Go Back   Literotica Discussion Board > Main Literotica Forums > Story Feedback

Reply
 
Thread Tools

Old 02-20-2019, 01:10 AM   #1
CapDragon121
Virgin
 
CapDragon121 is offline
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 5
Feedback on 'When Angels Cum'

Hey all,

I am CapDragon121, author of 'When Angels Cum'. Yes, I know it is a ridiculous name. The story is an epic fantasy with elements of SciFi that are yet to appear. (I have a Physics background). But I do try to write realistic characters with quirks, motivations, desires and flaws of their own.

I started the project on a whim and I wouldn't have sought advice on this forum, if the work wasn't doing as well as it has been. I am currently calling it the Azra El Series, but I do need a better name.

Anyway, if any of you deem it worthy of a read, I'd like some opinions on how to improve it further. Honestly, the first few chapters are a bit rough if you're particular about grammar and editing. Chapters 11-13 are where I blossom, especially with the help of AC Lawrence, whose been helping me with the editing. I plan on rewriting the earlier chapters at some point.

Blurb: The story is about a young guy who hatches in a world of angels and demons. It's a diverse world with a multitude of cultures and I hope to explore them all. The novel is directed towards a male audience as the world is comprised of only females and my MC is the only male. But the story should appeal to both genders, if you can get over that fact.

Below are the links to my first chapter and table of contents.
https://www.literotica.com/s/when-angels-cum
https://www.literotica.com/stories/m...ge=submissions
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-20-2019, 01:14 AM   #2
Jada59
Literotica Guru
 
Jada59's Avatar
 
Jada59 is offline
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 12,915
Quote:
Originally Posted by CapDragon121 View Post
Hey all,

I am CapDragon121, author of 'When Angels Cum'. Yes, I know it is a ridiculous name. The story is an epic fantasy with elements of SciFi that are yet to appear. (I have a Physics background). But I do try to write realistic characters with quirks, motivations, desires and flaws of their own.

I started the project on a whim and I wouldn't have sought advice on this forum, if the work wasn't doing as well as it has been. I am currently calling it the Azra El Series, but I do need a better name.

Anyway, if any of you deem it worthy of a read, I'd like some opinions on how to improve it further. Honestly, the first few chapters are a bit rough if you're particular about grammar and editing. Chapters 11-13 are where I blossom, especially with the help of AC Lawrence, whose been helping me with the editing. I plan on rewriting the earlier chapters at some point.

Blurb: The story is about a young guy who hatches in a world of angels and demons. It's a diverse world with a multitude of cultures and I hope to explore them all. The novel is directed towards a male audience as the world is comprised of only females and my MC is the only male. But the story should appeal to both genders, if you can get over that fact.

Below are the links to my first chapter and table of contents.
https://www.literotica.com/s/when-angels-cum
https://www.literotica.com/stories/m...ge=submissions

I read the first page. It seems well written to me. I didn't read further only because that genre is not my style but I do think it's good!
__________________
My works:

https://www.literotica.com/stories/m...ge=submissions

If it's pics or vids that you're looking for, keep on looking!

But do stop by my Online Jack and Jill Party!

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1484417

Divorced, Washington State

Team PM
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-20-2019, 08:21 AM   #3
CapDragon121
Virgin
 
CapDragon121 is offline
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 5
Thank you Jada. I don't expect anyone to read it if it isn't their genre. Also, it is quite long . I was just trying my luck.
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-22-2019, 09:29 PM   #4
Maeven_quinn
Really Experienced
 
Maeven_quinn's Avatar
 
Maeven_quinn is offline
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by CapDragon121 View Post
Thank you Jada. I don't expect anyone to read it if it isn't their genre. Also, it is quite long . I was just trying my luck.
This is a real time comment, as I'm enjoying the story as I type this. There was a parenthetical about aunties that felt like it should have been a foot note. It took me out of perspective for a half second.

I only mention that because the narration/perspective in this story is strongly on point. Probably the best part of your story beside the whole "what's a male?" part.
__________________
Jocelyn The Wicked
  Reply With Quote

Old 02-23-2019, 07:59 PM   #5
CapDragon121
Virgin
 
CapDragon121 is offline
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 5
Aunty as a colloquial term

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maeven_quinn View Post
This is a real time comment, as I'm enjoying the story as I type this. There was a parenthetical about aunties that felt like it should have been a foot note. It took me out of perspective for a half second.

I only mention that because the narration/perspective in this story is strongly on point. Probably the best part of your story beside the whole "what's a male?" part.
Ah. Sorry about that. The editing is not upto par in the earlier chapters. It gets a little worse before I get my act together.
I hope the story keeps your attention until my writing and editing get better with every chapter, after chapter 5.

Thank you for reading and feel free to share your thoughts.
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:49 PM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.