I have had more meaningful conversations on the lit chat with virtual strangers that with my wife.

Having tried to talk to her about it, I know how she would react and judge me.

I am not unhappy about the choices I have made, but, I am curious to know if others here in the same boat I am in?
Click to expand...

I don't talk to my wife about anything but vanilla thoughts. I would not date because I know her limitations. She is not sexually open to most things. It's sad but I want to keep my kinda in my life so I deal.
 
jcallny said:
I don't talk to my wife about anything but vanilla thoughts. I would not date because I know her limitations. She is not sexually open to most things. It's sad but I want to keep my kinda in my life so I deal.
Click to expand...

A couple we know just recently split up because he found her in bed with...another woman. My wife asks me, “what would you do?”

I simply answered, “where is the popcorn?”

Her next question surprised me. She said, *“what if it was another man?”

I answered the same thing, “let me grab the popcorn!”

She laughed and told me, “yes, that’s what you say now!”

But, I so would be down for her to have a girlfriend or boyfriend.
 
Hipshot1554 said:
I feel this is one of the biggest issues within many marriages, and I'm in the "YES" category.

Many years into this, my second marriage, I still shake my head at the fact that my SO shut me down at each attempt to discuss the subject.

We will stay together, but the lack of communication has put a strain on our relationship for certain.
.
Click to expand...

We share the same situation, with the addition of him having literally no sex drive and mine seems to keep increasing every year! Like most we didn’t start off like this, but I almost feel like he conned me about his own sexuality until he had me secure in marriage.

I don’t want to leave, as to even think about it hurts my heart. But there are many days when I wonder if I can really face the next 30 years with extremely vanilla sex a few times a year.

There are days when I’m so mad with him putting me in this situation I want to scream at him! Especially the days when I get admiring looks from other men, my anger then is real.

I will probably not leave, but I think I’m in great danger of falling into an affair in real life.

I’m very frustrated and ripe for the plucking if the right guy makes a move. That makes me mad and frustrated with him!
 
DDBustyBrit said:
We share the same situation, with the addition of him having literally no sex drive and mine seems to keep increasing every year! Like most we didn’t start off like this, but I almost feel like he conned me about his own sexuality until he had me secure in marriage.

I don’t want to leave, as to even think about it hurts my heart. But there are many days when I wonder if I can really face the next 30 years with extremely vanilla sex a few times a year.

There are days when I’m so mad with him putting me in this situation I want to scream at him! Especially the days when I get admiring looks from other men, my anger then is real.

I will probably not leave, but I think I’m in great danger of falling into an affair in real life.

I’m very frustrated and ripe for the plucking if the right guy makes a move. That makes me mad and frustrated with him!
Click to expand...

I find myself in a very similar situation. I've been married for almost 20 years, and wife is thoughtful and caring in so many ways, and I don't think i could leave her. But it has to be something like 8 or 9 years since we were intimate with each other. I've given up raising the subject.

I'm 45, but my libido hasn't gone away. I've had a one night-stand with a much younger woman who seduced me online when I was particularly vulnerable, and a longer lasting "virtual affair" with a woman in the US, but I'd love to find somebody who I could have an emotional connection to and be with physically.

Does cheating make me a bad person? Probably. But I didn't agree to a life of celibacy, either, and her utter refusal to even discuss the problem doesn't help.

Meanwhile I guess there is always internet porn and literotica... but it's not the same, is it?
 
Led_Astray said:
I find myself in a very similar situation. I've been married for almost 20 years, and wife is thoughtful and caring in so many ways, and I don't think i could leave her. But it has to be something like 8 or 9 years since we were intimate with each other. I've given up raising the subject.

I'm 45, but my libido hasn't gone away. I've had a one night-stand with a much younger woman who seduced me online when I was particularly vulnerable, and a longer lasting "virtual affair" with a woman in the US, but I'd love to find somebody who I could have an emotional connection to and be with physically.

Does cheating make me a bad person? Probably. But I didn't agree to a life of celibacy, either, and her utter refusal to even discuss the problem doesn't help.

Meanwhile I guess there is always internet porn and literotica... but it's not the same, is it?
Click to expand...

No porn, literature, videos are not the same. They do help to enrich your life. I have had good chat conversations, I find that helps a lot.

Have you tried asking her for a mediated conversation with a professional?

Clearly, she must know that little contact between spouses is not sufficient. Especially given that you both are still young.
 
Led_Astray said:
I find myself in a very similar situation. I've been married for almost 20 years, and wife is thoughtful and caring in so many ways, and I don't think i could leave her. But it has to be something like 8 or 9 years since we were intimate with each other. I've given up raising the subject.

I'm 45, but my libido hasn't gone away. I've had a one night-stand with a much younger woman who seduced me online when I was particularly vulnerable, and a longer lasting "virtual affair" with a woman in the US, but I'd love to find somebody who I could have an emotional connection to and be with physically.

Does cheating make me a bad person? Probably. But I didn't agree to a life of celibacy, either, and her utter refusal to even discuss the problem doesn't help.

