momesecrit
Virgin
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2017
- Posts
- 1
41 just wanted to hear a women's point of view
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Interesting thread, Honey
I'm a sadist, but I'm sweet (generally). I'm not sure what that makes me.
Witness to the bad rap. I find that people don't know how to interact with a switch, and I kind of get it. I have discussed it with a few (very few) people here and the general response is.. How am I supposed to interact with you if you are one person one day and a different person the next day? Well, that's not how it works (with me), but I understand the sentiment. So for me it's not so much not wanting to step up as it is not wanting to have to define myself over and over to people who can't relate. But I think it's different for guys, see double standard reference below. .
I agree that there is a massive double standard in place where penetration is involved, be it anal, oral, vaginal, belly button whatever. Also restraint, and other acts that are traditionally regarded as submissive. These tend to be seen as a weakness, a vulnerability. I think it's more acceptable to most people that these things are enacted on women, by men. Stepping outside of that time honoured dynamic quickly makes people uncomfortable. Even those who end up being uncomfortable with themselves.
I'm a total newbie in the BDSM scene and frankly, I'm pretty much just lurking in threads like this these days, trying to understand...well...myself.
But there are two things in Collar_N_Cuffs post here that I wanted to just throw my two cents in on (or...maybe it's just a penny).
I puzzled a little myself over what a "switch" might be (after I realized they weren't talking about the kind of switch my grandfather used to make us get when we were bad...think about it...it actually makes some sense in context!).
It seems to me that it is about "preferences" and desires. I eat pizza (and drink a beer or two) virtually every Friday night. It's just a thing with us, and it's kind of a tradition/habit/whatever. While the toppings very a little, this is a case where my preferences seldom change and I like to do the same thing. I think this is kind of like a Dom/Domme who always likes to be in charge, and wouldn't want to be a sub, or a sub who always wants to be a sub and wouldn't want to switch. It's comfortable. It fills a need, sometimes more that simply the specific "act" (or pizza). It's reliable. It's always there. It's predictable. That can be very comforting.
In other parts of my life I like to try different foods. Some people though, are just vegetarians. I like a lot of vegetarian dishes, but I wouldn't always want to eat that. I like your basic meat and potatoes too. A nice steak with a baked potato is awesome. I like a lot of variety in the things I eat. Ethnic, type of protein, spices, you name it. It's fun to experience different things. And a switch may like that variety a lot.
And here's the thing: I have one place where I love the predictability, and another where I love the variety, even with food!
Some people may want that predictability in their BDSM life. But like their variety in other ways.
Some people may want their variety in the their BDSM life, but want predictability somewhere else.
We all probably need a balance and how we achieve that balance is going to differ.
I think a big part of this double standard is simply a reflection of historical society. Rigid gender roles have long been in place. We can argue about why or if there was ever any benefit, but they are there. Men my age grew up in a time where being a man was an important part of our identity and that meant certain things. While I hope and believe that younger people are beginning to move away from this, it's tough when it's been so re-enforced for so long. Being vulnerable is frowned upon. Being weak is unacceptable. And...generally...in order to get the girl you have to be strong and tough. So, yes, it is incredibly difficult for a man (and some women) to accept that (1) they can be vulnerable and out of control and it's OK, (2) that the woman who is in control won't see that as "weak and bad" and leave. The last one is the real tension. We have been, for so long, taught that women will only find the strong ones attractive that to give that up to a woman we like feels like that would drive her away.
Again, just my two cents.
Thanks for the insights. Some of that above came from reading what you all have shared.
Do be sure and check out the Switching thread please Some of this is addressed there.
Do be sure and check out the Switching thread please Some of this is addressed there.
I'm a total newbie in the BDSM scene and frankly, I'm pretty much just lurking in threads like this these days, trying to understand...well...myself.
I think a big part of this double standard is simply a reflection of historical society. Rigid gender roles have long been in place. We can argue about why or if there was ever any benefit, but they are there. Men my age grew up in a time where being a man was an important part of our identity and that meant certain things. While I hope and believe that younger people are beginning to move away from this, it's tough when it's been so re-enforced for so long. Being vulnerable is frowned upon. Being weak is unacceptable. And...generally...in order to get the girl you have to be strong and tough. So, yes, it is incredibly difficult for a man (and some women) to accept that (1) they can be vulnerable and out of control and it's OK, (2) that the woman who is in control won't see that as "weak and bad" and leave. The last one is the real tension. We have been, for so long, taught that women will only find the strong ones attractive that to give that up to a woman we like feels like that would drive her away.
Again, just my two cents.
Thanks for the insights. Some of that above came from reading what you all have shared.
I ran across a post at FetLife that really kind of spoke to me as I think about these things. Obviously, different people are different, so not everyone will agree with this, and that's OK. It's one person's perspective that spoke to me.
"I don't kneel because I'm weak. I kneel because strength bows to authority. Who wants to own something that's worthless? I am precious. I am competent and strong and skilled and fucking dangerous."
You can read the rest of it yourself if you would like, here:
https://fetlife.com/groups/17190/group_posts/4547333
What are some examples of GFD in movies, books, etc.?
Which ones appeal to you most, and why?
So far, I've only come up with three, but I'm sure there are others:
1) Julie Andrews and Hector Elizondo in Princess Diaries (lol)
2) Judi Densch and Billy Conolly in Mrs. Brown
3) Connie Nielsen and Russell Crowe in Gladiator
4) Buttercup and Westley, The Princess Bride
4) Buttercup and Westley, The Princess Bride
Yesssss
Westworld has a few characters that play the role. Maeve for instance. The names are escapimg me at the moment but there was the Director and the Beenard character.