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Dreading 50 Shades of Grey: The Movie

graceanne said:
Yeah ... my sil read and loved the books. I think she thought I was shocked because of my religion - no, I just didn't know how to say that it wasn't very accurate.
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Same here. The first time she mentioned loving the books and told me about her views regarding the scenes described in them, I got completely tongue-tied. She thought I was being really prudish and tried to tease me into reading the books several times, for the shock value. Eventually I couldn't bite my tongue and told her that from what I've heard, the books are not only...flawed when it comes to writing, but also that I wouldn't like to read stuff that, based on what I've heard, promotes completely unrealistic and even unhealthy and stigmatizing views on BDSM. She was slightly shocked I discussed the matter using the (to her) strange terminology she had only learned from the books without skipping a beat.

My sil had commented on my relationship with J being "old-fashioned", but I could see that after our discussion her brain started ticking. I guess now she knows what our "old-fashioned" looks like in the bedroom. Or at least she thinks she does, because in reality 50SoG doesn't seem to represent what we do and how we run our relationship.

She hasn't brought up the books since, which is fine.
 
Netzach said:
Oh, I definitely have had the experience where some completely non-kinked straight person wants to actually talk about or refer to SOG, which puts me into an awkward position.
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Oh yes. "Ha ha those weird people! At least you and I are normal!"

"Um..."
 
I thought Netzach was talking about the times when the other person was wanting to find a fellow traveller in you - the assumption that because you are a woman like they are, you are also a submissive or submissive-curious woman who finds Christian Grey hot. :)
 
Primalex said:
Right. And this won't change with 50 Shades of Grey.


And if a Dom uses a belt to discipline his 12 year old daughter and takes a shower with her, I think it's quite acceptable that CPS takes a closer look - no matter what your sexual preference is. Being kinky is no excuse for abusing children.
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What's this bit about the shower, then?

I legitimately know nothing of the finer plot details of this pile of trash. I don't read erotic fanfiction turned into a horrible book. But, you know, I am vaguely interested in what this is all about? He takes a shower with his daughter in the book?
 
HussarVanburen said:
What's this bit about the shower, then?

I legitimately know nothing of the finer plot details of this pile of trash. I don't read erotic fanfiction turned into a horrible book. But, you know, I am vaguely interested in what this is all about? He takes a shower with his daughter in the book?
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I don't think that's from the book. That was an example given for taking ones children away. :/ it was a side topic, spurred on by the book.
 
seela said:
Same here. The first time she mentioned loving the books and told me about her views regarding the scenes described in them, I got completely tongue-tied. She thought I was being really prudish and tried to tease me into reading the books several times, for the shock value. Eventually I couldn't bite my tongue and told her that from what I've heard, the books are not only...flawed when it comes to writing, but also that I wouldn't like to read stuff that, based on what I've heard, promotes completely unrealistic and even unhealthy and stigmatizing views on BDSM. She was slightly shocked I discussed the matter using the (to her) strange terminology she had only learned from the books without skipping a beat.

My sil had commented on my relationship with J being "old-fashioned", but I could see that after our discussion her brain started ticking. I guess now she knows what our "old-fashioned" looks like in the bedroom. Or at least she thinks she does, because in reality 50SoG doesn't seem to represent what we do and how we run our relationship.

She hasn't brought up the books since, which is fine.
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LOL I don't know if my sil got suspicious of my sex life, or not, as the conversation was really short. I just told her that people I know, who know what they're talking about, said it was really unrealistic and badly written. She smiled and said that she enjoyed the book, even though it's unrealistic, and I left it there. As long as she knows it's unrealistic, I don't feel like I need to lecture her about safety and the like. And, as much as I adore my sil, we don't have that kind of relationship.
 
seela said:
Same here. The first time she mentioned loving the books and told me about her views regarding the scenes described in them, I got completely tongue-tied. She thought I was being really prudish and tried to tease me into reading the books several times, for the shock value. Eventually I couldn't bite my tongue and told her that from what I've heard, the books are not only...flawed when it comes to writing, but also that I wouldn't like to read stuff that, based on what I've heard, promotes completely unrealistic and even unhealthy and stigmatizing views on BDSM. She was slightly shocked I discussed the matter using the (to her) strange terminology she had only learned from the books without skipping a beat.

