Are we born with our kinks? Or do we develop them?

RockyMountainMan2

Really Experienced
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Dec 7, 2015
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286
I don't know why, but lately I have been trying to understand how I became the way I am. Not because I want to change it, I'm happy with things for the most part. But honestly, this site is the only place I feel normal or understood. My dilemma is why I get off so much watching my lady get fucked? Really the only problem it has caused is that its harder to find the right lady, which I am looking for at the moment. But when I have that said "right lady," I am the king of the world!
I started reading "Penthouse Letters" way back in high school, and I always preferred the stories about the husband sharing his wife. Of course I didn't have a wife back then, I did have a girlfriend, but nothing kinky with her. So why did this appeal to me? Was I born with this desire?
Years later I had my first encounter with the subject, kind of. My second wife was pissed for weeks when I mentioned I wanted to see her get fucked. She assumed that I didn't love her, I really did. It was at this time that I realized that some people can separate love from sex, while others can't. Or maybe they could but they knew society didn't work that way so they didn't. She was against any kind of swinging, but as I found out, she wasn't against fucking around behind my back. A friend told me she was going off at lunch time with another guy while at work. I borrowed his car so she wouldn't know it was me, and I went to her work and waited for lunch time. Sure enough, she came out with another guy. They got into her (my truck) and drove off. I followed. They turned off the main road on a dirt road that led to the river. I passed the road because I wanted to give them a head start, wanted to catch them in the act where I could confront them. I waited about ten minutes then turned down the road, sure enough they were parked. I parked too, and climbed out to get a closer look. I seen my wife riding him, she still had her top on, but she was riding his dick. The man was lifting her by the waist and slamming her back down on his cock hard. She always did like it rough. But, as I approached I realized I was harder than the sixth grade. Instead of confronting them, I watched and jacked off twice. I never told her that I knew she was fucking this guy. I always knew when she had been with him when she came home from work. She thought she was being careful and always had fresh make up on. Then she would head straight for the shower. I tried to intercept her as often as I could and throw her down on the bed or floor and fuck her cum filled pussy. It was such a turn on to me to know that his jizz was inside of her. The affair lasted about six months, and I was sad when it ended. After that, I sent guys to hit on her. One guy was able to call me then pretend he hung up where I got to listen to him fuck her. That was hot! But, she would never let me share her.
Then I met Rita (The subject of Rita teaches me to Share) a beautiful young stripper. It was a long distant relationship, but I shared her as often as I could when we were together. I had been a wrestling coach and had many young men (ex wrestlers) in their twenties as friends. I shared her with them often. I loved watching her go totally crazy fucking these guys, up to six one night, then come with me and let me finish her off. It was heaven. But, the long distance killed us. I have had a few other encounters. A friend let me borrow his wife from time to time, but nothing since.
Okay, I am rambling now and have gotten off of the subject. Are we born with it?
 
I don't think we're born with it. I think something happens in our lives that triggers it.
 
I don't think we're born with it. I think something happens in our lives that triggers it.

I agree Jada, that is the logical reason, but I can't for the life of me figure out what triggered mine. I even had the desire to share my girl when I was too jealous to do so
 
I agree Jada, that is the logical reason, but I can't for the life of me figure out what triggered mine. I even had the desire to share my girl when I was too jealous to do so

Hmmm... I can't speak for that specifically as it isn't something I'm into.
 
Thats a good question. In fact it's something I've been pondering on a lot lately. Im stuck like u. I also have the underthinking/overthinking issue. J
JS
 
Okay, I am rambling now and have gotten off of the subject. Are we born with it?

Your whole "rambling" story is relevant, as well as interesting. But as for your central question, I believe the answer is Yes and No.

No, in that certain events may happen early in our lives (long before we have any idea what sex is) that make a very deep impression and are stored in our Unconscious. Then when we begin exploring sex (which is a very impressionable time) we discover certain experiences which in some way recall or even parallel those stored impressions. Our new sexual experiences, by a process called cathexis, become invested with the intense emotional energy of the stored impressions.

An example: I experienced a great deal of humiliation in my early childhood—none of it sexual in any way— from my parents, my siblings, and even peers. No pattern to it; all of it seemingly coincidental; but all with the common theme of humiliation. These experiences and their attached emotional content were stored away; even now there are probably parts of it that are hidden from me. But when I became a sexual being, I stumbled into various situations, the first and simplest being the teasing banter between boys and girls as they become sexual, and was embarrassed by not knowing what to say or how to respond. Embarrassment = mild humiliation, and immediately, the energy stored in those unconscious memories is tapped into and melded with my sexuality. Then comes the first explicit humiliation of my sexual life: a girl I was on a date with went home with another guy; and Presto! all that stored energy is focused on this event, and a cuckold is born.

But why do I say Yes? My yes has to do with past lives, and so you can take it or leave it. Some people find the idea ridiculous; or are just very uncomfortable with it. I have had experiences that have convinced me otherwise, but I'm not here to persuade anyone. The point is. If you accept the notion of past lives, then the well of stored experiences and the emotional energies attached to them becomes much, much deeper. The latent patterns of, for example, becoming a cuckold, are already stored in our psyche. And so the likelihood that we'll find ourselves drawn to certain experiences we can't explain in terms of our life as we remember it become that much greater.
 
