I need some help

How do you tell someone that you like them without going over board and scaring them off.

How far is far enough, how far is too far and when are you not going far enough?

Is a card a day too much, a card a week, a card a month?

All repsonses welcome.

Thank you.

This is my own rule...

If you think telling them. hey...I like you...lets get together will flip them out, then maybe you shouldnt be telling them. They probably dont feel the same way you do.

lovechild27 said:

This is my own rule...

If you think telling them. hey...I like you...lets get together will flip them out, then maybe you shouldnt be telling them. They probably dont feel the same way you do.

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I agree.

Good luck...this is something I've struggled with ALL MY LIFE>

The best rule of thumb is be honest to the person in question and to yourself. After that there is not much need to repeat yourself or press the issue until you feel comfortable that they reciprocate those feelings.

Care to share more details re: the situation?? Maybe we could be more specific.

*rose of lit* said:

How do you tell someone that you like them without going over board and scaring them off.

How far is far enough, how far is too far and when are you not going far enough?

Is a card a day too much, a card a week, a card a month?

Click to expand...

Well "Rose of Lit"; it depends on what his personality is like. Is he the kind of person who likes displays of affection? Is he flattered o receive cards and gifts? Or is he the kind of man who prefers the subtle approach?

I know MY-Sir enjoys the cards I send and the gifts that I bring to HIM. While HE isn't overly demonstrative, HE is flattered by my displays of affection.
I suppose its up to you to ascertain if this is the proper approach to this guy. Good luck in your pursuit!


-kym- giving MY-Sir the gift of my submission


<--------------------Oh dear! I just became really,really experienced!

Well, there are a few things I would do personally, depending on the situation (of which, I admit, I know nothing about )

First of all, does this person live near you? You talke about sending cards, that's why I ask. If that is the case, it is a little more difficult to gauge a reaction. If the person lives elsewhere, I would (myself) probably send a few cards, spaced out...maybe one or two in a month...gauge a reaction if possible and then follow with a letter or a phone call (knowing me, a letter, only because I get very tongue tied!) telling them my feelings.


If, however, this person lives near you, the fist thing you must decide is how they react to you. You mention not wanting to scare them off, that's why I mention this. If you feel comfortable that telling this person you like them won't scare them off then go ahead. I would though, forgo sending cards. Just tell them!

As a side note...if this person is a friend, please be sure it's what you want. To tell them you like them. I speak from experience on this one. My best friend and I got involved for a bit and we no longer have the same relationship and I really miss him.

Hope some of this made sense for you! Good luck!

J

vffan, welcome to lit! Here is the only warning you'll get on this topic: it is very, very addictive! Now that that's been said, pull up a seat, make yourself comfy, and enjoy your stay. If you need any help, please feel free to ask.

Hiya Rose, I hope you got some sleep last night. The first few days (ok, weeks) I was in Lit, I never logged off, not even to sleep. Pretty sick, huh? Anyway, have a great day!!

My relationship started online 5 months ago. We had been chatting for less than a week but we were already "clicking".....getting on so well it was like we'd known each other for ages. We were joking around and I said to him "I think I love you" and he typed back "You think?".... My life changed from that moment - for the better

We talk most days online and phone, so no need for cards, but he's sent me a love letter and I sent him a card for his birthday.....I save all his phone messages and my mobile's text message box keeps getting full

Maybe it would have happened anyway, but if I hadn't said what I said in the first place I wouldn't be as happy as I am right now

*rose of lit* said:

How do you tell someone that you like them without going over board and scaring them off.

How far is far enough, how far is too far and when are you not going far enough?

Is a card a day too much, a card a week, a card a month?

Thank you.

Click to expand...

Ok, first of all I agree with what some people have been saying here about it depending on the circumstances. If this is somebody you met online, however, you may not know what the circumstances are. I mean, you may not know if he's a nice person, or someone who appreciates gifts (lots of otherwise very nice people have trouble accepting gifts and do not want them) or even how he feels about you, specifically. A person who is easying about getting gifts won't necessarily be that way with all people. You might not even know if the person you like is involved already with somebody.

I'm going to assume that this person is online.