My sil had commented on my relationship with J being "old-fashioned", but I could see that after our discussion her brain started ticking. I guess now she knows what our "old-fashioned" looks like in the bedroom. Or at least she thinks she does, because in reality 50SoG doesn't seem to represent what we do and how we run our relationship.

She hasn't brought up the books since, which is fine.
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Thank you, seela, for my first - and quite possibly only laugh of the day! :heart:
 
graceanne said:
LOL I don't know if my sil got suspicious of my sex life, or not, as the conversation was really short. I just told her that people I know, who know what they're talking about, said it was really unrealistic and badly written. She smiled and said that she enjoyed the book, even though it's unrealistic, and I left it there. As long as she knows it's unrealistic, I don't feel like I need to lecture her about safety and the like. And, as much as I adore my sil, we don't have that kind of relationship.
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Yeah, there is such a thing as tmi when it comes to relatives...
 
WhipLuvr said:
Do you think you could save me slogging through the books and just tell us all WTF his issue is? I've read a few chapters ( honestly, that was all I could take) and he seems to have a thing about wasting food. Maybe some sort of shitty childhood where wasting food was a HUGE no-no?

I may be a BIT of a masochist, but not THAT much of a masochist that I'll willingly read the entire damn series, especially not when I have much better things waiting to be read on my bookshelf.
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His mom was a junkie; he was neglected to the point of abuse and saw a parade of men through their home. He was adopted/rescued, but the imprint was there. As a teen he was exploited by an older, domme, woman. That, coupled with his previous experiences, gave him a pretty warped view of how relationships worked. For all of his domly tendencies, he reveals a history of not being able to read people very well, which is what lands him in the relationship with Anna.

My biggest sticking point for the books (above and beyond the poor writing) was that they reinforced the notion that people involved with BDSM are essentially damaged in some way. I honestly didn't get the abuse (of Anna) aspects that others have criticized...I saw it as a messed-up guy who was baffled when presented with a basically healthy, open, honest person.

As the story resolves, they pretty much meet in the middle: she enjoys the kinky sex and learns to trust what he wants to do, and he learns that one can have the play without a d/s dynamic running it. There's more to it than that, but that's the nutshell version.

For hot, fully BDSM action, I'd rather read someone like Cherise Sinclair. She presents some messed-up characters at times, but deals with them in more sensible ways, IMHO. And let's face it, the point of a good novel is to have some sort of dramatic tension. I think authors fall back on the flawed character because pairing reasonable, compatible characters teaming up to deal with a difficult situation simply isn't as interesting.

I think the most difficult thing about pulling off 50SoG as a film is going to be conveying the psychological aspects.
 
desertslave said:
His mom was a junkie; he was neglected to the point of abuse and saw a parade of men through their home. He was adopted/rescued, but the imprint was there. As a teen he was exploited by an older, domme, woman. That, coupled with his previous experiences, gave him a pretty warped view of how relationships worked. For all of his domly tendencies, he reveals a history of not being able to read people very well, which is what lands him in the relationship with Anna.

My biggest sticking point for the books (above and beyond the poor writing) was that they reinforced the notion that people involved with BDSM are essentially damaged in some way. I honestly didn't get the abuse (of Anna) aspects that others have criticized...I saw it as a messed-up guy who was baffled when presented with a basically healthy, open, honest person.

As the story resolves, they pretty much meet in the middle: she enjoys the kinky sex and learns to trust what he wants to do, and he learns that one can have the play without a d/s dynamic running it. There's more to it than that, but that's the nutshell version.
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It's not depicting someone with heavy kink inclinations coming from a shitty background that bugs me. I come from a shitty background, have witnessed my fair share of domestic abuse and am currently (still) trying to figure out how to draw up boundaries regarding my emotionally and verbally abusive father who has the tendency to let his anger issues get the best of him in public. I do D/s, I'm a masochist. I like seeing people like me in these kinds of stories. What I would -like- to see more of and don't (granted, I don't look very hard as I've gotten mostly bored with porn in the last couple years) is fucked up kinky people owning their fucked-upness and using it to heal rather than cope. Heal without fixing.

