I need help with the bdsm life

virgin24

Virgin
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Nov 16, 2016
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I am new to bdsm and while I enjoy being submissive. I am having a problem with allowing myself to fall 100 percent. Can anyone help me?
 
Yes, my bf but I want more and I don't know how to go further. I crave so much more from him and myself.

Have you talked about what you and him want and need from the relationship? Do they line up at least relatively well? If not, you can google "bdsm checklist" and pick one for you and him to fill out and then compare. Having the checklist to refer back to can make the conversation easier.

You might want to read about sub frenzy as well. It's common that when you first go through the rabbit hole, you want to go deeper and deeper as fast as possible, but that's not necessarily the smartest move to make.

As to making yourself to fall 100%, I'm not sure what you mean. But it is a process, not something you instantly do. You have to build up trust.
 
I am new to bdsm and while I enjoy being submissive. I am having a problem with allowing myself to fall 100 percent. Can anyone help me?
While being submissive is nice the main part of the relationship has to be trust, if you trust the dom then it should be up to them to lead you. Allowing yourself to fall 100% does not mean anything, the dom has to lead you to where they want, you do not allow, you only follow.
To gain the proper trust you must communicate with the dom about your expectations of the relationship. To gain the right path of the journey you must go slow and not make rush decisions, for the enjoyment is earned with time.
 
While being submissive is nice the main part of the relationship has to be trust, if you trust the dom then it should be up to them to lead you. Allowing yourself to fall 100% does not mean anything, the dom has to lead you to where they want, you do not allow, you only follow.
To gain the proper trust you must communicate with the dom about your expectations of the relationship. To gain the right path of the journey you must go slow and not make rush decisions, for the enjoyment is earned with time.

SissySalina did good !!!!! :D
 
Yes, my bf but I want more and I don't know how to go further. I crave so much more from him and myself.

This also sounds like something you should mainly be saying to him. He's the one who's in a position to help you with this - much more so than any of us.
 
I am new to bdsm and while I enjoy being submissive. I am having a problem with allowing myself to fall 100 percent. Can anyone help me?
Trust is important of course, BUT I have to ask, You are new. is he also new to this? If so, then I would suggest going someplace (NOT A DUNGEON) where there are like minded individuals that can help. Across the US there are munch groups, informal groups that meet to discuss WIITWD. Also there are groups like MAsT (Masters and slaves Together), that meet with the primary focus of establishing and maintaining relationships. There are Leather events across the US, that generally offer "how to classes". Be careful, the "toys" we play with can do serious damage. He might be worried about that and if I were you, I would be really worried about that. And don't worry about the term "Leather Events", many focus seminars on BDSM and are a great SAFE place to meet people. We all started somewhere and have lived to talk about it.
 
Yes, my bf but I want more and I don't know how to go further. I crave so much more from him and myself.
It's natural to want to explore more all at the same time.

But you should also understand, that BDSM is like an art. Everyone can draw a flower - but it takes practice before you can draw it really good. If you jump in with too much too fast, you will risk getting a lousy experience, because not you nor your partner are prepared for that.

What I always suggest when it comes to realizing many fantasies is this:

First - talk. Communication is very important. Before doing something new - talk it through. After doing a scene - talk about it again, being honest about what you liked and what can use some improvement.
Be supportive and helpful to your partner. Dominating is a pretty hard work sometimes. Tell him how he can improve, not criticize if something was wrong.

Second - be systematic. Play with one or two new things at a time, but concentrate and research them thoroughly, perfecting the use of them in your bedroom.
This includes dividing the tasks into smaller things. Be patient.

It's a good idea to arrange practice sessions for harder things. Sessions where you both are determined to not fuck as fast as you can but experiement.

For example, Shibari (rope bondage). You can't possibly perfect it right away. Pick a free day and spend a few hours trying it out. Open a video instruction for a tie and let him tie you up. Untie you, tie up again, same bondage over and over. Until he completely gets the hang of it.
If you do that, then it will not be awkward in bed and the ropes will not slip. You can practice like this with anything, even something simple like pussy eating or cock sucking. Dedicate time, and concentrate on not getting off, but teaching each other how to do it properly. What exactly both of you like best.
 
I am new to bdsm and while I enjoy being submissive. I am having a problem with allowing myself to fall 100 percent. Can anyone help me?

The phrase; "...allow myself to fall 100 percent." has me pondering the link between a meditative state and BDSM. I know some people are more prone to being able to slip into a meditative mind space than others. Is this "falling" not such a state...or as some refer to as "sub space"?

And if it is; would not practicing meditation be helpful to achieving a deeper state of submission? Perhaps this "deeper state" is why some find BDSM so conducive to a sense of inner peace? Just thinking out loud....:)
 
SissySalina did good !!!!! :D

Hmmm ... I'm not so sure. When I let myself really go, I'm definitely allowing him to push me to that point - if I didn't have final say over what was going on, I wouldn't feel the trust necessary for the letting go to be possible.

