Advice on visiting a Dominatrix

Badger78

Experienced
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Jan 24, 2011
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I'm putting serious though to visiting a Dominatrix. Can't believe I'm saying that!

I want caring but total control not lots of pain or humiliation. Anyone got any advice on finding and visiting one for the first time?
 
Google and dating sites.
That's pretty much the only way I can think of.

I personally can't imagine submittion (or dominating for that matter) to a woman with whom I have no emotional bond and intimate understanding. That'd be super awkward for me. So I have no further advice for you.:rolleyes:
 
Not sure where you are, but Adult Work and hogspy website lists many pro dommes.
Most will have their own websites.

When you first make contact, make sure you have read their terms and conditions.
Each lady will have a set of skills, for example: medical, CBT, sissifying, pegging, corporal punishment etc. Find one whose interests are best matched to what you are looking for.

Have an idea of what you want from the session, and be clear about your limits.

Most will require some form of up front deposit, due to the large quantity of no shows. If you are concerned about being scammed, a reputable Domme will have lots of good feedback.

Hope this helps
 
The idea has its attractions, but Hell will freeze over before I let a complete stranger restrain me while my wallet, phone, keys, car and clothes are sitting there ripe for the picking.
 
The idea has its attractions, but Hell will freeze over before I let a complete stranger restrain me while my wallet, phone, keys, car and clothes are sitting there ripe for the picking.
well I'm sure there are trustworthy ones, with lots of clients and who are vetted.
It is a problem, but not the greatest one.

My biggest one is... Do you really find it sexy to be dominated by a complete stranger? I find it awkward if anything. What's the value of that submission/domination if it lasts only as long as you paid for? It's not even financial domination, not really.
 
I used to chat with a guy who had visited several dominatrix's and the takeaway I got from the discussions was that not all dominatrix's are equal and you might need to visit a few to get what you need. That said, in my last communication with him he'd mentioned findings someone incredible and being very happy - the disappointing and less than awesome experiences were just part of the journey.

On the other hand, I used to date a masochist who'd gone to a (vanilla) sex worker in a legal brothel and found it underwhelming because it was so impersonal. It wasn't going to matter to him what the woman was like, and what she could do (I'm Australian and there are brothels where Mistresses are available upon request), if there was no connection, it was never going to 'work' for him.

Everyone is different; some need a relationship, others don't. If you don't, go for it. You only live once and if you can take a less than perfect experience in good spirit I don't think you have anything to lose.
 
The idea has its attractions, but Hell will freeze over before I let a complete stranger restrain me while my wallet, phone, keys, car and clothes are sitting there ripe for the picking.

Years ago I would arrange to visit various Dommes in various locations, not necessarily pros. I realize now I took some stupid risks. I essentially went to stranger's home, let them tie me up in a vulnerable position, and hoped for the best. They could have done anything to me from stealing my wallet and car to drugging me and taking a kidney to murdering me. I know others deal with this. Other thoughts on how to manage the risks might be helpful.
 
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I personally can't imagine submittion (or dominating for that matter) to a woman with whom I have no emotional bond and intimate understanding. That'd be super awkward for me. So I have no further advice for you.:rolleyes:

If you are just looking for what is the equivalent of a one night stand, then go for it. I agree with Nezhul, although from the dom side, I wouldn't want to dominate someone that I didn't know and trust. Without the emotional connection it's just kinky sex.
 
If you are just looking for what is the equivalent of a one night stand, then go for it. I agree with Nezhul, although from the dom side, I wouldn't want to dominate someone that I didn't know and trust. Without the emotional connection it's just kinky sex.

Very insightful. I've dabbled in, fantasized about, played around with D/s for about 25 years. I've not ever done anything that lasted more than a few months, and some of my best times have been when it was just a one or two time encounter. Some were in real life, some online or by phone.
 
The idea has its attractions, but Hell will freeze over before I let a complete stranger restrain me while my wallet, phone, keys, car and clothes are sitting there ripe for the picking.

^^ That sums it up very well.

Also, you need to focus on what you want to achieve through the experience.

Are you looking to achieve a quick round of lust being fulfilled?

Are you just wanting to explore something you're unsure of with an experienced "partner"?

Or are you looking for someone who could potentially be something more to you in the future?

If you have never experienced visiting a Dominatrix before you need to understand the emotional connection to her, and the situations you will encounter are going to be with you forever. Make sure your emotional and mental state are right and ready for the intimacy that can happen during submission.
 
There are many different types of Pro Dommes. I know a few from the traditional types who have been Pro Dommes for over 20 years who do not allow the client to have sex with them or touch them to "whores with a riding crop in a brothel" to young Mistresses who are just wanting to make money with no idea of what they are doing.

Find one that specialises in what you are looking for eg adult baby, corporal punishment etc. As the client, you are really in charge of the session, if you ask for a caning, they should not be giving you a single tailing. They are for all intents and purposes a service top for that session. Look for references, ask them if they can provide them and if you can speak to the person directly as online references can be faked.