I can't relate to the perfectly happy and healthy T/b or D/s couple in the same way that I can't relate to vanilla romance. It's just not within my realm of understanding at all.
 
desertslave said:
His mom was a junkie; he was neglected to the point of abuse and saw a parade of men through their home. He was adopted/rescued, but the imprint was there. As a teen he was exploited by an older, domme, woman. That, coupled with his previous experiences, gave him a pretty warped view of how relationships worked. For all of his domly tendencies, he reveals a history of not being able to read people very well, which is what lands him in the relationship with Anna.

My biggest sticking point for the books (above and beyond the poor writing) was that they reinforced the notion that people involved with BDSM are essentially damaged in some way. I honestly didn't get the abuse (of Anna) aspects that others have criticized...I saw it as a messed-up guy who was baffled when presented with a basically healthy, open, honest person.

As the story resolves, they pretty much meet in the middle: she enjoys the kinky sex and learns to trust what he wants to do, and he learns that one can have the play without a d/s dynamic running it. There's more to it than that, but that's the nutshell version.

For hot, fully BDSM action, I'd rather read someone like Cherise Sinclair. She presents some messed-up characters at times, but deals with them in more sensible ways, IMHO. And let's face it, the point of a good novel is to have some sort of dramatic tension. I think authors fall back on the flawed character because pairing reasonable, compatible characters teaming up to deal with a difficult situation simply isn't as interesting.

I think the most difficult thing about pulling off 50SoG as a film is going to be conveying the psychological aspects.
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Thanks :D

I'm too busy reading good stuff to waste my time on this tripe.
 
KoPilot said:
What I would -like- to see more of and don't (granted, I don't look very hard as I've gotten mostly bored with porn in the last couple years) is fucked up kinky people owning their fucked-upness and using it to heal rather than cope. Heal without fixing.

I can't relate to the perfectly happy and healthy T/b or D/s couple in the same way that I can't relate to vanilla romance. It's just not within my realm of understanding at all.
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You see, this is part of why I don't enjoy "romance" novels. As soon as the couple gets together, everything that made the man interesting suddenly disappears, because he is somehow immedately "fixed" by the love of a good, and very boring, woman. Blah.

I like continuing drama where the exciting, adventurous, possibly f'd up man stays all of that within the relationships he has, and the issues the characters have individually and in the dynamic of the relationship keep the story interesting.
 
Ugh!!!

The story is ridiculous on so many levels.
She just needs to make another one where a virgin lady works in jail and falls in love with a sociopath. The sociopath is somehow able to defy every psychological issue he has and for once in his life is able to love.
Come on! The character is dangerous and there are many like them. And they're not always in the BDSM world. 15 year olds are reading this out of curiosity, heck, they can be 40 year olds.....age doesn't matter, either way if they get in a relationship with someone like grey they'd have so many scars.
....*phew* that felt great. Thanks for letting me vent.
 
Bean_Linda91 said:
Come on! The character is dangerous and there are many like them. And they're not always in the BDSM world. 15 year olds are reading this out of curiosity,
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15 year olds are watching Deepthroat Bitches on the net out of curiosity.
 
Bean_Linda91 said:
The story is ridiculous on so many levels.
She just needs to make another one where a virgin lady works in jail and falls in love with a sociopath. The sociopath is somehow able to defy every psychological issue he has and for once in his life is able to love.
Come on! The character is dangerous and there are many like them. And they're not always in the BDSM world. 15 year olds are reading this out of curiosity, heck, they can be 40 year olds.....age doesn't matter, either way if they get in a relationship with someone like grey they'd have so many scars.
....*phew* that felt great. Thanks for letting me vent.
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Still, this is the case with almost any romance story (bodice ripping optional) and most certainly with all the stories aimed at younger female audiences of good girl who loves bad boy (vampires optional) and makes him a better person.

I just wish more people would read Fahrenheit 451 too.
 
At least the movie won't have to try very hard to be better than the book it was based on in this particular case.
 
IrisAlthea said:
Still, this is the case with almost any romance story (bodice ripping optional) and most certainly with all the stories aimed at younger female audiences of good girl who loves bad boy (vampires optional) and makes him a better person.

I just wish more people would read Fahrenheit 451 too.
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Actually there is a difference.

