First submission on literotica (incest).

theincestclub

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Hello everyone, my first submission on literotica was just approved and just wanted to put it out there and I'm also looking to get some feedback. It's a father/daughter incest story. I tried to have a decent build-up and a semi-realistic premise, I don't know how successful I was :)

Let me know what you think, honestly is appreciated.

http://www.literotica.com/s/shaving-dad-pt-01
 
write a good follow up....

It would be interesting if you wrote a follow up describing a second encounter between the two of them. In this case it could be a little bit more daring on the part of the two characters within a total exploration of both sexuality and emotional uphoria on thier part. Imagine a scenario and write straight off the keyboard allowing the narrative to take you where it wants to go and not where you want it to go.Not a bad effort though for your first submission.
 
Imagine a scenario and write straight off the keyboard allowing the narrative to take you where it wants to go and not where you want it to go.


That sounds pretty much how it felt at times while writing this story. Being my first time, it was an interesting and unexpected experience seeing the story and the characters lead me instead of the other way around. Maybe not to the extend you implied, but still.
 
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Good story, I left you a comment.

Things I would look at. Some of your paragraphs should be broken up a little more a couple of them were huge blocks of text so look at that for your next story.

You use the word almost try to lose that habit, almost is a weak word "almost shocked" was he shocked or not?

Those are little things and in general I liked the piece, it had enough lead in to not be a stroker, but was quick enough to the fun stuff to not be boring. Sex was hot, all in all a nice first effort.

Tell you what, its far better than my D/D efforts.,...I write those only for a friend and they are not my strong suit.
 
Good story, I left you a comment.

Things I would look at. Some of your paragraphs should be broken up a little more a couple of them were huge blocks of text so look at that for your next story.

You use the word almost try to lose that habit, almost is a weak word "almost shocked" was he shocked or not?

Those are little things and in general I liked the piece, it had enough lead in to not be a stroker, but was quick enough to the fun stuff to not be boring. Sex was hot, all in all a nice first effort.

Tell you what, its far better than my D/D efforts.,...I write those only for a friend and they are not my strong suit.

First of all, let me say that I'm fan of your stories and I've enjoyed most of them. It's a pity you're not into F/d but I enjoy a well written story regardless ;) So it's a honor to have you read my story :)

Thank you so much for your comment, I almost really appreciate it! :p

I will try to address the stuff you point out. I don't know how successful I'll be, I don't think I have a good sense about that stuff (the paragraphs in particular) :)

I really appreciate your "stroker" comment. I did try to find a fine line between a "stroker" story and something more substantial, so I'm glad you thought that too. But in the end I'm not ashamed to admit that it's the "stroker" part that I give priority, I just tried to build up a believable premise as best as I could. I don't really have the confidence or the skill to stray too much into the story and the characters, I mostly focus on the sex stuff. I don't know, we'll see how I do in my next effort.

Anyway, thanks again :)
 
Hello everyone, my first submission on literotica was just approved and just wanted to put it out there and I'm also looking to get some feedback. It's a father/daughter incest story. I tried to have a decent build-up and a semi-realistic premise, I don't know how successful I was :)

Let me know what you think, honestly is appreciated.

http://www.literotica.com/s/shaving-dad-pt-01
Wow! What an amazing story. Great balance between build-up and taboo lust. It had me stroking and cumming. I love good incest stories and yours is all of 5 stars.
Thanks

M
 
First of all, let me say that I'm fan of your stories and I've enjoyed most of them. It's a pity you're not into F/d but I enjoy a well written story regardless ;) So it's a honor to have you read my story :)

Thank you so much for your comment, I almost really appreciate it! :p

I will try to address the stuff you point out. I don't know how successful I'll be, I don't think I have a good sense about that stuff (the paragraphs in particular) :)

I really appreciate your "stroker" comment. I did try to find a fine line between a "stroker" story and something more substantial, so I'm glad you thought that too. But in the end I'm not ashamed to admit that it's the "stroker" part that I give priority, I just tried to build up a believable premise as best as I could. I don't really have the confidence or the skill to stray too much into the story and the characters, I mostly focus on the sex stuff. I don't know, we'll see how I do in my next effort.

Anyway, thanks again :)

Thank you for the compliments.

There's all types of readers here and in the erotic categories what they all have in common is wanting the hot steamy scenes-if they didn't they would not be reading erotica.

But how we 'get there' is what makes readers different. Some want that heat immediately, they want a one page story with fucking right up front because they are looking to simply get off.

Others enjoy a slow burn to get to that heat, they want conflict, and motivation and to know the characters because for them that makes the sex hotter when it gets there. That's the type of story I personally prefer.

Then you have people in the middle who don't want to jump right into it, but also are not up for reading four pages of back story to get to it.

Your story hit that last crowd perfectly, but also gave the story crowd just enough and didn't make the strokers wait to long.

Great balancing act.

