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Non Erotic

Kantarii

Kantarii

I'm Not A Bitch!
Joined
May 9, 2016
Posts
9,360
Okay, I took a short break from working on my main storyline - “Best Friends Forever” and decided to work on a non erotic mini series for a number of reasons. Mainly because the idea of the story was interfering with my creative flow on my next chapter of “BFF”. Still, it’s a healthy break and gives me a chance to explore other aspects of storytelling. With that said, I’m getting the feeling Lit probably isn’t the best place for non erotic stories or maybe I’ve lost sight of what constitutes as a good non erotic story.

There are few readers in the non erotic section and even fewer comments posted. I’m sure the section has different themes that appeal to readers: murder, mystery, crime, etc.

For those that are willing to offer insight on my story: the link is below.

https://www.literotica.com/s/m-a-n-t-i-s-pt-01

Thanks🌹
 
Kant, I reckon you know what I'm going to say...

Trust your dialogue. It works by itself, and reveals the personalities of the speakers in what they say, and flows well. But your speech tags, your constant sign-posts, you're spoon-feeding me. I don't need the extra "help" - you're killing me here!

In addition, the tags cause confusion, for example:

"My head is killing me," Amber says, groaning and gritting her teeth as she stands.

"Follow me," she says, smiling.

"Where are we going?"

"To Dr. Thomas' office," she says, escorting Amber back behind the reception area. "Do you know why you're here?"
Click to expand...

Because you're referring to Amber your lead protagonist as "she", the "'Follow me,' she says..." is confusing. You're in fact referring to Karen, the Doc's assistant, but immediately before, you've referred to Amber as "she," so I read the next "she" as still referring to Amber...

It's possibly better to write,"Follow me," Karen says..." thus identifying the actual speaker and avoiding the ambiguity. The same confusion happens in several other places.

I know speech tag elucidation is a favourite thing of yours, but for me, they have the effect of dumbing me down as a reader - an unintended side-effect, perhaps, and not necessarily desirable (although some would say a necessary thing, and not before time ;)).

And, please note before the inevitable soap-box arrives, I've not once said, "Write like me, and all will be brilliant," - I've only suggested, "watch your tags, you might be over-egging your omelette."

Cudos to you for trying non-erotica content on Lit - did you consider dropping it in Sci-Fi with a note, "Hey guys, this one's got no sex, but it's sci-fi, hope you like it?" You might tap a larger reader pool who don't mind the absence of sexy bits. Just a thought.
 
electricblue66 said:
Kant, I reckon you know what I'm going to say...

Trust your dialogue. It works by itself, and reveals the personalities of the speakers in what they say, and flows well. But your speech tags, your constant sign-posts, you're spoon-feeding me. I don't need the extra "help" - you're killing me here!

In addition, the tags cause confusion, for example:



Because you're referring to Amber your lead protagonist as "she", the "'Follow me,' she says..." is confusing. You're in fact referring to Karen, the Doc's assistant, but immediately before, you've referred to Amber as "she," so I read the next "she" as still referring to Amber...

It's possibly better to write,"Follow me," Karen says..." thus identifying the actual speaker and avoiding the ambiguity. The same confusion happens in several other places.

I know speech tag elucidation is a favourite thing of yours, but for me, they have the effect of dumbing me down as a reader - an unintended side-effect, perhaps, and not necessarily desirable (although some would say a necessary thing, and not before time ;)).

And, please note before the inevitable soap-box arrives, I've not once said, "Write like me, and all will be brilliant," - I've only suggested, "watch your tags, you might be over-egging your omelette."

Cudos to you for trying non-erotica content on Lit - did you consider dropping it in Sci-Fi with a note, "Hey guys, this one's got no sex, but it's sci-fi, hope you like it?" You might tap a larger reader pool who don't mind the absence of sexy bits. Just a thought.
Click to expand...

Most of the things you mentioned as far as the confusion with Karen were corrected in the edit submission. I prematurely submitted the story instead of saving it to a draft before checking it over one last time. The tags, I kept basic this time with very few deviations from the I say, he /she asks formula. I am comfortable with my dialogue. Now, the parts after the tags I did shorten and leave them empty in places. For me, there is no static conversation (people just standing there talking and not doing something as they talk. 99% of my real world observations support that. But, that’s me.

I did consider putting it into the sci fi category, but I already have a sci fi story with forced sex in my writing portfolio. The sci -fi parts of the story haven’t come into play yet unless you consider Amber being an alien hinting at the fact that “aggressive mimicry” allows the males of Amber’s species to look like women on Earth (wolves in sheep’s clothing) that in itself is confusing since Ethan see’s Amber as a woman( something I can play upon and will work into the later chapters.

Thanks for the input🌹Hopefully Lit will post the re edit before Christmas
Kant
 
electricblue66 said:
Cudos to you for trying non-erotica content on Lit - did you consider dropping it in Sci-Fi with a note, "Hey guys, this one's got no sex, but it's sci-fi, hope you like it?" You might tap a larger reader pool who don't mind the absence of sexy bits. Just a thought.
Click to expand...

I think it was a story in NonErotic that got TxRad a chance in mainstream publishing. Maybe the number of reads isn't the only consideration.

SciFi does seem to accept non-Erotic content. "The Third Ring" in SciFi is non-Erotic and it's received more views than my stories in Erotic Horror or Novels and Novellas. The rating is good by most standards, but maybe a little low by SciFi standards.
 
Kantarii said:
Most of the things you mentioned as far as the confusion with Karen were corrected in the edit submission. I prematurely submitted the story instead of saving it to a draft before checking it over one last time.
Click to expand...
Oh no, Kant, not the dreaded premature submission! That's probably the bigger evil ;).
 
NotWise said:
I think it was a story in NonErotic that got TxRad a chance in mainstream publishing. Maybe the number of reads isn't the only consideration.

SciFi does seem to accept non-Erotic content. "The Third Ring" in SciFi is non-Erotic and it's received more views than my stories in Erotic Horror or Novels and Novellas. The rating is good by most standards, but maybe a little low by SciFi standards.
Click to expand...

My non human story was originally submitted in Erotic Horror. Despite only on sex scene in 6 chapters with it being rape, I’m surprised it averaged better than a 4.0.

Also, I recently read a non erotic story by TxRad on this site. It was actually pretty good. I left him a comment.
 
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