So, my first piece of advice to you, if you don't know the circumstances, is to learn more about them. Do this before you start to send them cards or anything. The best way to do this is one on one. Strike up an email conversation with them, usually a genuine compliment on one of their messages is a good place to start plus add a few questions about themselves (nothing too personal but things you'd like to know about them) to draw them out and to keep the conversation going. If you can, keep the tone of the email or pm casual and easygoing and as of one equal to another. Offer something worthwhile to them, besides your liking and attention, that you think they might enjoy or find useful, such as an interesting passage from a book that might apply to something they've said, perhaps a link to a site you have reason to believe they'd be interested in, perhaps a news story about something relevant to them. Jokes aren't good to send, at least not at first, because very often the people you'll send what you think of as a very funny joke won't like it at all and get annoyed at you for sending it! Don't act like a fan, if you can help it, because some people feel very uncomfortable with a fan-idol relationship.

Second, watch carefully how they respond to you. Was their response open and inviting of further conversation? Or did it seem closed off? A closed-off response does not mean the person is rejecting you, but perhaps his or her circumstances are such that they cannot devote time or energy to developing a new friendship.

Third, when you write them do not hide your identity from them. In fact, do your best to make sure they can learn something about you--so you aren't this great unknown to them. If you have a website or a profile or stories up on this site, do not write that person under an a different ID. Write him under this one so that he or she can do their own little only background check on you and find things out about you as a person. The more you have online that tells people who you are, the better this will help the person you like know if you are trustworthy enough and also of the sort that they would like to engage in conversation with. A photo helps a lot, unless you're certain that your looks deter people who don't know you well. For most people, that won't be true of course.

Fourth, hold off on those cards, whatever they may be. A letter expressing interest in the person is more than enough to start. Wouldn't you be a little wary or put off if a complete stranger whom you knew little to nothing about sent you overwhelming signs of affection. If it were me I would wonder what sort of misperceptions this individual had about me, as he'd never seen the true me at all--he didn't even know me!

Fifth, if at all feasible, start your encounters with this person in public, in casual, light circumstances. If you think of something clever and or nice to say to one of their posts in a public place, write it and leave it. If you later think of a question to ask them, especially a question that shows some insight into what this person is about, then by all means ask that in the appropriate place without drawing undue attention to that person. Some people, however bravely they may sound online, are actually very shy personally and a thread with their name in it would horrify them in very bad ways. Of course, if you decide you hate their guts...and they have announced in public several times that they are very shy, a thread using their name to draw unwanted attention to them might actually be quite a good idea for getting revence upon them! (cough! cough! cough!). Pardon me, I seem to have a frog in my throat!

Anyway, frog notwithstanding, keep these public encounters casual, do not heap too much embarassing praise on them in them, keep it subtle and do not post a direct reply to everything they say or even the majority of what they say. And, if you don't want to be hurt keep watching the signals they send back to you with wide-open eyes. It's better to be let down gently by someone who maybe is just not in the right place or time to develop a friendship with you than to be told bluntly later to leave them alone, that you bother them. Right?

Explain more about the cards, please. Do you mean electronic cards? Will this person know they're from you or will they be from a secret admirer?

Unda

Completely unrelated porno pic:

thank you all

i guess i should give more info

we met over a year ago in the chat section of lit......we chatted but not much more. he was having problems at home and so was i. for a long time he was involved with a very nice woman in the chat, they kinda went exclusive when they were both on. since then she has moved on to a real life relationship, he has filed for divorce from the wife.

he know that i am interested, but with his up coming divorce we both think it is better to keep it cool. we e-mail back and forth, but it is usual only once a week at best. he is very busy and so am i at times. we have not done anything more then chatted and e-mailed, he did call once and we talked for about half an hour........i just wish i knew where his interest lies.....with me as a friend or with me as more. we do not live close, but with-in easy flying distance and cheap fares.

i am wiliing to take more advice.

thanks

Hmmm....

me personally, I wouldn't do or say anything just yet. Maybe an occassional "thinking of you" type thing, but nothing "serious" Even though he is already in divorce proceedings, if I were to pursue anything at this point I would end up feeling guilty that I somehow was the cause of the divorce. Again, this is just me. I always feel guilty about something! lol! After the divorce I might wait a little longer...depends on reactions from him. Has he said anything to you that gives any indication he might feel the same way? Take it slow, be his friend and see what develops from there Just my .02

J

With all due respect to all who have answered *Rose of Lit*, I believe that you are way overthinking this whole thing.