Meanwhile I guess there is always internet porn and literotica... but it's not the same, is it?
Click to expand...

I feel your pain, on a lighter note shame I’m an expat, we might have found a mutual solution!!
 
Led_Astray said:
Lol, wouldn't that just be too good to be true? Have to ask, then, where did you expatriate to?
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Across the Pond! Way to far for us commute lol! I’m hoping you aren’t in the Home Counties or West Country lol 🙄
 
DDBustyBrit said:
Across the Pond! Way to far for us commute lol! I’m hoping you aren’t in the Home Counties or West Country lol 🙄
Click to expand...

Nah, I'm from Norfolk... but unusually, compared to most Norfolk natives, my parents weren't related before they married ;)
 
Led_Astray said:
Nah, I'm from Norfolk... but unusually, compared to most Norfolk natives, my parents weren't related before they married ;)
Click to expand...

Omg lmao good to know!! And for the yanks reading this, Norfolk is akin to Arkansas lol!

Ahhh you sound like fun too, I wish you well and hope you find what you need. As for me, I keep looking and believing someone I can develop a great long term connection with, comes along soon!

I sincerely hope you find someone too, they may well be right here, but you’ll probably have to kiss a few frogs!!

Happy to chat anytime as friends 😊
 
Last edited:
Really interesting thread which, I hope, will enlighten me to seek the pleasures I'm currently denied ….. Even better if someone can help !!!
 
Hipshot1554 said:
I feel this is one of the biggest issues within many marriages, and I'm in the "YES" category.

Many years into this, my second marriage, I still shake my head at the fact that my SO shut me down at each attempt to discuss the subject.

We will stay together, but the lack of communication has put a strain on our relationship for certain.
.
Click to expand...

I have often wondered about that exact point. What bothers me the most is the settling we accept. It sort of seeps in. First it’s one subject we should avoid, then two, then 3.

Then you start about fluff than about nothing.

Nothingness fills the relationship.

We avoid difficult conversations because we disagree and scream and yell. We simply settle!

Sometimes the settling is worth the peace and quiet.

Right?

V.
 
Vitriolhack said:
I have often wondered about that exact point. What bothers me the most is the settling we accept. It sort of seeps in. First it’s one subject we should avoid, then two, then 3.

Then you start about fluff than about nothing.

Nothingness fills the relationship.

We avoid difficult conversations because we disagree and scream and yell. We simply settle!

Sometimes the settling is worth the peace and quiet.

Right?
V.
Click to expand...

The problem is we settle initially for the peace and quiet, but then our frustration just keeps building, as witnessed by this thread!

Reading these comments I think there are a few that will eventually spontaneously combust, including me!
 
DDBustyBrit said:
The problem is we settle initially for the peace and quiet, but then our frustration just keeps building, as witnessed by this thread!

Reading these comments I think there are a few that will eventually spontaneously combust, including me!
Click to expand...

When I find myself getting too close to Fahrenheit 451, I usually take a cool shower to lower my inner core temperature.

;)
 
Sleep fucking

I had an erotic dream the other night about an ex girlfriend. In the morning my wife asked me what got into me last night, the sex was so hot!
 
Because of my job, I travel a lot. I spend four or five months per year away from home, in different countries and continents. I 've never hidden from my husband that during these periods of long absence, masturbation is not the only way for me to achieve orgasm.
 
The problem is, frustration builds and simmers. Arguments begin over simple things.
 
DDBustyBrit said:
We share the same situation, with the addition of him having literally no sex drive and mine seems to keep increasing every year! Like most we didn’t start off like this, but I almost feel like he conned me about his own sexuality until he had me secure in marriage.

I don’t want to leave, as to even think about it hurts my heart. But there are many days when I wonder if I can really face the next 30 years with extremely vanilla sex a few times a year.

There are days when I’m so mad with him putting me in this situation I want to scream at him! Especially the days when I get admiring looks from other men, my anger then is real.

I will probably not leave, but I think I’m in great danger of falling into an affair in real life.

I’m very frustrated and ripe for the plucking if the right guy makes a move. That makes me mad and frustrated with him!
Click to expand...

Dear Mr DD, I am in same situation with reverse sexes. All I can say is I would love to do the plucking.
 
occasional_lovers said:
Because of my job, I travel a lot. I spend four or five months per year away from home, in different countries and continents. I 've never hidden from my husband that during these periods of long absence, masturbation is not the only way for me to achieve orgasm.
Click to expand...

I wonder, what are the other ways?;)
 
I finally came out to my wife about my Bi/CD interests... She was somewhat taken back but overall understanding. I think she had an idea already as she has found my toys and other items before. I have hidden from her my desires for a long time. We have not been intimate for over 2 years, due a medical condition I have.

She doesn't seem to need sex, intimacy or a connection that way, we are more like roommates at this point. I am not sure what's next and will be taking it slow to see if she wants to know more or we just keep going as we have been...
 
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