But as you write don't let those thoughts enter your head too much. Let the story come out as you want it because regardless of what you post there are readers for it and they will find you.

BTW I looked at your numbers....very impressive totals for a first story as far as votes and comments and a great score for any story. Good job
 
Thank you for the compliments.

There's all types of readers here and in the erotic categories what they all have in common is wanting the hot steamy scenes-if they didn't they would not be reading erotica.

But how we 'get there' is what makes readers different. Some want that heat immediately, they want a one page story with fucking right up front because they are looking to simply get off.

Others enjoy a slow burn to get to that heat, they want conflict, and motivation and to know the characters because for them that makes the sex hotter when it gets there. That's the type of story I personally prefer.

Then you have people in the middle who don't want to jump right into it, but also are not up for reading four pages of back story to get to it.

Your story hit that last crowd perfectly, but also gave the story crowd just enough and didn't make the strokers wait to long.

Great balancing act.

But as you write don't let those thoughts enter your head too much. Let the story come out as you want it because regardless of what you post there are readers for it and they will find you.

BTW I looked at your numbers....very impressive totals for a first story as far as votes and comments and a great score for any story. Good job

Don Westlake was good at building sexual tension. I was reading one of his books the other day. The principal character visits a friend whose wife is wearing a sweat-shirt too short for her. When she pulls the shirt down to cover her crotch, it rises in the back exposing her ass. Later, when the PC is leaving she's still wearing the sweat-shirt, so you know he's gonna get some before too long. But Westlake never said PARKERS GONNA GET SOME PUSSY! Action spoke louder than words.
 
Wow! What an amazing story. Great balance between build-up and taboo lust. It had me stroking and cumming. I love good incest stories and yours is all of 5 stars.
Thanks

M

Thank you very much!

Thank you for the compliments.

There's all types of readers here and in the erotic categories what they all have in common is wanting the hot steamy scenes-if they didn't they would not be reading erotica.

But how we 'get there' is what makes readers different. Some want that heat immediately, they want a one page story with fucking right up front because they are looking to simply get off.

Others enjoy a slow burn to get to that heat, they want conflict, and motivation and to know the characters because for them that makes the sex hotter when it gets there. That's the type of story I personally prefer.

Then you have people in the middle who don't want to jump right into it, but also are not up for reading four pages of back story to get to it.

Your story hit that last crowd perfectly, but also gave the story crowd just enough and didn't make the strokers wait to long.

Great balancing act.

I agree 100% with that. As a reader I enjoy both the "slow burn" stories and the "middle" ones. But as a writer I don't feel I have the experience for the long slow ones. Maybe in the future.

But as you write don't let those thoughts enter your head too much. Let the story come out as you want it because regardless of what you post there are readers for it and they will find you.

You're right about that. I admit that I am kinda nervous about starting to write the second part. Seems like the stakes are higher, which is ridiculous since I don't even consider myself a writer.

BTW I looked at your numbers....very impressive totals for a first story as far as votes and comments and a great score for any story. Good job

Trust me, no one is more surprised than me about that. I guess all those years reading erotica finally payed off haha.
 
Very wordy, lots of "telling", very little showing. Try condensing, something like this:

A few minutes later Michael, feeling refreshed, tied a towel around his waist and went to join his daughter. He spotted Kate doing laps in the pool. He had always admired her obsession with sports. Since her youth she had been constantly involved in athletic activity. Swimming was one of her favorites; every summer she spent hours in their pool. But she had tried soccer, tennis, ballet, volley ball and track. She had never stuck with one thing long enough to become really good, but she had developed an amazingly beautiful, toned body she could be proud of.
 
I'd suggest cutting the expository paragraph that begins with "What Kate failed to mention..." It interrupts the dialogue and feels like a sidebar in a magazine article. That's partly because the reader has grown comfortable with Michael as the point-of-view character. And, having mentioned that, I would also suggest going through and changing the parts that are from Katie's POV. It's just a suggestion, as I know that some folks aren't bothered in the least by a wandering POV, but I think strict adherence to a particular character's POV within a section makes the writing stronger.

You actually could possibly begin inserting some of that information later, like around this exchange:

"Ok, ok. It's not as hard as you think, though. I've been doing it for months and I never had any accidents. I've even done it on one of my boyfriends."

"Katie! I didn't need to know that...wait, you have a boyfriend?"


As the father of a college-aged daughter, I would immediately notice if my daughter referred to "one of" her boyfriends. If Michael picked up on that, there could be a quick exchange that would bring out a little of her new-found sexuality. So, his reply could be:

"Katie! I didn't need to know that...wait, ONE of your boyfriends? How many do you have?"

Based on their openness with each other, it wouldn't seem unrealistic for her to then share some of that information.

Now that I've read a little further, I realize that she does share a bit more with him later, which strengthens my opinion that the paragraph in question should be cut.

Little homophone error here: Michael's thoughts were pretty much in the same vain. Should be "the same vein."
 
