Matt wants to go to a sperm bank. A new one has just opened up on his side of town. It’s run by the Sisters of Grace, but the nearest secular one is twenty miles away, and hey, who cares whether some God botherer gets his sperm. Not Matt, that’s for sure.
When Matt arrives, he’s confronted by the stern Mother Superior at reception. She does a quick survey with him, making sure he is a pious young Christian, and then pings a bell. ‘Front!’ she screaches. There’s silence for a few moments, then a nervous young novice pokes her head around the door and tells the Mother Superior haltingly that she’s on her own, everyone else is busy.
“Well I can’t leave reception unoccupied!” Mother Superior announces. “God never gives us burdens greater than we are able to bear, Sister Mary Katherine” she continues. “You will have to collect his sample on your own.”
“Um, I reckon I can manage it myself,” Matt confides.
Sister Mary Katherine gasps and a dark cloud settles over Mother Superior’s features. “Masturbation is a SIN!” she shrieks. “The Lord will one day see fit to smite that den of Sodom on the other side of town, encouraging sin while they do the Lord's work of assisting the creation of life.”
Sister Mary Kate rushes around the counter and takes Matt by the hand, fleeing together to one of the sample taking rooms before Mother Superior winds up into a full sermon.
You know what happens next
When Matt arrives, he’s confronted by the stern Mother Superior at reception. She does a quick survey with him, making sure he is a pious young Christian, and then pings a bell. ‘Front!’ she screaches. There’s silence for a few moments, then a nervous young novice pokes her head around the door and tells the Mother Superior haltingly that she’s on her own, everyone else is busy.
“Well I can’t leave reception unoccupied!” Mother Superior announces. “God never gives us burdens greater than we are able to bear, Sister Mary Katherine” she continues. “You will have to collect his sample on your own.”
“Um, I reckon I can manage it myself,” Matt confides.
Sister Mary Katherine gasps and a dark cloud settles over Mother Superior’s features. “Masturbation is a SIN!” she shrieks. “The Lord will one day see fit to smite that den of Sodom on the other side of town, encouraging sin while they do the Lord's work of assisting the creation of life.”
Sister Mary Kate rushes around the counter and takes Matt by the hand, fleeing together to one of the sample taking rooms before Mother Superior winds up into a full sermon.
You know what happens next