here looking for help!

Hi all,

I'm new to all this but hoping you can help! I need some advice on how to get my man to open up sexually. We are both 43 and been together for 6 years. I am or rather would be given the chance quite open sexually. I want to try new things and experiment. My partner is the opposite. I can't even tell you what turns him on as he says he doesn't know. He says he has no fantasies either. Sex is now once a month if I'm lucky. I have told him anything he wants to try I shall do and he says there is nothing. I am extremely frustrated as I need sex quite often and would love to be able to turn him on more. But nothing I try really works. When we do have sex it is the same positions every time. Foreplay doesn't really exist. He is not gay or bi (I have even offered that or for me to perform anal on him). He isn't getting it anywhere else. He just can't seem to express himself or understand his own body. He gets embarrassed when talking about sex.

Please help!!!

Thanks

Is he depressed or has he been feeling ill lately? Any traumatic events occur in your family recently?

Nope nothing, the amount of sex has dropped a lot the last few months but he has always been the same sexually.

Frustrated1971 said:

Nope nothing, the amount of sex has dropped a lot the last few months but he has always been the same sexually.

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Possibly his testosterone levels have dropped off, fortunately its fixable. Is he lacking drive all together, not just sexual? Google low testosterone for symptoms and see if they fit your man. If so, find a good Endocrinologist to go to.

Nope its just sex drive. I wouldn't mind that so much if when we did have sex it was good but it isn't and I'm generally left frustrated. I have told him I will try anything. All he has to do is name it....he says there is nothing. That he doesn't have any fantasies

Frustrated1971 said:

Nope its just sex drive. I wouldn't mind that so much if when we did have sex it was good but it isn't and I'm generally left frustrated. I have told him I will try anything. All he has to do is name it....he says there is nothing. That he doesn't have any fantasies

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See if he responds to bringing in another woman or a man. If that gets his attention then you will have something to work on. Still think it may be hormonal.
Too bad since you are at the age some women become very sexual.

I've offered him a 3sum, with a man or a woman and he said no, that doesn't interest him

Frustrated1971 said:

I've offered him a 3sum, with a man or a woman and he said no, that doesn't interest him

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Damn that sucks. Looks like you need a friend with benefits. Maybe try some real dirty chat and have him sit in on your chat session. See if that excites him, maybe he wants to be cuckold and afraid to ask.

^ That isn't a bad idea, actually. At this point, it sounds like you need to start thinking even more outside the box.

take control and do what you want to him, don't give him a choice. Maybe he needs to be controlled by you. If he still doesn't respond, well a girl must do what she has too.

I had this on when I was talking to him, the stories....said we could read them or watch some porn....nope

Asshungry said:

take control and do what you want to him, don't give him a choice. Maybe he needs to be controlled by you. If he still doesn't respond, well a girl must do what she has too.

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I did that tonight....I was on top controlling the pace, not letting him do his usually and just go so fast from the start...he actually lost his hard on. I think he is so used to being fast

Frustrated1971 said:

I did that tonight....I was on top controlling the pace, not letting him do his usually and just go so fast from the start...he actually lost his hard on. I think he is so used to being fast

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Wow, sorry to hear that. Sounds like you have tried just about everything. Now if my wife brought home another girl and started doing here in front of me I would loose control and want to fuck both of them, but Im always horny.

Frustrated1971 said:

I've offered him a 3sum, with a man or a woman and he said no, that doesn't interest him

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Just tell him that you and a friend (guy or girl) had mind blowing sex and you wish he was there

Slip him a Viagra and then proceed to tease him. Get him hard but don't let him cum. Get him so horny that he has to take you. Just don't let him cum, make it last. Edge him good, maybe he has never had a lasting sexual episode.

question

Have you tried bondage?

have you talked to him and asked if he's willing to do things you want? And if not is he open to you finding someone who can fill that void.

Somebody needs to provide her with what she desires.

Frustrated1971 said:

I did that tonight....I was on top controlling the pace, not letting him do his usually and just go so fast from the start...he actually lost his hard on. I think he is so used to being fast

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He may be fast because he's afraid he's going to lose it and wants to come before it's too late.