Your whole "rambling" story is relevant, as well as interesting. But as for your central question, I believe the answer is Yes and No.

No, in that certain events may happen early in our lives (long before we have any idea what sex is) that make a very deep impression and are stored in our Unconscious. Then when we begin exploring sex (which is a very impressionable time) we discover certain experiences which in some way recall or even parallel those stored impressions. Our new sexual experiences, by a process called cathexis, become invested with the intense emotional energy of the stored impressions.

An example: I experienced a great deal of humiliation in my early childhood—none of it sexual in any way— from my parents, my siblings, and even peers. No pattern to it; all of it seemingly coincidental; but all with the common theme of humiliation. These experiences and their attached emotional content were stored away; even now there are probably parts of it that are hidden from me. But when I became a sexual being, I stumbled into various situations, the first and simplest being the teasing banter between boys and girls as they become sexual, and was embarrassed by not knowing what to say or how to respond. Embarrassment = mild humiliation, and immediately, the energy stored in those unconscious memories is tapped into and melded with my sexuality. Then comes the first explicit humiliation of my sexual life: a girl I was on a date with went home with another guy; and Presto! all that stored energy is focused on this event, and a cuckold is born.

But why do I say Yes? My yes has to do with past lives, and so you can take it or leave it. Some people find the idea ridiculous; or are just very uncomfortable with it. I have had experiences that have convinced me otherwise, but I'm not here to persuade anyone. The point is. If you accept the notion of past lives, then the well of stored experiences and the emotional energies attached to them becomes much, much deeper. The latent patterns of, for example, becoming a cuckold, are already stored in our psyche. And so the likelihood that we'll find ourselves drawn to certain experiences we can't explain in terms of our life as we remember it become that much greater.

liquer, thank you! I was actually hoping for this answer. I do believe something happened to me before my awareness developed. I do know that when I was born my parents lived in a studio apartment, and I remember my dad joking that whenever he and mom had sex I would watch (funny, I am also a voyeur). That makes total sense.

I also believe it could be developed in a past life. I work as a rescue medium (I help earthbound entities crossover). I do this through hypnosis, and I often discover the subjects past life or lives. It can be very complex and confusing when our past lives mesh with the current one. I am leaning toward this explanation, although I think they both can be influential.
 
I think they where around before I was born

kinks-image1.jpg
 
I like this line of thinking, I can't pretend to have a answer, but it kinda feels like these kinks of ours have always been under the surface & when we're exposed to them our curiosity is piqued & if we're brave enough we explore & explore & our kink gives us that joy. But then again it could really be A curiosity wer develop, the moment I saw Vanessa Del Rio Masturbate & orgasm I knew I was hooked on being a voyeur & the curiosity around women orgasming & how to make that happen was born.
 
I think that for the most part, our kinks are learned experiences.

I doubt that we're actually born with them.

Something happened in our lives or to us that made us the way that we are concerning our kinks.
 
I have a lot of kinks, stockings being among them. A memorable experience at an airport when I was in my 20's being shown off to by a sexy older lady shaped (and warped?) my mind.
 
Mostly born with them. Your personality is completely developed by the time you are four years old. There are some things that may develop later, but they are only formed from a predisposition that existed since birth.
 
Mostly born with them. Your personality is completely developed by the time you are four years old. There are some things that may develop later, but they are only formed from a predisposition that existed since birth.

I could see that, Ive always been the lil perv I could remember as a lil guy scanning Sports Illustrated for wardrobe malfunctions in the swimsuit issue lol
 
Mostly born with them. Your personality is completely developed by the time you are four years old. There are some things that may develop later, but they are only formed from a predisposition that existed since birth.

Do you think genetics plays a role? I think that earlier generations were better at hiding their kinks from the public than we are today. Social identity has changed, sexual behavior is much more accepted today. My grand mother was a world war two pin up girl. haha her poster has her posing in a sexy pose with her elbows back to show off her breasts. but the swimsuit she wore went from elbows to knees. That was considered risqué back then. I think I was handed down my grand mothers kink genes.
 
I think a combination of the two. There are certain things that I have been into since as early as I can remember. There are also a number of things now that I am into that I was not into say, ten years ago.
 
I think a combination of the two. There are certain things that I have been into since as early as I can remember. There are also a number of things now that I am into that I was not into say, ten years ago.

Or could it be that the kink was there, but suppressed? It's been hiding and just waiting for its chance to come out? haha who knows
 
For Del and I they have developed over the years. Opening up on what we want to do and see.
 
For Del and I they have developed over the years. Opening up on what we want to do and see.

It's wonderful when you find a partner to kink with. Do you two ever disagree on a certain kink? With my former partner I always worried because she was so submissive that she would pretend to like certain things just to please me. I want it to be pleasing for both of us, no compromise's.
 
It's wonderful when you find a partner to kink with. Do you two ever disagree on a certain kink? With my former partner I always worried because she was so submissive that she would pretend to like certain things just to please me. I want it to be pleasing for both of us, no compromise's.

I don't think we have. We do great commutating our kinks to each other.
 
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