Men and women have been evolving for about 2 Million years.

Modern society’s rules of civility and decorum started with the Industrial Revolution of the 1800’s, “Emancipated” women with Rosie the Riveter in World War II, “Empowered” women with the feminist movement of the 1980’s and 90’s, and came into full bloom with the advent of “Political Correctness”.

Before all that, men, mainly due to their physical strength, were the protectors, providers, and decision makers. Women produced children and raised them, took care of the household, and were subservient to men in all ways.

The strongest and smartest men mated with the most women producing more progeny. The strongest survived and the weakest did not.

Women survived by cunning and guile.

That is how the species improved over the millennia.

Today’s men are still driven by the primal compulsions to mate at every opportunity instilled in them over eons.

I’m not saying that is good or bad. I’m stating a fact.

Because social norms have changed and men have not, ALL MEN ARE PIGS by today’s social standards.

So, *Rose of Lit*, if you want to attract a certain man, do what women have been doing for 2 million years – wave your tail in his face.

It’s that easy.

topwopontop said:

With all due respect to all who have answered *Rose of Lit*, I believe that you are way overthinking this whole thing.

Men and women have been evolving for about 2 Million years.

Modern society’s rules of civility and decorum started with the Industrial Revolution of the 1800’s, “Emancipated” women with Rosie the Riveter in World War II, “Empowered” women with the feminist movement of the 1980’s and 90’s, and came into full bloom with the advent of “Political Correctness”.

Before all that, men, mainly due to their physical strength, were the protectors, providers, and decision makers. Women produced children and raised them, took care of the household, and were subservient to men in all ways.

The strongest and smartest men mated with the most women producing more progeny. The strongest survived and the weakest did not.

Women survived by cunning and guile.

That is how the species improved over the millennia.

Today’s men are still driven by the primal compulsions to mate at every opportunity instilled in them over eons.

I’m not saying that is good or bad. I’m stating a fact.

Because social norms have changed and men have not, ALL MEN ARE PIGS by today’s social standards.

So, *Rose of Lit*, if you want to attract a certain man, do what women have been doing for 2 million years – wave your tail in his face.

It’s that easy.

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You piggyback on a 13 year old, wholly moribund thread, simply to spout your scientifically illiterate fourth-hand socio-biological pigswill? As your first ever post?

Let us hope that your posting history evolves a little more rapidly than you. Or, better yet, goes rapidly into extinction.

May I suggest you gratify yourself with aeronautical intercourse with a piece of perforated pastry?

topwopontop said:

May I suggest you gratify yourself with aeronautical intercourse with a piece of perforated pastry?

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Of course you may suggest that. I hope typing it gave you some relief from your savannah woes. Those arrow-heads just won't carve themselves, will they?

topwopontop said:

May I suggest you gratify yourself with aeronautical intercourse with a piece of perforated pastry?

Click to expand...

Well you would prove your own theory as far as you being a pig.

And when you say men have not evolved, add not all men have evolved, you of course have not, but many have.

With that attitude I'm sure the only tail waved in your face is at the strip club and you probably have to pay them extra to come near you. On a positive note, you would make a great addition to the republican party with your views of women.

Oh and...if I am reading your name correctly that's a great racial slur...preferable to Guinea I would think. I'll ask my wife, she's Italian, of course I'll have to wait until she is done shaking her tail in my face because she is hoping I let her out of the kitchen tonight

I would tell him. I never tell anyone I like them with the expectation of hearing it back. I tell them because it's what I feel and I want them to know where I stand.

If after a year he doesn't feel the same, do you really want to spend more time wondering? You are not asking him to marry you, you just want him to know you think of him as more than just a friend. If he rejects you because of that, then better to know now and move on. If he likes you, but timing is wrong because of the divorce, then you can decide if you want to wait or not.

This isn't high school where all your friends will laugh at you and pass notes about your crush. If you like being stuck where you are, then say nothing. If you decide that an adult relationship is what you would like, then tell him and ask what he wants. He is the one that can tell you about limits of what he wants, not us.

Good luck!

How far?

*rose of lit* said:

How do you tell someone that you like them without going over board and scaring them off.

How far is far enough, how far is too far and when are you not going far enough?