Thank you guys for the suggestions :)

That "one of your boyfriends" bit was a good catch and you're absolutely right. I did notice it but by that time it was already submitted. I can't believe I missed it the first time, though. Can someone make changes to already submitted stories?

As for the rest of the suggestions, while most of them make sense, I don't want to make too big changes since people seem to enjoy it as it is. I'll keep them in mind for my next attempt at writing.
 
Hello everyone, my first submission on literotica was just approved and just wanted to put it out there and I'm also looking to get some feedback. It's a father/daughter incest story. I tried to have a decent build-up and a semi-realistic premise, I don't know how successful I was :)

Let me know what you think, honestly is appreciated.

http://www.literotica.com/s/shaving-dad-pt-01
First off, congrats! You've done very well with your first story.

I find the switching between Kate and Katie confusing. I'd suggesting picking one and staying with it.

Also, I suggest avoiding so much narrative summary at the beginning. Something like:
Michael smiled as he approached his backyard pool. His daughter Katie noticed his presence, stopped, and swam towards him.

"Welcome home, Dad. Will you join me in the water?"

"No thanks. I'm kinda tired. I'll just lie on the pool chair, drink some juice and relax."

It had been a rough day at work and Michael wanted to unwind and spend some quality time with Katie. She had arrived home late last night from college so they hadn't get the chance to say much to each other yet. He had missed her so much while she had been away for her freshman year. He hadn't spent as much time with her as he wanted since he divorced her mother three years ago. Katie had lived with her mom after the divorce and even though he seen her her three or four times a week, it hadn't been enough. Not having her constantly in his life had been the worst part of the divorce. Now, it was going to be different. For the next five weeks, he would have his daughter all to himself because his ex-wife would be out of the country for her job.

"Ok, let me join you then."

Michael watched Katie as she got out of the pool.
:
 
Thank you guys for the suggestions :)

That "one of your boyfriends" bit was a good catch and you're absolutely right. I did notice it but by that time it was already submitted. I can't believe I missed it the first time, though. Can someone make changes to already submitted stories?

Yes, you can. It's just like submitting a new story, but you put -EDITED after the title. So, in this case, you'd resubmit the entire story (with changes) and put "Shaving Dad Pt. 01 - EDITED" as the title.
 
Most of your sentences read: he/she/they did such and such AND did so and so.

He was pretty sweaty and decided to have a shower before joining his daughter. He was excited to( see her and) catch up with her. She (had just returned) got home the previous day from her first year in college to spend the summer with him. She got home (had arrived) pretty late so they (hadn't had)didn't get the chance to say much.

Michael and Kate's mom (had divorced)got (that's three "gots" and one "get" in a row) divorced three years ago,(.) (T)their marriage had lasted seventeen years, and had ended (ending)on pretty good terms. She had had an affair but, while he (had felt)did feel betrayed (when she confessed), he couldn't really blame her, they'd (both) been unhappy for quite a while. He had been able to (forgiven) forgive her but they (both) (had) agreed they couldn't keep pretending (that) their marriage hadn't ended (long ago)quite a while ago.(two quite a whiles) Kate had been sixteen at the time(, bur they had) and they felt she was (old and) mature enough to understand, so they. . .

Just some suggestions. to ease the flow, correct some tenses and eliminate unintentional repetition.
 
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I really liked it. Short and sweet and well-written.

I like how you gave the daughter a brain and a personality, huzzah!

You did not overuse the Daddy talk and avoided many common cliches.

The dad was adorable. The daughter was realistic, not a brain damaged tweener.

My one critique is this seems like a tiny scenario out of a longer story. But who cares it was good on its own. Hope you keep writing.
 
Just checking in to say that I've read all the comments and they're all greatly appreciated. Also, thanks for your kind words :)


I find the switching between Kate and Katie confusing. I'd suggesting picking one and staying with it.

That was intentional. It was supposed to reflect the father's mood/tone. "Kate" when he was being serious, "Katie" when he was more sweet towards her etc. I guess maybe it didn't work as intended.

I really liked it. Short and sweet and well-written.

I like how you gave the daughter a brain and a personality, huzzah!

You did not overuse the Daddy talk and avoided many common cliches.

The dad was adorable. The daughter was realistic, not a brain damaged tweener.

My one critique is this seems like a tiny scenario out of a longer story. But who cares it was good on its own. Hope you keep writing.

Thanks, that's more or less what I was going for, so I really appreciate your compliments.

I actually never intended for it to be a longer story. I think it's pretty self-contained as an "incest relationship origin" story. After the great response I got from readers I'm really considering to write more, and I have some ideas, but I find it kinda hard this time around. I'm afraid it will be forced. Also, a lot of people expect it to be a incest romance while I have no intention of following that path, I'd want it to be more about kinky sex. So, I'm thinking maybe I'll just leave it as it is for now.
 
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