It can become a habit though, I suppose, and obviously it's not fair to you. If he needs to do that, OK but he should make sure you are satisfied first, or nearly so.

If he leaves you frustrated, you might try cuddling up to him and bringing yourself off with your fingers or whatever works. Don't be shy about it. Let him know what you're doing and why.

This is one case where professional counseling might help, if you can access it. Someone who knows what she's doing can keep the discussion on the tracks and let you both have your say, then help you come up with a solution that will make both of you happy.

He may be telling you the truth: he doesn't know what's wrong, doesn't have any unfulfilled desires, and is too tired and stressed out to think about it. This happens a lot.

Frustrated1971 said:

Hi all,

I'm new to all this but hoping you can help! I need some advice on how to get my man to open up sexually. We are both 43 and been together for 6 years. I am or rather would be given the chance quite open sexually. I want to try new things and experiment. My partner is the opposite. I can't even tell you what turns him on as he says he doesn't know. He says he has no fantasies either. Sex is now once a month if I'm lucky. I have told him anything he wants to try I shall do and he says there is nothing. I am extremely frustrated as I need sex quite often and would love to be able to turn him on more. But nothing I try really works. When we do have sex it is the same positions every time. Foreplay doesn't really exist. He is not gay or bi (I have even offered that or for me to perform anal on him). He isn't getting it anywhere else. He just can't seem to express himself or understand his own body. He gets embarrassed when talking about sex.




Please help!!!

Thanks

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Before he has a chance to react, handcuff him to the bed, put some stay-hard cream on his cock, do your nastiest to him, shoot a video of the whole thing, (or hole thing) and threaten to send it to friends, family, and co=workers if he does not comply with your sexual wishes.

Wow that is radical

Woolmohair said:

Before he has a chance to react, handcuff him to the bed, put some stay-hard cream on his cock, do your nastiest to him, shoot a video of the whole thing, (or hole thing) and threaten to send it to friends, family, and co=workers if he does not comply with your sexual wishes.

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I think it would depend on the guys attitude. I'd dig it... But vanilla man may not.

Have you already tried...

... perhaps less direct, less confrontational approaches? Sometimes subtle and indirect can be more powerful. Also sometimes humor and levity can also be a great angle to use when trying to broach things that might make people feel vulnerable, awkward, inexperienced, etc.

My man was incredibly vanilla and hardly ever suggested things in the bedroom and anytime I asked him if there were fantasies he wanted to try, positions, etc., he always said he was fine with what we were doing and that he had no complaints.

However, there were things I wanted to try and I was worried how to approach him without upsetting him, without making him feel like I was a freak or that he wasn't satisfying me sexually.

I sent my man an email with a link for a video clip that excited me some fierce and wrote "Would I have to be a really good girl or a really bad girl for us to buy and use what's in the first scene of this clip? Do you think you'd enjoy doing that to me? If not, no biggie."

A day or two later, he came home from work, with a grin on his face and kissed me hard and said "You can buy us whatever you like and we'll figure out later if you're a good or bad girl."

I'd presented what I wanted while we weren't face to face, it gave us both a buffer. He obviously watched the clip and liked it, but he watched it alone, at his leisure. Of course, it could have turned out differently if he didn't have any interest.

Also, asking questions where a person has to answer beyond a yes or no - for instance don't phrase things "do you like" or "do you want", but maybe rather try "how would you like it if..." or "what if I were to say or do or offer XYZ..."

Don't know if you've already gone these routes... good luck to you regardless,
T.

The boy has definitely got some problems, the least of which is self-confidence.

1 - Take him to the doctor, get his hormone levels checked.
2 - He's got issues that are stopping him, some counseling would not be a bad idea. I'd start with a general therapist.
3 - He may never respond to anything, so you will have to decide if the relationship is worth continuing.

I hate to say this, but if he's 43 and has been this way (more or less) for at least 6 years--barring a major life-altering event--your situation is unlikely to change as long as you're with him. It's much easier said than done, but it's quite likely that the kindest, most loving and respectful thing you can do for both of you is to let him go so you both can find more compatible partners and be happier.