Is a card a day too much, a card a week, a card a month?

All repsonses welcome.

Thank you.

Click to expand...

Don't tell them, show them. Actions speak louder than words. Approach them, touch them. If they don't retreat from your advances you have a chance. Chances are they will encourage you.
Good luck.
Remember, nothing ventured, nothing gained!

I really hope, for her sake, that she hasn't been refreshing this thread for the last 12.5 years, waiting for sage advice.

DesEsseintes said:

I really hope, for her sake, that she hasn't been refreshing this thread for the last 12.5 years, waiting for sage advice.

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After all those years of anxiety, of wondering should she/shouldn't she when she could simply have done the obvious thing and shook her tail in his face.

DesEsseintes said:

You piggyback on a 13 year old, wholly moribund thread, simply to spout your scientifically illiterate fourth-hand socio-biological pigswill? As your first ever post?

Let us hope that your posting history evolves a little more rapidly than you. Or, better yet, goes rapidly into extinction.

Click to expand...

Well said.

des esseintes quoth:
you piggyback on a 13 year old, wholly moribund thread, simply to spout your scientifically illiterate fourth-hand socio-biological pigswill? as your first ever post?

let us hope that your posting history evolves a little more rapidly than you. or, better yet, goes rapidly into extinction.

Click to expand...

i think i'm swooning. :>

ed

To Lovecraft et al

lovecraft68 said:

Well you would prove your own theory as far as you being a pig.

And when you say men have not evolved, add not all men have evolved, you of course have not, but many have.

With that attitude I'm sure the only tail waved in your face is at the strip club and you probably have to pay them extra to come near you. On a positive note, you would make a great addition to the republican party with your views of women.

Oh and...if I am reading your name correctly that's a great racial slur...preferable to Guinea I would think. I'll ask my wife, she's Italian, of course I'll have to wait until she is done shaking her tail in my face because she is hoping I let her out of the kitchen tonight

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Of course I’m a pig – I’m a man, and all men are pigs.

200 years out of 2 million is a drop in the evolutionary bucket. Do you actually believe that the physiology of the entire human race could change in such a short time? Wishing something is true doesn’t make it true.

When you remove all rules from a society it’s bound to result in anarchy. We have no black and white; no right and wrong; just people making excuses for inexcusable behavior.

Your personal assaults are typical of what is done when one party has no logical justification for its position. It doesn’t change the facts, but the issuers seem to consider vilification of another will somehow validate their viewpoint.

When you expunge the personal attack from your statement you have, “… add not all men have evolved, but many have.” It is a classic case of taking the exception and trying to make people believe it is the rule.

Not that it’s relevant, but I’ve never been in a strip club when there are women performing. Forgive my ignorance on the subject. Is one expected to pay the dancers? I have been laboring under the delusion that is the reason for a cover charge. Could you help me out on that? You seem to be better versed on their working than I.

As far as my views on women. How would you know what they are?

Fact is I stand in awe of them. It never ceases to amaze me the way they can manipulate men to do their will.

It is modern enlightened men I scorn. They’ve been outflanked and don’t even know it. A woman’s first priority is convincing the man that he is lucky to have her because no other worthwhile woman would have him. She uses her sexuality and sex to entice and entrap her prey. It is the only weapon women have ever had and they wield it like a ninja warrior.

Men have gotten so caught up in the charade that they don’t realize that there are a multitude of women out looking, nay hunting, for a man. They thirst for the man their evolutionary being dictates; strong, decisive, and able to provide. Most settle for the wimp they send pushing the cart down the aisle of the grocery store shopping for her feminine hygiene products while she is out trying to augment his income working so she can justify not properly caring for her family.

Men are soooo easy.

Women are all alike-- aye fussin' over their fal-lals and bedazin' a man's eyes, when all they really want is man's blood and his heart out of his body and his soul and his pride....

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Seth Starkadder in Cold Comfort Farm. The key difference, of course, being that he is a fictional comic character.

Have you ever tried talking to women? You know - as if they are human beings? I think you would be surprised.

top quoth:
a woman’s first priority is convincing the man that he is lucky to have her because no other worthwhile woman would have him. she uses her sexuality and sex to entice and entrap her prey. it is the only weapon women have ever had and they wield it like a ninja warrior.

Click to expand...

that's some quality trolling.

ed