To the OP - I'm probably not what you'd describe as 'submissive' in the classic sense of the word, and am maybe more towards the masochistic side of the equation, but there's a few times when I've arrived at what I guess could be described as 'sub-space' - how I feel certainly fits most of the descriptors of that. If THAT'S what you're looking for, I would be very surprised if you were able to get there with any great speed.

Similarly, if what you're asking about is being '100% submissive', again that would seem like something that should take a bit of time, testing your boundaries and the boundaries of the person you're with, etc. There's no rush (is there?) ... and possibly you just aren't 100% submissive.
 
The original post is a month old. I get the feeling (by reading past posts) she shows up whenever those lusty "daddy, i'm a good girl but please please make me do bad girl things" feelings show up. Not that there's anything wrong with that... :rolleyes:

It is a common question, so hopefully the replies will help others, too!!

:)
 
The original post is a month old. I get the feeling (by reading past posts) she shows up whenever those lusty "daddy, i'm a good girl but please please make me do bad girl things" feelings show up. Not that there's anything wrong with that... :rolleyes:

It is a common question, so hopefully the replies will help others, too!!

:)

Oh ... true.
 
The original post is a month old. I get the feeling (by reading past posts) she shows up whenever those lusty "daddy, i'm a good girl but please please make me do bad girl things" feelings show up. Not that there's anything wrong with that... :rolleyes:

It is a common question, so hopefully the replies will help others, too!!

:)

I had seen this when it originally popped up and just assumed it was a dude catfish. Women rarely obsess over virginity like this with the screen name and such.

For those reading: it's not a journey. You aren't on a quest to find a ring. Have a relationship, get to know your partner and do the most "unsexy" thing. That's right, talk to your partner. Most of us didn't get where we are by stumbling blindly into each other's kinks. My husband would have no idea what I am into if I didn't tell him. I wouldn't have a clue if he had any kinks if I didn't ask him. Talk, explore, enjoy your time as people together and don't put so much pressure on being a label.

As for "falling completely," a lot of people suggest needing trust to do so. I agree, but you don't just trust automatically because that's what the relationship calls for. Trust is built. Don't think you have to be all in right away. You can take your time, test the waters and eventually come to the conclusion that someone is trustworthy. Like any other relationship in your life.
 
I had seen this when it originally popped up and just assumed it was a dude catfish. Women rarely obsess over virginity like this with the screen name and such.

For those reading: it's not a journey. You aren't on a quest to find a ring. Have a relationship, get to know your partner and do the most "unsexy" thing. That's right, talk to your partner. Most of us didn't get where we are by stumbling blindly into each other's kinks. My husband would have no idea what I am into if I didn't tell him. I wouldn't have a clue if he had any kinks if I didn't ask him. Talk, explore, enjoy your time as people together and don't put so much pressure on being a label.

As for "falling completely," a lot of people suggest needing trust to do so. I agree, but you don't just trust automatically because that's what the relationship calls for. Trust is built. Don't think you have to be all in right away. You can take your time, test the waters and eventually come to the conclusion that someone is trustworthy. Like any other relationship in your life.

I know this is the 297387th the excellent 'talk' advice has been given, but I just realised it's probably why the power/control thing has worked so well for me in relationships that are solely/largely conducted online/over the phone - because I actually have to talk about stuff, because it's the only option. Even if you're just talking a scenario, you both have to vocalise what is/what you want to be going on. This could be the new sex therapy - get people to have phone/cyber sex with each other so they have to talk about their sex!
 
I know this is the 297387th the excellent 'talk' advice has been given, but I just realised it's probably why the power/control thing has worked so well for me in relationships that are solely/largely conducted online/over the phone - because I actually have to talk about stuff, because it's the only option. Even if you're just talking a scenario, you both have to vocalise what is/what you want to be going on. This could be the new sex therapy - get people to have phone/cyber sex with each other so they have to talk about their sex!

Meh, talk advise goes for any relationship. It is difficult to sit across from someone and tell them something you might find embarrassing or hard to say. It's also not great advice if the person you're telling has had a history of being hostile/critical towards things you say (why stick around?). It's far easier to tell a stranger or someone you only "see" in text. If things go badly radio silence is an option. When you're living with someone, it's hard to undo fallout from an uncomfortable conversation. In this case, if you're both involved in kink of some kind and you're already working at it, why not lay it all out?

Text communication is not a bad idea though. I find it far easier to write things than say them. In the past I have used written communication to express something that just couldn't be expressed through talking. Cyber with my husband though? He'd laugh the whole time, he just isn't into something like that.
 
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