Find one with their own professional dungeon, you really don't want to be paying big money to play in someones house. It gives you an extra level of security as they would usually be set up as a business so they really don't want anything to go wrong.

Ask questions about hygiene, some equipment is bonded to one person and I would hate for that type of thing to be used on me. One Pro Domme I know has her own autoclave and all insertables are wrapped in condoms. Do they have their own first aid kits and what is in it?

If you find one who isn't the right fit for you, many Pro Dommes I know will point you to a safe Pro Domme that is more in line with what you are wanting. Sometimes though, it's just a case of trial an error and it may take a few before you find one that is the right fit for you.

Regarding the comments about how it doesn't work and is impersonal. It's really no different to pick up play, in fact a few people I know prefer it because they can build a play relationship with the Domme over time and find they have a much better connection than playing with some random person in a club. They are also playing with someone who is in all likelihood very experienced in certain areas and has a much better idea of safety that a once a week player.
 
As in every walk of life there are good, bad and indifferent. Plus of course people with unrealistic expectations. I am in the UK and not a regular user of professional services, maybe a couple of times a year. But I found one who is very,very good.

She isn't cheap and I suppose my method helps. ( she is a genuine sadist/top and I just give her cart blanche) it is helped by the fact that she is my preferred type, a petite redhead with a penchant for heels and tight black leather. I really couldn't settle for a jeans and trainers type. She pushes me and I like that, usually marked for a week afterwards.
 
Because a Dominatrix literally has the power to change your life, for both good or bad, I'd highly recommend some in person research and review before committing to any acts.

FetLife is an excellent source for like-minded people who can give recommendations based on your desires. It's a good starting point, but you will still want to have a face-to-face conversation before you get strapped down.

Also, I'd recommend attending a munch. There you can have very open and judgement free conversations in a non-sexual (well... as much as can be expected) atmosphere with people who won't judge, and who really are there because they are passionate about the lifestyle and want to help newbies, for lack of a better term.
 
Research and information

I'm putting serious though to visiting a Dominatrix. Can't believe I'm saying that!

I want caring but total control not lots of pain or humiliation. Anyone got any advice on finding and visiting one for the first time?



Over the last several years I've had the pleasure (except on one occasion) of visiting a number of Mistresses/Dominatrixes. Any good mistress will take great care to give you exactly what you want because although they will get pleasure from the session they appreciate that the prime objective is your satisfaction. Treat her with respect and she will respond likewise.

Discovering the awesome fact that I wasn't as young as I used to be and having got to the stage of wishing to be adventurous before it got too late I began to see escorts but after about a year and visiting about 20 ladies I realised that it wasn't for me. I did find a gem of an escort who is able to combine elegant goddess with dominatrix with porn star all in once session. Like myself she enjoys role play and I come up with a different scenario for each visit and visit her when the rare opportunity arises.

RESEARCH: Decide the area of the country that is convenient for you. You can try Adultwork but it does take a bit of time wading through all the escorts who come up to find a genuine mistress. As a general rule I ignore an escort who offers "mild domination." Search field reports and other feedback. There are professional mistress sites that full and part time mistresses advertise on and usually give a pretty accurate idea of what they are like physically; their services; and their premises. If I see that they offer services "in a domestic setting" I ignore them. As much research as possible particularly if you are a "newbie."

INFORMATION: My very first mistress impressed upon me the importance of providing her with not just a list of her services I was interested in but any health concerns. I have followed this procedure with every other mistress I have seen. Most pro-dommes list on their website a comprehensive list of what services they offer so it's quite easy to select what interests you. So tell her (without embarrassment and be honest) what interests you. With one exception the mistresses I've visited have been in the age range 47 to 76 and none of them have disappointed me. The 76 is not a misprint. She could easily pass for at least 15 years younger; was amazingly supple; tremendously experienced; and I had a fantastic time every time I saw her. Unfortunately she moved to another country.

You can always make mistakes no matter how carefully you prepare. Fortunately this has only happened to me once and was a few years ago. She had one of the best websites that I've ever seen. Tribute was middle of the range and I booked 90 minutes. I was in Northampton on business so I arranged an appointment and supplied her with my information four days before the session. It was an end of terrace house and you entered through a kitchen that an environmental health officer would have condemned. Upstairs the bedroom walls had been removed to make one large room. She didn't look as good in the flesh as in her photos and her "play room" was not the one shown on her website. She was so far up her own a*** it was unbelievable.

As soon as I arrived I gave her the money and despite my supplying her in advance with all the information she needed she wasted almost 30 minutes going through everything. I had specified that number one on my list was being fucked with a strapon and then about 60 minutes into the session she announced that she only used a strapon when she felt like it and she didn't feel like it today. What can you do in those circumstances? Try and make the best of it or put your clothes on and leave? One thing for sure was that she would never have given a refund.

She was 30 at the time (and did it part time) which was about 6 years ago and it has put me off younger mistresses. So it just goes to show that no matter how diligently you prepare things can go tits up and then you just have to take it on the chin. But in my case the good has far outweighed the bad.
 
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