In most of your stereo type bad boy stories the bad boy is dangerous to everyone but the heroin. She is his light, his weakness, he could never hurt her, but can be dangerous to himself and others.

You know the slogan "Every good girl wants a bad boy who will be good just for her."

In Shades Gray is dangerous to Ana and pretty much only Ana (or any other woman he has ever been with) he is stalking and abusing her, not anyone else

That is where the trope varies. In many other books he is actually the character who would be the creepy bad guy the girl would have to be saved from.

My wife made an interesting point about Ana. Most of the critique directed at her is she's stupid.

My wife came out with the point that she is a 22 year old virgin(and an attractive one) so no boy in HS or college could woo her

But a suit and a lot of money, oh sir you can beat me all you want!

Shallow and stupid.
 
lovecraft68 said:
Actually there is a difference.

In most of your stereo type bad boy stories the bad boy is dangerous to everyone but the heroin. She is his light, his weakness, he could never hurt her, but can be dangerous to himself and others.

You know the slogan "Every good girl wants a bad boy who will be good just for her."

In Shades Gray is dangerous to Ana and pretty much only Ana (or any other woman he has ever been with) he is stalking and abusing her, not anyone else

That is where the trope varies. In many other books he is actually the character who would be the creepy bad guy the girl would have to be saved from.

My wife made an interesting point about Ana. Most of the critique directed at her is she's stupid.

My wife came out with the point that she is a 22 year old virgin(and an attractive one) so no boy in HS or college could woo her

But a suit and a lot of money, oh sir you can beat me all you want!

Shallow and stupid.
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Isn't that basically The BDSM Fantasy, though? Someone that will turn into a monster just for you?

Idk. Ana's basic "story" is a like mine in a lot of ways-- a dateless virgin for a long time, wound up getting fucked by the same guy I first held hands with, having him push things without my explicit consent. (I wound up marrying my guy and found out that he's actually much more vanilla than me.)

But then again, I've always had a hard time with personal boundaries due to my history of abuse. I didn't know how to establish or maintain them in a healthy way, so I just arbitrarily set them up miles away from me since I figured that would be safe enough. I also wasn't particularly interested in having sex with anyone anyways.

I do not doubt that I was a stupid teenager either, though.
 
Stella_Omega said:
I far preferred The Martian Chronicles.
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His aversion to book banning was evident there too I think? I just have very vague memories of it. Might be time to read it again.

lovecraft68 said:
Actually there is a difference.

In most of your stereo type bad boy stories the bad boy is dangerous to everyone but the heroin. She is his light, his weakness, he could never hurt her, but can be dangerous to himself and others.

You know the slogan "Every good girl wants a bad boy who will be good just for her."

In Shades Gray is dangerous to Ana and pretty much only Ana (or any other woman he has ever been with) he is stalking and abusing her, not anyone else

That is where the trope varies. In many other books he is actually the character who would be the creepy bad guy the girl would have to be saved from.
Click to expand...

So you do think this book is somehow more harmful or dangerous then the rest of the bad boy good girl stuff?
 
Grey isn't dangerous to Anna any more than anyone else. He's dangerous to a Gutenberg Bible at one point-- carelessly stuffs it upside down onto a shelf. This is supposed to indicate his adorable insouciance towards the mores and strictures of life-- and even more important to Romance readers, gives Anna an opportunity to be the grown up woman by way of her reaction to that. (Which I don't remember, I admit)
 
Stella_Omega said:
Grey isn't dangerous to Anna any more than anyone else. He's dangerous to a Gutenberg Bible at one point-- carelessly stuffs it upside down onto a shelf. This is supposed to indicate his adorable insouciance towards the mores and strictures of life-- and even more important to Romance readers, gives Anna an opportunity to be the grown up woman by way of her reaction to that. (Which I don't remember, I admit)
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Which brings up a really, good point. When you get a guy whose whole attitude to life is careless indifference, what the heck makes you think he'll change into a caring, worthwhile partner for you? There is at least some level of give-a-shit necessary for even the most casual sexual relationship to work. If he just totally does not care about your needs or your body, chances are you'll wind up hurt.
 
Can't help but think loads of money and good looks makes abuse more tolerable. :rolleyes:
 
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